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Well, I think it’s official. From this point forward, all Thursday Night Football should be played only on Saturdays. In what could arguably be called two of the best prime time games of the season, Washington, powered by the vengeance of DeSean Jackson and Mark Sanchez’s mediocrity, was able to deal a striking blow to the Eagles playoff hopes. (While I wouldn’t be surprised at the Cowboys losing two in a row during December, nye, one could almost expect it, the odds are still not with them.) And in Santa Clara, the 49ers looked like the three-time AFC Championship game team we all knew and loved before this season… for about two quarters. Unfortunately for them, the last two quarters, they looked like something you’d normally find due east of San Francisco. Oakland, for all of you unfamiliar with California geography. And with that, the Chargers came back, 21 points down at the half, to win in overtime and keep their playoff hopes alive. So when it comes down to it, Thursday Night Football, Saturday Edition, on the NFL Network, CBS Edition (not acronymed enough to be honest) ended up being two close back-and-forth games, with one ending up in overtime, and plenty of entertainment value (touchdowns) to boot. I’d call that a successful night of football. This is it, all is lost. The world is ending…

Week 16 Rankings have been updated for today’s games for all your roster needs. You can check them out here.

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Odell Beckham Jr. is so hot right now he could take a crap, wrap it in tinfoil, put a couple fish hooks on it and sell it to Queen Elizabeth as earrings.

There are so many things to talk about after Week 15 is now in the books. Even the goal posts are changing! We saw the beginning of the “Johnny Football Shutout Sadness Suck Balls Gabbert F*ck Up Noun 27.3 Quarterback Rating”, the ending of the Jim Harbaugh era in San Francisco, and of course there’s the NFC South, where the Panthers (5-8-1), Saints (5-8), and Falcons (5-9) are now all within a game of each other for the division lead AND in line for a top-10 draft pick. If that isn’t a dumpster fire, then my friend, you’ve never seen a dumpster fire. The Colts, Broncos, and Patriots clinched playoff appearances, which I believe is the 987th consecutive year these three teams have done it. And then there’s, of course, the growing legend of Odell Beckham Jr.. And don’t be surprised that every Giants game from here on out will follow the formula of: Interception, derp, injury, derp, Odell Beckham does something awesome, interception, Odell Beckham does something even more awesome, derp. Oh, almost forgot. And derp. Honestly though, the Giants offense right now is basically “throw it to Beckham”, and it has to be stated, it’s the best they’ve looked in years. Imagine how great it would be if Tom Coughlin stopped hiding Eli Manning’s Capri Sun…

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It only took until Week 15 of the NFL season, but it looks like Mike Pettine actually wants to win games in Cleveland.  After suffering through 13 games with Brian Hoyer as the quarterback, Pettine made the call to start Johnny Manziel this week against Cincinnati.  Look, I’m on record as saying that Manziel is going to be a bust in the league, and I stand by that.  However, Manziel can’t be as bad as Hoyer, and he’s the spark plug this offense needs.

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If you didn’t notice, or if you didn’t read yesterday’s post, we are now travelling the December part of our football journey. And it’s almost as if a few weeks ago, some misguided couple named their child “Playoff Implications”. And let me tell you guys, when this kid grew up, he joined the military. And yesterday, that child reached the rank of “Major”. And the concept of that wonderful anecdote I just shared was manifested in the most ridiculous way possible… in the NFC South. Surprise! On a day that saw back-to-back shutouts for the Rams, the Jets still Jets’ing, it was no surprise to see the Saints lose and lose soundly at home to just an awful Carolina Panthers team. The Atlanta Falcons, with an unlikely win tonight (against the Packers at home), can build an insurmountable divisional lead and first place with a 6-7 record. AND they could probably do the same by losing! Heck, Carolina could take the division with a 6-9-1 record if they wanted to. ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN AT ANY TIME. If only the division wasn’t comparable to reading dildo reviews…

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Last night, Odell Beckham had 10 receptions for 146 yards and two touchdowns. Oh, yeah, he also did this…

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That was the best one-hander since I lost my virginity.

I’d love to write more, but that would probably only take away from what you see before you. So when you’re finished watching this glorious depiction of a football player doing a legendary thing, join me below for the round-up. Don’t worry, it took me about two hours and an ophthalmologist to get me to move on…

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Man, I didn’t have my best week last week.  I guess it kind of evened things out from a few weeks ago when I seemingly couldn’t miss.  Oh well, even LeBron James has his off nights, right?  You know, like the game in Portland where I bought tickets as soon as possible to see the “King” play.  I’m not bitter or anything, promise.  Anyway, sorry if the advice didn’t work out last week, but remember as always, I’m not the one who hits submit on your lineup.

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Well, that was certainly a Sunday worth remembering. Especially if you’re like me and reset the ole’ memory banks with copious amounts of bourbon throughout the day. You could say these Sunday notes aren’t just for you, but also myself… So here we are, together in this. And together, we saw some interesting things… the Bucs, the 1-8 Bucs (in case you were confused) destroyed Washington. For context, the Falcons destroyed the Bucs. And the Panthers almost beat the Falcons. So according to that, the Panthers would probably beat Washington by 200 points. In fact, with the Raiders only mustering 200 yards of total offense, I’m pretty sure if they faced off against Washington, both teams would find a way to lose. And let’s not forget the Lions having a throwback game to the Matt Millen Era. Peyton Manning thinking it’s the month of January (to be fair, the weather has me convinced of this.) Mark Sanchez returning to form. And then there’s this… the Cardinals are now 9-1. They are now three games ahead of Seattle and San Francisco, and one has to naturally wonder, how is this possible? My answer? Two quick touchdowns and leaning on your defense for three hours… this has been done before many times. So I’m just going to go ahead and write the Cardinals in as a playoff team. In permanent marker. And then prepare myself for the end of the world.

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I mean, you do have the Arizona Cardinals with the best record in the NFL. The Miami Dolphins suddenly look like they can be competent for certain stretches of time. One of those times including a game against my Chargers. Both the Colts and Eagles (depending on Nick Foles’ status) seem competent enough to being contenders. Even the Steelers have figured a few things out behind Ben Roethlisberger treating the last two games like he met them in a dive bar bathroom. But I think it’s fair to say that the Broncos and Patriots, fulfilling a narrative wet dream on a continual basis, had to have been considered the two best teams. At least until the Patriots destroyed the Broncos yesterday afternoon. While I’m a constant palm-facer when it comes to Peyton Manning’s “cold-weather” narrative, it seems that his “can’t beat the Patriots” narrative may have something to it. Also, there are way too many narratives. Please no more narratives. That being said, despite having their own problems early in the season, the Patriots have seemingly maintained their status as one of the top teams in the NFL, if not the top team. Now that you’ve figured that part out, for the love of god, can you give the ball to Shane Vereen more? Is that too much to ask?

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Truth be told, this lede was supposed to go to Megatron. I mean, c’mon, how could it NOT go to him, right? Well, special days happen that make you evaluate your lede and sometimes life when a guy that’s 20% owned in yahoo leagues scores 4 touchdowns on 8/122 on 8 targets. I’m gonna admit to you that I am still looking at Marvin Jones like an alien right now. I mean, the kid only had 16/247/3 coming into week 8 so this outpouring of fantasy goodness had to be a surprise even to Bengals fans and those 20%’ers out there. But second year wide outs coming alive midseason has happened before…right? Eh, it’s not as common I know. Marvin is probably more of a keeper pickup if he’s anything at this point but if you’re in a deeper league with enough bench depth to give him a shot/time, he’s worth the gamble. Not a question of talent with Marvin, just a question of opportunity. Well, I think you have that now, Jones. Take advantage. In other news from week 8 for 2013 Fantasy Football…

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When the off-season began for the Eagles, it was clear that times would be changing. How much things would change was merely the question. Would they overhaul the roster? Would they resign Vick? Would their defensive ineptitude come close to improving? Well, to answer those questions, no, yes, and no. When I originally saw the signing of Chip Kelly, I was surprised by how many people assumed that Vick would be the starter in Philly. Too many people assume that Chip’s offense is solely built for a running quarterback when the truth was nowhere near that. Chip’s offense relies on his QB to be quick. Quick on his reads, that is. So when people heard that there was actually a camp battle for starting QB, many assumed it was just the media hyping things to make drama. Normally, I’d side with the hype-train side of the argument but there was definitely a case for Nick Foles to become the starter in Philly. For all intents and purposes, I saw Foles as the future for the Eagles barring any major trades or draft picks heading into 2014 so to see him step up against a strong defense in the Bucs and dismantle them – going 22/31 for 296 and 3 passing touchdowns to go with one on the ground – you could say I wasn’t overly surprised. Ok, I was surprised he scored THAT much but still the fact remains that Foles is quality QB and Chip knows how to handle one of those. It’s gonna be hard to tell how this whole scenario plays out given that Vick was named the starter heading into the year but has been very erratic in terms of how he’s run the offense so far. Don’t be surprised if Vick’s hamstring ‘isn’t quite ready’ next week so the Eagles can see what they have in this young Philly. In other news from week 6 of the 2013 Fantasy Football season…

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