Ray Rice got 143 total yards and 1 touchdown on 21 touches to Willis McGahee’s 2 touches and 2 total yards. I’ve been shouting his praises from my porch for a while now and my neighbors have left all kinds of notes on my car about McGahee and how many touchdowns he has, and unveiled threats of dismemberment, but Rice is the main man now! And McGahee can suck it. And so can you Mrs. Grabowski!
Peyton Manning: 5 consecutive 300 yard games to start the season? Too friggin’ good. Really, it’s crazy. He’s a better coach than Dungy. Do they even need a running game or a defense? Not that I can tell. They should trade Brown for some offensive line depth and keep Addai to block. You cannot stop this man.
Jamal Lewis: Heeeeee’s Back! Nah, just kidding. He still sucks. Sell, sell, sell, sell, oh, and he sucks.
Roddy White: I knew I ranked him really high for a reason.
Cedric Benson: I knew I ranked him really low for a reason. Oh, what? He’s good? Hmmm . . . yeah, that must have been a misprint.
Miles Austin: 10 catches for 250 yards and two touchdowns is fairly impressive if you’re into amazing performances. He had some key drops, but even bigger key plays. He has more raw talent than any of the Cowboy’s wide receivers right now and with that offense it is very much worth picking him up even if Roy Williams comes back healthy. Crayton looked like horrible version of a horrible wide receiver in a bad off-broadway production of Bye Bye Cowboy. I hope you picked up Austin on this guy’s advice.
Jeremy Maclin: Looks like the Eagles are still riding the fantasy train with McNabb as the conductor, but they left Desean Jackson in the station while Maclin made all the stops, including touchdownville and yardage town.
Austin Collie: Pierre Garcon ran a double reverse on us fantasy faithful and handed it off to Collie. Can we now trust that Collie is going to get the bulk of the work until Anthony Gonzalez is fully healed up? No, not at all. Peyton Manning is too good to telegraph who he will give coveted fantasy numbers on any given night. Is it worth throwing Collie in there after the bye? Yes. They’re playing the Rams!
Dre Bly: Down 25 in the third he picks off Matt Ryan and starts celebrating with over 60 yards to go and is easily stripped of the ball. Mike Singletary then dropped his pants and shuffled out of Candlestick.
Michael Turner: I thought the 49er run defense had a little more in the guts department, but instead they got what guts they had ripped out by Turner, White and Ryan. Turner is what he is. A strong, straight forward runner. If he gets the opportunities, he will score.
Brandon Marshall: I hope you bought him while he was punting balls away in practice. He’s a head case, but has the skills to pay the bills (and his lawyer/fines).
Jamaal Charles: I’m still backing him because he is the best running back in Kansas City. Larry Johnson is horrid which is only compounded by the Chiefs skill-deficient offensive line. Charles can work better in space and doesn’t even need a space suit.
DeAngelo Williams: He’s been a pretty big disappointment so far. We knew he got fairly lucky to get those TD’s last year, but the lack of yardage is disturbing. He’s just too skilled to sell low so you have to keep him and if he takes off I wouldn’t sell high either. So you are stuck, get over it!
Eddie Royal: He finally had a decent game with 10 receptions and 90 yards. We at least can officially say Orton realizes Royal is on his team now. If someone wants to sell high (which means they really want to get rid of him) then take advantage.
Matt Ryan: The Matty and Roddy show took San Francisco by storm. Ryan is a good, solid quarterback. He’s not going to put up huge numbers every week with Turner getting a lot of goalline looks, but he is consistent enough to not kill you every other week.
Matt Hasselbeck: He tossed 4 touchdowns against the Jacksonville Jaguars which is kind of like throwing 4 rocks into Puget Sound. The Jags are unbelievably bad, but it’s still a great sign for the Seahawks offensive players that Hasselbeck is healthy, at least for a few days.
Tim Hightower: He’s not as good a runner as Beanie Wells, but Wells isn’t catching any passes at all and the name Beanie is just not going over in the NFL. Until Beanie learns how to block or changes his name, he’s going to play second fiddle to Hightower.
Mike Sims-Walker: Jack of the River wouldn’t allow Sims-Walker to cross the Puget Sound where the Jaguars were slaughtered, breaking many endangered species laws.
Matt Schaub: He’s not an elite quarterback yet, but his numbers are fantasy elite. He choked pretty badly on a pass that would have tied the game late in the fourth quarter, but that didn’t stop him from getting 371 yards and 2 TD’s and winning your fantasy matchup for you.