Not long ago I threw a bunch of pieces of scrap paper with random letters scribbled on them into my fedora. I then randomly drew fifty letters from the titfer. Next I conducted several ritual sacrifices to the fantasy gods, assembled those fifty illegible letters into twenty-five pairs and selected the first football player who came to mind with matching initials to compile my Top 25 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football. And that’s the story of how Kerryon Johnson landed at #18 overall, as the readers pointed and mocked.  Of course, I’m kidding about this process. I don’t own a fedora, it used a baseball cap.

A week later I repeated the same exercise to compose my Top 50 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football which landed Juju Smith-Schuster at #50 overall. And outrage ensued. The angry mob called for Donkey blood. So I quickly handed over my Top 75 and Top 100 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football. But those only fueled the riots. “Put the rankings into one easy to view list,” they said. “We don’t need your stupid explanations and jokes,” they said. “You’re the ugliest Donkey we’ve ever seen,” they said.

So I withdrew into solitude for a couple weeks, rosterbating and meditating and then rosterbating more until finally I had another 100 arbitrary player names collated into one easy to read list for the bloodthirsty mob’s viewing pleasures. Anyway, here’s my updated top 200 dynasty rankings for 2020 PPR fantasy football leagues:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I was watching NFL Network Sunday morning and a commercial came on that made me double take:

That’s right, there’s a curved erection epidemic running rampant in America! This advertisement created more questions than answers. First, what are the scientific qualifications for a shaft to earn the “diseased” label? Are we talking right angles or a bit more obtuse? Is there a special penis protractor to measure the exact angles? And what’s the treatment plan for this condition? You know what, never mind. I don’t want to know. But I am curious, who was this Peyronie guy? Whoever he was, thanks to him, the family name will forever go down as the crooked erection guys. The point is, no matter how terrible your fantasy football team was this season, things could be worse. You could be watching targeted erectile deformity ads on Sunday mornings. Even if you just got done searching Amazon for a penis protractor, at least the curved dong disease wasn’t named after you. And there’s always next year! So let’s all zip up our pants and shift our attention over to my early 2020 top 100 dynasty football PPR rankings which will be released into your veins–arm veins– via four-part slow drip: 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Believe it or not I am still going strong in my head-to-head points league in fantasy baseball. It’s the second week of a two-week World Series, but I’ve still got one foot in the fantasy baseball door. Between baseball and my eleven football leagues I haven’t had much time to consider how I’d like to contribute to the football side of things here at Razzball this season. I thought, perhaps, I would give some of you the opportunity to suggest some topics you’d like to see me cover. What subjects could potentially provide you with a weekly post that might help you gain an edge in your league?

In the meantime I’m pretty much going rogue. Just about everyone I know in my personal life that plays fantasy football comes to me with questions. A guy from work, whom I don’t care for very much, swears by the advice of Matthew Berry. He said that his Love/Hate post is his go-to source each week. He even suggested I start reading it if I want to win my league. I responded by asking how many times he has won his league. After a long winded spout of bullsh*t, he said he hadn’t won it yet. I laughed and told him to keep up the good work.

This did give me an idea however. Let’s see what Mr. Berry has to say. What did he say about last week and how would have following his advice helped me. Spoiler alert! His advice blows.

Please, blog, may I have some more?