Greetings! Talk about a fun Week 1, eh! Well, that is unless you were drilled like a Kardashian sister at an after party during NBA All-Star weekend. Let me share something with you, something that comes from the bottom of my heart… the worst, and frankly ONLY negative that comes with this job is doling out what turns in to being horrid advice. My eyes bleed rain like the Niagara Falls when I go back through the comment section and see even ONE awful call. Knowing that I may have lost one reader, one Beddict supporter, is almost too much to bear. Say one thing for Tehol Beddict, he’s an emotional man-god. With that being said, there’s no job I could possibly enjoy more in the world than talking fantasy football and mildly entertaining the four of you who actually read my posts. It brings more joy to my life than licking it’s own butt hole does to a Doberman. Maybe I’m just extra emo this week, due to that excruciatingly disgusting Seahawks road loss, but I just wish everyone could win, because losing blows Mastodon you know what.

Anyways, now that week one is in the books and we have a better idea of how some of these players are going to be utilized, let’s bang out in Week 2, y’all!! My rankings are below and will be updated throughout the week as injury statuses are updated. I am Tehol Beddict, and this Disgrace/Delight! Take heed!


Fantasy Football Rankings powered by FantasyPros

 

Players who will Delight

Carson Palmer – To put it bluntly, the Chicago Bears secondary is disgraceful, and that was evident on Sunday when Aaron Rodgers got surgical and dropped a 140.5 QBR on that ass, along with 3 touchdowns. The Packers also had Eddie Lacy to pound up in Bear guts. And you know what? The Cardinals just lost their best running back in Andre Ellington for a few weeks, leading me to believe they will throw it even more than usual. Which makes sense, you know, because the Bears have ZERO pass rush and the aforementioned pathetic secondary. I’d honestly be shocked if Palmer didn’t throw for 300 yards with multiple TD passes, making him a top-10 QB play this week. Ohhhhh, and I almost forgot that Chicago had the league’s 30th ranked pass defense in 2014… I should note, they added my boy, Antrelle Rolle, at safety, but it’s not going to be enough. Sorry, not sorry.

Colin Kaepernick  Speaking of wretched pass defenses, I can smell the rankness of the Pittsburgh Steelers all the way in Seattle. I mean, they made Tom Brady look like the greatest QB of all time (I suppose he could be… but he’s still a b*tch), WITH FULLY INFLATED balls, no less. Now, I understand that Kaepernick only threw for 165 yards this past week, but the Vikings pass defense is far superior to the Steelers, plus Hyde was destroying, BUT, Kaep did have 40-plus yards of his own on the ground, so I’m expecting him to do whatever he wants out there. Are you feelin Kaep’s new J-curl or nah?

Marshawn Lynch  With Big Momma Lynch calling the Seahawks offensive coordinator, Darrell Bevell, the worst play-caller in football, the whole nation will be glued to their TV sets for Sunday Night Football’s Packers vs. Seahawks matchup. What they’ll see is Beast Mode going hog wild on a Packers defense, who just got treated like Jared Fogle’s bunghole in gen-pop by Matt Forte last weekend. When considering the fact that Cam Chancellor’s trifling ass is sitting out yet another week, Seattle will want to keep the ball out of Aaron Rodgers hands as much as humanly possible, and the way to do that is by thrusting Beast Mode into those porous holes, obliterating what manhood they have left after they blew that NFC title game in Seattle last year.

Trent Dilfer – You cannot lose games in the NFL and still win… Yes, I’ve despised Trent Dilfer’s analysis since he took the place of my boy, Sean Salisbury (Who I got on Razzball podcast few years back by the way), hating on him every chance I get. I was watching the game with a friend of mine, just blasting Dilfer the entire time… and then… it happened: T-Diddy started raising the volume a bit, SCREAMING at his audience for what seemed like an eternity, and then dropping possibly the greatest line in announcing history in speaking on the 49ers offensive line: “Now all of these guys used to wear t-shirts in the pool as kids.” I kid you not, I was crying tears of joy of and relished his announcing for the rest of the game. Yes, Dilfer made up for being a draft bust and a terrible television analyst with one sentence and he now has a fan for life. Oh, and I almost forgot his partner in crime…

Chris Ivory  I had Ivory as a top 10 play last week, and he did not disappoint, scoring 2 touchdowns and helping me finish 50th overall out of 38,333 people in a DFS tourney. Thank you, thank you, Ya’ll are too kind! Anyway, the Jets have a great defense and the Colts could quite possibly be without T.Y. Hilton, forcing me to believe this will not be a Colts blowout, meaning that the Jets wont be forced to play from behind and can pound Ivory against what, in my opinion, is the softest defense in the NFL. Imagine the possibilities people! What does Ivory do with 25 carries on these bums? 150 yards? 200 yards? The Elder Gods have blessed us with an incredible matchup here. It’s our duty to strike hard, and strike true!

Brandin Cooks  Any of you witness the depansing of the Buccaneers defense by Kendall Wright last weekend? Ummmm, yea, Cooks is the same type of player and I fully expect him to make up for a minor let down in Arizona last weekend. Seriously I haven’t seen a group of men as soft as the ones on the Bucs defense since I helped my buddy shoot an obesity fetish porn titled, “Find a Fold and F*ck it.” The film never made it to video, but I keep it in the spank bank for emergencies.

Calvin Johnson  I like the Vikings secondary, but I’m going with a straight gut call that Calvin goes HAM and Eggs this week in the dome. He was virtually nonexistent agains the Chargers last week and if he drops another dud we may not be able to consider him a top 5 wideout any longer. Neither of these teams want to start out 0-2 but I still like the Lions weapons more and expect Calvin to receive double digit targets. Anything less would be a Calvin d!ckslap to the face, and a giant one at that. I’ve seen it.

Vernon Davis Sure, Vern had more balls slip through his hands this past week than an anxiety ridden urologist, but, more importantly, he seems to have his speed and health back, making him again, one of the most dangerous tight ends in football. We all witnessed attempting to cover Gronk and you can bet the Niners coaching staff is preparing to test out if that weakness is still there, right out the gate.

 

Players who will Disgrace

Cam Newton  I truly feel awful for Cam, as he’s one of the realest in the NFL in my opinion, but with ZERO passing weapons, other than Greg Olsen, and with J.J. Watt and Clowney coming for his ass, I expect to see blood. Not out of his ass, but metaphorically.  Tell me ya’ll saw Clown-dog setting the edge against the Chiefs last week? The man is truly Elder God blessed. This one should be a defensive battle all the way and I foresee another unexciting day for Newton.

Frank Gore – Soooooo, maybe signing all these old heads wasn’t the greatest of ideas, eh? Still to early to tell, but the Jets run defense is something to behold, even without their best D-lineman, Sheldon Richardson, and I expect Gore’s crusty ass to get jammed up all day long. Father time is undefeated and this senior citizen may have lost the skill set necessary to carry the ball 25 times a game.

DeAngelo Williams See 49ers/Vikings replay for explantation. Don’t get cute.

Amari Cooper – With Matt McGloin looking like he couldn’t even make it in the CFL, and my man, Jimmy Smith, looking like a top 5 NFL corner in Baltimore, I fully expect Cooper to have a brutal day on the football field. Like, try watching Moulin Rouge 5 times in a row and not beat your head against your coffee table until you are no longer conscious. That’s the kind of suffering Cooper will be going through in week 2.

Owen Daniels – Everyone believed Daniels was the perfect fit for replacing Julius Thomas. Only one problem; He’s white, slow, old, and Peyton has never looked so horrendous in throwing the ball his whole career. I suppose that’s four things, but you catch my drift. After dropping 2 catches for 5 yards last week, and Denver needing to take advantage of their WR’s advantages over the Chiefs’ DBs, I don’t foresee Sir Owen being a huge part of the game plan…..Or maybe I’m just bitter I drafted him. You’ve got to be realistic about these things.

P.S. Ever wonder what two guys who fell off on levels we’ve never really seen before, Nicolas Cage and Peyton Manning, would look like if you merged their faces? I’M IN TEARS!

And there you have it! Another Disgrace/Delight in the books and we’re just getting started! As per usual, your questions and comments will be responded to below as soon as see them there. As I mentioned earlier, these rankings will be updated throughout the week. Thank you for reading and have a wonderful week.

 

 

Want more Beddict? Follow him on Twitter at @Beddict143.

  1. Barker says:
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    10 team 1/2 ppr

    I give graham marshall i get cooks mathews davante adams

    My rbs murray gore crowell blount coleman
    My wr dez marshall garcon robinson agholor
    My tes olsen graham

    Would drop crowell agholor or garcon

    Any good?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Barker: yea i would probably do that. you’re getting some very intriguing weapons there. big boost to wideout core for sure. I like! you old dog, you

  2. Dave says:
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    Better defense pickup for week 2 – NO vs TB or TEN @CLE?

    Also should I drop Joique Bell or Duke Johnson for Dion Lewis?

    Thanks!

    • Dave says:
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      @Dave: @Dave: Also saw Ladarius Green out there I can pick him up and possibly flex him this week (this is all PPR btw)

      • CMUTimmah says:
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        @Dave: I like TEN vs CLE better…

        Duke’s role in the offense is murky, so I’d drop him. Having the goal line back (Bell) in what should be a high scoring offense (should) is a better value guy than murky Duke. Doubtful they give Duke a bell cow role anytime soon… and CLE is a fantasy wasteland anyway.

        • STL says:
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          @CMUTimmah: I’m a Duke owner too. I want to give him one more week to see what the carry distribution is. Cleveland was up against a top 3 rushing defense last week.

          • Tehol Beddict says:
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            @STL: if another bad week from Crowell, Johnson should eventually creeep up into the starting RB job. I like Crowell but he’s not getting job done. Granted, the Jets run defense is filthy

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @CMUTimmah: it’s a faaaaaaaantasaaaaasy wasteland!!!! I just sang that like teenage wasteland. i may record the full song. thanks for the inspiration. 100

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @Dave: well sure, but who’s your tight end?

        • Dave says:
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          @Tehol Beddict: TYLER EIFERT but I can start two TE’s so I might pick up Ladarius to start both, other options for my flex would be Tevin Coleman, Amari Cooper, Charles Johnson

          • Dave says:
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            @Dave: Shit I also have Garcon in the WR3 spot over Cooper I’m probably confusing your godliness but basically I need to pick 2 (but one of them must be a WR) to start out of Tevin Coleman, Pierre Garcon, Amari Cooper, Charles Johnson or even Ladarius Green if I pick him up.

            • Tehol Beddict says:
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              @Dave: Garcon is the guy over Johnson and Cooper this week I believe

          • Tehol Beddict says:
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            @Dave: I like Coleman in the flex this week. giants defense looks softer than baby shizzzzz.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Dave: you know, I actually like both of these defenses in week 2. But I’m going to go Titans. DIck Lebeau has a tremendous track record against rookies and while Manziel is not a rookie, he’s pretty close. expect Lebeau to come for his head, which lead to turnovers. Remember the Titans

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Dave: shoot. didnt see this part. Yea I suppose you have to drop Duke for Lewis. Johnson may have a crack at starting job at some point but we haven’t seen anything yet.

  3. Comatose says:
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    Drop Colston for Brandon Coleman, Tyler Lockett or Dion Lewis?

    • CMUTimmah says:
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      @Comatose: Unless you get return yards, the 3rd or 4th target in a run first offense (Lockett) isn’t very valuable.

      I’d drop Colston for Coleman all day. Coleman looks like the faster player, and made a nice play on his TD last week. Colston is looking slower and slower… ‘member when Yahoo had him listed as a TE his rookie year though? That was awesome. ‘member die hard? That was awesome!

      Lewis is interesting in PPR formats for sure. He’ll play the Vereen role when Blount gets back to work this week, but he looks like a guy more versatile than Vereen because when he gets handoffs he makes guys miss, which is something Vereen wasn’t as good at. I think Lewis could end up being the between the 20s runner with Blount turning full TD vulture and probably gets used when they are looking to bleed clock. Lewis will be a sneaky play when the Pats play high scoring opponents in PPR for sure.

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @CMUTimmah: Yea, everyone wants Lockett but he probably wont receive enough targets to be valuable unless its an emergency situation for you with a nice matchup, u cant play him. return yards obviously increase his value a great deal and it least makes the decision a conversation.

        “Member die hard? that was awesome.” LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

        Lewis may be New Englands shot at Buffalo this week. good luck to him…and by that I mean I hope he gets destroyed. #BillsMafia

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Comatose: id probably drop him for Coleman altho it doesn’t look like Colston is going anywhere. It’s annoying because if Coleman was getting all his targets plus Colston’s, he’d be a legend. YOu will end up getting pissed off every time Colston gets more yardage or a short TD but Coleman has more upside and looks very good

  4. letsgoletsgo says:
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    theme of my questions today: get dez the f* off my team. got real unlucky but hey thats how this crap rolls. would you do any and all of the following? in what order?

    dez bryant/ frank gore/ pierre garcon for aj green/ bishop sankey
    dez bryant/ frank gore/ james jones/ martellus bennet for antonio brown/ jon stewart

    dez bryant/ frank gore/ brandon marshall / martellus for antonio brown/jon stew/ keenan allen

    dez/ gore for aj green
    dez/ gore / james jones for jordan matthews/ arian foster

    im screwed…

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @letsgoletsgo: DUDE, I WOULD DO ALMOST ALL OF THESE!!!

      If you can trade him straight up for Green, DO SO NOW!!!!!!
      Do you have a tight end other than Bennett so that you can make that deal or nah?
      If you have 2nd legit TE i would do the Brown/Stew/ALlen one in a heartbeat.
      id probably also do the Jordan Matthews Arian Foster one if you have an rb to replace gore for a few weeks.

      You’re on to something here, my goodman. STRIKE HARD. STRIKE TRUE

      • letsgoletsgo says:
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        @Tehol Beddict:
        yea i’m going blas the league with dez offers, hopefully some schmohawk bites

        to answer your questons,i have ASJ to slot in over martellus
        I have forsett and morris to hold down the 2rb spots until foster returns

        so.. yea

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @letsgoletsgo: yep, that works then . i LOVe Brown and Stewart so that one works.

          ALso fine with Dez and Gore for Green, NO QUESTION

      • letsgoletsgo says:
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        @Tehol Beddict:

        theres no dez for aj straight up, jst dez and frank gore for aj green. still do it?

  5. Kendrick Llama says:
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    Would you drop Matt Jones or Josh Robinson (handcuff to gore) for Dunbar in PPR?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Kendrick Llama: I meaaaaaaaaan, I suppose so. Id drop Robinson, tho obviously if Gore’s ancient ass goes down he’s all colts have. i just dont think he’s good. Jones is the superior player and should continue to get touches. go ahead and drop J-Rob fo Lance Romance.

      I like Llamas

  6. DT2 says:
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    League is 0.25 PPR + returns. Based on your (standard) rankings, I should play the following:

    WR Cooks
    WR Allen
    WR Robinson
    RB Lacy
    RB Woodhead
    TE Eifert
    FLEX David Johnson

    That leaves Charles Johnson, Moncrief, Ladarius Green, and Dunbar on my bench. Is that the lineup you’d go with?

    • STL says:
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      @DT2: Personally I’d start Moncrief over David Johnson at FLEX.

      • CMUTimmah says:
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        @STL: ^^ Agree. At least this week if TY is for sure out..

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @DT2: Looks pretty good, other than maybe David Johnson. He is a high upside play tho, dont you agree? Johnson is probably safest play. I really like Green as well, especially with one of Bengals starting safeties possibly missing the game.

      Moncrief is sexy because if Revis on Andre and Cromartie out and not able to cover moncrief, that Moncrief could get a ton of work. ……………I’m really wrestling with this one…….

      could talk myself into playing all of these dudes. id even consider benching wood head for Johnson and then putting Charlos Johnson or MOncrief in the flex. i will be updating rankings as week goes on and see situation in Arizona. I’m a high upside kind of guy. bengals defense could clamp wood head.

      I’m just done a bunch of rambling but its a real tough one. I’m just not sold on MOncrief yet. Id go Johnson and Johnson tho I may come back and say Ladarius green for one of em. Really like him. he looked fast, didnt he?

  7. Steve says:
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    ROY value B. Perriman or P. Dorsett?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Steve: with TY being banged i obviously like Dorset short term but Perriman HAS to be involved when he comes back as that receiving core looks WASHED. Ill go Perriman

  8. Qbert says:
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    T- I did something as if I were a native of Fleabottom and not kings landing. I wanted to grab Jordan reed off waivers (since Owen wasn’t doing it for me or anyone else ), however his claim was 2 when it should’ve been above my james jones claim. So now I have all 3 of the Pack WRs.

    I could either:
    -make an easy trade for reed
    – try to trade jones for Olsen (classic buy low sell high, Jordan Belfort would be proud)
    – or just chill

    I immediately grabbed big laddy green off the free agent list this morning.

    Thanks again as always.

    Have a glorious day. May the Seven shine upon you.

    • Qbert says:
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      @Qbert: i also picked up Austin Seferian Jenkins, first of his name. How high are you on that Reed?

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @Qbert: love ASJ, firs of his name, King of the 2nd year tight ends. Reed and him are pretty close for me as of now. u can hold with this if you want. still trade jones for olsen if it all possible

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Qbert: whoopsie! uh yea, id trade jonesie for Olsen in a heart beat if you can. that would be a full on Cersei Lannister move and I see the strength within you! I like Green quite a bit this week if you want to chill tho. but will need someone long term eventually.

      The 7 continue to bless us!

  9. STL says:
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    Tough spot with my starting QB this week:

    Tannehill (@JAC)
    Newton (HOU)
    Mariota (@CLE)

    Tyrod is available off waivers if you think one of those three should be dropped for him.

    What would your move be in this situation?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @STL: I believe I have Tannehill ranked the highest of the 3 this week but Mariota is also an intriguing play. id go safe and stick with Tannehill. I prefer tyros to all 3 this week but I like all those QBs so dont necessarily need to drop

  10. Steve Stevenson says:
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    1) Have Rivers, going against 1st place team. Could pick up Palmer but would have to drop a stashed Green-Beckham or Matt Jones, 0.5 PPR. Make the move?

    2) Standard scoring, someone dropped DeSean Jackson. Worth a claim? Would have to drop a Johnson–Duke, David or Charles.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Steve Stevenson:
      Greetings, Steven!!!!! nah, no need to dump Rivers as I like his numbers to be better overall at seasons end. altho I dont see Dorial green beckham doing much this season, so you’re free to do if you’d like.

      2. i think its def worth a claim. who are your other rbs? and wideouts? id drop any of those players for him

      • Steve Stevenson says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Nah I wouldn’t dump Rivers, but just thinking of dropping a bench guy for Palmer even though I hate carrying 2 QB, just to avoid an 0-2 hole.

        For the other league, my other RB are Forte, L. Murray, Woodhead and Gurley and my other WR are Cooks, Marshall and Lockett (it’s a return yds league, so I’m never letting him go).

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Steve Stevenson: then, yea, I’m ok with that. i think Palmer has nice day for real. yea definitely pick up DeSean. u have enough depth to wait it out

  11. gmatt21 says:
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    I Have:

    WR: JARVIS LANDRY
    WR: ALSHON JEFFREY
    RB: JAMAL CHARLES
    RB: JUSTIN FORSETT
    FLEX: ABDULLAH
    FLEX: C IVORY

    DO i trade MY: JAMAL CHARLES for his first offer ANTONIO BROWN? or Julio JONEs or NONE? His initial offer was ANTONIO

    PPR 12 team

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @gmatt21: I prefer Julio but Antonio Brown is next in line. you need Charles tho and ur wideouts are fine. I would hold

  12. Scott says:
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    Dude! Would you start Bishop Sankey vs. CLE over Frank Gore this weekend?

    • Scott says:
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      @Scott: or Tevin Coleman?

      • Scott says:
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        @Scott: Ah, I’ll just check your rankings. Doh! Looks like Coleman is the winner.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Scott: oh yea!! Coleman looks REALLY NICE

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Scott: DUDE!!!!!! he def has a superior matchup. so yea. i probably would consider it. ill need to update my rankings shortly but Jets run defense is something fierce whereas we saw Browns d get pounded. still tho, gore could get a couple goal line carries whereas Sankey wont. thats what you need to consider

  13. Scott says:
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    Tehol, we are in a tough RCL. I lose, and still don’t get my waiver wire claims. Peeps are paying attention!

    • Scott says:
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      @Scott: BTW, I had three claims, all got preempted.

    • RotoLance

      RotoLance says:
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      @Scott: The claims don’t reset to inverse order of the standings in RCLs (Yahoo default setting).

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @RotoLance: really? thats hella suspect b

    • RotoLance

      RotoLance says:
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      @Scott: I’m not sure if you are in any leagues that use FAAB. You need to be. “Continual rolling list” or “Inverse order of standings” waiver priority settings are not a test of skill.

      • Scott says:
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        @RotoLance: Sounds toasty, or FAAB.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Scott: you guys are confusing me. I just woke up

      • I got $100 for groceries, $1400 for liquor, and $6,000 for you to bail a couple of shit puppets out of jail says:
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        @RotoLance: true, but at least inverse order of standings tries to promote competition.