Folks… We made it. We have NFL Sunday from this weekend until January 25th. I can hardly wait for the kickoff octo-box and the soothing sounds of Scott Hanson’s voice to touch my ear drums. In preparation for this glorious moment, I give to you the second part of our week 1 NFL data evaluation. If you are just starting your week 1 prep, I recommend going back to the first article to review the Thursday night and early slate games.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings! I’d like to start by informing you that my doctor prescribed me Wellbutrin, which is a mild anti-depressant, but can also help with A.D.D. (which I have in the worst way). I don’t believe in taking adderall, as it’s just another form of meth, and your boy is stimulant free (other than herbal viagra). I’ve only been taking it for two weeks thus far, but it’s totally changed my life and in multiple ways at that. Not only am I more focused than ever, as I wrote this post in record time (yes, I wrote this part last), but I’ve reached the type of mental zone that I’ve only once witnessed before, and that was Bradley Cooper in Limitless. Not only do these magic blue pills make me feel better about leaving the world of modeling to become a fantasy sports writer, but I’m not busting nuts like the Steamboat Geyser. I kid you not, this shizz is incredible!  I can’t lie to ya, I’m feelin myself like Mac Dre right now, and I pray to the Elders I never lose this feeling, for I fully believe, at this moment, that I can take on the entire world and become the most famous fantasy sports writer that ever lived… Until I crash anyway, then I’ll be back in the gutter, begging sloppy drunk chicks to take me home for a hot bath and a TV dinner. I’ll let you be the judge, but, uhhhh, watch the video after the jump to see how I feel right now.

I am Tehol Beddict and this Start ‘Em, Sit ‘Em! TAKE HEED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My rankings have been updated and can be found here.

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Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday’s games left us with two thoughts. First, how are Le’Veon Bell and Rashad Jennings going to be for next week after suffering head injuries? Secondly, where’s the Pepto? I ate waaaaaay too much and it’s not sitting well. Even the turkey basted with butter every half hour that tasted like heaven.

Both of them looked wobbly at best coming off of the field. Bell’s hit looked harder since his head hit the turf after his helmet came off.

Jennings looked wobblier than Grandma’s Jell-o mold. They both had really good days but be glad they have extra days off before their next game. Look for reports on Wednesday of next week to clarify these two running backs.

Around the rest of the league we go in a short list form. Some us have to work the day after Thanksgiving, you know.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It was a nice return to Philly for the Walrus, Andy Reid, as his Chiefs took down his former team. The team that has been a talk of the NFL despite starting 1-1 with a defense made of wet paper with holes big enough to make Jenna Jamison blush has overshadowed Reid’s new team. You know, the one that has flown under the radar to a 2-0, now 3-0 start. This isn’t fantasy relevant, says the casual reader. Well, CR, I have news for you. Entering the 4Q, Jamaal Charles had 10 carries for about 26 yards. He ended the night with 20 carries for 92 on the ground and a touchdown. You getting the fantasy relevance yet? With how quickly the Eagles offense could strike, Reid went to the drain the clock well down the stretch, leading to what was a decent but boring fantasy night and turned it into fantasy gold as Charles finished with 27 total touches – 7 for receptions – for a total of 172 yards and a score. He could’ve another one in the 4th but real football got in the way of our fake football dreams and dashed it. Moving forward, Jamaal’s still the man in KC and still looks to be a top 3 back in the making. Given Smith’s game managing ways, Charles should see plenty of check downs and yardage the rest of the way. To put it in Beatles terms, ‘Sitting on a cornflake, waiting for the van to come. Corporation tee-shirt, stupid bloody tuesday’. Hrm, well I give up. There’s zero ways to make a drug-induced song by the Beatles relevant to tonight’s game other then the title. Goo-Goo-G’Joob! In other 2013 Fantasy Football news from week 3…

Please, blog, may I have some more?