Right now, Andrew Luck has a higher ADP than every quarterback except Cam Newton and Aaron Rodgers. Look, I get it. The Colts have no run game and they rely on the pass which is why Luck is so high on everyone’s board. But I fell into this trap last season and I’m not falling for it again.

My main concern is that people are drafting Mr. Luck over Russell Wilson. Or should I say, Dangeruss Wilson?CoXfYN-WYAAhyNy-688x1024

In all honesty, I hate Russell Wilson. He’s a total meathead and he’s got a smokin’ hot girl which only makes things worse, because they are super cliquey together. But the truth is, on the field, he is Dangeruss. So Russell, you can continue to do whatever you want off the field (like these Armed and Dangeruss photoshoots), as long as you win me fantasy football championships, fair?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings! It’s been so long since we’ve been with one another, here on the only fantasy site that truly unites people like only a game of leap frog played by naked men could do. If we’re being honest here, my life has been empty and inconsequential without you. First, it was a much needed vacation after leaving a mental health facility. Then it was a new job accompanied by the sort of sickness I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy (except Ralph). There’s only so many weeks in the fantasy football season, and with each post missed, it feels as if a piece of my soul has been torn out and stomped on by Rosie O’Donnell and Roseanne right after they hit the “All you can eat Shrimpfest” at Red Lobster. Even now, as I write this, tears are flowing down my cheekbones like urine down the face of one of R. Kelly’s 14-year-old girlfriends. I need you! If only the Elders would bless me with the attributes one needs to become a successful writer so that I could quit the ridiculously lame job I started that has ruined whatever life I had left. But you’ve got to be realistic about these things…

I am Tehol Beddict and this is, Through the Wire… That doesn’t sound right, does it? I miss Disgrace/Delight. Oh well, TAKE HEED!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s been well documented that the dumpster fire the 49ers transformed themselves into this offseason has been a resounding success and ahead of schedule thus far, six games into the regular season. And by success, I mean the fire has gotten bigger, and the dumpster has stayed the same size. In fact, the only redeeming quality at this point is the fact that Jim Tomsula looks to be about as batsh*t crazy as Jim Harbaugh was when being physically emotive. Is it enough to keep the 49ers afloat this season? Of course not, but it certainly improves their watchability. Meanwhile, schadenfreude is in full bloom for the Seattle Seahawks as they sit a woeful 2-4 and are battling the aforementioned dumpster fires 49ers for last place in a division that usually has the Cardinals and Rams taking carry of the NFC West basement. That fact right there makes this game worthy of my attention, even if it is Thursday Night Football. Get your recovery water folks, this should be a good one!

Rankings have been updated for tonight’s game and can be found here.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings! There ain’t no rest for the wicked, so I must push forward even while desiring nothing more than a hot bubble bath and a 500th viewing of the Paris Hilton sex tape. It’s a been a long day, a long week for that matter, as the Seattle Seahawks crumbled in the fourth quarter like Nicolas Cage the last time he auditioned in front of Scorsese. Now they travel to face their former archrival, the San Francisco 49ers, and the Elder Gods have been sending me signs all week that the final result will send me into the sort of life-altering tailspin that I read about in James Frey’s biography, A Million Little Pieces. You know, the one that turned out to be completely made up after he melted the hearts of Americans everywhere, letting us know that however screwed up we were, that we could overcome any obstacles in our path? Oh powerful Elders, I ask you here and now to bless me with a team I can get behind. Something to believe in to carry me through the unbearable tortures that life bestows upon us! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY!?

I am Tehol Beddict and this is Disgrace/Delight! Take heed!

Join Jay and your fellow readers in a special Razzball-only Contest! Buy-in is just $5.00 and the top-12 finishers in a 55-team league are all part of the prize pool! Sign up here!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Someone give the guy a cigarette and get it over with…

A last minute intake of Skittles wasn’t enough to fix Marshawn Lynch’s hamstring this past weekend, so the Seahawks will be hosting the Lions for Monday Night Football without their star running back. But that’s okay, because they have this thing called Jimmy Graham, who, if you didn’t know, used to play basketball. They also have a Kam Chancellor back, his second game now, who is a prominant part of the infamous “Legion of Boom”, which… has lost a little bit of the boom lately, but none of their boom-mouth or boom-swagger. But at least Richard Sherman has found other hobbies, like buying pizza with his phone. Hey, some people need goals to motivate them, so I hope that biting a piece of pizza will help him not bite on double-moves so often. They also have a thing called Thomas Rawls, who rushed for 104 yards agains the Bears in Week 3. To be fair though, I could probably rush 100+ yards against the Bears. But with the Lions at a dangerous precipice at 0-3, they find themselves in a desperate situation with the possibility of falling four games behind the 4-0 Packers. To be fair though, that seems like familiar territory for the Lions… Oh, and as a former resident of over eight years in the fine city of Seattle, please, don’t come out of this game thinking the only two things we have in the city is the Space Needle and people throwing fish. DON’T BELIEVE THEIR LIES.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings! Again… ughhhhh, I’m exhausted after competing in a First Tee golf tournament yesterday, but the show must go on. I can hardly walk, for my body feels like I just performed at five straight bachelorette parties. Ahh, the grand old days. If only middle-aged woman still paid me to rub my bulging package in their frothing grills for a few hours of ego-boosting excitement. A slipped disc and an opportunity at Razzball took it all away from me, but I’ll never forget those special woman. They showed me the meaning of true joy. The meaning of real pleasure. Getting paid extra to boink a few of them was just an added bonus. And now, I bring that joy to a few of you, the JPP handful of you, who actually read my posts in full. YOU have given me a reason to live, and for that, I thank you. Sure, serving more cream pies than the Cheesecake Factory has it’s benefits, but giving the rod a break for a few years and dusting off my keyboard has done me a world of good.

Oh, it’s still football season? Here’s who I like in Week 3. I am Tehol Beddict and this is Start ’em/ Sit ’em! Take Heed!

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In what is probably one of the most anticipated match-ups involving teams that made the playoffs last season, the Seahawks travel to the legendary (ALLEGEDLY) Lambeau Field, made famous in history because of an old white dude who waxed poetic war metaphors into sweet Twitter like statements about football and wore a Fedora dominated a league that had a total of like three teams. But, to be fair, at least the Packers have a long and, well, we’ll call it robust, they have a robust football history. The Seahawks have had a Super Bowl stolen from them, a terrifically easy and boring Super Bowl win over the Broncos, and then the tainting of that win with a redzone disaster against the Patriots in last year’s Super Bowl. Matt Hasselbeck is mixed in a bunch in there too. All in about 15 minutes time, contextually speaking. Thus enters our game for Sunday Night Football, a newly-storied franchise, trying desperately to defend the right’s of rich hipsters everywhere (they just want an unlimited selection of microbrew and kale chips maaaaaaaan), going against an old school franchise that’s owned by the cheese-riddled blue collar people of the Midwest (all three of them), led by a coach, in Mike McCarthy, that will stop at nothing to make Aaron Rodgers as irrelevant as he can while kicking as many field goals as he can. Should be fun guys!

Please, blog, may I have some more?