You hate him. It’s ok, I know your mom told you you should never hate anyone. To forgive and forget. To eat all your peas before you leave the dinner table and be nice to your little sister even while she’s smearing mashed potatoes on your Brady jersey. But what your mom doesn’t know – besides about that collection of magazines and crusty socks you kept behind your bedpost – is that Shonn Greene is just downright mean. Coming into today’s game, Greene had 217 rushing yards and averaged a Hedwig & The Angry Inch miniscule 2.9 yards per carry. According to yahoo as of this typing, Greene was 80% owned coming into today and 40% started. So only 4 of every 10 fantasy owner of Greene got a piece of the pie today while the rest got urinal cake. Looking back through the Shonn history books – which are very short bursts of verbage and crumble upon contact – this has actually happened before. You can give him a good matchup like he had last year vs the Redskins and he can turn you a large profit. I mean, contrary to what the numbers tell you he should be, Greene is a starting RB for an NFL team. It’s going to happen but you’re never going to predict when, where or why. I don’t think I have to tell you he’s trade bait but if I have to…well, he’s trade bait. Take what you can get. Maybe make him a sweetener in a two for one. Whatever you do, don’t go away mad for not getting the Potluck evite, just get away as fast as possible. In other fantasy football news…
Josh Freeman – Was only 15/26…for 328 flippin yards and 3 touchdowns. The math on that tells me he averaged almost 22 yards per completion. Meanwhile my geometry skills say Kansas City is playing like Angle, Side, Side this year…that was a math joke problem. I’ll leave it up to you to solve. Congrats to those who started Freeman today. You got titty sprinkles. Don’t ask me what that means. I help with your fantasy advice, not your googling abilities.
LeGarrette Blount – Made his bye week owners happy with 58 rushing yards and a TD plunge. Doug Martin owners need not worry as he had himself a g00d day even without the extra 6 points. The Garrette will be a constant poacher for you, but you still get to play for 90 yards of the field. Reminds me of how the Ravens used to play McGehee & Rice together. Yeah, I know that was a small consolation. Sidebar funsies: I started Blount in one of my leagues where I had bye week and injury hell. Also started Burleson, Givens and Stephen Hill in that league. Sometimes it’s better to be lucky than good. BTW, plan on keeping Hill. Yes, I’m blurb-jacking Blount here. Hrm, that sounded unseemly. Neverthewho, he’s a decent red zone target and looks good to me for deepish leagues.
LeSean McCoy – Scared his owners by only gaining 22 yards on 14 rushes. Then scared them further with an ankle tweak in the 3rd quarter though he was able to return to the field. Overall, he did not have a very good game with only 48 total yards. If it weren’t for the TD, it would’ve been a lost day for fantasy owners. Hopefully McCoy owners weren’t playing Greene owners. That wouldn’t been a sucker punch to the nuts from the Universe if there ever was one.
Trent Richardson – Exited the game in the 3rd quarter with what was initially described as a ‘flank’ injury. No word on how his rump was doing but our Razzball expert on meat cut injuries has learned that his rack was fine. Oh and from all I heard, the injury doesn’t sound serious so T-Rich owners of the world: chillax.
DeMarco Murray/Felix Jones – Combined for nearly 200 yards rushing against the ‘vaunted’ Ravens defense with Jones getting the 6 point glory. I haven’t done a full read on it, but I’m pretty sure these two guys aren’t the only RBs to have strong days versus them at this point. Methinks Baltimore went with hurry up offense because they realize they need to hurry up and score points before their defense gives the game away on them. I’m not going to say the Ravens are an exploitable team from here on out but I don’t think you should necessarily fear them as a run-d, depending on the back you have. Meanwhile, the Cowboys still lost and most fans have found a way to blame Tony Romo for it. Oh and a footnote: looks like Murray sprained his. No word on how dire the issue is at this time but I don’t need to tell you who the name after the slashmark of this blurb is the handcuff.
Matt Ryan – Had himself a not-so-good day as he tried his hand at a Peyton Manning INT-rifecta, throwing 3 overall. Not the day Ryan owners wanted. Or Julio Jones owners. Or Tony Gonzalez owners. Or Michael Turner owners. He really was a dirty bird on Sunday. Annie Wilkes disapproves. Throw the ball to your cock-a-doodie players! This is a the flip side to stalker-like love for you, Ryan. You gotta take the good with a bad and sometimes the bad comes with a sledge hammer to your ankle.
Vincent Jackson – Two straight weeks of relevance. That doesn’t happen very often. It happens almost as often as Shonn scores 3 TDs while rushing for 161 yards. Forgot I hadn’t even mentioned his stats in the lede blurb. Well, if you stuck with me, you found out. Oh and V-Jax had 66 yards receiving and 2 touchdowns. He was also facing the Chiefs who are…yeah, we’re retreading old ground here. Mike Williams got over 100 and a TD as well. There, I’m done talking about how bad KC is this year and by default how good TB was today.
Andrew Luck – Was excited to see I finally thought he was a must start on a weekly basis after last week. So excited, he forgot how to play the game right. Terrible day. Maybe even bad enough for Daniel Powter to sing about it. Pretty sure Luck’s not a one hit wonder like Daniel but…sorry, you’ll have to excuse me. The youtube link is still open in the background and I’m starting to cr…ave cutting onions…so many onions.
Jeremy Maclin– So I’m back up in the game/Running things to keep my swing/Letting all the people know/That I’m back to run the show. Return of the Maclin! I’ve already linked to enough songs today. Go groove on your own time. Oh and Maclin dropped a buck-thirty with a touchdown for his owners and made them groove.
Denarius Moore – Was clicking on all cylinders with Carson Palmer on the day, going for 104 and a TD on 5 receptions. Given that DHB was just coming back from a scary head injury, I don’t know how much faith I can put in Moore’s 9 targets moving forward but at the very least he’s a clear WR2 in that offense which is better than being the WR1 in the Miami offense. I’m lookin at YOU, Brian Hartline.
Andy Dalton – The Red Rocket had a great fantasy day – 381 yards to go with 3 TDs – and a bad real football day with 4 turnovers, one of them going for 6 the other way. So what I’m really trying to say is I’m sorry for telling you not to start him this week but by the numbers of what I just showed you, at least you can have an understanding of why. See what I just did there? That’s me straddling the fence and getting a prostate exam on one of the posts. I have splinters in places I shouldn’t. Oh and it goes without saying that AJ Green had a good day too. Had him in the top 10 this year for WRs. Didn’t think he needed to be in the top 5, let alone top 3 but what the heck do I know? I’m taking tweezers to my anus over here.
Michael Vick/Matthew Stafford – More real life frustrating, fantasy life greatness as they both passed for over 300 yards apiece and scored 2 touchdowns but also had their bad moments as Vick coughed up 3 more TO and Stafford had one of his own to go with an inability to complete 50% of his passes. It wasn’t pretty, but it was effective for owners. Of course, it might be a pretty good time to do a heat check in the trade market with them.
Ray Rice – Did his job by being awesome, gaining over 100 yards and scoring 2 TDs on only 17 touches. It took 30 touches for Foster to get 170 & 1 TD last week. Just sayin. Yeah, I’m probably not going to be right about my Rice #1 call this year.
C.J. Spiller/Fred Jackson – Combined for 33 touches and roughly 170 yards to go with a touchdown apiece. Between the two, CJ was the more impressive runner gaining 88 yards on only 12 touches while F-Jax had a fumble and needed 16 carries to gain his 53 yards. I don’t know how long the split stays this way but if the numbers keep going this direction, I’m sure the touches will start following. You’ve been warned, Jackson owners.
Robert Griffin, III – The ‘Q’ on his status this morning must have stood for ‘Quagmire’ because I have no doubt many of his owners are looking at his ending stat line saying ‘Giggity!’. Side bar, I had to both face him and have him this week. I was so far ahead in the one I was against him it didn’t matter. Meanwhile, he pretty much single-handedly gave me the shot to win in the Razzball Writers League. I mean, look at the rest of my roster. Can you see a better reason for me to win?
Ahmad Bradshaw – I saw a lot of ‘sell Ahmad’ stuff last week. Granted he had a banner day vs Cleveland but I just didn’t understand the sentiment unless you play in a league of mouth-breathers. Of course, I would not have even put your money on him rushing for over 4 ypc vs the SF defense, let alone having him cross the century mark and scoring a TD while he was at it. Nothing went right for SF, everything seemed to for NYG. Heck, even Hakeem Nicks was healthy. That only happens like every solar eclipse.
Christian Ponder – Gotta say, my QB calls this week were a mixed bag. Seemed like for every Ponder or Russell Wilson call, I had a Luck or Alex Smith to crap all over it. So while I pat myself on the back, I’m also sticking a ‘kick me in the giblets’ sign on there. Didn’t look like Ponder was going to have this day when I took my dog for a walk, disgusted with his performance. Thankfully, I didn’t mail the ‘doggy bag’ from the walk like I had intended to.
Kyle Rudolph – Oh, hi Kyle. Did you know I had you as a sleeper pick this off-season? I wrote it with 11 font love just for you. Hey where are you going? Kyle just keeps having good weeks. Even before today, Rudolph was in the top 10 for his position and probably wiggled a little higher today. If you’re sitting on Jacob Tamme at this point, 1) for cripes sake, get off of him and 2) please go see if this guy is still available. He really shouldn’t be, but you still shouldn’t own Tamme so see if you can turn two wrongs into a Rudolph.
Sunday Night Football
Due to positive feedback and because I want to so there, my good friend jaywrong – who filled in for me last week while I was in the tiny mountain town of Leavenworth drunk and oogling girls that looked like this celebrating the Bavarian Xmas known as Oktoberfest – has officially taken over SNF for me. This frees up more time for me to be drunk and oogling girls in dirndls but on the internet instead of in person. I keed, we love his writing and we hope you do too. If you’ve been waiting all day for Sunday Night (that’s what she said! No really, Faith Hill says that), his post will be available later today. And with that, Sunday of week 6 is officially in the books for me. Hope all of your weekends held big and bountiful TDs…sorry, still thinking about dirndls.