Welcome to the start of 2018 NFL DFS season. You’re probably familiar with Donkeycorns, the wandering mythical creature who rewards your trust with a path through the desert, from the MLB Closer Report. In DFS A Donkey is someone that does foolish things. When it comes to daily fantasy, we’re all Donkeys sometimes. I’m your DFS Donkeycorn. Follow me through the fantasy desert.

Did you use Rudy’s Tools for the MLB season? You probably enjoyed success if you did. The biggest advantage a model gives you is its consistency. It doesn’t have biases. It won’t get mad at Julio Jones for not scoring touchdowns, despite the natural variability of NFL TD scoring. I recently asked Rudy how difficult it would be to start my own model. His response was, considering I have over 1,000 hours sunk into mine this off-season, not very. So get the 7-day free trial, pay for the season once that ends, and be glad Rudy exists to grind away at a projection system so you don’t have to. I’ll focus on the Sunday main slate using Fanduel pricing below.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Last week’s waiver wire recommendations didn’t go entirely according to plan. Only the Rams defense and Jeremaine Kearse performed as I predicted. However, some of those guys like Rex Burkhead, Evan Engram and Younghoe Koo were me trying to play the long con. By season’s end is when they’ll start having their value.

Finally football season is back in full swing and we can start making REAL predictions. No more prognosticating — just cold, hard facts. Like the Jacksonville Jaguars and LA Rams meeting in the Super Bowl! FACTS!

Here we go with my waiver adds of the week! These are guys you should think of grabbing if one of your starters is injured or if Kirk Cousins was who we thought he was. Obvious grabs of the week: Marqise Lee (due to Allen Robinson’s injury), Kerwynn Williams (due to David Johnson’s injury) and Kendall Wright (due to Kevin White’s injury.)

If you’ve got league specific questions, I’ve got league specific answers — leave a comment below!

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Stay classy Baltimore!

Stay classy Baltimore!

In what will be the official debut of “Don’t Give a Sh*t Era” Michael Vick, the 0-3 Ravens travel to Pittsburgh to see if their team is interested in a getting a win. Strangely enough, this was the first ever winless September for the Ravens. Unless you count in terms of public relations, then I would say, based on the picture above, that last season’s September winless record is still intact. The Steelers have their own set of issues with the aforementioned Michael Vick starting with Ben Roethlisberger suffering a MCL sprain last Sunday. While I’m sure still having Antonio Brown and Le’Veon Bell is nothing to scoff at, it’ll be interesting to see which Vick shows up tonight; will it be the “watch me earn salary I’m going to do nothing to justify” type of game or “I’m going to trigger my disability insurance” type of game. You’d think both would be similar performances, but then you’d be wrong. The game will probably come down to how productive Le’Veon Bell is, now his second official game coming off his suspension. Logic dictates that since Justin Forsett has been an absolute dumpster fire that the Ravens would not be familiar enough with the concept of a running game to be able to defend against it, but I guess we’ll see. On the bright side, the Ravens do have an elite quarterback…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

i

They don’t call it the Charm City for nothing!

God, these teams are both terrible. At least that’s what I got from last night’s game. I remember when this matchup was good. Now it’s like watching a fight in the old age home between two withered, senile dudes in diapers. One thing’s for sure, The Ravens overcame a lot of adveristy last night, if adversity means the Steelers. And, to Pittsburgh’s credit, they all looked remarkably calm for being on a boat that’s sinking. For the complete recap of the game, I’ve compacted it into one sentence for each team, so as to limit your suffering: Ravens — Six trips inside the 20 and two TDs. (Thanks, no, we were just looking.) Steelers — Even by Todd Haley standards, that was some sh*t playcalling. (“HOW DO I FOOTBALL?”) But hey, you have to admit, Joe Flacco looked at least 2% more elite with that rugged beard.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Chip Riley

I have no idea what’s going on here, but what ever it is, probably needs more doctor. 

Warning: This is a Ray Rice free zone. And as much as we’d like to adhere to this policy on Razzball tonight and in the future, you’d be crazy to think that the NFL Network will. And if ESPN and their mighty journalistic integrity are any indication of what we’re in store tonight, we’re f*cked. And what probably doesn’t take attention away from domestic violence is the fact that domestic abuse survivor, Rihanna, will be performing with Jay-Z (more like Jay-Y, amiright folks?) before the game. Well, to the NFL’s credit, at least they didn’t ask Chris Brown to perform… But, luckily for us, there’s actually going to be football going on between two franchises that really seem to dislike each other. So let’s bring in the football so we can forget everything else for a few hours. Well, okay, you’re right, with the commercials, it’s more like five hours.

Please, blog, may I have some more?