We’ve only played one week of real football and injuries are already effecting our fake football line ups. Poor Nate Kaeding. Running and trying to tackle Percy Harvin cost Kaeding his season. He didn’t sign up for running and trying to tackle! We fantasy owners have to adjust to these nicks, scratches, bruises, indian burns, wet willies, wedgies, and crushed skulls our fantasy players endure.  Here are the significant NFL injuries this week to prepare you for your fake line up Sunday morning.  Now I’m no doctor, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

OUT FOR THE SEASON

Cut these sumbitches if you haven’t already and replace them with healthy sumbitches.

OUT FOR WEEK 2

Don’t start these sumbitches this week because they’ll get you zero fake points for your fake team and you will really lose.

Quarterbacks

Sam Bradford (finger): Probable. He appears ready to roll against the Giants on Monday night.

Andy Dalton (wrist): Probable. The rookie is expected to play in real life, but you better not be expecting him to play in fake life.

Running Backs

Arian Foster (hamstring): Probable. Foster practiced fully on Thursday and is set to start Sunday. Gary Kubiak wants him on a touch count (about 20 touches), so keep expectations in check. Ben Tate will still get a handful of touches.

Darren McFadden (shoulder): Probable. Just a technicality. Don’t even think about sitting him against the Bills.

Mike Tolbert (knee): His banged up knee evidently isn’t an issue since he’s not on the injury report. There will be a lot of points in that SD/NE game and Tolbert is always a good bet to score. He’s worth starting. Sorry for the bad news, Ryan Mathews owners.

Steven Jackson (quad): Questionable. Rams head coach Steve Spagnolo has all but ruled Jackson out. He won’t play. Cadillac Williams is a nice flex start against the Giants. His 24 touches for 140 yards last week prove he’s better than a kick in the ass.

Knowshon Moreno (hamstring): Questionable. Moreno isn’t expected to play against the Bengals. Willis McGahee won’t blow the roof off the joint, but he will see the majority of the work. I knew you drafted McGahee for a reason. Thanks for not letting us down, Moreno. McGahee is a solid start.

Daniel Thomas (hamstring): Probable. Dolphins head coach Tony Sparano is looking for a 70/30 split between Thomas and Bush, with Thomas getting the short end of the stick.  Pass.

Wide Receivers

Roddy White (knee): Probable. Rowdy Roddy is ready to rock and roll.

Brandon Marshall (leg): Marshall hobbled off the field late against the Patriots last week and appeared as though he would never walk again. Turns out it was nothing. He’s not on the injury report. His match up against the Texans this week is a juicy one.

Calvin Johnson (ankle): Questionable. Despite missing practice on Wednesday and Thursday, Johnson practiced Friday and is expected to play against the Chiefs. When Megatron plays, you start him. That’s just fantasy football code.

Brandon Lloyd (groin): Questionable. No practice for Lloyd on Wednesday or Thursday, but he did practice on Friday and looks like he’ll play.

Dez Bryant (leg): Questionable. Dez isn’t expected to play. Now is the time to look at other options. It’s not looking good. Kevin Ogletree benefits the most with Bryant out and is worth a look in deep leagues.

Miles Austin (knee): Probable. No worries here. Austin is ready to go and should have a big game with Bryant not expected to play.

Hakeem Nicks (knee): Questionable. The swelling has gone down in his knee and it appears he will play. He is a gamble, however, since the Giants play on Monday night. I’m playing him unless my fantasy team is ridiculously stacked at wide receiver.

Santonio Holmes (knee/quad): Questionable. It’s being reported all over the place that he’s playing. That Jacksonville secondary isn’t so good. Get Holmes in your line up.

Lee Evans (foot): Probable. Evans has been wearing a protective boot as a precaution, but all signs point to him playing against the Titans. I would go with safer options if you have them, but it sounds like he’s playing if you need him as an emergency option.

Steve Johnson (groin): Probable. I like his chances against the now Nnamdi-less Raiders this week. Deploy like normal.

Lance Moore (groin): Questionable. NFL Rainman Adam Schefter said he’s playing, so he’s playing. He’s a nice flex start with Colston out.

Tight Ends

JerMichael Finley (ankle): Probable. Can’t say I like him on the injury report, but he’ll play.

Chris Cooley (knee): Questionable. Full practice all week for Cooley, so he’ll play. I’d only start him if I had no other choice.

These are the significant injuries in my estimation, but if you’d like a more extensive injury report, check the ESPN injury report or the CBS Sports injury report.

This post will be updated as needed right up to Sunday kickoff.

You can follow the sumbitch that wrote this article on Twitter.

  1. Alex says:
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    Please help!!! Someone in my league just put up Gronkowski and Graham on the trading block. Owen Daniels’ week 1 has me a little worried. Not his score..but his targets. It’s a ppr $100 league and I’m stacked at WR, which he is decidedly lacking in. We start 1 RB 1 WR and 2 RB/WR. I keep Purple Jesus in my RB slot, with the following wideouts vying for the last 3 slots: Wallace, Austin, Marshall, Ford, Burleson, Meachem, Nelson. I feel like I can afford to give one up and still compete.
    I have somewhat of a man-crush on Graham, especially with Colston out. Who would you offer up? Or is Daniels worth sticking with?
    Thanks in advance!

  2. Alex says:
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    p.s. you should know I made a deal with the devil to get those WR’s. After purple jesus my RB’s are Carter/Bush/Grant. If All Day goes down it’s going to get ugly!

  3. Cole says:
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    Flex spot, 1 PPR: Massaquoi or ryan grant? Thanks for any help.

  4. Clint

    Clint says:
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    @Alex: Your best bet is to stay with Daniels. Kevin Walter is out 10-12 weeks and Daniels will be a bigger part of the offense. The WR depth you have is crucial in a PPR league. I’d hold.

    @Cole: Grant.

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