I haven’t seen a Carr get sacked like that since I rubbed my nuts all over the hood of my ex’s new boyfriend’s Civic…

For your own notes, I was also considering “Carr Trouble” as the title of today’s recap, but I figured I’d just go full year 2000 (Y2K baby!). Raiders quarterback David Derek Carr left with a back injury suffered late in the third quarter versus the Broncos yesterday and did not return, forcing Jack Del Rio to ask “Is this Carr still covered under the manufacturer warranty?”. Look guys, the automobile puns are endless, so just deal. So now that the E.J. Manuel experience began anew yesterday, I guess this means I can’t read any Raiders hot takes for the next week or so. Granted, 2-2 is not a terrible record when you’ve played three of your first four games on the road, but I doubt the fans will see that. As SON said on this past-week’s pod, their time is now (adding Marshawn Lynch and the top-dollar money thrown at the team’s high-profile offensive line, both Cooper and Crabtree on the roster, etc.) and losing your starting quarterback, even if he is an Alex Smith clone with Joe Flacco eyebrows, is a playoff killer. Del Rio did tell reporters that his back injury did not seem serious, officially labeled as “back spasms” and that Carr’s set to go next week, but a quarterback playing through a back injury? Let’s ask Tony Romo about how he feels about that. Regardless, this is the weirdest week of football I’ve seen in a while (since last week), so let’s get those GIFs, hot takes, and other relevant (more like irrelevant) content into your laps! (Because where else should content go? RAWR.)

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Homies, I’m home! Greetings! I come to you live from Kathmandu, at a retreat where other Elder God chosen worshipers come to participate in peyote smoking, animal sacrifice, and some other mind-stimulating activities I’m not at liberty to discuss. Living at this elevation has really helped me clear my head of all negative thoughts and distractions, and if the Elders are correct, this will be the greatest weekend of my Fantasy Football predicting life. Thus far, we’ve discussed “fear of failure” and “radical acceptance”, and all of a sudden, things have become so clear for me; Razzball will go on to become the largest fantasy sports site on the planet and I will ride around our world’s largest cities on an elephant while women throw themselves at my well manicured feet. You’ve got to be realistic about these things.

I am Tehol Beddict and this is Start ‘Em and Sit ‘Em! Take heed!

My rankings have been updated and can be found here.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So, my friend from college sent me a photo today of a T-shirt.  Now, I don’t know if it’s because he saw my lineup fail miserably in FanDuel, if he read my column last week, or if he just knows that I love anything fantasy related.  The shirt read as follows: “The process was correct, F*ck you, Nick Foles.” Co-sign, T-shirt maker. The last comment I got on my streamers column last week was, “Want to get away? SMH.”  Yes, kind sir, I was shaking my head too, because while the calls were correct (remember, this IS a streamers column, meaning they are far from a sure thing), the advice didn’t work out.  Ryan Fitzpatrick, meh.  Nick Foles?  No thanks, bro.

So I don’t need to get away, but I will get back to business this week.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings! Totally awesome Thursday Night Football, right? A wretched performance by T-Pain, Bob Kraft’s trout-ass trotting around the field like a prized gelding, the Steelers headsets “malfunctioning”, and of course, GROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK, is all I really took away from a game that was missing what was basically every player I wanted to watch, due to a suspension for smoking that sticky icky. The game went pretty much as I expected, other than D’Angelo treating the Patriots run defense the way my favorite porn star and close friend, Mandingo, treats his co-stars. No sir, I am not sold on the Patriots being a contender this season. My apologies to the mass-holes, who verbally beat me like a piñata each and every day on Twitter for that epic Seattle Seahawks fail in the Super Bowl. Your time is coming. Oh yes, your time is coming (laughs maniacally while coating my naked body in Vaseline). But seriously though, who cares about real football!? This is a fantasy site, ya’ll! Communicating with the Elder Gods is a complicated and somewhat challenging affair; It involves an immense fire pit, sage brush, a quarter oz. of Peyote, a fifth of Everclear, animal sacrifice, and a bit of luck. Even when they accept my summons and pass the peace pipe with me, deciphering their language and riddles is a most difficult thing to accomplish, but I do my utmost, and that is all one can ask of a man such as myself. Below, is what the Elders have foretold for Week 1.

I am Tehol Beddict and this is Start ’em and Sit ’em. Take heed!

You can check out my rankings here, for all your roster needs…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

i

You know, I don’t really hate giving the lede to the NFC South, and if you’ve been spending any time here at Razzball, you know that I find this division so very… satisfying. Not in the good way, like, wow, this NFC South man, it gives the greatest head type of way. No… but to be honest, I have felt similar sensations. It’s the satisfying “oh my god, that’s about the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen, so I’ll just laugh at it and celebrate it for being the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen” type of thing. But the fact remains, I don’t hate talking about it. So at what point does it become masochistic? I mean, we are talking about the day after fantasy football “Championship Week”, probably the most masochistic weekend in all of fantasy sports, so yeah, it’s going to be theme. So with the Saints losing to the Falcons, we now have a NFC South “Superbowl” with the Panthers visiting the Falcons to decide who gets the home playoff defeat. Yes, the Saints are as good as eliminated, but if I understand math correctly (I really don’t), if this game ends in a tie, the Falcons, Panthers, and Saints will all just trigger a nuclear reaction that will re-birth the universe. What a place that would be! In other Sunday news, it’s apparent the NFL wants a Patriots vs. Cowboys Superbowl, and I’m not sure I’m ready for it. Then again, I probably wasn’t ready for a 7-8-1 (or a 7-9) playoff team… so there’s that I guess…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’m going in a different direction this week, and staying out of the running back game. I’m going to battle four wide receivers at once, and give you a little mini-ranking at the end. We got a preseason darling that has been testing the patience of his owners, a rookie who has opportunity and upside, a third-year break out playing as a WR3 regularly, and lastly, a fourth year player who has been a little lost in a sea of rookies. What’s the Logic here? It’s just me playing shenanigans. I’m kidding, have a sense of humor. But really let’s get serious.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Jay went all Beatles in his ranks this week. I’m going all early 80’s MTV and say this is a Good Bye “Week” to You. Yes, this is a gift, not a problem. We got this bro! Have a beer and listen to me ramble for a minute. I can’t believe I remember watching this video when I was seven years old. I can’t believe I remember videos. I can’t believe I went to the “they don’t show videos anymore card”. Should I talk about my first portable audio cassette player that only had fast forward and weighed five pounds? No, it wasn’t a Sony, and therefore I can’t call it a Walkman. I turned 39 earlier this month and I have to say, I’m ready for my mid-life crisis car with T-tops. Last week I got back into form after that miserable Week 2. Lamar Miller and DeAndre Hopkins both won their battles, and I rested easy for once. I take this very seriously, at least the analysis part, because I want to help you win your week. I’m working real hard to give you my best effort when it comes to the tough calls you have to make.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Senior Bowl is typically a key part in the draft evaluation process for all 32 NFL teams. However, it is merely just one piece of the puzzle, with the combine and pro-days looming. This game isn’t the crux of the process. For us dynasty leaguers, evaluating the Senior Bowl should be no different. Lest we forget Senior Bowl’s of the past that saw future NFL studs duds such as Christian Ponder, Isaiah Pead, and Pat White had a great week of practice, earn Senior Bowl MVP honors and then fall on their faces in the show. On the other hand, players like Matt Forte, Russell Wilson, and Alfred Morris performed well in this game and have gone on to have great success in the NFL, but more importantly, on our fake football teams. While most of the guys in attendance are quality football players, the cream of the fantasy crop are mostly underclassmen. This year a record 102 underclassmen declared for the draft, with most of the better future fantasy play-makers residing among them. That isn’t to say that some of the Senior Bowl players shouldn’t be on your radar. Here are some guys to keep an eye on…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

For a fourth straight season, Razzball will be interviewing local NFL beat writers for some actual in-depth football knowledge to shed some additional light on our fantasy football knowledge.  Keep your eye out for an interview for every NFL team through the summer.  This installment comes courteous of Stephanie Stradley from leading Houston Texans blog The Houston Chronicle’s Ultimate Texans blog:

Please, blog, may I have some more?