x1-1

In an epic battle between crab cakes (YAY) and skyline chili (BOO), the Ravens will bring their AFC North leading record of 5-2 to Cincinnati, a city that I’ve heard has paved roads, unlike Cleveland. Interestingly enough, the teams have met already this season, but it’s okay if you forgot, as these teams seem completely different from their previous match-up when the Bengals won 23-16. Said Bengals went on to win their next two, and with a 3-0 start, looked like one of the best teams in the NFL. But I guess getting tired of looking competent, the Bengals went to their safety zone, aka, they went Bungles the next three games by losing two, and tying in one. Though, I’m pretty sure a tie is a loss, seeing as it’s described as kissing your sister. Sorry, I’m not from Alabama, that’s a complete loss for me. Speaking of a loss, I have no words to describe the eliteness being shown by Joe Flacco. It’s almost as if his eliteness went on a cocaine binge and then he decided to make things interesting by adding mescaline as a side garnish. Of course, having a resurgent Steve Smith on a successful 2014 baby-punching tour certainly helps as well. Will the Bungles Bungle? I can’t wait to find out. Because Ginger.

Week 8 Rankings have been updated for today’s games, for all your roster needs. You can check them out here.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Howdy all, your boy Young Ralph Lifshitz is in the building, and I’m covering Daily Fantasy at DraftKings for the Legend (wait for it) Dary Sky. Just in case you’re wondering, Sky is fine, and certainly not bound and duct-tapped in the trunk of my 1998 Lincoln Mach VIII. From what I hear, Sky is in the Poconos with the Mrs. for a week of horse racing and cuddles and bubbles. Whether what I just said is a bold faced lie is for me to know and you to find out. While you come to your own conclusions about the last part, let’s talk about things we do know. First and foremost, pooping in a public bathroom is awkward 90% of the time, and the other 10% is middle of the road, but only because you’re alone. Secondly, and far more disgusting, the Jacksonville Jaguars stink against the pass, and by stink, I mean hot garbage cans full of rotten eggs. They currently average 2.8 passing TD’s allowed, 7.9 YPA, 11.4 yards per completion, and 40.8 opponent pass attempts per game. The last number is the most telling, because the only teams with a higher attempt per game average are the Broncos and Bengals. And well you pass against the Broncos and Bengals for very different reasons than you do the Jags. Sorry Jacksonville fans, but it gets no better this Sunday as the Pittsburgh Steelers and their top 10 passing attack come to town.

After Week 4, the Steelers rank 8th in the league in passing yards per game with an average of 274.8. They also boast the top wide receiver in the virtual game in Antonio Brown, a dual threat RB in Le’Veon Bell, and a veteran QB with a strong arm in Ben Roethlishberger. Though all the aforementioned names are strong buys this week, for the purposes of this post, Big Ben is my main focus. At a price of $7,400, Roethlishberger is the 12th most expensive option on the board, and due to his matchup, an absolute steal. He should easily outperform that rank on his way to a top 5 day. I suppose it’s not without risk as the Steelers could find themselves up big early with no need to pass. My guess is the improved Jacksonville passing game combined with the less than stellar Pittsburgh defense could keep the game just close enough to matter. Well that’s my hope anyway. Coming off a strong showing at home last week against the Buccaneers the Steelers passing attack should be in for another big game against another weak opponent.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 team league of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It lets us know that you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Andy Dalton
So week one is done and in the books. We now know what every player and team will do every week from here on out. You don’t even need me to give my input on this week, to be honest. Go look back at those first few games, extrapolate and boom: profit. If only the world worked that way. I mean, John Kuhn gonna have a 16 TD year, right? Right…well there is one thing I think we can hang our hat on from year to year: my penis. I’m sorry, that was lewd. And kind of painful. You didn’t tell me it was a beer helmet with two full tallboys! No, what we can hang our hats on are stats: specifically home/road splits. And with that, we’re here to discuss Andy Dalton, aka the Red Rocket. What, you’ve never heard of someone calling him the Red Rocket? Clearly you read nothing of what I wrote last year, then. It’s alright, I didn’t either so all is forgiven. Dalton’s splits over the last couple of years have shown he’s a vastly better play at home than on the road. Looking specifically at last year, he had a 20:9 TD to INT ratio compared with a 13:11 line on the road as well as a +17.5 QB rating swing when enjoying the Cincy confines. Of course, splits only tell half the tale. Who is he facing, you ask? The Atlanta Failcons. You see it? See what I did there? Now Atlanta isn’t the same team as last year so pointing out they gave up the 4th most fantasy points to opposing QBs last year isn’t saying much. But they did give up half of the mark of the beast to Drew Brees last weekend with 333 passing yards and I don’t see a reason to think they’ll slow down Dalton this weekend. Welcome to Gingernnati, snitches! I’m all over this red head this week like Hermione Granger on Ronald Weasley. The fact that he’s priced outside of the top 10 QBs on DraftKings at $7,500 is quite baffling to me to say the least but I’m not gonna complain. With that, let’s move on. Here are Razzball’s picks for the week 2 slate for DraftKings 2014 Fantasy Football season…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 team league of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It lets us know that you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The first week of the NFL season reminded us of how volatile this league can be. We saw rookie Allen Hurns of the Jacksonville Jaguars score touchdowns on his first two receptions. Then we saw the Jaguars blow a 17-0 lead and lose 34-17 to Philadelphia. Ray Rice of the Baltimore Ravens went from being suspended for a few more days, to being suspended indefinitely by the league in a 48-hour span shaking things up. Injuries played a big part as well, with tight ends Jordan Cameron and Jordan Reed suffering injuries and sending rosters into flux. He can be dropped in redraft leagues but hang on to him in dynasty leagues. Thankfully, we’ll help you make sense of it all on the waiver wire this week. We’ll break it down by position and ownership on ESPN, NFL and Yahoo Leagues to help you out.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome to the Handcuff Report, 2014 primer. The Almighty J-FOH has bestowed upon me the honor of keeping you knuckleheads up to date on the latest NFL arrests, felonies, and misdemeanors. If Steven Ridley and Shane Vereen are smoking weed in a Pontiac Firebird, we’ll be there. If  Titus Young finds his way back into the league, we’ll be there. If Golden Tate decides to steal maple bars from a Detroit bakery, we’ll be there. You get the point…. Wait.?!?! That’s not what this post covers?…. It’s about running back committee’s? …Hmmm I don’t think that’s right. Jay, I think we have a problem…..I had 1,300 words about Ray Rice, Josh Gordon, Le’veon Bell, and LeGarrette Blount. It seemed reasonable, there are a lot of arrests, and they do in fact impact our rosters. But okay… I got it now, you meant handcuff in a less literal sense. Oops! Welp, time to refocus. I guess instead I’ll be discussing the ever evolving Running Back committee situations around the league. For today and at least the first few weeks of the season, I’ll be providing a list of depth charts and commenting on the situations I feel need to be covered. In other words I’ll be spending less time on teams like the Vikings, Bears, or Seahawks and more time on teams like the Lions, Falcons, and Dolphins. As the season progresses, I’ll probably switch to more of a “handcuffs to watch format”, where I’ll cover a handful of backs with expanding roles. But who knows, we’ll see, you guys can tell me in the comments if you like the depth chart rankings. I’m cool with that. After today I will be sticking with the tried and true tiered approach (say that three times fast Micro Machine Man) and the tier names that J-FOH had last year, because what else is there outside of Fuzzy, Standard Issue Police, and Duct taped handcuffs? That pretty much covers the handcuff gamut. No??? Are there other varieties besides the ones covered?  Like those weird plastic ones, that cops use, maybe? Did you notice I said “cops use”… do you know why? Because Standard Issue Police That’s Why!!!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

AFCS-Tennessee

For a sixth straight season, Razzball will be interviewing NFL-team blogs for some actual in-depth football knowledge to shed some additional light on our fantasy football knowledge.  Keep your eye out for an interview for every NFL team for our Team Preview Series through the summer.  This installment comes courteous of Sharona Fabulosa from the leading Tennessee Titans’ blog: Sports By Sharona.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Aaahhh, springtime is right around the corner and before you know it, the polar vortex will be done unleashing it’s frozen hell upon the U.S.  The transition from snow to sunshine can only mean one thing is next– spring cleaning.  We all know the routine, go through all the old things you don’t use, wear, or need any longer and toss it in the trash.  You may be thinking, “What does this have to do with fantasy football?” Well, much like my wife throwing stuff out to justify buying more things, fantasy owners are also preparing to toss out players they now consider garbage so they can jump into the nice warm caress of a new batch of incoming rookies.  This can be a perfect situation to dive right in and scoop up another man’s trash and turn it into your treasure.  The first player we will look at as we dive into the dynasty dumpster: Stephen Hill.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I guess this question is really a two parter because there’s a yang to this yin. But to be honest, it’s Monday after week 16 has almost concluded. Losers need not apply. *Hears readership heading for exits*. Wait, wait, wait, did I say losers? I meant Lugers! Yeah, that’s it! You know, people who luge? Yeah, get the eff out, winter Olympic sports people! And take that Jamaican bobsled team with ya! Now where was I before I was rudely interrupted by a buncha sore Lugers…oh yeah, we were talking Fantasy Football, of course. The kind of Fantasy Football that wins championships, i.e. the bestest kind. For all the talk of JC Superstar and Knowshon this year, it’s kinda been lost in the shuffle that LeSean McCoy has been beasting all year. Ok, it’s hard to say that about @CutOnDime25 but when you think about it, it’s kinda true. Everyone talked about how he could be a fantasy stud in the off-season when Chip came to town but really, everyone was talking about Chip not him. Then Vick started the year off hot, so Michael Vick was the point of discussion. Then Vick sucked and that, of course, was the point of discussion. Then in waltzed Nick Foles who started running Chip’s offense at full steam and then he was the point of discussion. It’s odd that a guy can lead the NFL in rushing yards and be a bit of an afterthought in this game we play but that’s what happens when you’re consistently good but rarely breakout great in this game. Everyone wants week 15 JC Superstar, week 8 Megatron, week 13 Josh Gordon (will someone PLEASE give that man a nickname). But Shady has just ‘been there’. He’s had some big rushing days, don’t get me wrong as his 133 yards on the ground Sunday were his 6th 100+ yard effort of the year and he does have a 200+ yard snow game to his credit. I don’t know, maybe I’m Chris Collinsworth’ing this whole shizz and creating a narrative that doesn’t need to be made but I swear I’ve heard more about other players of this caliber over the course of the season than LeSean. Here’s to you, Shady, and the joy of the championships you brought to all those peoples out there who aren’t Lugers. In other news from week 16 of the 2013 Fantasy Football season…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Let’s face it, the Colts have had a pretty rough year at the running back position to date. After throwing down some cash on Ahmad Bradshaw to be their lead back in the off-season, Bradshaw only plays in three games and doesn’t even register fifty total touches before going down for the rest of the season with a major, career-threatening injury. His backup? Well that would be none other than Vick Ballard who went down after game one of the season with a torn ACL. And as we know, the Colts got bold and traded for T-Rich and well…yeah, we all know how well that’s going. But underneath the inconsistency and frustration, a man has been playing lights out with limited touches and even less fanfare for Indy. Well, until Thursday Night Football that is. Donald Brown has been the supposed backup or third stringer in the Colts offense since game one of the season but most likely bought himself a bit more playing time rolling forward after his 14 carries for 80 yards and 2 touchdowns while chipping in 14 on a catch. Many forget Brown himself was a first round pick out of Connecticut in 2009 but it’s for good reason: he’s performed nowhere near this level his entire career. The hesitant DB we all know from the past seems to have vanished and a confident, quick bursting Donald has emerged. Despite the Colts offensive line woes, DB has averaged 5.9 yards per carry this season and looks to get a few more touches moving forward after tonight’s performance. After all the off-season movement that has led to wasted money and draft picks, Donald can finally drag Irsay into the board room and utter those infamous words: you’re fired. In other news from TNF for 2013 Fantasy Football…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The season is at the midway point and as we journey into the second part of our lonely trudge into fantasy fame in some leagues and fantasy infamy in others, it gets harder and harder to get in on someone and call them a buy low. Too much work has been done at this point to point at a player and say ‘that guys underperforming’ or ‘that one’s clearly playing above his head’ or ‘he should’ve had a V8’. We’ve seen too much and know too much to be fooled by a bad game or two…but it never stops us from trying. And in the spirit of that, I’m here to talk to you about Marshawn Lynch. I’ve been ragging on the ‘hawks coaching staff of late and their offensive game plan and I think it’s fairly warranted. This is a team known for its run game, great defense and the heroics of RW3 when they’re needed. Lemme be the first of many to tell you, the heroics of a game generally aren’t needed until the 4th quarter. Heroics usually don’t watch their running back rush for nearly 50 yards on one drive in the first quarter only to turn the ball over on an interception and then go away from the run for another 2 and a half quarters to top it off. What I’m saying is, after 8 carries for 23 yards against a team defense that gave up almost 200 rushing yards to the Titans a week later, Lynch should’ve been feasting on the Bucs but he didn’t really get the chance to. Well I’m here to say I think the OC in Seattle has learned their lesson – ok, I’m hoping they have – and will go back to the style of ball that has put Seattle in the driver’s seat of the NFC West. Lynch is still on track for a good season – Nearly 1,650 total yards and 12 touchdowns is his current pace – but it only takes a couple of weeks without a touchdown for owners to get anxious. So go calm their fears and taste the rainbow while you’re at it. In other buy/sell news for 2013 Fantasy Football…

Please, blog, may I have some more?