Who Are These Guys, Week 16, Un-BEAR-able

There would be no other proper way to begin this rant than by saying the four words that are screaming to be ejected from my mouth. Ef you Jay Cutler! What a bag of dog excrement. I don’t know him personally, and he might be a good dude to slam beers with (doubtful), but as far a quarterbacks are concerned, he can just go away. I’m sick of all the “Jay Cutler is a top quarterback” talk that I’ve heard for the past few seasons. He’s not.

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Handcuff Report, Week 5: The Walls Of Jerick-O

by: Geoff

I’m pinching myself right now, because I’m pretty sure we went an entire week without a running back of note getting injured, arrested, or abducted by Martians. BTW, always remember to capitalize Martians, because they are a specific type of being. Don’t be rude, show our brothers and sisters in universal existence the respect they deserve. Anywho, here we are in week 5 and things are starting to make more sense. Well everything except this coon skin cap I’m wearing. That makes no sense. As Jay mentioned in his rest of season rankings on Wednesday, we have enough of a sample size to make educated decisions as to what players have gained or lost value compared to their preseason expectations. For example, after another inactive status last week, I can say with some confidence that Bernard Pierce is droppable. Unfortunately, due to the flux and general injury risk of running backs, it’s tough to gauge who’ll be useful for more than a week or two at a time. This is why handcuffing has become an increasingly effective strategy for savvy players out there looking to keep the points coming from their running back position. With this in mind, today’s focus will be less on handcuffs with immediate value and more on handcuffs with great potential for rest of season and dynasty leagues.

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That was the Ponderest Ponder that Anyone Ever Pondered

October 3, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 67 Comments

by: Jay

Well, Thursday Night Football… what can I say? The average margin of victory was 28 points (and if I actually knew what math was, I’d have to guess it would probably be around 30 points now after last night’s game), and I still can’t figure out if these blow out games are boring… or just plain sad. One thing’s for sure, Thursday Night Football is where NFL parity goes to die. The Packers opened up the first half with five, I repeat, five 3-and-outs, but still managed to lead the game 28-0. The Vikings couldn’t reach their own 45-yard-line until late in the second quarter… and then, when they did, it was on a Matt Asiata run where the end result was a fumble. Because of course. And it only got worse from there. For example, I think the Vikings are still punting as you’re reading this.

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TNF: Vikings vs. Packers

October 2, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Gameday | 75 Comments

by: Jay

While Teddy Bridgewater is technically a game time decision, Adam Schefter is reporting that the “signs point to him (Bridgewater) not playing tonight.” Which means that there’s a 50% chance that he’s playing, while there’s a 100% chance that Christian Ponder might play. THE SUSPENSE EVERYONE. Suffering a high ankle sprain in last Sunday’s surprising win against Atlanta (41-28), Bridgewater was held out of practice all week. Seeing as how this is the same injury that’s been ailing Jamaal Charles, I expect nothing less than three touchdowns and 90 rushing yards from the Minnesota quarterback tonight. But, if Ponder starts (UPDATE: Ian Rapoport has now confirmed that Ponder will be starting), that should be just as exciting. And by exciting, I mean like how watching two cars crash into each other is exciting. Remember, the Vikings are facing a Packers team fresh off a game against the Bears where they ended every single drive with at least a field goal attempt. Adding the cherry on top, the forecast is calling for a torrential rain storm that we haven’t seen the likes of since Darren Aronofsky’s Noah. So… should be derptastic fun for all folks…

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Waiver Wired, Week 5: Bye Bye Brady

September 30, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Waiver Wire | 53 Comments

by: Andrew Nordmeier

We’ve survived the first bye week with six of the better teams in the league on a two week vacation. It led to unusual results and other players taking a turn in the other spotlight. Miami and Oakland are the only teams on bye in Week 5 after they beat up on each other in London, so there aren’t that many players you need to replace this week. Oakland also needs to replace its coach, but that’s another story. But there is one player that needs to go immediately, and his name is Tom Brady.

Brady has been shoddy at best this season, and it’s got to be killing fantasy teams. For the season, he has 791 passing yards with four touchdowns and two interceptions, and has failed to break the 250-yard barrier this season. It hit a low point last night when he was replaced by Jimmy Garoppolo, who was put in during the fourth quarter of the Chiefs’ 41-14 a**-kicking of New England. Brady just doesn’t look right. He still has Rob Gronkowski and Julian Edelman, but after that, there is little else in the way of receiving talent that he can utilize. His tackles aren’t protecting him well, and the ground game isn’t getting the holes it used to. Brady can still dink and dunk, but without a good deep threat, it looks ugly for the 37-year old signal caller from Michigan. He’s on pace for career lows for a full season and he has a Sunday night game with 3-0 Cincinnati and it’s tough defense in Week 5, before Buffalo and the New York Jets in a five-day span.

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Imagine: Someone from the NFC South will Make the Playoffs

September 29, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 120 Comments

by: Jay

We’re in this together!

I know, I’m asking a lot of you. After capping off the day of football with the Sunday Night Game, it soon dawned upon me how scary it is that this division will, at some point in time, produce, at the very most, one playoff team. It’s a scary thought, especially since it was manifested watching a Saints secondary that I should buy to use as a spaghetti strainer. Anything that allows the Cowboys to have consecutive competent drives is something this world isn’t ready for. And it wasn’t just this one game either. You had the Falcons collapse against a Vikings team that has lost it’s best player in Adrian Peterson, is starting a rookie quarterback in Teddy Bridgewater, and still believes Christian Ponder deserves a roster spot in the NFL. Ugh. And then you have the ~~Jacksonville Jaguars~~ Tampa Bay Buccaneers, who, we don’t need to spend too much time on. Because Bucs are gonna Buc, amiright? And last, but certainly not least, (because, in a stunning turn of events, they are currently occupying first place in this travesty of a division), the Carolina Panthers. Who, apparently, didn’t take Steve Smith’s death threats seriously and proceeded to get maimed in Baltimore. Which is actually pretty common, now that I think of it. And yes, just to state for the record, their secondary collected a game check this week. That is all.

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2014 NFL Draft Review: Teddy Bridegwater and Derek Carr

May 21, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, 2014 NFL Draft |

by: walt

Every fantasy owner wants to show their draft prowess in front of all their buddies. What’s the best way to show your stuff? Drafting rookies that wind up killing it their first year of the NFL. The best example over the last few years is probably Cam Newton. Not very often does a Cam Newton come out of college and and put up the kind of numbers that he did his rookie year. Will Teddy Bridgewater or Derek Carr be this year’s Cam Newton? Let’s take a look.

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Witness: Beddict’s 2014 1st Round Mock Draft

May 7, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, 2014 NFL Draft, Mock Draft | 22 Comments

by: LT Murray IV

Greetings!!! Welcome to Razzball’s first ever, REAL NFL Mock Draft. The more you know and understand about rosters and the NFL in general, will only help you achieve your grandiose dreams of fantasy greatness. Who better than I, Tehol Beddict, Razzball’s own in-house football expert, to break down what all 32 NFL teams should be doing with their first round selections? Don’t answer that.

I expect there to be numerous trades in the first round, and all throughout the draft, but I’m not even going to attempt at predicting all of the trade scenarios. That’s like trying to decipher how Nicolas Cage went from an A-list leading actor to the holding up “Will Work for Food” signs on Hollywood Boulevard. I don’t recall ever being this pumped up about an NFL Draft, as this is one of the more intriguing draft classes in some time. I’m giddy like a school girl on Christmas Eve!

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Final Fantasy: Greg Jennings

May 2, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Final Fantasy |

by: Fantasy with Dase or Days

If you go and start with the 2007 season, Greg Jennings has been a consistent touchdown scorer. It was his second year in the NFL, his quarterback was Brett Favre and he played in 13 games, caught 53 passes and 12 of them were for touchdowns. That is a touchdown on every 4.4 catches. Those 12 touchdowns had him in a tie for fourth place among all wide receivers. I want to note that the players ahead of him all had at least 70 catches. The quarterback might have changed (Aaron Rodgers), but over the next four seasons (’08-’11), he caught a total of 34 touchdown passes (8.5 per season). In three of these years, he had at least nine touchdowns. I bring all this up because he was no longer in a Green Bay Packer uniform. His new team was the Minnesota Vikings, and his quarterback was Christian Ponder. (CRAZY! I know…) Yes, he was going to see more targets but the downgrade in quarterback play was going to lead to less quality targets.

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Dynasty Prospects: The Senior Bowl Review

February 12, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, 2014 NFL Draft, Dynasty Report | 1 Comment

by: Josh O.

The Senior Bowl is typically a key part in the draft evaluation process for all 32 NFL teams. However, it is merely just one piece of the puzzle, with the combine and pro-days looming. This game isn’t the crux of the process. For us dynasty leaguers, evaluating the Senior Bowl should be no different. Lest we forget Senior Bowl’s of the past that saw future NFL ~~studs~~ duds such as Christian Ponder, Isaiah Pead, and Pat White had a great week of practice, earn Senior Bowl MVP honors and then fall on their faces in the show. On the other hand, players like Matt Forte, Russell Wilson, and Alfred Morris performed well in this game and have gone on to have great success in the NFL, but more importantly, on our fake football teams. While most of the guys in attendance are quality football players, the cream of the fantasy crop are mostly underclassmen. This year a record 102 underclassmen declared for the draft, with most of the better future fantasy play-makers residing among them. That isn’t to say that some of the Senior Bowl players shouldn’t be on your radar. Here are some guys to keep an eye on…

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Factory of Sadness Wants To Open Their First KC1

February 7, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 2 Comments

by: Jay

Folks, what a crazy week we had. There was this little thing called, err. Wait a minute, my mind just went blank. Like, totally, wow. You know what I’m talking about… you know, that thing that was on this past Sunday? Had this guy with the big forehead running all over the place. Pigskin being thrown about in the air. Yeah, in fact, that forehead dude was throwing that pigskin to the players that were wearing different colors. Su–Suu— Sweater Bowl? Yeah, that’s totally it. That little thing called Sweater Bowl… that was on Sunday. And it had a dude with a big forehead. Then… afterwards? Nothing. Absolutely nothing whatsoever. And that’s what we have to look forward to for, um, about 210 days. Boy, that sounds really depressing. That’s 5,040 hours. I am now officially turning ‘drowning in my sorrows’ mode to the ‘on’ position. Luckily, my sorrow tastes a lot like bourbon. Anyhow, the point is, misery loves company. So be sure to take some time during your Friday to commiserate with me as we go over the weekly off-season news. Because, there is nothing more meaningful in life than sweaters. And football. And maybe sweater vests. NAW, but I had you goin’ there Bob Costas, didn’t I?

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Sawbones Scribings Week 11 – Arian Foster’s Bad Disc Crashes Houston Offense

November 15, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Injury Report | 11 Comments

by: Andrew Nordmeier

The big injury news of the week is Houston running back Arian Foster undergoing back surgery to repair and alleviate issues stemming from a disc in his lower back. It’s a good thing this finally happened. He missed OTAs with the issue and was having pain down into this legs during the little time he was on the field a training camp.

What is a ruptured disc anyways?

When a disc is ruptured, the jelly-like shock-absorbing “filling” for lack of a better term oozes out. When that does, it can put pressure onto the spinal cord itself and that could be the source of the pain for Foster.

Other symptoms include pain and weakness in the legs (not good for a running back), shooting pains when doing simple things like sneezing or using the toilet, and a low chance of loss of control in the bladder and/or bowel.

Maybe that explains why Houston has crapped the bed for the last two months and lost seven in a row—ruptured disc.

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