Welcome back, my Lovelies, to another e-rousing week of Hit it or Quit it, with Yours Truly, your Goddess of innuendo. It has been some time since I was here to regale you with all of my wonderful musings, but a girl has to do what a girl has to do…and this girl was DO-IN! I know it has only been two weeks for me, but for many of you it may seem like a lifetime. For that I promise to make this week all that more fulfilling for you.

So, you missed me, huh? Well I am sure the boys here at Razzball have been taking care of you. Mind you, not in the way I do (well, maybe Zach) but even they cannot hold a candle to me in certain areas. We are slowing moving on forward to the end of the fantasy season and that can only mean one thing, playoffs. Yes, my lovelies, playoffs are right around the corner. The Curse does not seem to be letting up either and those of you who have been with me from the beginning know that her thirst and hunger only get more insatiable as the season goes on.

So far, I have been faring well and even pulled out a blowout win in my sacrificial league this week. I do have to admit, the past two weeks have been fun since I have been able to play with my Fournette, but it may be fun while it lasted thanks to a “my d**k is bigger than your d**k” fight that ended with his being tossed. With a suspension looming, I think my playtime is over. Oh, well. Such is life in the fickle fantasy world. I still have all of you to keep me happy and I will continue to return the favor.

As I sit here in the Dungeon and look about, I am starting to feel some kind of way because I know we only have a few, short weeks left together and I want to make them memorable for you. I mean, it is what keeps you coming back so I have to make it worth your while, right? Therefore, I suppose I should get to why you are here. As always, talk is cheap, but I am not so, without further ado, I give you Week 13, Hit it or Quit it.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Last week we finally had a reader tie the touts. Three folks achieved the high score of 8 correct: reader Sweaty Pants tied two of Razzball’s own in Brandon Myers and Matt Bowe. The reader bell curve was normal, but the touts was smashed to the ends. That’s interesting in a way someone better at data analysis could tell you. The winner of this week’s reader side will receive the DJax chain that Matt Bowe wore with his FitzMagic Halloween costume (*may be a replica). As usual, you can get an extra point if share your favorite of these props on any social media. THIS WEEK’S PROPS are live so get crunching. You can see the response distribution of the tout side here.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Another Election day has come and gone. Whether you’re red, blue, or somewhere in between, hopefully you made it out to the polls and made your voice count. Politicians are a lot like streaming fantasy options. You don’t really know if you made the right choice until it’s too late. Regardless of your choice, it’s very possible that you get absolute nothing out of them. And every now and then, you find one worth of holding on to for the foreseeable future.

To be honest, the vote with the most impact on my life was to the Sunday brunch bill that will move the alcohol service time in Georgia on Sundays up from 12:30 PM to 11:00 AM. Brunch is a huge thing in the South and it always felt odd to me that you couldn’t sit down on Sunday and enjoy a nice mimosa or bloody mary until about the time NFL games start. And don’t even get me started on the lack of alcohol on the golf course on Sunday mornings…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Happy Halloween! Or belated Halloween since you’ll be reading this after all the kids have gotten loaded up on sugar and the adults have let out their inner child, demon, or slut. At least a couple of the Razzball crew had sports themed costumes. Who would’ve guessed that sports obsessed people would then look to sports for a costume. My office costume this year was Bill Murray from Space Jam, unfortunately, I do not have any photos. However, I won’t leave you hanging on photos, as this is a former sports Halloween costume that I wore when I went as Kim Jung and hanging with my friend, Dennis Rodman.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Seriously. I could not wait for Monday Night Football just to listen to the absolute nonsense from Jason Witten and Booger McFarland, the latter of which should be prepared for someone in the crowd to black out and see a table on top of the #BoogerMobile. But despite that disaster of a football game taking place, let’s look back at at some of the action from Sunday’s games…

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Readers, I am a hot little potato this morning. I decided to dabble in a little offshore gambling this past weekend as I sometimes do. You know what? My day was going pretty well. The Panthers covered in a pretty worry-free affair. The Cardinals marched down and scored a game winning touchdown on the final drive. I’m sitting at 2-0 thinking that there is no way that I am getting to 3-0 because I laid 7.5 points and took the Rams. All of a sudden, the Packers fumble the kick off with two minutes to go in the fourth quarter. I have life! The Rams have the ball at the 20 and the best running back in football. The Packers best chance of getting the ball back is letting Gurley walk in the end zone and hope for a missed extra point. 

The first two plays were dumb reverses and now all of a sudden, it is 3rd down with just under a minute to go. The Rams snap it and toss the ball to Todd Gurley with blockers ahead of him. Gurley busts through the first ten yards, the play is looking good. Gurley is outrunning everybody and has a clear path to the end zone that he makes 10 out of 10 times. He stops. Right at the damn 5 or so yard line. My heart sinks. It’s the smartest football play he could’ve made. But C’MON GURLEY! Pad those stats and pad my wallet in the process. Team players aren’t good for fantasy or gambling, folks. I’ll take my fury out on these game review takes. 

Be sure to check out our most popular tool, the trade analyzer. You like to trade? Rudy would love to help! It’s free, comprehensive, and simple to use. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The first week of Propageddon was a success. Both the tout and public results were nice bell curves, averaging 6ish correct answers out of 11 questions. On the Tout side, Pat Fitzmaurice (@Fitz_FF) and Greg Smith (@Gregsauce) tied with 9 correct, and @andrewkdewhirst was the top reader with 8 correct.  I’ve added some questions this week and invited more touts. Get in and fill out this week’s props. I’d like to up the reader participation so I have a couple of things to offer. First, if you share this post on any social media platform I’ll throw you a bonus point. Second, if you get the top reader score Grey Albright will leave you a personalized voicemail complaining about L.A. traffic. I mean, that’s priceless. You can see the full results of the tout responses here. Time for the props…

You’re a head coach whose team is down 14 with 2 mins left in the game. Your team has just scored a TD to narrow the deficit to 8. What do you do?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Let me start by saying I am not a bookmaker. I enjoy sports betting, like most of you, but I won’t pretend to be as sharp as someone like our own Rudy Gamble (have you tried Rudy’s NFL Tools?). What I lack in efficiency I make up for in creativity and a willingness to put a line on almost anything. In that spirit, I give you the first propageddon post. Each week I will mash up some of my favorite storylines into a dozen prop bets. To help me out I’ve asked a handful of fellow touts to give their input. You can see all the responses in chart form here. I’ve also created a version for readers to fill out, and I’ll publish the top performer next week! Without further ado, the props…

Please, blog, may I have some more?