I struggled to pick the team I wanted to talk about today. On one hand, I want to offer you nice exciting players that will do well going forwards, maybe some forgotten players; on the other hand I also want to give you struggling teams that have players to avoid that are generally high marquee guys, so that you don’t overvalue them and fall flat on your face. So I’ve decided to find a team that has both to offer you the best of both worlds! Side note: Celine Dion is performing six live shows in Quebec, Canada if anyone is interested. She is far better than other Canadian artists such as the rude and socially unacceptable Justin Bieber or the narcissistic, selfish, and lackluster Drake. Tehol’s favorite, Tyrod Taylor came back last week and had an average performance that left my team just 10 points shy of a win. Ef you Tehol. Sorry, I didn’t mean it, I love you.

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I’ll admit it. That was probably the best Sunday Night Football game of the season, and it had everything I’ve come to expect from an NFC East divisional game. It’s almost as if the Giants and Washington were there in spirit. In what was the second and final match-up between the Eagles and Cowboys, the game feature two quarterbacks that would probably be quite successful at the collegiate level. And most likely Canadian Football. And the aforementioned ingredients for this divisional game? All there. Turnovers, questionable officiating, amazing plays, the bi-weekly Sean Lee injury (honestly, Lee needs to be banned from playing football for his own good), back and forth scores leading to overtime, and of course, derp. In the end, the Cowboy’s failed to tackle anything during overtime (last play shown above) and now the Eagles have an insurmountable lead in the division at 4-4, good for second. Because Giants, that’s why. So… in summation: F*ck Greg Hardy.

Here’s what else I saw during Week 9’s Sunday games…

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Let’s just have another article about the waiver wire dandies that are the Kansas City Chiefs running back situation, seems original!  The Google hit limit has been exceeded by fantasy writers who aren’t really breaking anything new to the news story that is the demise of J.C. and the rise of West and Davis.  Be creative man, that’s why Lego kits are more fun when you go rogue and build a space blimp instead of a firetruck as per your purchase.  Instead of pursuing more dirt to throw onto the fantasy run game abyss in K.C., I am going flip it and reverse it and instead pick on their defense this week that takes on the Minnesota Vikings.  Because there is nothing like spitting on the grave of fantasy-dom then kicking their butts on both sides of the ball.  So this week, I am turning my black light away from it’s normal duty of inspecting the geography of hotel rooms and pointing it at Stefon Diggs.  At first glance, and after numerous minutes of research I have come to the conclusion that he is not related to the Damon Wayons character fro the The Last Boy Scout.  I was made aware of this by him being a fake made up character in a movie and Stefon being an actual WR asset for you this week.  Open Pandora’s box and continue down the fantasy worm whole known as my imagination…

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packer-bus

In a match-up that has featured some really good games, both during the regular season and the playoffs, today’s game will try it’s hardest to destroy those fond memories as a momentum-riddled Packers team will go against a 49ers team that’s struggling not to be the new Browns. While I would normally say they have no chance at this enormous feat, you know, because the old Browns are still doing their darnedest to be the new Browns, the Colin Kaepernick-led 49ers are trying to find new depths in which to bury themselves in. They’ve given up over 40-points two straight weeks, resembling something I’d see while playing NFL Blitz. While the Packers are suffering a bit from the injuries to Davante Adams, and to a lesser extent, Eddie Lacy, the resurgence of James Jones has helped baffle everyone on how he was able to go from ridiculously bad to ridiculously good, (but sometimes bad) so fast. What I’m basically saying is, Aaron Rodgers is good at football.

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HISTORY IN THE MAKING PEOPLE

HISTORY IN THE MAKING PEOPLE

In what was an oft-rainy night an Lambeau Field (IF ONLY IT WERE SNOW, WE’D ALL EXPLODE), our long national nightmare finally ended. No, Alex Smith did not retire. Instead, he finally threw a touchdown to a receiver (shown above), something that hadn’t happened in the Chiefs last 17 games. Or, in calendar terms, not since December 8th, 2013. Folks, Andy Reid’s long con has finally paid off. That being said, it’s so very Chiefs that the record-breaking extravaganza for a useless stat occurred in a game in which they basically got blown out. The garbage time was strong with this one (even almost bringing the game within one possession with 1:25 to play before botching the two-point conversion), but it’s abundantly clear that the Chiefs may not be that good at the footballs. In a striking follow-up point, the Packers have shown that they might be pretty good at the footballs. If someone made a movie based on my time here at Razzball, it would be called: An Analytical Life. Or quite possibly WHERE ARE MY DATES? I WAS PROMISED DATES. But enough about myself and my movies, let’s make fun of Alex Smith more…

New to Daily Fantasy Football? Try out this new free FanDuel’s contest, where half the league is guaranteed to win. (Played on FanDuel before? You can build a team for $5 for a chance of $100,000, part of a one million dollar prize pool!)

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romodw215

Well folks, I promised NFC East derp yesterday afternoon, but the derp levels that were given are almost too much to bear, even a day later. So much derp in fact, that I’ll get to tell my grandchildren about how I was there for the (second, or maybe third, could be technically the fourth I guess) epoch of Brandon Weeden. In what was a 6-3 football game essentially (without a special teams touchdown) in the first 40 minutes of regulation, it wasn’t quite football, but wasn’t quite baseball either. What it was exactly, I can’t quite describe. If I had to give some sort of concrete answer, I would probably call it a nuclear weapons test. I will say this, as was alluded to earlier with one Brandon Weeden, the epoch began immediately after Tony Romo suffered a fractured clavicle bone (on the play shown above). Along with the news that Dez Bryant’s timetable for a return is murky now at best, this game still probably ended up more demoralizing for the Eagles. True, even with an existential outlook, you could say that the Cowboys lost the first two games they actually won (SO EFFING DEEP), but the Eagles look almost too innovative to be playing football at this point. If Romo (and by extension, Bryant) are out for an extended period of time (likely), and you combine that with the Giants doing very Giants like things, the Eagles have basically ceded the division to Washington. HAHAHAH. But don’t worry, Chip Kelly is still a genius. Totally.

Here’s what else I saw in Week 2 (with bonus Week 2 knee-jerk reactions to the knee-jerk reactions I had in Week 1. WOOOO!)…

New to Daily Fantasy Football? Try out this new free FanDuel’s contest, where half the league is guaranteed to win. (Played on FanDuel before? You can build a team for $5 for a chance of $100,000, part of a one million dollar prize pool!)

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Greetings! After witnessing Peyton the redeemer, AKA Peyton the Elder, DECIMATE the once proud hearts of Kansas City Chiefs fans, I have two questions for you fine people: 1) Can we now put a stop to doubting Manning in the regular season? The old geezer may live off of Papa John’s and Chicken Parm, but on Thursday Night Football, he served nothing but grizzly tube-steak, force feeding the veiny meat down the throats of the Chiefs secondary. And 2) Are we going to stop complaining about the quality of TNF games? The battle started out limper than Stephen Baldwin’s career, but when that whistle blew, I find it difficult to believe ANY of you were questioning the quality of entertainment you just witnessed. Yes, I was once a detractor of TNF games, but with the inclusion of many more inter-divisional games and the upgraded ability for teams to prepare on a short week, going back to last season, it’s actually been quite solid. Enough of tonguing Peyton’s taint, though I know many of you would like to dive further into the discussion, the purpose of this post is to inform you of my most inner thoughts and dark secrets regarding Sunday and Monday’s games.

I am Tehol Beddict, and this is Start ‘Em and Sit ‘Em! Take heed!

You can check out my rankings here, for all your roster needs.

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I think I have an obsession with stats, and I’m not sure if it is a good thing or a sickness. Every time I look at the numbers, I see more numbers. I’m currently in the early stages of beginning to learn about regression analysis. And by early stages, I mean that it’s a topic I’d really like to learn more about. I really should have paid attention in college instead of whatever it was I was doing the few times I actually showed up to class. Back to Fantasy Football. In the preseason, I talked about the upgrades to The Stats Machine (TSM) for this season. One of the biggest changes was the fact that opposing defenses will now be factored into offensive performances. This is still true, but will not go into effect until after Week 3. TSM needs at least three weeks of defensive statistics in order to generate defensive rankings. With that disclaimer out of the way, let’s get to our Week 1 results…

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ROAD-HOUSE

In 1989, James Dalton gave us three simple rules. One, never underestimate your opponent. Expect the unexpected. Two, take it outside. Never start anything inside the bar unless it’s absolutely necessary. And three, be nice. I bet most of you had no idea that Dalton’s first name was actually James. And for those of you that have no idea who Dalton is, shame on you! Close your browser, get yourself a six pack of brewskis and a bottle of Jack and watch Road House. Dalton, portrayed by the late Patrick Swayze, was one of the toughest, ass kicking dudes in movie history. Recruited by the owner of The Double Deuce, a rowdy dive bar in Missouri, Dalton moves from NYC to take over security and help clean up the violence that is destroying the bar. Dalton is a professional “cooler”, or bouncer for those of you less informed readers. Despite being able to handout a beatdown like it’s his job (which it is), Dalton doesn’t actually like violence. He has a degree in philosophy and practices thai chi. This, however, does not keep him from literally ripping Jimmy’s throat out with his bare hands. Bottom line, Road House is one bad ass film. From Jasper, Missouri we travel nearly 650 miles east to Cincinnati. From one Dalton to another. My lineup of waiver wire fodder is led at quarterback by The Red Rifle, aka Andy Dalton. No relation to James.

Here’s the complete lineup…

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While I always say that Sunday Night Football is tacitly known as the premier match-up of the weekend, I wasn’t necessarily wanting to lead-off my first recap of Sunday’s games with it, but if the Cowboys and Giants continue the long NFC East tradition of having memorable derp-offs, I have very little choice in the matter. In a game that featured two interceptions and two fumbles (and that was just the Cowboys!), Run DMC being his usual “Run for two feet then drop DMC”, coaching you’d expect from the Princeton ginger Jason Garrett and a guy with the last name McAdoo, well, you’d be hard pressed to follow all that up with a fascinating and suspenseful last two minutes. But they did. After an “interesting” (to be kind) play-action call at the one-yard line (I’m assuming even Pete Carroll would call a run play there) with just about 1:40 left in the game that failed with an intentional throw out of bounds by Eli Manning, the Cowboys quickly drove down the field in just 88 seconds, scoring the go ahead touchdown shown above. On that score, Romo was able to connect with Jason Witten after dropping a bad snap, which seems like the most Romo thing ever. Unless it ended up being an interception. Good hustle Cowboys and Giants… I can’t wait to see what the derp looks like when the Eagles and Washington get involved. Especially Washington. They were born in the derp. Molded by it…

Here’s what else I saw in Week 1 (with bonus first week knee-jerk reactions!)…

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