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“I’ll never let go, Jack… I’ll never let go.” — Titanic “I wanna go home.” — Bubba dying in Forrest Gump  “Brooks was here.” — Hanging in The Shawshank Redemption  Which one you goin’ with? Any way we slice it, the end of the fantasy football season is as sad as a classic tearjerker on […]

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Here we are…Fantasy Football Championship Week. If you’re playing for all the marbles, congratulations. I’m still alive in two of my three leagues, so I can’t wait for the games to get started. The semifinals were a bear for my teams, falling behind on Thursday night in one league and the same during the early […]

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Thank you, football gods! Al Michaels and Kirk Herbstreit called so many touchdowns last night that there might not be enough on-air material left for the remainder of the season. That’s what the youths call Herb-Al medication. Luckily for us, that provides a lot of cargo to unpack from the Week 7 edition of Thursday Night Football. Andy Dalton had his highs and lows, but the real stars were Juwan Johnson and Eno Benjamin, of course, just as we all saw in the tea leaves. Of course, it would be a crime not to mention the impressive return of DeAndre Hopkins, who immediately received 14 targets and converted that into 10 catches for 103 yards. Here’s what else I saw on Thursday Night Football in Week 7.

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There was some stat floating around the internet that caught my eye, much like that YouTube video that explains in excruciating detail the sharpest tuna-cutting knife on David Attenborough’s Planet Earth. Now that I’ve lost you in 8 sub-clauses and some exciting tuna talk, I’ll reveal the stat: The Detroit Lions — yes, the Motor City Kitties — were the top-scoring team in the league and had only one win to show for it. Your fantasy teams squealed in delight as Jared Goff and Jamaal Williams — your pre-season all-stars, right? — racked up points and millions of bucks for DFS teams. This week, the Lions faced the Patriots, helmed by the esteemed backup to the backup Bailey Zappe. Shoulda been a slam dunk, right? Well, 161 ground yards by Rhamondre Stevenson later, the Lions got shut out, and Zappe got his first career win, a mere week after nearly felling the great ayahuasca plant that is Aaron Rodgers. 

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“The Amen Break” is probably the most popular drum beat in Western music. If you sat down right now behind a drum kit, you’d try to play it. You’d sound like Oscar the Grouch smashing trash cans, but you’d still try, at least. Meanwhile, “The Amon Break” is the respite from Amon-Ra St. Brown that you’ll feel acutely this week, akin to something like a bad hangover from off-brand tequila. Sure you had fun, but now that’s done and you’re ready to spend the next 8 hours watching HBO you’re “sharing” with your cousin who hasn’t paid rent in three months because his crypto account froze during the downturn. Sure, Kyle, we’ll see your OneCoin investments come to fruition in 2023. But for the rest of us? We’re just trying to get through the week with out Amon-Ra. 

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Sometime in the Third Egyptian Dynasty, back when humanity was a teenager and kept skipping school, the legendary pharaoh Drew Bledsoe fell in battle and his general, Thomas Edward Patrick Brady Jr., took the reins of the empire. Fast forward 17 dynasties and 9 Star Wars movies later, and Tom Brady continues to lord over the football empire that was once the possession of Drew Bledsoe. Now I’m not saying that we’re seeing the next Tom Brady in the form of Khalil Herbert, but a mid-game injury to incumbent Bears RB David Montgomery opened the way to Khalil Herbet to rush for 157 yards on 20 attempts. Sure, it was against the Houston Texans, but we’re so desperate for an RB2 that we’ll take literally any warm body that we can find. 

While we were all wondering whether Justin Herbert would take the field on Sunday, our attention really should have been on Khalil Herbert. What should you do in week 4? 

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My sincere apologies to all twelve of my readers for my lackluster effort in last week’s injury report article, where I clearly had no idea what I was doing. An eagle-eyed reader on Reddit pointed to my deficiencies, which were many, and indicated that he — I assume it was a he because he liked to participate in the Tinder subreddit — regretted giving us a click. 

Razzball execs spent the past week discussing how we would manage without that 1/132nd of a cent of ad revenue that we would no longer receive. However, the “Blair has no clue” Zoom meeting ended early when FantasyPros returned their weekly ranks. Guess who topped the running back rankings in week 2? Oh, look, it me. 

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If your Week 2 was anything like what fans of Baltimore, Cleveland, and Las Vegas experienced, then you’re waking up on Tuesday in the depths of despair. Fortunately, the season is young and there’s plenty of time to right the ship once the page is turned. Unfortunately, the waiver wire isn’t all that enticing this week, and there’s an armadillo turning my backyard into the next Holes remake. However, if you’re a relentless quarterback streamer or in a two-QB league, there are some intriguing options for you this week — not to mention some serious finds at the wide receiver position should your league mates not have gobbled them up yet. If you’re in a waiver order-based league and not in dire need, this is a week to stand as firm as Snoop Dogg’s buttcheeks in the TSA line. In deeper formats and leagues utilizing FAAB, proceed with caution. I wouldn’t use more than 15-20% on even the top names listed, although you could validate up to 25-30% if you’re so desperate your season-long competitiveness calls for it. Hopefully, you’re not in that position this early. Onward we go!

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[starts playing synth riffs] It doesn’t hurt me. Nah, it doesn’t hurt me that the Dolphins/Ravens game — which had an Over/Under of 43 points — ended up with 80 points scored between the teams. Tua Tangovailoa matched 30+ year old Dolphins franchise records with 6 passing touchdowns, equalling Hall of Famers Brian Griese and Dan Marino. Meanwhile, Tom Brady and Jameis Wilson combined threw fewer yards than Tua Tagovailoa alone. This is why DFS players diversify so much — nobody expected Tua to put up a once-in-a-generation performance against the Ravens. But it happened! 

For all of your Monday Night Football coverage, join Jordan Loupe and Fantasy Coach JB live as they lead the Fantasy Besties tonight, 6:15 ET: 

Let’s Waddle up that Hill and see if I can’t find some Reggie Bush references to sneak in here. 

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