So, uh, how about them Bucs? One of the great discussions of sports fandom is: “When do you walk away from the game.” Eli Manning walked away in 2019 at the age of 38; his big brother Peyton left the NFL in 2015 at the age of 39. Big Ben? 39. Drew Brees? 41. You can see a trend here. At a certain point, there’s a point where “the magic” isn’t there anymore.

This week, we watched 45-year-old Tom Brady and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers lose to the Carolina Panthers, a team that has fired its head coach and is in the process of trading away every player of any seeming value for draft picks. At the same time, we watched 39-year-old Aaron Rodgers and the Green Bay Packers let the Washington Commanders go on a 23-0 run and hold the lead. Taylor Heinicke beat Aaron Rodgers, and Tom Brady has been beaten by Mitch Trubisky and PJ Walker in consecutive weeks. 

I’m not here to bury Tom Brady or Aaron Rodgers — there are greater sportswriters who will write that eulogy. But part of the job for statistical crunchers is to, at the very least, to serve as a sort of analytical mortician. We tell you when a player is statistically “coming back to life” or “ready for the grave.” It’s never easy to say that the greats — and perhaps the greatest in Tom Brady — are done, especially for your fantasy team. But I’ve checked the stats, made a list, and contacted the ancestors via my ouija board. None of the news is good. 

Here I am not to eulogize your childhood idols, but to write about D’Onta Foreman, Idolslayer. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

What do you call it when a bunch of teams are on BYE, Christian McCaffrey is traded, and J.K. Dobbins is gonna miss half the year? I dunno. You’re gonna have to speak louder because the sounds of my sobbing are drowning you out. 

Much like our esteemed Thursday Night Football writer Hobbs once wrote, “Fantasy football is nasty, brutish, and short.” Civilization is breaking down at the seams and we’re all in our natural state, foraging for running backs wherever we can find them.

Let’s jump in and see if we can avoid any pitfalls this week. Also, because I’m super nice, I’m going to toss in some quick take analysis on the more significant roster moves.  

Please, blog, may I have some more?

There was some stat floating around the internet that caught my eye, much like that YouTube video that explains in excruciating detail the sharpest tuna-cutting knife on David Attenborough’s Planet Earth. Now that I’ve lost you in 8 sub-clauses and some exciting tuna talk, I’ll reveal the stat: The Detroit Lions — yes, the Motor City Kitties — were the top-scoring team in the league and had only one win to show for it. Your fantasy teams squealed in delight as Jared Goff and Jamaal Williams — your pre-season all-stars, right? — racked up points and millions of bucks for DFS teams. This week, the Lions faced the Patriots, helmed by the esteemed backup to the backup Bailey Zappe. Shoulda been a slam dunk, right? Well, 161 ground yards by Rhamondre Stevenson later, the Lions got shut out, and Zappe got his first career win, a mere week after nearly felling the great ayahuasca plant that is Aaron Rodgers. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I am here with your weekly DFS focused article laying out my favorite options to target at each position for the Sunday DFS main slate. This article goes position by position, giving you my favorite pay up option and my favorite pay down or dart throw option at each position to help you build out a winning DFS lineup. I will be using DraftKings pricing as a point of reference to seek out some values, and the goal will be to help you “double up” in a 50/50 cash game with solid plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

There are a lot of things I’ve observed over the last two weeks, such as my coworker’s collection of other people’s hair and the hole in my backyard that a family of armadillos has been digging for at least the past week. These are observations I could have done without and which you need not know, but for the sake of a segue, you were forced to. And no, this isn’t Zoey 101, and no one is getting a free Segway. I would call those sobservations, as they made me sob, and such is not the focus of this post. Today, I am instead introducing the bi-weekly fantasy football Hobbservations column, which I will be releasing throughout the upcoming season to break down some of my biggest takeaways from the gridiron. Since Week 1 is still over one week away, this debut installment includes my major Hobbservations from drafts I have participated in, trends I have noticed in those drafts, player values I am targeting, and notes I have from the back-end of NFL training camps that warrant reiteration. So, forget about that hair collection and the holes which fill our lives, and join me in the first Hobbservations article of the 2022 campaign.

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NFL. AFC. NFC. PAT. RPO. ADP. ECR. Fantasy football is filled with acronyms. And never forget RGS, Roger Goodell Smells. Two of the most common in the fantasy realm are ADP and ECR, which have become compnents of the everyday vocabulary for even the most casual players: Average Draft Position and Expert Consensus Ranking. Now, the ‘perts in this field do phenominal work. They’re never been better, but they’re still human (or donkeys). They get things wrong, just like I do. Sometimes when you look at the ECR hodgepodge, the end product is lacking common sense like a multimillionaire NFL player accepting a dare to soil a fire hydrant in public for five bucks. But today, we’ll stick to coins instead of bills, as I’ll provide my two “cents” on 15 players whose current ECR I disagree with. Sticking to the surface, I’ll make my case using relatively basic arguments and pointing out some common sense disagreements I have with the ECR breakdown.

Please, blog, may I have some more?