I apologize for not being able to write an Ambulance Chasers last week — I was questionable going into Wednesday when I write this article, but it quickly turned to doubtful as the day went on. I tried going to my big boy job, but had to leave early Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. I’m unfortunately and nerdily allergic to cough/cold medicines so every time I get sick it hits really hard and I just have to ride it out.

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Welcome back, my Lovelies, to another e-rousing week of Hit it or Quit it, with Yours Truly, your Goddess of innuendo. Although I want to say that I took a pounding this week, I am happy to say that it was not in Fantasy Football. Hey, you have your hobbies, and I have mine. Your Goddess went a respectable 4-1 this week, with that one loss being the sacrificial Razzball Contributor’s Black Widow League in which I opted to play the submissive, rather than the Dominatrix (I save that for my other leagues). Sometimes we all have to make sacrifices and this time I opted to throw my body upon the pyre and only pick up those I write about in that league, so I can give you firsthand experience. Alas, that league is a pathetic 0-for and it really sticks in my throat since those of you who know me know that I hate to lose. So, I opt to drown out the memory with whiskey…lots and lots of whiskey.

The curse spared me this week. How did you fare? That being said, Leonard Fournette has been sitting deep in the closet in one of my leagues and I am dying to whip him out and have some fun. Only the Black Widow knows when and if that will happen. In the meantime, I am making due with the lovely specimens which are coming my way via my other leagues. Guys, look, I honestly take no pleasure in whipping the Holy sh** out of you in your leagues week after week, but it is what you pay for, and I am a woman of the people, so…Oh, who am I kidding, I absolutely LOVE beating the Holy sh** out of you week after glorious week. It does more for me than the array of toys in that special box under my bed, and that is really saying something.

Ok, I know, I seem to be rambling while I bask in the Week 6 slain carcasses which lay before me and you didn’t pay extra for the emasculation this week, so I will move on and get to what brought you here. Ladies and Gentlemen, Convicts and Perverts, your wait is over. I give you Week 7, Hit it or Quit it.

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Week 1 was packed full of surprises, just like usual. I’ve been saying that weird things happen in September and it’s no cause for overreaction. At the same time, certain things become more clear and so do the roles of the players that we drafted. We find out which wide receivers young quarterbacks tend to target more. We also get an idea of what the work load is going to be for certain backfields when it was unclear before. Everything changes from week to week but we put in the work and research to make sure that we are as accurate as possible here at Razzball. Let’s get to a few highlighted players for week to before you view the rankings in full.

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Welcome to the start of 2018 NFL DFS season. You’re probably familiar with Donkeycorns, the wandering mythical creature who rewards your trust with a path through the desert, from the MLB Closer Report. In DFS A Donkey is someone that does foolish things. When it comes to daily fantasy, we’re all Donkeys sometimes. I’m your DFS Donkeycorn. Follow me through the fantasy desert.

Did you use Rudy’s Tools for the MLB season? You probably enjoyed success if you did. The biggest advantage a model gives you is its consistency. It doesn’t have biases. It won’t get mad at Julio Jones for not scoring touchdowns, despite the natural variability of NFL TD scoring. I recently asked Rudy how difficult it would be to start my own model. His response was, considering I have over 1,000 hours sunk into mine this off-season, not very. So get the 7-day free trial, pay for the season once that ends, and be glad Rudy exists to grind away at a projection system so you don’t have to. I’ll focus on the Sunday main slate using Fanduel pricing below.

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All things must come to an end as is the case with this series. We went through the first roundrounds two and threerounds four and five, and the middle rounds. Now, it is time to close out with with late round values. We will define late rounds as anything in the 9th round or later. Depending on roster size, this will be for your flex spot or later. There are many different kinds of scoring and preferences so I’m just going to go by the names that I like and have already been targeting.

The Razzball Fantasy Football Commenter Leagues are still open, join today!

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Welcome to a new series that I am starting for our favorite site. I’m going to go through the wide receiver, quarterback, and running back positions and let you know the names that I don’t see myself drafting this year. This is just for me personally so it is certainly not the end-all-be-all. We are approaching June so it’s time for me to start thinking about picking my favorites and and who I will be avoiding at all costs.

The difficult part of this article will be that training camp has yet to start so a lot could change and I may end up contradicting myself down the line. But I am going to try and list the players that I am most certain that I will be avoiding. Most of this will be based on early adp and rankings from the big named sites. So far I have perused Mike Clay, Matthew Berry, and some of the combined FantasyPros rankings to compile my opinions. We’re going to dive into past statistics, current roster construction, among other things. The weather is heating up so let’s bring out the hot takes.

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In my Saturday Start/Sit article I prepared you for an onslaught of Seinfeld references: “I like Nathan Peterman as a deep option and you’ll find him in my waiver column on Tuesday. And there will definitely be plenty of J. Peterman references. Teasers!” I regret to inform you that after N. Peterman’s embarrassing display on Sunday, there will be no Seinfeld bits in this article. I don’t know what convinced Bills head coach Sean McDermott to bench Tyrod Taylor for Peterman, but one of the competing theories is that he’s under the influence of narcotics. That’s right: white lotus, yam-yam, Shanghai Sally. 

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Happy Halloween fantasy football team owners! Hopefully this week’s bye week teams won’t haunt you for the rest of the season. The league’s third-highest scoring QB (Tom Brady), best WR (Antonio Brown), two of the league’s best RBs (Le’Veon Bell and Melvin Gordon) and the league’s 2nd best TE (Rob Gronkowski) are all out this week so you’ll need to make smart adds to stay floating down here!

Speaking of Tom Brady — I need your help to solve an argument. I was discussing with some of my friends about who is the best player of all time in each of the four major sports. Hockey is obviously Wayne Gretzky, basketball is Michael Jordan (for now), baseball could be Barry Bonds, but who is the best NFL player of all time? I’m leaning towards Brady, but was told to “chill” on that assessment. What do you all think?

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First, this week’s big bye week in the middle of the NFL season is trying to derail your playoff chances. Then, Aaron Rodgers and Carson Palmer go ahead and hurt your team even more. Your best option could be to stash an injured guy like Andrew Luck and stream QBs until he’s healthy. Or just go week-to-week looking for the best matchups.

If you’ve got league-specific questions ask them down below. I will get to them Tuesday afternoon or evening before Wednesday’s waiver deadline!

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