I’d like to begin this week’s post with a big shout out to the homie Dolphins owner Stephen Ross. Good looks on firing Philbin my man, hopefully the next coach you hire can actually use Lamar Miller. Particularly in 1st-and-goal scenarios, but I know, I’m nitpicking. Now that the hey “how’s your fathers”, and the “did you get that lump looked at” are out of the way, we can move onto talking waiver wire adds and the guys Yahoo and ESPN will tell you to pickup in two weeks. So how was everybody’s Week 4? Mine was good, I want 11-2 across my baker’s dozen of teams. Am I bragging? Maybe a little, but then again this is the first winning week I’ve had all year. Meaning I have three teams above .500. Yes, I’m the guy you go to for waiver wire news, not because I know what the hell I’m doing, but because my teams are so wretched, that I’m constantly shopping on the wire to fill my band of beleaguered flunkies. In other words, I’m not only Razzball’s resident waiver wire President, I’m also a client! Here are your adds for Week 5 of fantasy football.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So like my team (the best team in the league of course) the Patriots had their bye on Week 4, so did I. But now I’m back, and all of you who were lost without my words of wisdom are saved. As the season is ¼ over, we are starting to see injuries, starters struggling, and backups thriving. This changes the tide of who is worth owning and who is worth dropping. As always, I’m here to lead you in the right direction. And the first player I’m going to talk about is someone I never thought I’d mention worth owning since like 2010…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

In what was a interesting-because-it-was-close-but-sorta-kinda-boring-anyways Sunday Night Football game, Dallas once again proved that they are two different teams depending on which half it is. It’s almost as if they are preserving the long-held tradition of Romonobyl. An homage, if you will. While the Saints are hanging on to dear life and Brees’ busted shoulder with an 1-3 record, they’d be hard pressed to catch up with the surging Falcons and Panthers as the season progresses. I’m actually still bewildered by the fact that NFC South teams are actually capable of surging. That being said, the Cowboys find themselves in the untenable position of having everything needed to dominate a weak NFC East, but having those things injured for more than half the season (including Lance Dunbar tearing his ACL last night). The Giants were gifted a win against Buffalo, who had 17 penalties, and the Eagles were beaten unresoundingly by Washington. These teams are not good at all, and hilariously any one of them can take the division. But like the Cowboys, none of them seem to want it. Almost like some kind of derpy game of hot potato. Now that I think about it, this is actually peak NFC East. Carry on…

Here’s what else I saw in Week 4:

New to Daily Fantasy Football? Try out this new free FanDuel’s contest, where half the league is guaranteed to win. (Played on FanDuel before? You can build a team for $5 for a chance of $100,000, part of a one million dollar prize pool!)

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Welcome to another Sunday Night Football game, this time featuring the Dallas Cowboys versus the Denver Broncos. Wait, what’s that you say? The Broncos aren’t playing? Oh, my bad. Must be a bad habit I developed with every primetime game featuring the Broncos. Regardless, a special shoutout should go to Drew Brees for making this not a game of Brandon Weeden going against Luke McCown. If the Blake Bortles and Matt Hasselback game earlier today was any king of indication, I probably would have been seduced by the sweet escape of seppuku by half-time. Sure, Brandon Weeden is still part of the equation, but it could have been so much worse. So much. And Brees return couldn’t come back any sooner, with the Saints already 0-3 and Atlanta (and Carolina) winning earlier in the day almost guarantees that there won’t be sub-.500 playoff team to allow their mediocrity and slow start to be bailed out. I say “almost” because this is the NFC South and I wouldn’t actually be surprised if the Falcons finished first in the division going 4-12. On the flipside, the Cowboys are trying to hold on until Dez Bryant and Tony Romo return, by Week 7 and Week 11, respectively, if things go right. However, based on how their season has gone thus far, I’d add about 15 more weeks to those projections…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Please Note: Most lineups in most formats, including Daily Fantasy, will lock at 9:30 AM EDT (6:30 AM PDT) tomorrow because of the London game. Don’t forget to set your lineups accordingly!

Greetings! What an exhilarating Thursday Night Football game! Exhilarating if you enjoy watching dumpster fires or binge watching beastiality videos. Sometimes the Elder Gods like to remind us that their more meaningful things one can do with their time other than watch football games. Are you, like me, obsessed with all things NFL? Do you bail out on your significant other or turn down invitations to try exciting new things, simply because you can’t stand the thought of missing out on a single play? Sometimes it’s nice to take a breather, get out of the house and enjoy not being tortured by fantasy football for a few hours. I’d like to challenge those of you that are suffering from the same addiction as myself, to get out and at least take a walk to clear your head and think about some positive changes you can make in your life. Like, for example, stop saving money for your children’s college funds, and instead, send that money to me so that I may continue funding my quest to become world famous. I have Paypal. Cool? Cool, let’s talk about some players I like and dislike, shall we?

I am Tehol Beddict and this is, Start Em’, Sit Em’! Take heed!

My rankings have been updated for Sunday’s game and can be found here.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Ben Roethlisberger was forced from yesterday’s game against the Rams when Mark Barron fell onto his leg, bending it awkwardly. While my initial reaction was to breathe a sigh of relief for all the women out there who are mobile enough to out-run a one-legged man, my next reaction was that this looked to be a season-ending leg injury. As of now, the prognosis has gone from leg implosion to ACL injury to MCL sprain, which normally takes around six weeks to recover from. Still, while the news improved throughout the day, this remains a huge blow to not just Roethlisberger, but also to the entire Steelers offense. I doubt Michael Vick ever wanted to start another NFL game again, but here he is, ready to provide clumsy pocket-presence mixed with a canon arm that fires anywhere and everywhere you don’t want it to. So basically a worse Ben Roethlisberger. While Heath Miller probably will stay the same (for now and eternity), Antonio Brown, Markus Wheaton, and Martavis Bryant (when he returns) will likely have some issues to contend with. Le’Veon Bell benefits the most, as check-downs need to go somewhere, and there will be even more emphasis on the Steelers rushing game. That being said, it can be a double-edged sword when defenses start game-planning against such things, so we’ll have to see what kind of magic Offensive Coordinator Todd Haley has ready to go. Haha, Steelers are screwed. But don’t worry, Big Ben’s third leg still works ladies! (Whether you like it or not…)

Here’s what else I saw in Week 3…

New to Daily Fantasy Football? Try out this new free FanDuel’s contest, where half the league is guaranteed to win. (Played on FanDuel before? You can build a team for $5 for a chance of $100,000, part of a one million dollar prize pool!)

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We’re only two weeks into the season Razzscallions and the QB-pocalypse is upon us. Much to the dismay of many a fantasy player, several top 12-ish quarterback options came down with somewhat significant injuries. Throwing a major road block into the grandiose plans of those with early leads coming out of the one o’clock games. Seriously marinate on that for a sec. How many managers rolling out one o’clock heroes like Antonio Brown, Jamal Charles, Dion Lewis, Gronk, and Julian Edelman were counting victories going into the four o’clock game with Tony Romo at QB? Literally tons! At work today, 2-3 of my coworkers came into “The Lifshitz’s” office looking for guidance on replacing Romo. That’s right, yours truly is an actual functioning member of society when I’m not filling the pages of three Razzball sites. (Speaking of which, go check out some real Fútbol over on RazzSoccer). Two of the three coworkers were in your standard 12-team PPR leagues, so there were plenty of viable options available (Tygod all day sun!), but the third coworker was in a slightly more difficult predicament… Co-worker number three, we’ll call him, is in a 14-team 2-QB league, and owns Romo WITH Brees. (YIKES!) He obviously came into the season with a major advantage, but here’s the problem, he has Jameis Winston as his third stringer and even Johnny Manizel is already owned. Shizzzzz, I’m freaking out just reading this. So what does this chap need to do? Who the hell can he pickup? Well Co-Worker number three, this one’s for you. Here are your Wavier Wire adds for Week 3 in Fantasy Football…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Well folks, I promised NFC East derp yesterday afternoon, but the derp levels that were given are almost too much to bear, even a day later. So much derp in fact, that I’ll get to tell my grandchildren about how I was there for the (second, or maybe third, could be technically the fourth I guess) epoch of Brandon Weeden. In what was a 6-3 football game essentially (without a special teams touchdown) in the first 40 minutes of regulation, it wasn’t quite football, but wasn’t quite baseball either. What it was exactly, I can’t quite describe. If I had to give some sort of concrete answer, I would probably call it a nuclear weapons test. I will say this, as was alluded to earlier with one Brandon Weeden, the epoch began immediately after Tony Romo suffered a fractured clavicle bone (on the play shown above). Along with the news that Dez Bryant’s timetable for a return is murky now at best, this game still probably ended up more demoralizing for the Eagles. True, even with an existential outlook, you could say that the Cowboys lost the first two games they actually won (SO EFFING DEEP), but the Eagles look almost too innovative to be playing football at this point. If Romo (and by extension, Bryant) are out for an extended period of time (likely), and you combine that with the Giants doing very Giants like things, the Eagles have basically ceded the division to Washington. HAHAHAH. But don’t worry, Chip Kelly is still a genius. Totally.

Here’s what else I saw in Week 2 (with bonus Week 2 knee-jerk reactions to the knee-jerk reactions I had in Week 1. WOOOO!)…

New to Daily Fantasy Football? Try out this new free FanDuel’s contest, where half the league is guaranteed to win. (Played on FanDuel before? You can build a team for $5 for a chance of $100,000, part of a one million dollar prize pool!)

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The injury bug strikes again, and this time it’s a quarterback who takes the beating. Philadelphia will be without the services of quarterback Nick Foles for several weeks after breaking his collarbone in Sunday’s game against Houston. Mark Sanchez, yes he’s still in the league, came in and helped the Eagles the rest of the way to a win over the Texans. So who can you turn to now? Six teams have a bye this week in Houston, Indianapolis, Minnesota, New England, San Diego and Washington. There’s a ton of talent to replace and that’s before we jump into injuries. Let’s get into it and see who you can pick up this week to help your team out…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Seriously, though… where are all the players going? It is like LOST has taken over fantasy football land, and all the players are disappearing between injuries and bye weeks. And, of course, this all happens at the most important time of the season when playoff brackets are starting to be established and records are changing in a flash. I have not felt victim to the missing player syndrome as of yet, but next week I know I will.

Please, blog, may I have some more?