Thank you, football gods! Al Michaels and Kirk Herbstreit called so many touchdowns last night that there might not be enough on-air material left for the remainder of the season. That’s what the youths call Herb-Al medication. Luckily for us, that provides a lot of cargo to unpack from the Week 7 edition of Thursday Night Football. Andy Dalton had his highs and lows, but the real stars were Juwan Johnson and Eno Benjamin, of course, just as we all saw in the tea leaves. Of course, it would be a crime not to mention the impressive return of DeAndre Hopkins, who immediately received 14 targets and converted that into 10 catches for 103 yards. Here’s what else I saw on Thursday Night Football in Week 7.

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The year is 2022. Yogurt is $6 a quart. Starbucks is one of the top 10 largest banks in the world. And all of your fantasy teams are daggered because you drafted Kyle Pitts in the second round. Every team, every time: Pitts, Pitts, Pitts. It was like you were drafting your team based on lithium futures. Now we’re 25% of the way through the season, and you’ve got a 1-3 record (you swear it’s Jameis Winston’s fault) and Kyle Pitts has seen fewer passes than me at Fantasy Football Singles Night (fortunately for you, I’m taken). Now, you’ll need to navigate Week 5 without the Tight End you love to worry about. It’s — literally — the Pitts. 

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Sometime in the year of our lord Twenty and Blackjack, Razzball’s esteemed podcaster BDon went public with the most heinous thought crime imaginable: he was an anti-Daxxer. He’s even got it in his Twitter profile. And he’s not limited to just Dak Prescott. He hates Dax Shephard. He hates Jadzia Dax. Don’t even get him started on Dakota Fanning. But now, with the great DP on the fantasy football shelf for the next couple months due to a hand injury, BDon has been swaggering around more than usual. Just the other day he posted in group chat a picture of a venti Latte! The nerve! 

I suppose we should talk about injuries, though, right? That’s what you’re here for: that good old-fashioned injury pr0n. 

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On behalf of all of us at Razzball, let me start by wishing you all a Happy Thanksgiving. Hopefully you enjoyed the day filled with family, food, and football. As it has been since 2006, we got 6 games on Thanksgiving including the traditional Cowboys and Lions games. The NFL laid these games out perfectly for us as we got a boring bread and butter appetizer game between Detroit and Chicago to kick off the day. After that, we were treated to the main course which was a Dallas and Las Vegas game that had an exciting second half and even went into overtime. The Thanksgiving slate finished with a sloppy pie a la mode game between Buffalo and New Orleans. Let’s recap the appetizer, main course, and dessert games.

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What’s up Turkey Day fans? Hopefully you’re enjoying a ridiculous amount of food and libations in a safe place with people you enjoy today. It’s holiday fantasy football and I’ve been around the community long enough to know it’s just us degenerates sitting at the table playing 500. Did you keep score? Nah, me neither. Pour another libation and turn the TV on loud, it’s going to be a long day. Let’s see if we can’t save our fantasy football teams while we’re at it. 

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Welcome to Week 10, ladies and gentlemen. 

We’ve reached a real impasse here over the halfway mark of the NFL season. Major stars are down, breakout players are rolling, and Mike White is a starting quarterback in the NFL. The draft wouldn’t be further behind us and our expectations have been subverted every step of the way. This is where winners are made and losers are born. 

Tuesday’s gone with the wind. And we’re coming up hard on Sunday morning. 

Anyway! The teams on bye this week are the Bears, Giants, Bengals, and Texans. See ya next week!

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The Carolina Panthers improved to 3-0 on Thursday Night, but they couldn’t celebrate the way they would have liked to. For the first time since the 2015 season where they went to the Super Bowl, the Panthers have won their first 3 games of the season. You would think this would be a joyous night of celebration in Carolina, but the big story was the loss of Christian McCaffrey early in the 2nd quarter with a hamstring injury. McCaffrey spent a lot of time in the medical tent and was ruled out almost immediately after coming up hobbled after his 7th carry of the night. Further evaluation on McCaffrey’s hamstring will determine the length of time he will miss, but I expect him to be out for several weeks. Fantasy managers looking to donate CMC a hamstring can send hammys to: Carolina Panthers, Attn: Christian McCaffrey, 800 South Mint Street, Charlotte, NC, 28202.

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Welcome to the very first Wright On Waivers. I will be taking over this column for the season and look forward to helping you navigate your way around the waiver wire with player suggestions to help both long and short-term needs. Your previous guide was indeed a great sherpa and wanted me to send along his best. If you have read any of my previous articles, you are aware I typically launch into these drawn-out movie tirades full of terrible analogies. I can assure you I will be focusing solely on your fantasy team this year and avoiding the proverbial opening twenty-one minutes and fifteen seconds of my favorite childhood film, Jurassic Park. Are those first twenty-one minutes important to the story? Yes. Yes, they are, but we really just want to see some dinosaurs. So, let us get to the dinosaurs.

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Well, my precious goblins and ghouls, the football season is finally upon us. And naturally, with that, I have the grave responsibility to inform you fine specimens of the injuries that can and will impact your Week 1 fantasy rosters. 

Such is life. 

Let’s jump in and see who might be available on your waiver or can receive a bump in production from the gaps left by these poor, hurt souls. 

Shall we? 

The first injury to look at is… *checks notes* Oh the entire Ravens backfield. That’s not good! In just a few days the Ravens have lost their breakout star J.K. Dobbins, Justice Hill, and the most recently Gus Edwards to terrible season-ending injuries. In response, the team has signed Latavius Murray along with Le’Veon Bell and Devonta Freeman to their practice squad presumably to try to keep Lamar from having to rush approximately 10,000,000 yards per game. As of now, it looks like the Ravens are going to start the last running back left standing before the leg injury bloodbath, Ty’Son Williams, who might just have an opportunity against an uncertain Raiders pass rush under new defensive coordinator Gus Bradley and a reshaped defense. Look for Latavius Murray and Ty’Son Williams as a possible pick-up in leagues you might have had one of the injured fellows in and if you are feeling very adventurous maybe take a look at Le’Veon Bell or Devonta Freeman for a possible bounce-back campaign. I’m still not betting on that though, sorry Blair

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