tenor

This could go one of two ways. That smug look on Colbert above is one trajectory: pride. Last week’s Working the Waiver, beyond featuring a GIF and link to perhaps the funniest six minutes on the internet (thank you, Eastbound and Down), couldn’t have been more accurate. Okay, fine, it could have been without the Tajae Sharpe egg, but seriously…you could/should have rostered every name on there. But instead of puffing up my #dadbod chest for the masses to gawk over (eat your heart out, Tehol), the prevailing emotion is the second option: desperation. Seriously, I ain’t to proud to beg.

It’s Week 13. For all you non-math majors, that’s a bakers dozen. And in the fantasy world, you know what that means: One. More. Week. It’s the final week before playoffs begin. If you’re still reading this I assume you’re in the race for a playoff spot. And if you’re not, well…you’re the best kind of person. Thank you. Keep fighting even though the ship is now sunk (I’m doing this in a staff league. Gotta get as many points as possible to make my case that fantasy football involves incredible luck. Fourth most points in a 14-team league but miss the playoffs? Wasn’t my fault.). So, as we prep our playoff rosters, there are plenty of targets to either deepen your bench or shore up your FLEX spot. And guess what? A lot of the names are the EXACT same as last week. I TOLD YOU SO! Pick them up! I beg of you.

Here are the top targets to, well…target heading into Week 13!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

920x920

Welcome everybody to this week’s edition of Deep Impact! Before jumping into the football let me begin this by saying: Cubs? Cubs. Cubs! You don’t need to be a diehard baseball fan to appreciate how amazing that Game 7 was, even if you take away the history of each franchise. And when you add in breaking the 108-year drought? Man, just thinking about all those 90-year-olds in Chicago-area nursing homes who had the sweetest, most joyous celebratory sex of their lives that night, it makes me want to vomit. But, you know, in a happy and heartwarming way. Anyways, back to the regularly scheduled fantasy football. For those of you who are unfamiliar, this is our weekly dive into the free agent pool scrounging for players less than 10% owned for deep leaguers desperate for Week 9 starts. In keeping with my weekly tradition, I will break my own defined threshold because I am a rebel who cannot be constrained by the rules of society. Unless there are any real consequences for breaking the rules, in which case I tend to just be a good boy and fall in line.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

christine-michael-ap

Greetings! Oh ye followers of the Lord, I humbly summon you to partake in a birthday celebration fit for… fit for… well, a Lord. Tis my birthday on Thursday, and myself and the Lord’s keeper (Jay-Wrong) will be guzzling absinthe by the gallon while we watch Lord Grey Albright and Ralph Lifshitz joust to the death. I must mention the fact that Lord Grey is our liege Lord and his death can simply not be allowed. Therefore, Prospector Ralph must take one for the team. He will be deeply missed, and by deeply I mean that I will piss on his ashes and move his wench into my private quarters for a few months and add his children to my service staff. Spotted d*ck and rhinoceros steak sandwiches will be served for all of those interested in joining. Jay and I are both turning 25 this year [Jay’s Note: Haha.], and though we’ve accomplished so many tremendous things in our lives thus far, I see an even brighter future upon the horizon. Our partnership has become stronger than that of Siegfried and Roy as we continue to master fantasy football together as one. Let’s just pray neither of us is mauled by a Tiger. [Jay’s Note: Amen brotha…]

I am Tehol Beddict and this is Disgrace/Delight. Take heed!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

wentz920

Seriously, for those of you who missed it, I spent the entire game trying to formulate ways on filing a restraining order against Jon Gruden on behalf of Carson Wentz. For those of you there… maaan, Gruden gonna be baitin’ hard to Wentz’s game tape from last night, am I right? I’m not even sure how Wentz garnered so much heaping attention and praise from such a mediocre line against such a mediocre team, but there Gruden was, acting like I’m pretty sure how all Eagles fans will be today: over compensating how good Wentz and this team is after destroying what are essentially two FCS schools in the last two weeks. Now, that’s not to say that starting 2-0 doesn’t deserve some praise, especially with the aforementioned rookie quarterback (who had the noteworthy triple-coverage pass shown above) leading the way, but maybe we should wait on waxing poetic until after they beat a team not named the Titans and Bears. Oh, and speaking of the Bears… wow. 1-7 at home last season, and now another disturbingly flat performance in their home opener, not to mention them perpetuating the continual trend of making me suffer through every f*cking Monday Night Football game. I could have fallen asleep and missed nothing…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

imageafdsaf

Before his trade from the Tennessee Titans to the Philadelphia Eagles on Tuesday, Dorial Green-Beckham was a late round WR4/WR5 flyer, at best. But DGB was also somebody that people just couldn’t seem to agree on. His average WR ADP was around 50, with some experts ranking him as high as 31 and other ranking him closer to 90. Some touted his untapped potential (and 6’5”, 235 lb frame) and the talent he has flashed in the past, while others have pointed out his overall lack of production and his tendency to disappear (see weeks 1, 5, 7, 10, and 16 last year, when he had exactly zero catches).

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome to the fourth and final installment of the “Sleepers, Breakouts and Busts” series!

I skipped around a bit, publishing the TE’s article a few days ago, but now, we have the ever so elusive WR position.

Over the past few years, the consensus draft strategy has shifted from its former ways; going HB-heavy in the first few rounds to in extreme cases, not drafting any backs in the first few rounds. 2015 was a brutal one for the top backs, as injuries and busts led teams that were loaded at the WR position to become the champions of many leagues. Even as we see the consensus moving towards PPR leagues, receivers are becoming more and more vital, with the plan to get as many of them as we can get our hands on. They are quickly becoming the most popularized position in the NFL.

Taking a look at Jay’s WR Rankings (PPR can be found here), there are at least 13 guys I would be happy with as my #1’s, especially if I found myself going HB-heavy.

But there is specifically one receiver I believe everyone should be actively targeting in drafts.

So let’s get to it.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

pinkdoug

It seems I can no longer avoid the pink elephant in the room. Doug Baldwin (63%). In the preseason I identified Doug as an ideal cheap buy in auction leagues. With an projection of about 167 points and a price tag of at most $2, his points per dollar (PPD) was through the roof. In snake drafts his ADP was about 120 (10th round). Through 12 games he currently has 180 points (1 point PPR). Over achieve much? In week 5 I ranked him as a top-20 receiver. And in weeks 11 and 12, I highlighted for his on field performances. The writing has been on the wall all season. And by wall, I mean my posts. How many of us missed it, or just plain ignored it. In the last four weeks specifically, Baldwin has been one of the top WR in the league. The stats don’t lie. During that span he has averaged 6 catches and 108 yards per game. He also has 6 touchdowns in those four games. Is it a coincidence that his performance has blossomed since Marshawn Lynch has been out of the lineup? I have no idea, but felt obligated to point it out. Can you hear me now?!!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings! How are things? Terrible? Alllllll-Riiiiiiighty then! I had a dental appointment at 6:00 AM (more on this later), this Monday morning, so please, I beg of you, do not hold me accountable for anything inappropriate or offensive I may write in this post. I wonder, did Donald Trump give that warning before advocating a removal of all Mexican and Muslim people in the United States?… YEESH! I already own a pretty annoyingly flashy car. I GUARANTEE you that if I put a Trump sticker on that bitch, I’d get a shattered window within 24 hours. Should we test it out? I’d rather not, but I heard Jay, the greatest editor/writer in the history of sports writing, is heavily involved in Dump’s campaign, so maybe he’ll test this theory for us.

Anyway, I bet not one of you have had to get a gap filled in where you chipped a tooth when a significant other went super freak and put a dildo in your mouth… I mean, I’m always down for experimenting, and who really knows what I’ve done during my countless Molly sessions, but blow isn’t mind altering enough to get me to inhale a fake D… I’m embarrassed. I’m humiliated. I’m exhausted. Let’s talk football before these pain killers knock me out for the count.

I am Tehol Beddict and this is, Getting Wired with the Elders! Take heed!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We are officially in Fantasy Football playoff season, and that means that if you’ve made it this far, it’s because you’ve read my articles and followed my advice, obviously. You’ve still got a chance to win money and if you listen to me, we’ll go far together kid. Plenty of gems on the waiver wire to snag now as we get serious in our Fantasy Football leagues with cold, hard cash on the line (and/or pride too). Let’s get to the nitty-gritty now.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

And another one… These injuries man, do they ever stop? Can we go a week this season without a slew of catastrophic injuries that impact all of our teams? This week, the Gods of Football claimed Patriots star receiver and JCC flag football legend Julian Edelman. As if it wasn’t bad enough that Dion Lewis was stripped from all our lives last week, this week we lose a top-5 PPR asset. You know the old expression; the Giants defense giveth and the Giants defense taketh away. At this point, we should all be pretty familiar with the immediate pickup in the wake of OG King Julian’s injury. It’s old pal and wavier wire Week 7 darling Danny Amendola. Now, when Danny isn’t rocking suits with no belt (ever heard of a tailor?), he’s acting as the second receiver in the Patriots machine of an offense. Just 30% owned in Yahoo leagues (and an even lower 21% on ESPN), Amendola should be your top priority add this week. I’d expect WR2 numbers from ole’ Danny from here on out. This is going to be one of your few plug and play adds heading into the playoffs, so claim away.

Please, blog, may I have some more?