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Technically, it’s “Newton’s law of universal gravitation”, but let’s not cut hairs here when it comes to aesthetically pleasing titles. I’m into that whole brevity thing, man. But like Newton’s law — that two bodies in the Universe attract each other with a force that is directly proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them, or, like how Paula Abdul explained while singing with a cartoon cat, that opposites attract, Cam Newton has been able to work with what is probably the most underwhelming receiving depth in the league. Not counting the Browns. (You never count the Browns.) I mean, Ted Ginn Jr. is a starter. THIS IS CRAZY. With last night’s win against the hapless Saints, the Panthers are now 12-0 and the only undefeated team remaining. Or, if you live in Carolina, they are now the only undefeated team with a 11-1 record. Regardless, no matter what unfolds the next month, at this point, it looks like the Panthers are set to make their run to the Super Bowl, where they’ll likely face off against the not-Bengals…

Here’s what else I saw during Week 13’s Sunday games…

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Another week, another handful of big injuries in fantasy football. We saw Jimmy Graham go down for the season with a knee injury, Rob Gronkowski go down with a knee injury that isn’t too serious, but still potentially a multi-week injury, and also Chris Johnson suffer a fractured tibia. As the season progresses, more and more injuries will pop up and determining who to keep, who to pick up, and who to drop becomes crucial for those vying for playoff spots. Hence, the Benchwarmers and yours truly is here to save your Fantasy Football season.

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I know, I need a bath now too. Here it is, week 17. The final slate of games and it’s actually a full one; no TNF or MNF or TNF on SN where the ‘S’ is for ‘Saturday’ which they can’t use because that’s for ‘Sunday Night Football’. Yup, 16 games ripe with intrigue and I lead off with talking Colin Kaepernick. I guess my new year’s resolution is to lose readers. WELP. I know it’s hard to get with the idea of this. Honestly, it’s hard to feel comfortable making the call for me too but here I am looking back on why I liked Russell Wilson last week and nothing has changed about the why. Both are QBs who can run and Arizona rarely leaves a spy on the backfield to stop that from happening and don’t look now but Kap has now rushed for over 40 yards in back to back games and rushed at least 7 times. Methinks the O-Co finally figured out that a Colin stuck in the pocket is a Colin wasted. Not like crunk wasted, more like ‘not used correctly’ wasted. It’s been a trying time for his seasonal owners. Trust me, I know, I suffered through him in one in a two QB league. Guess what? I picked up Kyle Orton and he never saw the light of day again for my team. But this is probably a Harbaugh swan song and I think he goes out and lets his guys do what they do and what Colin can do is run as showcased last week when he racked up 7/151/1 on the ground on his way to a 31.7 DK fantasy point night. What was the passing line you ask? Ehhhh…let’s not talk about that. The point is, his rushing game was worth 24.1 alone. I can’t say he’ll replicate but for a GPP go, I’m about to pop a Kap in dat and he has a cheap pairing partner that will also go under the radar…what, I ain’t tellin you now. This is the epic last DK post for fantasy football of the year, I’m gonna make you suffer. So strap in – or strap on, we won’t judge you – as we slide through this final go. So with no further ado, here it is: my final hot take on 2014 fantasy football DK slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 20 team league of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It lets us know that you care!

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It seems like so long ago at this point but you remember when Joseph Randle made headlines? No, no silly, not for how he played on the field. It was his shopping for a five finger discount that rose an eyebrow or two. It’s one thing to steal when you’re poor or at least an intriguing item but…underwear and cologne? Do they correlate? Are you trying to tell us something, Randle? Did someone have an accident while at the mall and couldn’t think of a better way to cover it up other than a change and a spray? Did you even wipe? Oh well, bygones. Let’s look at why we’re actually here to talk about Randle. DeMarco Murray’s hand done broked and the likelihood of him starting this week is slim to NOOOOOOOPE. Sorry, had a Lana Kane moment. Again, it may be that by Thursday, we know Randle isn’t even starting but as of right now, I want all the Randle I can handle and at $3,000, I can handle a lot. Heading into Monday Night’s game, only the Saints have given up more fantasy points to opposing RBs over the last four weeks. Yes, that does still look back on the Pats game where Jonas Gray scored 4 but the opponents since haven’t exactly been rushing juggernauts. With how good the Dallas offensive line has been all year, it’s hard to imagine them deviating from what has gotten them to 10-4 just because their lead back is out. If Randle is starting, I wouldn’t go so far as to say he’s a must play but 20+ touch opportunity at a minimum price doesn’t come along very often. Probably locked into most lineups both for cash and tourney, you are either playing with the crowd to exploit other prices or you fight against the current. I won’t hate you either way. Well, at least not about this topic. But enough talk, have at you. Here’s my red hot takes for the week 16 DK slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 team league of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It lets us know that you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Happy Thursday everyone!  Don’t you worry your little hearts, your highly anticipated streamer article is here.  Since the Streamer Department is newer staple here at Razzball, I want to try something a little different this week.  90% of the players I write about on here I’ve written about before.  You can check those stats!  In order to stop boring you or going too in-depth with the obvious about how great a player’s matchup is, I want to keep my player descriptions short.  I also understand that all of these players are not available in every league, so I want to encourage you readers to ask more personally tailored questions in the comment section.  Josh McCown isn’t available in your league, but Teddy Bridgewater and Geno Smith are?  Gross!  But you’re probably playing Bridgewater and saying your prayers.  You don’t know what color to paint your living room?  Seafoam green!  This is why I’m here, and this is when your roster decisions matter most.  So ask me, ask Jay, ask Smokey or ask your Grandma!  The more input, the better chance we have of helping you win!

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Follow me, if you will, into the minds of the casual DraftKings player. Casual player sees Kyle Orton and how badly he played on Thursday Night Football. Casual player is disgusted by this. Casual player is even more disgusted by Kyle’s neck beard. Casual player is never playing Orton in any fantasy situation, ever. Well, sorry casuals but that’s how you lose: by saying never. That’s the great thing about this here game we play. It’s daily, not seasonal. You don’t have to own Kyle the entire year, you just have to own him for the right matchup and when the price is right, you’re even better off. Now I’m gonna discuss a bit of strategy. It’s a general way of processing or viewing your salaries over there on the DK. Take those salaries and divide them by 1,000. That should give you some kind of decimal point. For Kyle this week because he’s $5,400, that number would be 5.6. Now take that decimal number and multiply it by 5. For Orton, that gives you (5.6*5=) 28. Casual players don’t do this which is why casual players let a start at home against an opponent who’ve given up the most fantasy points per game to opposing QBs on the year slide by. To date, the Jets have given up 25 passing touchdowns to only 3 INT. Oh and the last time Orton faced them? He collected 4 of those TDs and zero of those INT, finishing with 26.12 DK points. Now I’m not making the promise he’ll do that again but here’s a little dirty DK secret. Those top tier QBs? Yeah, they’re priced about 9K most weeks. So for example, Aaron Rodgers is 9,900 this week. That’s nice. So for him to really reach a good value for you in a tourney, you either need (9.9*5=) 49.5 points from him – his highest point output this year is 39.6 – or you need to find values around him at much lower price tags that will go off. Trust me, I’ve been there and it’s hard to do. It’s much simpler to aim for a lower priced QB with a good matchup most weeks. It’s just too hard to find that blend and be that handicapped at the skill positions most weeks to warrant such a thing. I know, I know, none of this says Orton’s any good but was Austin Davis when he threw for 375 against the Eagles? Yeah, not so much. If given the opportunity to pay down at QB, most weeks follow Nike’s mantra and just do it. All this to say, if you can’t tell, I’m strictly calling Orton a GPP only play this week. Heck, he could get pulled at halftime after the kiss of death vote of confidence on Monday. But it’s hard to imagine that happening so I’ll be rolling with him plenty. But enough about neck beards, let’s get on with this. Here are my red hot takes for the week 12 DK slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 team league of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It lets us know that you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

When a starting quarterback goes down for a team, it’s usually catastrophic.  Sure, you’ll have your Kurt Warner/Trent Green and Tom Brady/Drew Bledsoe stories, but more often than naught, it means a big blow to the team.  That’s not the case for the Philadelphia Eagles.  Sure, no one wants to see anyone get hurt, but this is fantasy, baby.  It happens, and you look for the new shiny toy to come in and lead you on a run to the championship.

This week, that new toy is Mark Sanchez.  Yes, that Mark Sanchez.  The butt-fumbling, hot dog eating, former quarterback of the New York Jets.  With a fractured collarbone, Eagles’ quarterback Nick Foles is expected to miss quite a bit of time.  For fantasy and real life purposes, that’s perfectly fine.

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Well, hello there my lovelies! I hoped you missed me as much as I missed all of you? I am sorry that I had to miss out on bestowing Fantasy Football knowledge on you this past week, and that I was not able to get to all of your questions from Week 5. I was forced to travel to the darkest regions of the Cajun swamps of N’Orleans to visit a Voodoo Mambo, with the hopes that she could rid me of this Black Widow curse. Regardless, here we are again, all limping, gimping, hobbling, and dragging our sorry a**es into Week 7. I, for one, have embraced the Hooptie that is my fantasy football rosters and as I roll, tailpipe draggin’, into week 7, one thing is certain, the Cajun Mambo did nothing as my Black Widow Curse is still alive and kickin’. Oh, and before we roll on further, no, the title to this week’s article has nothing to do with the peeps I plan on covering. I just wanted an opportunity to toss out some more adolescent humor that I picked up this week from one of the best Fantasy Football team names I have ever seen. So, with that in mind, let’s get to it, shall we? Razzballers and Razzballettes, I give you, Hit it or Quit it: Week 7.

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What a mess. This position has officially become Highlander because there really can be only one. You know exactly which one, don’t even bother asking. Writing this list is gonna make me hate Tight Ends more than any man should. It wasn’t even a Tale of Two Cities because even at the best of times, it was the worst of times. For all the promise of talent, I’m not certain many lived up to it. Don’t make me even talk about Zach Sudfeld…but I’m already depressing you and we haven’t even started. If there was ever a position to stream moving forward, TE would be the place. Though I haven’t done the numbers, I’d bet there were way more ‘out of nowhere’ top 10 TE finishes in 2013 than at any other skill or QB position. It’s all about matchups save for a few of these guys so my stance of not overspending on TE still stands, but hopefully I get myself roped into the right late rounder in 2014. Ugh, let’s just get this over with. Here’s the Top 20 Tight Ends from the 2013 Fantasy Football season…

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