jeremylangford
At home. Drawing pictures. Of mountain tops. With him on top. Lemon yellow sun. Arms raised in a V… Every Forte owner that handcuffed him with Jeremy Langford didn’t miss a beat this past weekend. And the owners that were able to snag him from the waiver wire were just as happy. With Matt Forte out with an MCL injury, Langford was given the start and as Eddie has said thousands of times over the years, “Jeremy spoke in class today”. He did so with 142 all purpose yards. He carried the ball 18 times for 72 yards and touchdown and caught 3 receptions for another 70. The touchdown was his third of the season. Forte has only two. On the season Forte is averaging 78 yards rushing and 27.3 yards receiving per game. His 548 yards on the ground on 136 carries comes to 4.03 yards per carry. Langford averaged 4 yards per carry on Monday night. Like I said, Matt Fore who? Ok, now maybe that’s a bit harsh. After all, coming into this game the Chargers defense was giving up 116 rushing yards per game. Only Cleveland had given up more. San Diego’s defense was also near the bottom with respect to receiving yards yielded to opposing running backs. Needless to say this is somewhat of an unfair sample. Nonetheless, it might make for an interesting situation in Chicago when Forte is ready to return.

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Greetings! Today, I write to you from the uncomfortable seat of an Alaskan Airlines coach seat. That’s right, I’m headed to Maui, where I hope to relax, get a savage tan, and bust more nuts than Alvin and the Chipmunks at Thanksgiving. [Jay’s Note: I hope you’re staying in Kihei. Like a second home for me…] If you happen to follow me on Twitter, I’ll be posting daily pictures and trust me, you’re going to want to see this… Actually, you might hate me if you don’t already, but when you’re a professional fantasy football writer/thong model, you get to experience some pretty cool things. I just pray Ralph Lifshitz’s wife is able to meet me as planned, as it’s where we first met and created Ralph’s first child. Who am I kidding, she wouldn’t miss it for the world. You’ve got to be realistic about these things.

I am Tehol Beddict and this is Start ‘Em and Sit ‘Em! Take Heed!

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What a weird week. I’m not talking about how the Falcons Devonta Freeman was the only player last week to score more points than Chiefs Kicker Cairo Santos, it was just the fact that HOLY COW DEVONTA FREEMAN WAS THE ONLY PLAYER TO DO BETTER THAN CAIRO SANTOS. At this point, it’s just best to give up and start playing Daily Fantasy Hockey. That’s what I’m doing. Seriously though, Alec Martinez is such a value play. Yes, he’s behind Drew Doughty, but the Sharks’ offense isn’t all that, he’s on the second PP and Defensive Lines and plus, his ATOI was almost close to 20 minutes per game last year! C’etait incroyable! AnyhowI may have said to start Colin Kaepernick last week, but I am very confident in saying that both Carson Palmer and Alec Martinez will eventually make me very happy. I love you Carson Palmer and Alec Martinez. But DFS Hockey isn’t what Jay wants me to do. So let’s do what Jay wants me to do.

New to Daily Fantasy Football? Try out this new free FanDuel’s contest, where half the league is guaranteed to win. (Played on FanDuel before? You can build a team for $5 for a chance of $100,000, part of a one million dollar prize pool!)

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I’d like to begin this week’s post with a big shout out to the homie Dolphins owner Stephen Ross. Good looks on firing Philbin my man, hopefully the next coach you hire can actually use Lamar Miller. Particularly in 1st-and-goal scenarios, but I know, I’m nitpicking. Now that the hey “how’s your fathers”, and the “did you get that lump looked at” are out of the way, we can move onto talking waiver wire adds and the guys Yahoo and ESPN will tell you to pickup in two weeks. So how was everybody’s Week 4? Mine was good, I want 11-2 across my baker’s dozen of teams. Am I bragging? Maybe a little, but then again this is the first winning week I’ve had all year. Meaning I have three teams above .500. Yes, I’m the guy you go to for waiver wire news, not because I know what the hell I’m doing, but because my teams are so wretched, that I’m constantly shopping on the wire to fill my band of beleaguered flunkies. In other words, I’m not only Razzball’s resident waiver wire President, I’m also a client! Here are your adds for Week 5 of fantasy football.

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Peyton Manning Red Forehead

Well, I’m confused. This past weekend’s outcome were just weird. Some trash won, other garbage teams looked average; I don’t know what to make of this anymore. Everyone to 8-8! Well c’mon Max you dumb mofo, tell me something that’s not making me dumber. Well okay, okay, I shall drop some knowledge on you: The AFC East and NFC West look like the best divisions, by a long margin, in the NFL this year. The AFC South and NFC EAST look like my cat’s turds. Who goes into the weekend wanting to see a Blake Bortles vs. Ryan Mallet game? Maybe a Kirk Cousins vs. Sam Bradford match-up interests you? The only team that looks like they can be really dominant this year are the Cardinals. The Bills are resembling Jekyll and Hyde, while the Broncos look hella confused about their identity. This is the weirdest season I’ve been a part of in my lifetime.

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Owen-Daniels-Cover

Hey guys, just finished pouring some maple syrup on my eggs and pancakes. I hope you all can stomach the sweetness my posts have to offer. I apologize for my absence last week as my laptop kept dying over and over and was unusable. The blue screen of death and Lenovo terrorized me. Straight to the good stuff: A post about a player that could be of tremendous value past pick 100. Who is that you say? Well it is the Bronco’s TE, Mr. Owen Daniels.

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jimmy-graham

Yes, there were some choice news items between the Eagles trade of LeSean McCoy to yesterday’s whopper (with cheese, mind you), and of course they occurred while I enjoyed Spring Training in Phoenix. But I’m back and here to make amends, and it’s as if I was astoundingly prescient with knowing when the right time was to come back to report on all the NFL news items missed. Late yesterday afternoon, the New Orleans Saints traded Jimmy Graham (BUT DOES HE PLAY BASKETBALL?) and their 4th round selection to the Seattle Seahawks for Max Unger and their 1st round selection in the upcoming draft. The move clearly shows two things: First, the Saints are clearing large amounts of cap space. When you combine this transaction with their other releases and pay cuts, you might call this a heavy re-tool. Also, it will allow Breesus to really live up to his name by carrying this now heavy cross. For the Seahawks, well, I guess if you don’t fire your offensive coordinator for a questionable call that may have lost a Super Bowl, I guess quelling the masses by getting the best (or second best, depending on what the Gronk injured) tight end is a strong plan B. Intrestingly enough, though both McCoy and now Graham have moved within a week, elite players at their respective positions, you can make an argument that then the Eagles, and now the Saints had pretty good returns. I mean, if you’re going to burn it down, burn that f*cker down right, amiright folks?

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Trent-Reznor-III
Last week, Billy Corgan of The Smashing Pumpkins attempted to put himself on the same pedestal as Kurt Cobain and Eddie Vedder in an interview on The Howard Stern Show. Say whaaaat! While I do appreciate a lot of the music he put out in the 90’s, and consider Siamese Dream to be a masterpiece of sound, you Billy Corgan are not quite at the level of those two legends. Pearl Jam and Nirvana are in a class of their own.

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Good afternoon to my very few dedicated followers.  I regret to inform you that this will be my last streamer post of the year… I hope that I have steered you in the right direction, more often than not, during the course of the season.  This is not a time for sadness, but a time for rejoicing.  For the closing of the fantasy football season summons the beginning of the fantasy baseball season, in which Grey will entertain us with his daily quips.  It’s just around the corner, folks, and many sleepers have already been posted, so get yourself over to the baseball page immediately!  Also, thanks to all the commenters for your input this season.  It’s been fun.  Don’t hesitate to connect with me on Twitter either.  Anywho, we’re here for football, so luckily, that’s what I’m going to give you.   Championship Week streamers here we come:

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Jay-Cutler-in-Makeup
There would be no other proper way to begin this rant than by saying the four words that are screaming to be ejected from my mouth. Ef you Jay Cutler! What a bag of dog excrement. I don’t know him personally, and he might be a good dude to slam beers with (doubtful), but as far a quarterbacks are concerned, he can just go away. I’m sick of all the “Jay Cutler is a top quarterback” talk that I’ve heard for the past few seasons. He’s not.

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