So, I’ll be honest… I’m not quite sure if what I saw last night was an okay game or a boring one. True, we are talking about a prime time game that featured a then 2-12 Titans team vs. their ultimate mirror universe nemesis, the also 2-12 Jaguars. Let’s just say if they figured out how to include both the Raiders and Buccaneers on the field at the same time (why isn’t this a thing?), I would have fainted. And while there was some subtle competency from Charile Whitehurst (perhaps trying to grab the attention of Washington) at the beginning of the game, driving 12 plays and 84 yards for a touchdown, the game kinda settled into a mix of “gee, this seems like a good time to try heroin” to “I was promised derp! Where is the derp?” So, in the end, there was a mildly entertaining game between two teams that kinda stink. Which, I guess seems fitting for the end of Thursday Night Football this year, in that, this was probably a top-5 game for them this season. Scary, I know. So… with a Jaguars win and a Titans loss, the resounding takeaway probably is: YOUR MOVE JETS.

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Last week, I had the ALCS on the television as I was researching some fantasy fantasy football on my MacBook Pro, and something funny happened. My wife, who’s more of a Total Divas and House Hunters kind of viewer, looked up at the game and said “is that Philip Seymour Hoffman?” Without turning my head I knew exactly who she was talking about, and immediately starting laughing. While she knows that the inventor of the shart is no longer with us, I have to admit, the resemblance is a bit uncanny. And in case you haven’t figured it out, the Philip Seymour Hoffman impersonator I am referring to is none other than Buck Showalter…

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Normally, I start with a little opening about the week and dive into the picks for the waiver wire. This week, I’m going to go a little different to open…

It’s one thing to get waiver advice from this site. It’s another thing to get it from someone who is in first place. It’s even nicer when they’re the same person. That is exactly the case right now in the Razzball Writers League, where I am the top banana by myself at 6-1. Hooray for me at the halfway point. Enough chest-thumping, let’s get into the meat of the column.

This week is going to be a very key one on the waiver wire. This is Week 8 and each of the next two weeks feature six teams on bye. If you make the right move this week, you can potentially sit back and reap the benefits while your opponents scramble each week trying to make moves. First, the byes. This week, it’s San Francisco and the New York Giants. Week 9 features Atlanta, Buffalo, Chicago, Detroit, Green Bay and Tennessee sitting out. Week 10 has Houston, Indianapolis, Minnesota, New England, San Diego and Washington at home on the couch. Week 11 is a little easier with Baltimore, Dallas, the Jets and Jacksonville on a bye. And Carolina and Pittsburgh close it out on Week 12.

We’re going to have to keep this in mind as we evaluate our selections.

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Welcome back, my lovelies! Here we are again, hooptie-ridin’ into Week 8. Yours truly managed to go a solid 4-2 this past week, which was not too bad considering most of my rosters now are waiver wire pickups and those few grounds crew guys I picked up back in Week 3 (Manuel is currently my all-time points leader). It also seems that the trip to the Voodoo Mambo, to rid me of the Black Widow curse, helped somewhat, as I managed to get through Week 7 without any of my players incurring concussions, blown knees, felonies, misdemeanors, or severed appendages. But, hey, it is Monday night at 8:00 PM as I am writing this, and I still have a couple guys playing tonight, so… anything is possible. Before I decide to feast upon more man souls this week, follow me and my spectacular breasts (they still don’t inhibit my ability to throw down some Fantasy Football knowledge) as we journey together into Hit it or Quit it: Week 8.

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After last Sunday’s unexpected, yet sort of expected meltdown against a Patriots team that was seriously broken to that point, one has to wonder if the Bengals will ever be ready for the spotlight. Signing Andy Dalton to a six-year, bajillionty dollar contract extension this past offseason certainly showed us that their front office is all in. Or, at the very least, supports the ingredient ginger. And while you could argue that such a large extension for a quarterback that’s mainly used as a bar for comparing other quarterback’s talent levels (if your quarterback is better than Andy Dalton, you’re in pretty good shape, if he isn’t, you’re screwed), it’s not  like there’s an abundance of elite throwers out there. Plenty of Jason Campbell’s and Kevin Kolb’s though. So there are worse things you could do at the position. The Jets say hello. And paired with one of the best receivers in the NFL in A.J. Green, with Giovani Bernard and a top-5 defense, you could see this Bengels team go really far. Just as long as they don’t have any more games in prime time. Or during Wild Card weekend. Or any playoff game in general. But besides that, I could totally see this team take off. Really.

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Overall: 31-29-1, Week 5: 9-6-0.

Greetings!!! Welcome to another exciting edition of Betting With Beddict. We’re back over .500 with a 9-6 week!!! If you’d like to join Sky and I to celebrate, just meet us down in Tijuana, as we’re trying to hit every donkey show in the city. I sent Fantasy Football Hottie a first class plane ticket, but no word on if she’s joining us or not. Either way, you need to follow her on Twitter as she’s a total peach (whatever that means). My lock of the week, the Seattle Seahawks (7.5) barely covered, but hey, that’s gambling. If it wasn’t for Dallas and Chicago choking like Lisa Anne on an 18 incher, it’d been a day for the ages. I’ve been celebrating my birthday all week, so please excuse the lack of wordiness, humor and usual Tehol-ness (I’m sure you’re devastated. Especially Jay). Last week, one of my favorite commentators, Goodfold2, joined in on the fun just to see how difficult this truly is. Him and I both cordially challenge you to join in and see if you can defeat me week to week or even throughout the season. If someone dominates me for a month or even an entire season I MIGHT just hit you with a Razzball T-shirt, cuz we homies yo. Just remember, if sports betting were easy, everyone would do it. The quest for the perfect week continues so let’s get it poppin’.

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In 2009, when he was mounting a campaign to be the first white running back in 35 years to win the Heisman Trophy, Toby Gerhart was sometimes referred to as “The Great White Hope”. [Jay’s Note: Dat’s raycess.] I thought that was Peyton Hillis, but I could be wrong. Gerhart was a consensus First-Team All-America selection, the Pac-10 Offensive Player of the Year, and one of 5 finalists for the Heisman Trophy. Despite winning the Doak Walker Award as the best running back in the nation and the Jim Brown Trophy given to the top running back in the country, Gerhart’s dream of breaking the Heisman barrier fell short as he finished in second place to Mark Ingram by 28 points, which was the slimmest of margins in 74 years. He was drafted in the second round of the 2010 the NFL draft by the Minnesota Vikings and spent the next 4 years as Adrian Peterson‘s backup.

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Back in March, ex-Denver Broncos’ running back Knowshon Moreno left the frigid air of the Rocky Mountains for the opportunity to spend this season in sunny South Beach, and believe me, he’s not crying about it.  His one-year deal didn’t take over the media the way another famous athlete did when he left a championship runner-up so he could play in Miami, but it did make his former backup with the Broncos a hot commodity in fantasy football drafts.

Despite gaining just 559 yards on 120 carries in 2013, Montee Ball was the 10th overall player taken in this year’s drafts (according to ADP).  The volume wasn’t there for the rookie out of Wisconsin (Moreno excelled as Peyton Manning‘s go-to back), but you could feel the electricity with Ball.  He had some early-season fumble issues in goal line situations (two in his first three games), but his 4.7 yards per carry was definitely something he could build on. Manning and the Broncos broke nearly every offensive record last year, and that’s a big reason why the second-year pro became such a popular draft pick — but Ball’s season is going down the drain faster than a goldfish with an irresponsible four-year-old for a parent.

Not only had Ball been downright awful in his first three games (165 yards, 3.37 YPC), but he left Sunday’s contest vs. the Cardinals with a groin strain.  News broke that the injury was “a significant one”, but that was later changed to a “two-week timetable”.  Based on what I’ve seen from injuries like this before, as well as his current conditioning (he missed nearly all of training camp after an emergency appendectomy), this has the makings of a much longer absence than what the Broncos are letting on.

So what do you do if you’re a Ball owner?

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And I quote, ‘(extending an) olive branch is usually a symbol of peace or victory’. The quote goes on to say ‘…and was historically worn by brides and virgins.’ Well given you all play fantasy sports, I’m just gonna assume the latter applies to at least 90% of you. And THAT’s how I make my triumphant return to writing after taking last week off: insulting your sexual goings on. *Pats own back*. In seriousness, I am extending you said Branden Oliver branch as both a sign of peace and victory. You see, I made you draft Donald Brown on a few teams a couple of weeks ago. Unfortunately, Dammit Donald has returned with a vengeance this season but thankful to all owners and DK players, he’s not gonna be on the menu for quite some time. So to make up for this horrendous mistake, I’m gonna stay with the Chargers backfield which should lead you to a beautiful victory come Sunday as Oliver’s price tag of $5,500 puts you in a prime spot to price yourself well elsewhere. Two symbolic twigs for the price of one! You should count yourself as lucky. Given that the Raiders have been 4th worst against the run for fantasy purposes this year and Oliver steamrolled a strong Jets rush defense last week for 116 yards on the ground alone, we could be looking at a momentous day. I’d say he makes for a great cash game play but I’d be skeptical he isn’t shouted at the rooftops by everybody so he’s probably a weak GPP play; you’re trying to keep up with the jones if you roll with him there, very similarly to what happened with Rashad Jennings last week. In any case, he’s just one of many DK calls for this week so let’s have at it. Here’s my hot takes for the week 6 DK slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 team league of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It lets us know that you care!

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With the NFL season shortly approaching, now is the time for fantasy football owners to start preparing for their drafts.

We’re not even into the month of June, but getting a leg up on the season will go a long way.  Understanding where rookies stand is a key component of dynasty and redraft leagues.

Earlier, I discussed the top rookie sleepers to watch for at the quarterback position, and today I’ll be delving into the first-year running backs.

(Players aren’t listed in any specific order; college attended in parentheses)

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