As we now enter the post-Thanksgiving Football phase (or in Boston, the “post-BAWHSTON WAS RAWHBED FROM UNDEFEATED HISTORY!”), it’s hard to understand how we’re already on the doorsteps of Week 13 and how someone can gain five pounds in one four-day Holiday period. The answer to both is bourbon, but regardless, the point remains: Alcohol! AND, wow, this season has gone by fast. (With a lot of injuries.) That being said, I do want to take this time on your Monday, to thank everyone for being a part of the site. I could have wrote this Thursday, or Friday, or I guess any day up until now, but, well, you know. Alcohol! And while my Chargers are charging (see what I did there?) to a first overall pick in next year’s draft, I guess, in this time of thanks, we should all thank the game of Football. As usual, the wonderful sport continues to provide us reasons to kill our liver, protect women and couches with guns on them, and Will Smith (bonus foreign accent!) movies about concussions. I truly despise this game that I love. An amazing journey we take here if you ask me! Or a masochistic one? Nah… that’s what Fantasy Football is for.

Here’s what else I saw in Week 12’s Sunday Games…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Wednesdays are my favorite day of the week.  No, really.  Sundays are fun, but football is getting so tough to watch anymore.  Did you watch Monday Night Football?  Just brutal.  Alas, I’ll complain but continue to watch. But Wednesday is the best.  It’s my Saturday off from my job, so a day off is always nice.  Don’t get me wrong.  I absolutely love my job.  I get to interview B-list celebrities, D-list celebrities, local celebrities and write about sports.  Not a bad gig at all.  But everyone loves a day off. For me, it’s my relaxing day, but it starts early.  It starts at 5:30 a.m., to be exact.  Yes, I set an alarm on my day off, but why?  Well, I have to see if I won my FAAB bids in my leagues, and whoever didn’t get picked up, I swoop in and grab them.

Obsessed?  Yes.  But you have to be if you want to win your leagues…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I have a very interesting story to tell you, the readers. Picture this: Myself, good ol’ Zach, sitting on his couch, cursing Drew Brees. “Why is he cursing Drew Brees?”, asks you. Good question. Yes, I played Drew Brees, and yes, I loved that decision. However, out of the 8 tournaments I played last Sunday, Brees was only in 1 of those lineups. I was really high on Jay Cutler and Joe Flacco, and they did alright (19.54 and 22.60 pts), but they did not have Drew Brees-type games last week. So there I was, Monday morning, convincing myself that I should no longer write for Razzball anymore, and I should just spend the rest of my days rewinding old DVD’s. I had spent nearly $55 on entry fees for tournaments, and I was struggling, only winning $12. But then something happened. Graham Gano happened. 3/3 on FG’s and 2/3 on XP’s. On Tuesday morning, I opened up the FanDuel app, and I yelled, “YES!”, as I realized I still had the willingness to fight. $75 had been won. Thank you Graham Gano (And Jonathan Stewart).

Join myself, Jay, and your fellow readers in a special Razzball-only Contest! Buy-in is just $5.00 and the top-12 finishers in a 55-team league are all part of the prize pool! Sign up here!

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Greetings! I’d like to start by informing you that my doctor prescribed me Wellbutrin, which is a mild anti-depressant, but can also help with A.D.D. (which I have in the worst way). I don’t believe in taking adderall, as it’s just another form of meth, and your boy is stimulant free (other than herbal viagra). I’ve only been taking it for two weeks thus far, but it’s totally changed my life and in multiple ways at that. Not only am I more focused than ever, as I wrote this post in record time (yes, I wrote this part last), but I’ve reached the type of mental zone that I’ve only once witnessed before, and that was Bradley Cooper in Limitless. Not only do these magic blue pills make me feel better about leaving the world of modeling to become a fantasy sports writer, but I’m not busting nuts like the Steamboat Geyser. I kid you not, this shizz is incredible!  I can’t lie to ya, I’m feelin myself like Mac Dre right now, and I pray to the Elders I never lose this feeling, for I fully believe, at this moment, that I can take on the entire world and become the most famous fantasy sports writer that ever lived… Until I crash anyway, then I’ll be back in the gutter, begging sloppy drunk chicks to take me home for a hot bath and a TV dinner. I’ll let you be the judge, but, uhhhh, watch the video after the jump to see how I feel right now.

I am Tehol Beddict and this Start ‘Em, Sit ‘Em! TAKE HEED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My rankings have been updated and can be found here.

Join Jay and your fellow readers in a special Razzball-only Contest! Buy-in is just $5.00 and the top-12 finishers in a 55-team league are all part of the prize pool! Sign up here!

Want to win a Razzball T-Shirt? Try out our new Fantasy Football Team Name Generator and post your favorite below in the comment section. We’ll select a random winner next Thursday!

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We are starting to get more parity between teams. My 8-8 dream is dead. #$*%. I’ll get over it. Injuries are the most frustrating part of football. Every second play, someone gets hurt and I cringe and cry for them. I myself was destined for stardom as a Division 1 basketball player. At age 17, I subsequently destroyed both my ankles and was just a fraction of what I once was. I feel for Tony Romo, Drew Brees, Kelvin Benjamin, Jordy Nelson and others. I especially felt for Big Ben after watching his leg get caved in versus the Rams this past weekend. It slowly had me heartbroken for Antonio Brown owners, but felt happiness for Le’Veon Bell owners. Today we talk about the outlook of the next 4-6 weeks for Pittsburgh Steelers offense sans Ben Roethlisberger.

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Hello Razzball! This is the first in a series of weekly articles written by yours truly that will be looking into each of the week’s match-ups and picking out one player I Love and one player that I Hate from each game. Before I get into this week’s picks, I’ll give some background into how I make my picks. The first thing I look at is the Vegas betting lines, specifically the point spread and the over/under totals. These are two huge factors when making picks, especially for daily fantasy sites. If I’m ever debating between two similarly rated players for my Flex position, checking out the point totals could be a deciding factor for me. Of course, between now and kickoff, some of the lines could change by a few points, so it is important to check these again later in the week after some injury situations are cleared up. I’m also going to try and avoid making the obvious picks, as those won’t help anybody. Now, onto the picks!

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Welcome back, boys and girls, ex-cons and degenerates, to another edition of Hit it or Quit it, with yours truly. I know you have all missed me over this off-season, probably more than I missed most of you, but that was because I was too busy filling my dungeon with man souls to feast on for the 2015 NFL season. As you probably have already witnessed, my Black Widow Curse is still very much alive and back with a vengeance. This season it seems to want to feast on hammies and ACLs, which has made for some very interesting Fantasy Football drafts was well. With most of the first-rounders taken out by my curse (no one crosses me), join me now as we begin to venture into the outer limits of this season with Hit it or Quit it, Week 1…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We are here today to point out the difference between the Razzball rankings and those that ESPN has released to the masses. The first difference you’ll probably notice is that there is no Mathew Berry in our rankings. Whether that’s a good or bad thing, I’ll let you decide. Because, hey, I’m just that kind of guy. Beyond that, well, ESPN certainly likes the color of red in their logo. RED EVERYWHERE. Well, touché, we also like a color. And that color is mustache, which is totally a color. Just ask Razzball founder Grey Albright. Not be outdone, I do run around with a five-day shadow on my face on most occasions, which technically counts as facial hair, and a mustache is also facial hair, ergo, the color of mustache. And sure, you could say that I’ve added some yellow to the palette with my face, but then you’d be raycess. Now that the main differences have been established, we’ll move on to things that are more fantasy relevant, well, depending on the type of fantasy that is. Hey now. So after you clear your internet history, we’ll be comparing our rankings to that of ESPN’s and their new “What the ef is this? Facebook? Are you serious” interface. Get yer knives ready!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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It’s been commonplace around here to poke a bit of fun at Joe Flacco’s expense, and I have to admit, it probably starts with me. Look, I don’t actively root against the eyebrow guy. Granted, I don’t root for him either, seeing as how it’s like rooting for a speed bump. But there is a certain something about him that really fascinates me. And that can essentially be boiled down to the the gift that keeps on giving… and that’s the process for measuring how elite Joe Flacco actually is (not just his eyebrow(s), which are too f*cking elite). Well folks, I think it’s time, once again, to go through this process once more. After a convincing win against a Steelers team that was clearly missing LeVeon Bell and any semblance of a third down defense,  John Harbaugh said this after the game:

“Joe Flacco, what can you say… He’s the best quarterback in football.”

Well, first of all, don’t lead this off by asking “what can you say”. I can say a lot of things, and none of them would be what you said, John. Granted, yes, Flacco has a long history of being part of a lot of successful Ravens teams, including a Super Bowl ring and being the only quarterback in NFL history to win a playoff game in each of his first five seasons. Of course, there’s also the fact that he’s not really that good of a quarterback. But hey, when you’re just elite enough to win, who cares?

I guess I don’t. Then again, I’m now realizing that the Ravens vs. Patriots media extravaganza might be something I could have done without… been there, done that, ya know? Wait. What’s that you say? We’re going to have a Petyon Manning/Andrew Luck narrative to deal with as well?

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I know, I need a bath now too. Here it is, week 17. The final slate of games and it’s actually a full one; no TNF or MNF or TNF on SN where the ‘S’ is for ‘Saturday’ which they can’t use because that’s for ‘Sunday Night Football’. Yup, 16 games ripe with intrigue and I lead off with talking Colin Kaepernick. I guess my new year’s resolution is to lose readers. WELP. I know it’s hard to get with the idea of this. Honestly, it’s hard to feel comfortable making the call for me too but here I am looking back on why I liked Russell Wilson last week and nothing has changed about the why. Both are QBs who can run and Arizona rarely leaves a spy on the backfield to stop that from happening and don’t look now but Kap has now rushed for over 40 yards in back to back games and rushed at least 7 times. Methinks the O-Co finally figured out that a Colin stuck in the pocket is a Colin wasted. Not like crunk wasted, more like ‘not used correctly’ wasted. It’s been a trying time for his seasonal owners. Trust me, I know, I suffered through him in one in a two QB league. Guess what? I picked up Kyle Orton and he never saw the light of day again for my team. But this is probably a Harbaugh swan song and I think he goes out and lets his guys do what they do and what Colin can do is run as showcased last week when he racked up 7/151/1 on the ground on his way to a 31.7 DK fantasy point night. What was the passing line you ask? Ehhhh…let’s not talk about that. The point is, his rushing game was worth 24.1 alone. I can’t say he’ll replicate but for a GPP go, I’m about to pop a Kap in dat and he has a cheap pairing partner that will also go under the radar…what, I ain’t tellin you now. This is the epic last DK post for fantasy football of the year, I’m gonna make you suffer. So strap in – or strap on, we won’t judge you – as we slide through this final go. So with no further ado, here it is: my final hot take on 2014 fantasy football DK slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 20 team league of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It lets us know that you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?