Paired up against the second Presidential debate, it was easy to get distracted away from football to see the immediate fallout off the now infamous Donald Trump video, that amongst other things, had him describing how he likes grabbing women’s bathing suit areas as a mating ritual of some sort. (Let’s approach this anatomically really quick… can you actually “grab” someone by the hoo-ha? I mean, wouldn’t that be like picking up a bowling ball with just your thumb? It doesn’t even make any sense…) While I want to acknowledge that there was a very important moment in history that occurred last night in terms of how much you enjoy the consumption of popcorn while watching an 167-car pileup, I would only say this one thing before I move on: I wish someone had asked a fantasy football question. I mean, with all the bye weeks coming up, it IS topical as f*ck, right? So that being said, I’ll continue where the title of our post teases, which is: was that the most Eli game ever? That might have been. I mean, on one hand, Eli Manning somehow led the Giants to two Super Bowl titles. On the other hand, there’s stuff like this: 18-for-35, 199 yards and 1 TD, and the bi-weekly fumble (as opposed to his bi-weekly interception). This sort of relates to him as a fantasy quarterback too (XBox Segue Achievement Unlocked), in that at the base level, he’s a pretty run-of-the-mill option that ends up giving you 3500+ yards and 30+ touchdowns. There’s value to that, sure, and of course the Razzball community knows our policy with quarterbacks in most formats is to delay in the draft as long as you can (like my lovemaking), and this is usually where we end up: a bit below Ben Roethlisberger and a bit above the Andy Dalton line. But what I think separates the quarterbacks in this group are their weapons. Having probably one of the best receiving trios in the NFL is a fantasy boon is something that certainly keeps his value up, even when there are macabre games like this.

Here’s what else I saw during yesterday’s Week 5 Sunday games… (Maybe this will be the first week the Chargers don’t lose a high profile player to injury. MAYBE.)

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So, I’ll be honest… I’m not quite sure if what I saw last night was an okay game or a boring one. True, we are talking about a prime time game that featured a then 2-12 Titans team vs. their ultimate mirror universe nemesis, the also 2-12 Jaguars. Let’s just say if they figured out how to include both the Raiders and Buccaneers on the field at the same time (why isn’t this a thing?), I would have fainted. And while there was some subtle competency from Charile Whitehurst (perhaps trying to grab the attention of Washington) at the beginning of the game, driving 12 plays and 84 yards for a touchdown, the game kinda settled into a mix of “gee, this seems like a good time to try heroin” to “I was promised derp! Where is the derp?” So, in the end, there was a mildly entertaining game between two teams that kinda stink. Which, I guess seems fitting for the end of Thursday Night Football this year, in that, this was probably a top-5 game for them this season. Scary, I know. So… with a Jaguars win and a Titans loss, the resounding takeaway probably is: YOUR MOVE JETS.

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The 2014 NFL season looks more and more like a demolition derby of humanity with each passing week. In Week 6, Victor Cruz of the New York Giants was the biggest name to see his season end. He ruptured the patella tendon in his knee on a fourth-down play and that was it. The night didn’t get any easier for the New York Giants as they lost Jerrel Jernigan for the season, which put them down two wide receivers. Losing 27-0 to the Eagles on Sunday night seemed to be secondary. Things worsened for the Giants in one day but is your fantasy team dealing with injuries? Of course it is. If you haven’t had a player get hurt you’re either extremely lucky or it’s a total fluke. Either way, we’ll help you get through this difficult time of the season.

Let’s look back and see the big fantasy-relevant names who got hurt on Week 6…

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And I quote, ‘(extending an) olive branch is usually a symbol of peace or victory’. The quote goes on to say ‘…and was historically worn by brides and virgins.’ Well given you all play fantasy sports, I’m just gonna assume the latter applies to at least 90% of you. And THAT’s how I make my triumphant return to writing after taking last week off: insulting your sexual goings on. *Pats own back*. In seriousness, I am extending you said Branden Oliver branch as both a sign of peace and victory. You see, I made you draft Donald Brown on a few teams a couple of weeks ago. Unfortunately, Dammit Donald has returned with a vengeance this season but thankful to all owners and DK players, he’s not gonna be on the menu for quite some time. So to make up for this horrendous mistake, I’m gonna stay with the Chargers backfield which should lead you to a beautiful victory come Sunday as Oliver’s price tag of $5,500 puts you in a prime spot to price yourself well elsewhere. Two symbolic twigs for the price of one! You should count yourself as lucky. Given that the Raiders have been 4th worst against the run for fantasy purposes this year and Oliver steamrolled a strong Jets rush defense last week for 116 yards on the ground alone, we could be looking at a momentous day. I’d say he makes for a great cash game play but I’d be skeptical he isn’t shouted at the rooftops by everybody so he’s probably a weak GPP play; you’re trying to keep up with the jones if you roll with him there, very similarly to what happened with Rashad Jennings last week. In any case, he’s just one of many DK calls for this week so let’s have at it. Here’s my hot takes for the week 6 DK slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 team league of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It lets us know that you care!

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This past week was brutally tough on running backs. We saw several of them get injured and there are lead backs who will miss multiple weeks from the Denver Broncos and New York Giants. Factor in Kansas City and New Orleans are on bye this week, and it makes for a minefield of running backs to work through. We’ll help you get through it in this week’s column. Here we go.

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In a thrilling day of footballing, there were nine games decided by a touchdown or less, three games decided by a field goal or less, and two overtime victories. It was enough to make some teams (looking directly at you Jim Caldwell and the Lions) wonder why someone like Alex Henery, who single-handedly (or footedly? Is that a word?) lost the game against the Kyle Orton led Bills 17-14, (to what was a 58-yard field goal to Dan Carpenter) still holds a job in the NFL. Missing one field goal is okay. Missing two is unacceptable. Missing three in a game, one of which came with 51 seconds remaining… well… if anything, Henery should be immediately cut just for allowing the above photo to be a thing. Fun fact: If you look up the word “d*ckish” in the dictionary, you’ll find a smug Jim Schwartz smiling right back at you. And while you could easily see getting carried off the field after beating Detroit in the fifth week of the regular season as the most Buffalo thing ever (landing as a tie with eating and drinking too much before sobbing uncontrollably… or is that Cleveland?), apparently asking your team to do this in the preseason, as far back as OTA’s seems, I don’t know, spiteful? Smarmy? Maladjusted? Well, to be fair, with Schwartz, no one would ever see him being that kind of guy… But hey, some good came out of this. Kyle Orton threw for over 300+ yards with a touchdown against the number one ranked defense in the NFL, which is pretty good. And probably the eighth sign that the end of the world is here.

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We’ve survived the first bye week with six of the better teams in the league on a two week vacation. It led to unusual results and other players taking a turn in the other spotlight. Miami and Oakland are the only teams on bye in Week 5 after they beat up on each other in London, so there aren’t that many players you need to replace this week. Oakland also needs to replace its coach, but that’s another story. But there is one player that needs to go immediately, and his name is Tom Brady.

Brady has been shoddy at best this season, and it’s got to be killing fantasy teams. For the season, he has 791 passing yards with four touchdowns and two interceptions, and has failed to break the 250-yard barrier this season. It hit a low point last night when he was replaced by Jimmy Garoppolo, who was put in during the fourth quarter of the Chiefs’ 41-14 a**-kicking of New England. Brady just doesn’t look right. He still has Rob Gronkowski and Julian Edelman, but after that, there is little else in the way of receiving talent that he can utilize. His tackles aren’t protecting him well, and the ground game isn’t getting the holes it used to. Brady can still dink and dunk, but without a good deep threat, it looks ugly for the 37-year old signal caller from Michigan. He’s on pace for career lows for a full season and he has a Sunday night game with 3-0 Cincinnati and it’s tough defense in Week 5, before Buffalo and the New York Jets in a five-day span.

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“I want to make sure that whatever team I go to, they’re going to get the best, in-shape 35-year-old guy they can get. If that happens to run through Bank of America Stadium, put your goggles on cause there’s going to be blood and guts everywhere.” — Steve Smith, Charlotte radio station WFNZ-AM.

Soooo, that was graphic. And as if someone in the NFL head office was listening to him, even without the benefit of it being on video tape, it appears we’ll get to see Steve Smith’s best Duke Nukem impersonation this Sunday, as the scheduling gods have sent the Carolina Panthers to Baltimore’s Inner Harbor (the shining two-by-two square mile gem of the area, or what I call the “safe-zone”. Haha, just kidding, it’s not that safe) to do mortal football combat with Smith and the rest of the Ravens. And probably Joe Flacco’s elite eyebrows. Those things have a license to kill. And, you know, check down.

Week 4 Rankings have been updated for today’s games. You can check them out here.

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So, this week, we are doing a little Neil Diamond ‘Turn on Your Heartlight’, but using spotlight instead. And we’re using it on Dwayne Allen.   Yeah, it’s okay to be still singing Neil. Shucks, I am as I continue to write this. So the tight end position has become a walking abyss of uselessness after the barrage of injuries have ransacked the rankings. All of these injuries actually catapult the value of Jimmy Graham into a different category.  Don’t believe me? Go look, but I am definitely not waiting for you. I mean Graham was already there, and the rest of us who don’t own him are now suffering through the bye week fill-ins and injury replacements. That’s where Dwayne comes in, and goes Hey Hey Hey. Stick around as I give you some morsels of fantasy goodness that may convince you to join the smoke-show clan of the Hudson river.

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AFCS-Tennessee

For a sixth straight season, Razzball will be interviewing NFL-team blogs for some actual in-depth football knowledge to shed some additional light on our fantasy football knowledge.  Keep your eye out for an interview for every NFL team for our Team Preview Series through the summer.  This installment comes courteous of Sharona Fabulosa from the leading Tennessee Titans’ blog: Sports By Sharona.

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