On Monday Night Football (the second one, not the first one), Todd Gurley finally broke out for fantasy owners (kind of). By “broke out,” I mean that he found the end zone not once, but twice — despite averaging just 3.5 yards per carry. That’s as hot as a lukewarm cup of coffee — as sexy as assless chaps with patches sewn in. It was the kind of performance that you had to be pleased with if you had him in your lineup, but at the same time, you were probably also clapping slowly while shooting those around you sneaky glares out the corner of your eyes to see if they were equally excited. On the plus side, Gurley out-touched Brian Hill 17-to-six, one week after Hill appeared to be the much more explosive back even as Gurley rushed for 80 yards and a touchdown. On the down side, Gurley caught just one pass for the second consecutive week (Ito Smith and Hill combined for five grabs), bringing his season total to a measly four receptions. Gurley clearly isn’t the back he once was, however, he did show some elusiveness inside the green zone on his first rushing touchdown, even shaking a second would-be tackler for the score. This is the point we’re at with running backs in 2020, as both Austin Ekeler and Nick Chubb went down in Week 4 with significant injuries. I am actually, tentatively, kind-of excited about Gurley. This is not good.

On the opposing sideline, Aaron Jones enjoyed yet another strong week, rushing 15 times for 71 yards (4.7 YPC) and hauling in five passes for 40 yards and a touchdown. The Packers look like the cream of the crop in the NFC (right alongside Seattle), as the Super Bowl could (I said could) potentially pit two State Farm figureheads against one another in Aaron Rodgers and Patrick Mahomes. Can you imagine the marketing potential for State Farm!? Let’s all buy stock now! *does quick Google search* It’s already up 4.2% since Sept. 23 — people must really be catching on. Unfortunately, my popularity stock over on Reddit — and in life — is doing the exact opposite. My parents visited last week, and somehow, my father locked himself in the stairwell three different times. Again, this is 2020. This is real. And this is not good.

Before I lose everyone’s attention, let’s get into the Week 5 rest of season top 60 running back rankings. But first — a quick trip around the league.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

There’s a very important place that I want to start today’s fantasy football conversation. Imagine getting fined $100K at work, just like Pete Carroll, Vic Fangio, Jon Gruden, Sean Payton and Kyle Shanahan did this past week. Not by Feds. Not by the IRS. Not by your local county judge. Think about that — just for one second. Fined 100-grand, at work. For me, this would bring up a concerning follow-up meeting: “So, uhh… are you asking me to quit? No? Ok… so the next three years are just pro-bono? Got it. Okay. I’ll be over here pummeling my head into this wall. Forever.” Although I don’t have a vendetta against any of those five head coaches, it’s an absolutely insane concept to even consider. In Green Bay, head coach Matt LaFleur actually has an assistant whose job it is to make sure he’s wearing a mask at all times. That’s literally his job! I don’t know if this is better or worse than Sean McVay’s “Get Back” assistant. I guess better, because this at least helps promote safety. Meanwhile, we’ve got reigning Super Bowl Champion Andy Reid looking one step away from being the next Power Ranger with the face shield he’s donning out there. Can you imagine being the intern that was tasked with finding a face covering that would please Andy Reid? Bet you it took weeks. I’d rather work as Philip Rivers’ governess. It’s just like I always say, if Julie Andrews can do it, so can I!

Shame on me for using the NFL’s current sideline mask fiasco for a lede two weeks in a row, but everything starts to get hazy on these late Monday nights. There’s a lot of movement in the rankings this week and even more question marks with certain running backs going down with injuries for undetermined periods of time, but it’s a job that has to be done nonetheless. Am I a hero in plain man’s cloth? No, I am but a man. Before we get into the rankings, let’s take our weekly trip around the league.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Excuse me, everybody, I’m a bit tired from spending the last week pitching the Razzbowl to the Shark Tank investors. See, I thought we had such a good program here — the best ball, the FAAB, the community — that we could turn this [waves hands around frantically] from the world’s biggest free Pros-V-Joes best ball tournament into a lucrative side-business. Then, Mark Cuban started talking about some team he owns, and I started talking about how I drafted Joe Mixon and Leonard Fournette, and then he started saying something about inexperience and over-my-head, and then I took my prop football and I threw it right over his head. Turns out, if you attack a billionaire, there’s a group of people who start following you, but not in a Korean boy-band kind of way. 

So while I write this from the rest stop in eastern Kentucky eluding the finest private security vans that Cuban could hire, I trust that y’all will learn from my mistakes and do a Kickstarter in the future. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

What’s the difference between Jon Gruden in September and an overripe California-grown tomato? The tomato doesn’t have to put up with Mark Davis for the next seven years, who, coincidentally (or not?), also looks like an overripe tomato — except Davis does for all 12 months of the year. For Gruden, it’s just about a two-month sweet spot, and who can blame him for wanting to get his bronze on to complete that irresistible visor look? From the TV, he looks like he’s yap-yap-yapping from the first whistle to the last, the same way Pete Carroll is chomping at the bit from the moment he comes out of the tunnel.

Both Carroll and Gruden have attractive fantasy running backs at their disposal as they prepare week after week in the form of Chris Carson and Josh Jacobs. They also appear to be staring at pretty hefty fines from the league office after looking somewhat lax with their mask usage during gameplay on Sunday and Monday. No matter how you spin it, the NFL was hit with a plethora of unfortunate story lines in Week 2, with stars on both sides of the ball doing down with seemingly every ailment underneath the moon. That makes my job entering Week 3 of the season as difficult as it’s going to get (*knock on wood, although Gruden’s mid-section as of late Monday night would suffice*), so let’s fast-forward through the pleasantries and get to the ever-controversial top 60 ROS running back rankings. First, let’s take a quick trip around the league via some player news and updates.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We take a half time break from Monday Night Football as B_Don and Donkey Teeth are joined by the great Rudy Gamble to talk about the fantasy hangover that was week 2. We start with the elite RBs that went down in Saquon Barkley and Christian McCaffrey. We discuss their replacements and how much fantasy value we expect them to provide. 

We walk through the Chargers week 2 situation between Joshua Kelley taking carries and Justin Herbert getting the start. The Broncos offense could look different with a backup QB and sans Courtland Sutton. Rudy has some thoughts on how the offenses may vary if it’s Herbert or Tyrod starting in the coming weeks. 

We wrap up the show with some waiver wire adds for each position that we like for your week 3 help. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

As we head into draft season, everyone loves making their sleeper list and dreaming of being in on the next Austin Ekeler. However with all the chatter on social media and the endless stream of fantasy websites, “sleepers” have almost become extinct. There is no such thing as a mid-to-late round guy that no one is excited about. All your favorite sneaky plays are also your friends’ sneaky plays. Therefore you’ll have to reach up and take one a round early, which renders the pick less valuable.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Times, they are changing, and rapidly. Nobody really knows what tomorrow will bring with the Covid-19 outbreak currently ravaging the globe. That hasn’t stopped NFL free agency. At least we have something in the sports world to day dream about and project. 

The cancellation of the Olympics is the beginning of the realization that Covid-19 could affect the 2020 NFL season. I’m not a science expert and I’m rarely considered a fantasy football expert for that matter, but I do believe that there is a solid possibility that football could fall victim to a postponement. 

I’m not embracing full blown panic that football will be cancelled in it’s entirety for the 2020 season, but if I had a guess, proper precautions will be taken by any means necessary. That’s enough for the subject that nobody can get away from. Fantasy football is our escape after all, so let’s keep try and find a light at the end of the tunnel. There are roster changes happening daily which of course means shake ups in fantasy football value for players across the league.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Fresh off their record setting Monday Night Showcase, the New Orleans Saints head east to take on the red hot Tennessee Titans. Despite the cloudy narrative surrounding Drew Brees’ production outside of the Mercedes-Benz Dome, Brees is 5-1 in road games this season and scored 27.1 fantasy points in his one full game in an open air stadium (wk 11 @ TB). Drew Brees is a bet on hall-of-fame talent and experience QB1 play in week 16’s tied-for-highest projected point total.

Please, blog, may I have some more?