DENVER, CO - OCTOBER 30: Running back Devontae Booker #23 of the Denver Broncos rushes for a touchdown in the third quarter of the game against the San Diego Chargers at Sports Authority Field at Mile High on October 30, 2016 in Denver, Colorado. (Photo by Dustin Bradford/Getty Images)

Greetings! Over these past few weeks I’ve often wondered: “Have they missed me since I’ve been gone?” Will my strongest supporters simply move on and attach themselves to any of the other talented Razzball writers, or will they mourn me by drinking and drugging themselves for the remainder of their miserable lives, slowly killing themselves in the memory of the Lord? What I can tell you is that I’ve spent the past couple weeks in the crater of Mt. Vesuvius, smoking mass quantities of peyote and drinking absinthe by the boatload, conversing with the Elder Gods about my future and what has been foreseen. The good news, you ask? My dream of my writing career surpassing my great many thong modeling accomplishments looks like a given, but the bad news, my goodmen, oh hohoho, you mustn’t never find out for only the scurviest of bottom feeders could possibly have the wherewithal to comprehend what I must do. They’ve rarely been wrong in their predictions for my life in the past. I mean, they did predict I would finish second overall in the FantasyPros rankings a few weeks back AND they informed me that some crazy hood rat would come out the woodwork, saying I owe her 500 dollars for blowing out the back of the gal watching her home while she was out of town. This gutter ferret had the gaul to threaten me on Facebook. ME! The Lord! My judgement shall be swift and merciless, and her destiny of bobbing for worm-infested apples, surrounded by diseased swine in the dank dungeon of House Beddict. Just because I put a dime piece in the perfect flex on her cheap ass bed certainly doesn’t mean that I broke and it certainly does not mean the Lord will throw some gold coins at her to shut her hole. Peasantry.

I am Tehol Beddict and this is Disgrace/Delight! Take Heed!

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Welcome back, my loyal Horde. We are almost at the halfway point in the season and up until now, things have been pretty busy. Speaking of busy, wow, what an eventful week it has been this past week, right?. It seems that my Black Widow Curse was out in full force in Week 6 and I lost quite a few people, including my starting quarterback. Sorry Ben, nothing personal but at least now you know what it feels like to fall victim to something more powerful than you. Kind of like the co-eds you…oh, wait, I’m going to take the high road here (fill in the blanks if you will). I have to admit, by far, this is one of the worst Fantasy Football seasons I have ever been a part of, if not the worst. I can’t seem to pull a win out of anywhere (and believe me, I’ve tried). My booms are busts and my busts are busts. I am just heaving with such ample bust(s) (in more ways than one) that it’s a wonder that I can get anything done. Oh, the pains of loving something that completely abuses you every week and doesn’t love you back. Now I know how the men I have dated feel. But, it is what it is, and like some women, I am hoping to stay in this thing long enough to change things for the better, but we all know how that works out. I’m going to keep trying though. Not just for me, you see, but for all of you, my loving and trusting horde. Without you, I am still pretty amazing, but you give me some purpose. So, without further ado, let’s see what I can do to satisfy your weekly craving for me by giving you Hit it or Quit it, Week 7.

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Greetings! Oh ye followers of the Lord, I humbly summon you to partake in a birthday celebration fit for… fit for… well, a Lord. Tis my birthday on Thursday, and myself and the Lord’s keeper (Jay-Wrong) will be guzzling absinthe by the gallon while we watch Lord Grey Albright and Ralph Lifshitz joust to the death. I must mention the fact that Lord Grey is our liege Lord and his death can simply not be allowed. Therefore, Prospector Ralph must take one for the team. He will be deeply missed, and by deeply I mean that I will piss on his ashes and move his wench into my private quarters for a few months and add his children to my service staff. Spotted d*ck and rhinoceros steak sandwiches will be served for all of those interested in joining. Jay and I are both turning 25 this year [Jay’s Note: Haha.], and though we’ve accomplished so many tremendous things in our lives thus far, I see an even brighter future upon the horizon. Our partnership has become stronger than that of Siegfried and Roy as we continue to master fantasy football together as one. Let’s just pray neither of us is mauled by a Tiger. [Jay’s Note: Amen brotha…]

I am Tehol Beddict and this is Disgrace/Delight. Take heed!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Rudy is the person behind our Pigskinonator and DFSBot football projections and is also behind the baseball ‘bots (Streamonator, Hittertron, etc.) and NFL/MLB player pages. This weekly piece will focus on players where the Pigskinonator diverge from the popular consensus.

Happy Week 4! The first season of our fantasy football projections tool (aka Pigskinonator) is going well. If you haven’t checked it out yet, check it out NOW. Last free week! Projected stats for all QB, RB, WR, TE, DST and IDP!

The regresssion fairy was kind enough to take only a small dump in our robot’s mouth during its required 15 minute daily nap as it finished 49th out of 138 experts in Week 3 after a precociously high 4th in Week 2. The most promising aspect of it all is that these results are occuring while importing our player ranking in total whereas most experts are manually adjusting players up/down. The difference is that the the default rankings are based on the consensus average rankings for players which inherently has ‘wisdom of crowds’ built into it. This helps bad rankings become solid but does nothing IMO to make solid rankings become great. We’re shooting for great and I think we’ll get there.

No new functionality adds this week but made some improvements in the robot code that should improve the allocation of rushing attempts and targets.

Onto my picks…

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ST. LOUIS, MO - NOVEMBER 15: Todd Gurley #30 of the St. Louis Rams leaps over Antrel Rolle #26 of the Chicago Bears as he carries the ball in the first quarter at the Edward Jones Dome on November 15, 2015 in St. Louis, Missouri. (Photo by Dilip Vishwanat/Getty Images)

What’s up Razzballers (or Razzballas if you’re not one for the “Hard R”) and welcome to this week’s edition of Beyond the Numbers! Looks like all of our rosters are getting put the test early on this year, so I hope you’re using your bench wisely. Injuries, combined with some poor play from “elite” players, are proving why depth is so important in fantasy football.  You’ve got no excuse to still be sporting duds on your team; coaches have shown what kind of offenses they want to run this year, and quarterbacks have heavily targeted the guy they want to be involved. I’ll give you guys some good names to target below, but first, let’s start with the guy everyone seems to have questions about.

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Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair, Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn’t fuzzy, was he? I think that’s how that goes. Here’s my version. Jonathan Stewart was a Duck. Jonathan Stewart had no luck. Without a hammy, what was he? He was Fozzy Whittaker’s ticket to a one hundred yard rushing day. Ok, so that wasn’t very good. How about this one. JStew knew what to do. JStew his hammy blew. JStew knew it true, do you? Admittedly that was not much better. I could keep going with the mediocre attempts, but, contrary to popular belief, I have better things to do. Jonathan Stewart went down. Fozzy Whittaker stepped up, and has been named to my weekly “Are you sh!tting me with this lineup” lineup…

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We all knew the NFL was a brutal sport. That’s nothing new. Yet, we’re often so surprised when injuries happen. Guys like Carson Wentz can get molly-whopped all over the field by the Bears Monday and come out totally fine, but shifty running backs like Danny Woodhead can just make a cut wrong and see ya later 2016 season. Yes, Woodhead was lost to a torn ACL on Sunday (and no…you won’t find Kenneth Farrow on this list), but he wasn’t alone. The Jest WR corps all got banged up after lunch, a slew of RB didn’t make it out of their contest in the afternoon (Doug Martin, Thomas Rawls, Ameer Abdullah, Arian Foster (what?!? no way…!)), and then in the evening the machine malfunctioned. When Adrian Peterson couldn’t walk through the food court back to the Vikings locker room every Minnesota and fantasy football owner collectively gasped. “Oh, please no. Not now. Anything but this. First our Twins, then our QB, and now our messiah.” You know, something like that. Freaking injuries… The hits just keep coming for Minnesota, and yet the Vikings keep winning.

For fantasy owners you have to take the injuries in stride, as their bound to impact your team in a negative light sooner or later. So, guess what? That’s where this little article comes in handy! Have no fear, because the next man up in Minnesota is more than capable of carrying the load until the king returns in over a month, and he’s more than capable of slotting into your lineup to bring great value in the interim. And no…I’m not talking about Matt Asiata…

Below are the top six targets to, well, target from the waiver wire leading into Week 3!

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What a great week of football last Sunday, huh? For me, Sunday turned into a six-hour RedZone session, and truth be told, it was fantastic. A definite 10-out-of-10. I also had a pretty fun time in fantasy last week, behind the great efforts of Brandin Cooks, DeMarco Murray, Eli Manning, Blair Walsh, and the Minnesota Vikings D/ST. But this is a new week, a new set of matchups, and a new sets of games to analyze and pick apart to get the most out of our fantasy matchups.

One of the most intriguing matchups this week comes back to Denver, for the Broncos-Colts game. We have two very efficient (albeit, in their own ways) offenses combining with one very stout defense. Regardless, this game one of the most interesting games on the slate, as we get to see one of my favorite running backs have the possibility field day against a very weak Indianapolis defense.

So let’s get to it!

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Johnny Manziel is a punk.  Yeah, I like my sports to be entertaining, but I applaud the Browns for benching Manziel. What’s the big deal, you say?  Well, not only did he lie to the team, but he just left a rehab center and he’s out partying.  He’s a grown-ass man, but he’s also being paid as an investment.  Sorry, if my investment is acting like a clown when it’s clear he’s had issues in the past, I’m making the same moves that the Browns did. See you on TV in a few years, Johnny. Let’s get to the streamers.

Join Jay and your fellow readers in a special Razzball-only Contest! Buy-in is just $5.00 and the top-12 finishers in a 55-team league are all part of the prize pool! Sign up here!

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A week where we saw an undefeated be beaten by the Colts (yes, THOSE Colts) and also some more major injuries, we are getting closer and closer to fantasy football playoffs times and knowing who to have and not to have is important. That is what I do, I tell you who to have on your benches, who to play, and who to drop as well. With some injuries at quarterback and running back, there will be some players who need to be stashed or even better, grabbed and potentially be worth playing. In the past three games, Derek Carr has thrown 11 touchdowns to only one interception and is quickly turning around compared to what he did in his rookie season last year. With a solid run game and two good wide receivers to throw to in Amari Cooper and Michael Crabtree. He has thrown for at least three touchdowns in the past three games as well and thrown no lower than 289 passing yards in those games as well. He is quickly proving to be match-up proof and does not show any signs of slowing down as the season progresses. For owners who may have lost Ben Roethlisberger (again) may need a quarterback on the waiver wire to pick up the slack and there may be no better option right now than Derek Carr as he continues to rack up fantasy points like crazy. And with Matt Ryan, Andrew Luck, Philip Rivers, Drew Brees, and Eli Manning still having bye weeks coming up over the next two weeks, Carr could be the perfect plug-and-play quarterback.

Please, blog, may I have some more?