Streamers, Week 14: Over the Hill

Hellooooo! I hope everyone enjoyed their Thanksgiving weekend. I’ll go out on a limb and say that you’re only reading this if you got into your league’s playoffs. Congratulations! Unfortunately, it also means you’re weak at one of your positions… On that note, ownership numbers are doing weird things right now, and there is some renewed position jostling on those teams with injuries (and those that are completely out of it). So, while there are some new opportunities, half your league isn’t making roster moves. That means those weekly gems that have been added and dropped repeatedly might be stuck on someone’s bench somewhere… I’ll do my best to provide some deep value, as that might be your only option during these important few weeks.

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The Stats Machine: Week 13, Catch It Like Beckham

by: malamoney

I know Beckham’s one handed super catch has gotten more attention than humanly possible this week, but the Stats Machine still wanted to give him a shout out.

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Who Are These Guys, Week 13: Jarvis and Blounthead

November 26, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Buy/Sell | 20 Comments

by: malamoney

I am the Great Cornholio! I need TP for my bunghole! And I could also use a few players to help me win my fantasy football playoffs. In 1993 Mike Judge gave the world the incredible gift that was Beavis and Butthead. Thank you Mike Judge. These two morons provided me with endless hours of entertainment and laughs. The adventures of these two legendary rock loving teenage delinquents originated from Frog Baseball, a short film by Judge which aired on Liquid Television in 1992. After seeing Frog Baseball, MTV contracted Judge to develop Beavis and Butthead. One of the best parts of the show was when these two idiots would sit on their couch watching music videos, offering their humorous and absurd commentary. As outrageous, lewd and immature as the show was, it was equally as funny. The dynamic couch sitting duo even reached the big screen with Beavis and Butthead Do America in 1996 and then made an encore appearance on MTV in 2011.

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One of the Better Catches I Have Ever Seen

November 24, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 57 Comments

by: Jay

Last night, Odell Beckham had 10 receptions for 146 yards and two touchdowns. Oh, yeah, he also did this…

That was the best one-hander since I lost my virginity.

I’d love to write more, but that would probably only take away from what you see before you. So when you’re finished watching this glorious depiction of a football player doing a legendary thing, join me below for the round-up. Don’t worry, it took me about two hours and an ophthalmologist to get me to move on…

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The Stats Machine, Week 9: Arian Nation

November 1, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Buy/Sell | 33 Comments

by: malamoney

The Stats Machine and I are still riding our Halloween highs. Pro tip: Don’t get low. Also, TSM would like to point out the following:

Based on average score per game, here are some lesser owned running backs in the top-25 TSM rankings. With an average score of 19.86 Jerick McKinnon is someone that should definitely own.I have him in both of my leagues. He is ranked ahead of the likes of Jamaal Charles (19.61), Eddie Lacy (18.41) and Lamar Miller (18.76). Ronnie Hillman comes in at number 18 with a score of 18.09 and is another guy TSM sees as a potential must own. The way he’s been running the ball and the way Montee “wasn’t running the” Ball makes me think Denver would be crazy to give the job back to Montee Ball-less. Other backs of note include Darren McFadden (17.26), Joique Bell (16.47), Shane Vereen (16.09) and Mark Ingram (15.33).

TSM would like you to keep Anquan Boldin (18.59) in mind when considering trades as a great player to try and get added into a deal. I doubt he’s available in your league, although it looks like he’s owned in only 76% of Yahoo! leagues. Right now he’s ranked ahead of Brandon Marshall (18.11), Roddy White (17.98) and Kelvin Benjamin (16.61). And as usual I’d like to give a shout out to my boy Andrew Hawkins (18.15).

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Handcuff Report, Week 7: Handcuffs To The Handcuffs

October 17, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Roster Strategy | 40 Comments

by: Geoff

In what has become a seemingly weekly occurrence the most interesting handcuff in the land happens to be playing in the Thursday Night Game. I think this happens just to spite me. It’s as if the Football Gods force injuries and ineffectiveness on starters the week before they play on the thirstiest of all days. This week’s example of my curse is, of course, former (?) third stringer Brandon Bolden. The man who I had pegged to be taking over the Stevan Ridley “Big Back” role in New England. I figured if Bolden failed, then James White was probably next in line. But of course Bill Belichick did the most Belichickian thing ever and activated Jonas Gray from the practice squad, gave him a few carries, and leaned heavy on Shane Vereen. It looks like Bolden is more valuable to the Pats as a special teamer than a runner, and I have no idea what James White‘s issue is. I was shocked that he was inactive and you have to figure he’s deep in Belichick’s doghouse at this point. It’s really surprising considering how good he looked in pre-season and camp. The only ownable back in this scenario is Vereen.

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The Stats Machine, Week 6: The Sports Machine

October 11, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Buy/Sell | 4 Comments

by: malamoney

Those of you in your 30’s shouldn’t have a hard time remembering George Michael’s Sports Machine. Running from 1984 to about 2007, and airing on Sunday nights, it was a 30-minute television show dedicated to providing the highlights of the past week’s sporting events. I did a quick search on Ancestry.com, and it turns out the Sports Machine and Stats Machine are very distant relatives. I hope George’s estate doesn’t sue me. Now that I have cleared that up, let’s move on.

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Streamers, Week 6: Streamers on Repeat

October 9, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Roster Strategy | 25 Comments

by: Nico

Good Afternoon, loyal followers! Yes, I’m talking to you! All four of you! If you feel a little déjà vu reading this article, it’s totally fine. You’re not tripping from all the hallucinogens you dropped following The Grateful Dead tour around the country… You’re just re-reading a few names you’ve read here already. Since I’m sure you’ve all been absorbing these stat-filled riddles like sponges, I’m going to attempt to give you some opinions based on personnel and personal (not a stutter!) observations I’ve noticed over the first third of the season. However, I can’t completely avoid the numbers, so just bear with me. On a positive note, the last three weeks have been quite a resurgence for the Streamer Department. We’ve nailed three Top-10 QB’s, three Top-10 TE’s, a Top-10 DST, and 2 Top-10 Kickers in that time span. Let’s get after it!

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DraftKings: Extending An Oliver Branch

October 8, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, DraftKings | 96 Comments

by: Sky

And I quote, ‘(extending an) olive branch is usually a symbol of peace or victory’. The quote goes on to say ‘…and was historically worn by brides and virgins.’ Well given you all play fantasy sports, I’m just gonna assume the latter applies to at least 90% of you. And THAT’s how I make my triumphant return to writing after taking last week off: insulting your sexual goings on. *Pats own back*. In seriousness, I am extending you said Branden Oliver branch as both a sign of peace and victory. You see, I made you draft Donald Brown on a few teams a couple of weeks ago. Unfortunately, Dammit Donald has returned with a vengeance this season but thankful to all owners and DK players, he’s not gonna be on the menu for quite some time. So to make up for this horrendous mistake, I’m gonna stay with the Chargers backfield which should lead you to a beautiful victory come Sunday as Oliver’s price tag of $5,500 puts you in a prime spot to price yourself well elsewhere. Two symbolic twigs for the price of one! You should count yourself as lucky. Given that the Raiders have been 4th worst against the run for fantasy purposes this year and Oliver steamrolled a strong Jets rush defense last week for 116 yards on the ground alone, we could be looking at a momentous day. I’d say he makes for a great cash game play but I’d be skeptical he isn’t shouted at the rooftops by everybody so he’s probably a weak GPP play; you’re trying to keep up with the jones if you roll with him there, very similarly to what happened with Rashad Jennings last week. In any case, he’s just one of many DK calls for this week so let’s have at it. Here’s my hot takes for the week 6 DK slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 team league of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It lets us know that you care!

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Waiver Wired, Week 6: Brother, Can You Spare A Running Back?

October 7, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Waiver Wire | 45 Comments

by: Andrew Nordmeier

This past week was brutally tough on running backs. We saw several of them get injured and there are lead backs who will miss multiple weeks from the Denver Broncos and New York Giants. Factor in Kansas City and New Orleans are on bye this week, and it makes for a minefield of running backs to work through. We’ll help you get through it in this week’s column. Here we go.

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Who Are These Guys?, Week 6: Wyld Stallyns

October 7, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Buy/Sell | 50 Comments

by: malamoney

Four score and 7 quarters ago…

Considered by many to be the best time traveling movie ever made, Back to the Future is a must see film of the 80’s. Set in Hill Valley, California, Marty McFly accidentally travels back in time (to 1955) using a flux capacitor-powered DeLorean in an attempt to escape a band of angry Libyans. While there… well you know the rest. And if you don’t, shame on you!

Another time traveling masterpiece that gets much less attention, and in many ways is much more excellent, follows the wild adventures of Bill S. Preston, Esquire, and Ted “Theodore” Logan as they travel back in time with the help of Rufus and his magical phone booth to solicit the help of historic personalities such as Napoleon Bonaparte, Abraham Lincoln, Ludwig van Beethoven and So-crates, to help them pass their history class assignment. That’s right, you guessed it. I’m talking about Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. This movie was so excellent, it even had a much less excellent sequel entitled Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey. Believe it or not, I saw this flick in the movie theaters. Shame on me? I was only 14 years old. But even more believe it or not, a third installment to this pseudo legendary saga is currently in the works. So buckle up folks and get ready for another excellent journey!

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Matt Prater Will Have a Couple of Voicemail Messages Waiting for Him Today

October 6, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 75 Comments

by: Jay

In a thrilling day of footballing, there were nine games decided by a touchdown or less, three games decided by a field goal or less, and two overtime victories. It was enough to make some teams (looking directly at you Jim Caldwell and the Lions) wonder why someone like Alex Henery, who single-handedly (or footedly? Is that a word?) lost the game against the Kyle Orton led Bills 17-14, (to what was a 58-yard field goal to Dan Carpenter) still holds a job in the NFL. Missing one field goal is okay. Missing two is unacceptable. Missing three in a game, one of which came with 51 seconds remaining… well… if anything, Henery should be immediately cut just for allowing the above photo to be a thing. Fun fact: If you look up the word “d*ckish” in the dictionary, you’ll find a smug Jim Schwartz smiling right back at you. And while you could easily see getting carried off the field after beating Detroit in the fifth week of the regular season as the most Buffalo thing ever (landing as a tie with eating and drinking too much before sobbing uncontrollably… or is that Cleveland?), apparently asking your team to do this in the preseason, as far back as OTA’s seems, I don’t know, spiteful? Smarmy? Maladjusted? Well, to be fair, with Schwartz, no one would ever see him being that kind of guy… But hey, some good came out of this. Kyle Orton threw for over 300+ yards with a touchdown against the number one ranked defense in the NFL, which is pretty good. And probably the eighth sign that the end of the world is here.

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