As I crawled through the desert wearing my backpack filled to the brim with toilet paper and various lotions, dying of sports thirst, a small rain drop landed squarely on my nose. The NFL players narrowly approved a new collective bargaining agreement Saturday night, lengthening the season by one game and expanding the playoffs to 14 teams; the rain drop for which I’d been longing. Then on Monday, the flood gates opened with a downpour of high profile free agent signings, trades and franchise taggings on the first day of legal tampering. 

Lightning struck when then Texans inexplicably handed DeAndre Hopkins and a 2021 4th rounder over to the Cardinals in exchange for David Johnson, a 2nd round draft pick and a 2020 4th rounder. The amount of hand sanitizer included in the deal was not disclosed, but my sources tell me at least three ounces of Purell headed back to Houston. The echo chamber seems to believe this move will have a decidedly negative affect on Nuk’s fantasy value, but I’m rose-colored in my year two outlook for the Kliff Kingsbury/Kyler Murray show. If he’s a mid to late 2nd round fantasy pick this year, I’ll dhop all over him.

Later the thunder rumbled as Stefon Diggs was dealt with a 2020 7th rounder to the Bills in exchange for pick #22, their 2020 5th, 2020 6th and 2021 4th rounder. I’ve seen many folks say this was a terrible deal for the Bills, but if you toss the 26 year old Diggs into this draft class he’d go top 10, right? And he’s signed to a reasonably team friendly deal thru 2023. Change of scenery may be just what Diggs needed. I’ll be buying again in 2020 and bumping Josh Allen up my board as well. Anyway, here’s what else I saw for 2020 fantasy football during this already crazy coronavirus-filled NFL offseason:  

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The so-called “toilet bowl” was… actually pretty exciting.

The fashion in which the Dolphins lost to the Redskins last week was absolutely hilarious. The poor guys played their hearts out in what may have been their lone realistic shot to win a game all season long and actually put themselves in a position to come from behind and tie up the game.

And then they came literally nowhere close to converting the game-winning opportunity as opposed to forcing OT. Oh well. Such is life for a Miami Dolphin. Why they’re continuing to roll with Ryan Fitzpatrick is an entirely different discussion.

The other thing that came out of this game was a fantastic performance from Terry McLaurin, a name featured in a good amount of winning daily fantasy lineups despite his questionable availability heading into the game. Hopefully, we’ll be able to find the Scary Terry’s of Week 7 in this week’s DFS Guide.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Tragic news this week folks. No, I’m not talking about the Saquon Barkley injury. Days of Antonio Brown’s Life has been cancelled until further notice. Rumor has it AB let one rip right in the producers face and then grabbed the director’s dong before punting his helmet into the stands. I can neither confirm nor deny these rumors, but what I can confirm is that Days of Antonio Brown’s Life if on hiatus, maybe permanently. Let’s cross our fingers for Lifetime to swoop in and pick the show up but don’t hold your breath. On second thought, maybe you should hold your breath if Antonio Brown is anywhere in the vicinity!

RazzBowl on the other hand is far from cancelled. We finally have a little shake up at the top of the standings with Danny Kelly of The Ringer giving up the top spot after dominating weeks one and two. Our new leader is Michael Stepney of The Fantasy Authority, on the heels of massive weeks from Alvin Kamara, Phillip Lindsay, Dalvin Cook, Amari Cooper and Marvin Jones. A meager 24 points separate the top 5 teams with ya boy Donkey Teeth biding his time back in 67th place—out of 180.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Another week, another group of hot Wide Receivers to add! Hold up you say, the top player in Fantasy went down for 4-8 weeks, so isn’t his backup the add of the week? Let me direct you to 2017, Week 6, where Wayne was the lede. That was two years ago! He did nothing back then to warrant the job, then the next season the Giants drafted Saquon Barkley, and Gallman was forgotten. He should continue to be; don’t waste your money even as a Saquon owner. Furthermore, Gallman with a rookie QB? No thanks (even though Jones did have a great game on Sunday).

Please, blog, may I have some more?

While it still is early into the 2019 NFL season, we are getting more clarity with which teams are actually good or bad on either side of the ball. With more and more clarity, we can make better and better fantasy decisions with how we should manage or rosters. Who we should start, and who we should sit.

So let’s talk about that very subject.

Please, blog, may I have some more?