History has been made. If you watched yesterday’s game between the Chiefs and Broncos, you saw Peyton Manning achieve an amazing feat, one that could only be done in a robust and tenured career. That’s right folks. There hasn’t been a quarterback in the modern era that has done what Manning did. And that’s throw for five or less completions with at least four interceptions and less that 40 yards, something that hasn’t occurred since 1977, and he’s only the sixth quarterback to ever hold this prestigious monument to futility. Oh, and he also broke the all-time passing yards record held by Brett Favre. The man is a true record breaker folks. To be fair, Gary Kubiak, post-game, stated his regret in starting Manning due to major foot and rib injuries, leaving me to believe that Gary Kubiak is a pretty bad football coach, but we already knew that. No matter what it was, Manning has had a truly great career, probably the best quarterback in the history of the NFL. But instead of remembering the game for a truly remarkable moment, we’ll be remembering the game for a truly remarkable moment. Peyton Manning was benched in favor of Brock Osweiler… I honestly can’t see how this can get any worse. Oh, what’s that, Tim Tebow is still alive? This is gonna be good…
Here’s what else I saw during Week 10’s Sunday games…
Blake Bortles – 22/45, 188 YDS, 2 TD, 1 INT and 2 CAR, 25 YDS. Blake Bortles Beats Baltimore Ballclub, Breaks Brains! Can you tell I’m running out of “b” words? These next six or so weeks are going to be so difficult.
Sam Bradford – 19/25, 236 YDS, 1 TD and 1 CAR, 0 YDS, 1 FUM. Annnnnnnnd Bradford goes down, this time with a concussion and a left-shoulder strain. At least he’s going for the discount rate. Question: Who would you rather have in a two minute drill, down a score: Sam Bradford or Mark Sanchez? My answer… I’d punt.
Tom Brady – 26/42, 334 YDS, 2 TD, 1 INT and 2 CAR, 9 YDS. Say what you will about the Giants secondary, but they are awesome at covering each other.
Drew Brees – 19/28, 209 YDS, 2 TD, 2 INT. Mardi Blah? Meh-di Gras?
Antonio Brown – 10 REC, 139 YDS, 2 TD. I think I tore my ACL just watching that…
Dez Bryant – 5 REC, 45 YDS. Dez Bryant, I’d like you to meet Karma. Karma, meet Dez Bryant.
Martavis Bryant – 6 REC, 178 YDS, 1 TD. Martavis Bryant is still good at football.
Derek Carr – 29/43, 302 YDS, 2 TD, 2 INT and 2 CAR, 12 YDS. Is there any other quarterback that throws for more zero-yard completions than Derek Carr? This question assumes you don’t know who Alex Smith is.
Matt Cassell – 19/30, 186 YDS, 1 INT and 1 CAR, 2 YDS. I have to say, while Cassell has a lot of weaknesses as a quarterback, he does an excellent job of throwing the football. (Out of bounds.)
Brent Celek – 4 REC, 134 YDS. (Zach Ertz – 7 REC, 68 YDS.) Miami with the ol’ “Don’t Cover the Tight Ends” strategy. I’d say it was a resounding success.
Randall Cobb – 5 REC, 53 YDS. Wow… there are going to be a lot of fat, white people rioting around Lambeau this week, and not over free gravy this time…
Kirk Cousins – 20/25, 324 YDS, 4 TD. Next Week Rob Ryan Fixes The Saints Defense: Chapter 11… Honestly, I love him, and for darn good reasons (most of them not having to do with his actual coaching acumen), but how the hell does Rob Ryan keep getting jobs?
Jay Cutler – 19/24, 258 YDS, 3 TD and 3 CAR, 24 YDS. Instead of the usual 1997 Bears, we finally got to see the 1985 Bears. That’s now one game and we’re in Week 10. Your 2015 Bears!
Vernon Davis – 2 REC, 19 YDS. Is it ironic that the Broncos are pissing the bed even harder since they picked up a V.D.?
Mike Evans – 8 REC, 126 YDS. Dallas secondary defense… optional.
Joe Flacco – 34/45, 316 YDS, 3 TD, 2 INT and 2 CAR, 17 YDS, 1 FUM. This seems like a good time to remind people that Sports Illustrated picked the Ravens to win the Super Bowl…
Nick Foles – 17/36, 200 YDS, 1 INT. Your Razzball weekly reminder that Nick Foles is awful at football. Tune in next week!
Justin Forsett – 14 CAR, 53 YDS and 4 REC, 11 YDS. Listening to sports radio in Baltimore this week is gonna be a must for those of you who can out there.
Todd Gurley – 12 CAR, 45 YDS, 1 TD and 3 REC, 44 YDS. It was an amazing accomplishment he even scrounged this much production from what was another Rams offensive dud. Todd Gurley? More like Godd Turley.
Duke Johnson Jr. – 4 CAR, 10 YDS and 4 REC, 18 YDS. The Factory of Sadness has now started a third shift to meet Cleveland’s higher than usual demand of sadness…
Matt Jones – 11 CAR, 56 YDS and 3 REC, 131 YDS, 1 TD. Jones tried as hard as possible not to get more yards than Alfred Morris (15 CAR, 104 YDS and 3 REC, 14 YDS), but the Saints insisted on it. I wonder if the Saints have heard about this new thing called “tackling”. Cutting-edge stuff man.
Jeremy Langford – 20 CAR, 73 YDS, 1 TD and 7 REC, 109 YDS, 1 TD. Jeremy Langford continues to prove why you don’t need to waste early draft picks on running backs. I think he already has had a more productive career than Curtis Enis and Rashaan Salaam. Actually, he’s trying to prove that you only need one other offensive player other than quarterback. Langford is making compelling arguments here…
Peyton Manning – 5/20, 35 YDS, 4 INT. I think I speak for everyone when I say, holy sh*t. I’m pretty sure Peyton was just thinking that he could throw nothing but interceptions and it would still be remembered as the game where he broke the passing yardage record. Until he got benched, that is. Now it’ll be remembered for the game where he broke the passing yardage record in the most pitiful way possible.
Darren McFadden – 17 CAR, 32 YDS and 2 REC, 33 YDS. Raise your hand if you have been emotionally abused by any of the Dallas Cowboys this year. (Raise both hands if it has been at the hands of Greg Hardy.)
Lance Moore – 3 REC, 29 YDS, 1 TD. Introducing Lance “Why did I swap out the New Orleans hell-scape with this Detroit hell-scape?” Moore…
Brock Osweiler – 14/24, 146 YDS, 1 TD, 1 INT and 3 CAR, 18 YDS. Osweiler? Oswhynot? Osothatswhy. How long until Denver starts chanting for Tim Tebow? I say in three, two…
So, did Jeff Fisher threaten to take everyone’s family pet away? Brian Quick – 1 REC, 37 YDS. Jared Cook – 2 REC, 35 YDS. Wes Welker (lol) – 3 REC, 32 YDS, Bradley Marquez (who?) – 2 REC, 19 YDS, Kenny Britt – 1 REC, 6 YDS, Tavon Austin – 2 REC, 5 YDS. Seriously, did Gregg Williams put a bounty on losing?
Aaron Rodgers – 35/61, 333 YDS, 2 TD and 2 CAR, 8 YDS. I know that Rodgers doesn’t have Jordy Nelson to throw to, but how does he do about the same against Detroit as Teddy Bridgewater? Did he get some Eddie Lacy on him?
Mark Sanchez – 14/23, 156 YDS, 1 INT and 2 CAR, 4 YDS. Alright ladies and gentlemen. This is the moment we’ve been training for… Sanchez is starting, repeat, Sanchez is starting! It’s nice to see that he’s still in vintage form despite the long layoff.
Alex Smith – 17/31, 204 YDS, 1 TD and 6 CAR, 33 YDS. After Aqib Talib was suspended for eye gouging, the NFL front office also told the Broncos defense that they’re weren’t allowed to wrap barbed-wire around their hands to mace their opponents, so they’re were out of ideas.
James Starks – 15 CAR, 42 YDS and 6 REC, 54 YDS. I don’t know what’s more sad, the fact that the Packers’ offense success is based mainly on screen passes or the fact that the Lions’ defense couldn’t stop the aforementioned screen passes. OR the fact that either needs to be debated…
Charcandrick West – 24 CAR, 69 YDS, 1 TD and 3 REC, 92 YDS, 1 TD. Of course Alex Smith’s longest touchdown pass ever (80 yards) is to a running back. Of course.
Final Thought
