Opening the week as the highest over/under of the season at 55.5, HOU @ KC now sits as the tied-for-2nd highest point total in 2019 at 55. A clash between offenses that rank #4 (KC) and #9 in points per game. Poorly buried by the NFL in the early slate of games, everyone get their popcorn ready early this Sunday. Both teams rank in the top 10 in total offensive plays ran this season, #3 KC and #8 HOU, and find their way onto this weeks shootout game preview.

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My roommate recently came into a bunch of free golf equipment. Apparently it fell off a truck. He’s now selling the goods off piecemeal via eBay and Craigslist, occasionally he’ll even throw in a sexual favor or two to close a deal. Titleist, Ping, Taylormade, Callaway: you name it he’s got it! Oh, you aren’t interested in a golf equipment/BJ combo deal? Well, there’s another Callaway who might stir your loins.

The Browns have finally cut ties with Josh Gordon. They stuck with Josh through thick and thin blunts, but an off the field hamstring injury? No, this the Browns could not tolerate. Now, a new extremely talented wide receiver with a clouded past and major character concerns will be thrust into the Cleveland limelight. Quick, get Antonio Callaway on your team before his weed stash runs out! Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy football:

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Week 1 is in the books, we are on the heel of the Thursday Night Football Bengals-Ravens game and I couldn’t be more happy. Is there any better time of the year? Before I clicked submit on this piece, we received a beautiful clip of Joe Mixon jogging in to the locker room early in the first quarter with a right knee injury. This will be the freshest handcuff report out on the inter-web. Mixon owners please pick up Giovani Bernard, he is looking fresh out there!

I will not go down a rabbit hole of why you should roster your RB handcuff because I know you are here to scroll straight to the names, that is what I am here to give you. Read my pre-season handcuff article if you are curious. I’ll sum it up for you, SCHEME!

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Nov 20, 2016; Santa Clara, CA, USA; New England Patriots wide receiver Malcolm Mitchell (19) after a play against the San Francisco 49ers during the third quarter at Levi's Stadium. The New England Patriots defeated the San Francisco 49ers 30-17. Mandatory Credit: Kelley L Cox-USA TODAY Sports

Hello everyone and welcome to this week’s Deep Impact! This is going to be a short one as I recover from my two Thanksgiving feasts (just one of the many benefits of growing up as a child of divorce). As my arteries course with gravy, allow me to share some players that I’m thankful are available in less than 10% of Yahoo leagues.

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Welcome back everybody to this week’s edition of “Deep Implants”, our recurring series here at Razzball discussing the history of American spies planted overseas during war. This week, we’ll take a look at the exploits of Edward Bancroft, a Massachusetts-born scholar who was a key provider of intelligence from London to Ben Franklin during the Revolutionary War. Before diving into his espionage, let’s start with his studies that showed eels use electricity to capture their prey… *answers call from Jay* I’ve been informed that this is actually another installment of Deep Impact, and also that BANCROFT WAS A DOUBLE AGENT THE WHOLE TIME! NO, BEN FRANKLIN, STOP GIVING THIS MAN INFORMATION!!! As a refresher for those of you who missed the first regular season piece in this series, this is for fantasy football players who like to hang out in the deep end. Metaphorically speaking, of course; I don’t go into the actual deep end as I’m not a strong swimmer and the kids are really judgmental these days. Floaties are for adults too, dammit!

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Luckily there are no major injuries this week that would kill fantasy football owners. Minor injuries? Sure, but that’s what I’m here for. To tell you who to stash, drop, and even start as well. This week, it’s time to part ways with some of our high draft picks even though my heart is literally in pain having to tell you some of them. Even though I did love some of them, I don’t as much anymore and have to let them go for the next “hot thing” to come along.

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I’ve never seen a more competitive and well balanced group of teams in the NFL than this year. 2015 is going to be the year every team goes 8-8 and all the playoff tiebreakers are tied. You heard it here first. The only teams that may want to be one of Jigsaw’s subjects are the Raiders, Bucs, Jaguars and Browns. It makes each game that much more important and fun to watch. Also, because I’m narcissistic and like talking about my own teams, I have Julian Edelman and Jarvis Landry on all my PPR leagues and I know I’m going to grow a semi-chub every time I look at their weekly targets. Lastly, I’m going to be taking a quick look at the past episode of The Max Factor then move on to more current and pressing news.

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The injury bug strikes again, and this time it’s a quarterback who takes the beating. Philadelphia will be without the services of quarterback Nick Foles for several weeks after breaking his collarbone in Sunday’s game against Houston. Mark Sanchez, yes he’s still in the league, came in and helped the Eagles the rest of the way to a win over the Texans. So who can you turn to now? Six teams have a bye this week in Houston, Indianapolis, Minnesota, New England, San Diego and Washington. There’s a ton of talent to replace and that’s before we jump into injuries. Let’s get into it and see who you can pick up this week to help your team out…

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Welcome to the Handcuff Report, 2014 primer. The Almighty J-FOH has bestowed upon me the honor of keeping you knuckleheads up to date on the latest NFL arrests, felonies, and misdemeanors. If Steven Ridley and Shane Vereen are smoking weed in a Pontiac Firebird, we’ll be there. If  Titus Young finds his way back into the league, we’ll be there. If Golden Tate decides to steal maple bars from a Detroit bakery, we’ll be there. You get the point…. Wait.?!?! That’s not what this post covers?…. It’s about running back committee’s? …Hmmm I don’t think that’s right. Jay, I think we have a problem…..I had 1,300 words about Ray Rice, Josh Gordon, Le’veon Bell, and LeGarrette Blount. It seemed reasonable, there are a lot of arrests, and they do in fact impact our rosters. But okay… I got it now, you meant handcuff in a less literal sense. Oops! Welp, time to refocus. I guess instead I’ll be discussing the ever evolving Running Back committee situations around the league. For today and at least the first few weeks of the season, I’ll be providing a list of depth charts and commenting on the situations I feel need to be covered. In other words I’ll be spending less time on teams like the Vikings, Bears, or Seahawks and more time on teams like the Lions, Falcons, and Dolphins. As the season progresses, I’ll probably switch to more of a “handcuffs to watch format”, where I’ll cover a handful of backs with expanding roles. But who knows, we’ll see, you guys can tell me in the comments if you like the depth chart rankings. I’m cool with that. After today I will be sticking with the tried and true tiered approach (say that three times fast Micro Machine Man) and the tier names that J-FOH had last year, because what else is there outside of Fuzzy, Standard Issue Police, and Duct taped handcuffs? That pretty much covers the handcuff gamut. No??? Are there other varieties besides the ones covered?  Like those weird plastic ones, that cops use, maybe? Did you notice I said “cops use”… do you know why? Because Standard Issue Police That’s Why!!!

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Instead of diving in with the usual pizzazz, I want to step back and take a look at something that happened last week. Baltimore running back Ray Rice was held to 36 yards on 13 carries before leaving with a strained left hip flexor.

And then fantasy football showed its dark side. While we can’t see what was sent to him on his timeline (@RayRice27), it’s safe to say there were quite a few vicious tweets and people verbally puking on him.

What the hell is wrong with people? I get that Twitter gives a platform that can give more direct access to athletes than was ever possible before. To take it that far is ridiculous. This is a GAME, folks. It’s not life and death. As a fantasy doctor, I get life and death. Whether your team wins a game in Week 2 isn’t it.

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