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Last week I dove deep on the wide receivers who changed teams – including some interesting and intriguing players like Allen Lazard, Parris Campbell and Trent Sherfield – but this week we switch gears to the tight end position. It’s not as bad as you think, really! This is ultimately a noteworthy NFL offseason when […]

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My main takeaway from Week 9 of Thursday Night Football is that the Houston Texans have a lot of players that I have never heard of. That either means I’m really bad at my job, or that the Houston front office is even more lackluster at theirs. Four tight ends in this game were projected to score fantasy points, including the Texans’ Jordan Akins and some guy named Brevin Jordan. But it was in fact TE Teagan Quitoriano, projected for zero points in this matchup, who put Houston ahead, 7-0, with a two-yard touchdown reception from QB Davis Mills in the first quarter. Also of news: the Texans have players named Chris Moore (4 receptions, 43 yards, 1 TD) and Tyron Johnson (1 reception, eight yards). This is a real thing. On the Eagles’ side, QB Jalen Hurts (21-27, 243 yards, 2 TD; 9 carries, 23 yards) and WR A.J. Brown (4 receptions, 59 yards, 1 TD) were up to their usual tricks, but it was TE Dallas Goedert (8 receptions, 100 yards, 1 TD) and RB Miles Sanders (17 carries, 93 yards, 1 TD) who really kicked HC Lovie Smith (1 really white beard, 1 win, 6 losses) in the crotch.

Here’s what else I saw in another riveting edition of Thursday Night Football.

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In my 1-25 rankings post I recommended you not roster more than four tight ends. With this group of players, I look to fill out bench spots. You should be able to nab a starter to fill in on a bye week and a longshot high-upside player to dream on. Dreamers at this position find themselves among the top 10 if they materialize, so it is worth your time to take a shot on a profile you like. Next week, I’ll be on to the 2022 draft class, so let us button up these rankings for now.

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**VIDEO RELEASED BY ANIME DONKEY TEETH PRIOR TO WEEK 3**

After 3 weeks of NFL football, we start to see a real story develop from target and snap rate data. Now that we have more meat on the bone to digest, it is easier to spot players that are trending up or down. Let’s jump right in, but first, we’ll start with a Target Report refresh for the first-time readers…

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The Carolina Panthers improved to 3-0 on Thursday Night, but they couldn’t celebrate the way they would have liked to. For the first time since the 2015 season where they went to the Super Bowl, the Panthers have won their first 3 games of the season. You would think this would be a joyous night of celebration in Carolina, but the big story was the loss of Christian McCaffrey early in the 2nd quarter with a hamstring injury. McCaffrey spent a lot of time in the medical tent and was ruled out almost immediately after coming up hobbled after his 7th carry of the night. Further evaluation on McCaffrey’s hamstring will determine the length of time he will miss, but I expect him to be out for several weeks. Fantasy managers looking to donate CMC a hamstring can send hammys to: Carolina Panthers, Attn: Christian McCaffrey, 800 South Mint Street, Charlotte, NC, 28202.

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I don’t honestly know what NFL week it is. The COVID related rescheduling has made week’s 12-14 seem like one long fantasy playoff missing night terror. For those of you with something left to play for I wish you good fortune in the wars to come. Hopefully you fight them with your players on the field.

  • From the “Roto-Wan wants to will it into existence” file this week: Jordan Akins is prime for a big game. He’s being treated like a WR lining up in the slot or out wide 41/71 snaps in the last two games. He has almost no production to show for it. Brandin Cooks just had his fifth concussion. Keke Coutee went off as he usually does against Indy and will surely ghost us this week. Akins could eat.
  • I wanted to write about Corey Davis so that AJ Brown goes ham this weekend (I have plenty of AJB best ball shares). Kidding aside, we’ve passed the point of writing Davis off as a fluke. Between the first-round picks both having 10 games played Davis leads in yards, catches, deep catches (20+ yards), and yards per route run. Until Tennessee fixes its defense in the off-season there will be elevated pass-catching opportunities and Davis will continue to benefit.
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I went to the doctor yesterday to request a procedure. No, not an enlargement, those are apparently on hold until post-pandemic. I was there to see if my doc would inject the Thursday night Texans vs. Chiefs game directly into my veins; I wasn’t sure if ocular consumption would be enough to tide my cravings until Sunday afternoon. You wouldn’t believe how rude the women at the front desk was to me. Here’s a direct quote, “Sir, this is a Wendy’s! Please stop talking to the Dr. Pepper dispenser and put your clothes back on!” Hey, lady, how bout a little compassion for an addict?!

Speaking of compassion, Clyde Edwards-Helaire had none of it for the Texans in the season opener. The hyped up rookie gashed the Houston defense by taking 25 carries for 138 yards and a touchdown. Granted there were times when it seemed the Texans had only 3-men in the box and Clyde didn’t impress at the goal line, but even Edwards-Helaire haters have to admit he looked great otherwise. And the Mahomes led offense will yield plenty of light boxes throughout the season. I ranked CEH #11 overall in my 2020 fantasy football rankings, and looking to the rest of the season, I’d bump him up to #5 or 6 after this impressive week one workload. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy football:

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Opening the week as the highest over/under of the season at 55.5, HOU @ KC now sits as the tied-for-2nd highest point total in 2019 at 55. A clash between offenses that rank #4 (KC) and #9 in points per game. Poorly buried by the NFL in the early slate of games, everyone get their popcorn ready early this Sunday. Both teams rank in the top 10 in total offensive plays ran this season, #3 KC and #8 HOU, and find their way onto this weeks shootout game preview.

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QB10 in fantasy scoring and QB2 in NFL passing yards through 4 weeks, Matt Ryan visits the Lone Star State in matchup carrying the tied-for-2nd highest point total in week 5. The 13th toughest fantasy defense against quarterbacks, the Houston D/ST unit look a lot tougher on paper than what I believe will be on display this Sunday. Two of Houston’s best defensive outings were against quarterbacks that entered the season as backups on their respective depth chart. Including 6th round rookie QB Gardner Minshew (JAC) in his first NFL start and 2nd year backup Kyle Allen (CAR) getting the 2nd start of his career. In Houston’s two matchups against top 10 NFL quarterbacks Drew Brees and Philip Rivers, the defense surrendered an average of 327.5 passing yards per game, QB12 (Brees) and QB13 (Rivers) fantasy finishes, and 4 total passing touchdowns. After nearly topping 400 yards passing (397) last week, Matt Ryan failed to pass for a TD against TEN. This is a prime bounce back spot for Matt Ryan to find the endzone through the air in a game where ATL are -4.5 underdogs and an implied score that includes 3 TDs for the Falcons. Rudy projects Ryan as the QB8 this weekend. 

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