I was working in the lab, late one night. When my eyes beheld an eerie sight. For my monster on his slab began to rise and suddenly to my surprise… He did the Mash. The Monster Mash

Just take these wise words in for a moment. Breathe them in. The monster… he did the mash. And don’t we all do the mash sometimes, much to the chagrin and sometimes excitement to our contemporaries? Yes, even sometimes it will truly be a “graveyard smash”. 

What was this section about? Oh uh Halloween injury report. Right. There was a thread here but I got carried away in the poetry of Bobby “Boris” Pickett & The Crypt Kickers (Side note: Here’s a great TV performance of Bobby Pickett doing the Monster Mash, a real masterclass in making really weird faces and being a weirdo).

The teams who will have some extra trick-or-treating time on bye this week are the Ravens and the Raiders. See ya next week! 

Let’s get into this week’s horror show!

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Folx, it is my 100th article here on the fantasy football side of Razzball! I can’t believe that I ended up outpacing baseball with my football content. It’s like my left hand doesn’t know what my right hand is doing. ACKSHUALLY, what is my right hand doing? Oh, typing. What about? Oh yeah, there was a football game last night. Peyton and Eli decided to re-start their Monday Night Football viewing sessions in honor of my 100th article. Hey, Donkey Teeth! Can we make this article into an NFT? Maybe Peyton will buy it and I’ll finally be able to retire to Razzball Island (located near Easter Island, FYI). ENYWHEY. Let’s check out what happened on Monday Night Football: 

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At 44 years old, Floyd Mayweather Jr. is retired from professional boxing and Vince Carter is retired from professional basketball. Also 44 years old, John Cena and Brock Lesnar are no longer full-time professional wrestlers, making part time appearances. On the football field in this week’s Thursday Night Football game, we saw Tom Brady at 44 years old dueling it out with a quarterback who was born when Brady was in college. Brady won the battle against Jalen Hurts and the Eagles and is still out there performing at an elite level in the NFL. Arguably the greatest quarterback of all time, Tom Brady went out there on the national stage and methodically let the Tampa Bay Buccaneers to their 5th win of the season.

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So, they think they found the Zodiac Killer huh? I had this case solved in 2007 after seven marathon viewings of David Fincher’s Zodiac. The eighteen-hour film festival of sorts guided me to another cinematic treasure and the true greatest San Francisco based film of all-time, Homeward Bound II: Lost In San Francisco. Every clue to every cipher can be found there. All those exhausted detectives. All those man hours. One viewing of HB: Dos with Sassy, Chance, and Shadow would’ve solved all your problems. You know what else is exhausting? Trying to find the right person on your waiver wire. Lucky for you, I patterned my work ethic this week after Robert Downey Jr. and Jake Gyllenhaal in Zodiac (Seriously the best San Francisco based film or maybe it is Vertigo. Yeah, it’s Vertigo), pounded the coffee to find some of this week’s best options on the waiver wire.

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Ah, do you smell that in the air? No, it’s not the sweet hoppy smell of the IPAs flowing at Urban Meyer’s Pint House. No, that’s the smell of Football Sunday… and the smell of torn tendons and pulled hammys. That’s gotta hurt! Still probably can’t hurt as bad as I’m sure many of you out there in the ether are with depleted rosters. God bless the poor souls playing Davis Mills this week. You will be in my prayers. 

Anyway, let’s dive into this week’s injury headlines hot off the presses!

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October is upon us and thus the gates of all things spooky have opened. Although no living room werewolf transformation or demon spawned baby can match the terrors on the field this past week. No, I am not talking of the awkward non-hug between Tom Brady and Bill Belichick at the end of Sunday night’s dark and stormy game. I am speaking of the gruesome injuries, quarterback play which may require an old priest and a new priest to fix, and once thought done players seemingly rising from the dead. Things are getting downright strange in the fantasy football neighborhood, so who we gonna call? Waiver Wire!

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 Defense Slot vs. Wide Analysis

Key Slot Matchups Week 4

The goal of this article is to find wide receivers to fade and buy based on how many fantasy points their opponent allows in the slot vs. out wide. In today’s article we will review the key slot matchups for week 4.

The below breaks down where each team allows their fantasy points to wide receivers and is listed from the most to the least amount of fantasy points allowed to the slot this season.

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No movie references or sarcasm this week. The fantasy football community lost someone truly beloved in Mike “Tags” Tagliere this week. As I sat on my bed and scrolled through my timeline on Saturday, I saw so many people thanking him for assisting them with their fantasy teams and how much he’ll be missed on podcasts. I also saw the messages from people in the fantasy sports industry who Tags helped get their start or was there to be a sounding board when needed. I never had the chance to meet him in person but I’ve heard from many people who knew and loved him well. The same people remembering and mourning are the ones who have encouraged, guided, and helped me. Tags never got to hear how much he was appreciated to the degree of what people are saying now. So let me encourage you, whatever you do in life, whether it be a stay-at-home dad, high school principal, or fantasy analyst: tell the people who have helped and encouraged you how much you love them and how much their help has meant to you. None of us know how long we have on this earth, but what we do know is how to say thank you. So while it might be too late, thank you Mike Tagliere for being a beacon in this industry and helping so many people. Thank you for your positivity which has rubbed off on so many of your listeners, colleagues, and fellow analysts. Your legacy is an everlasting ripple in this industry and you will be missed.

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Seriously, I’ve lost track of the days already. Are we having Tuesday Night Football again? Is it 2020? How’s the Mu variant of the coronavirus doing? Why did I draft Drew Brees on my dynasty team? These are all questions I can’t really answer, at least not without the help of my trusty worksheet from the fair maiden Rudy Gamble. What? Rudy’s a man? I’m so out of sorts, I don’t even know who my boss is anymore. Maybe it’s time to jump into the stats and get you ready for Week 2 of fantasy football. 

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There were some epic battles between Muhammad Ali and Joe Frazier back in the 1970s including the “Thrilla in Manilla” and “The Fight of the Century”. We had the Ali vs George Foreman “Rumble in the Jungle” and the Foreman vs Mike Tyson “Ear Biting” match. Iconic slugfests that will forever be remembered in boxing history. Well, football fans all over the world were treated to a different kind of heavyweight slugfest in last night’s kickoff to the 2021 NFL season.

The NFL schedule makers gave us all a treat by scheduling two of the most high-powered offenses in football in the Thursday Night Football season opener. The Super Bowl Champion Tampa Bay Buccaneers got to kick us off by playing host to the Dallas Cowboys in a game that brought us all the jabs, crosses and uppercuts that we remember from those iconic heavyweight boxing matches. Coming into the game, we had a superstar showdown of 44 year old Tom Brady facing off against Dak Prescott who was 11 months removed from being carted off the field with a sideways ankle. The star power was abundant on both sides, and neither side disappointed in a game that hit 60 points and made a lot of fantasy football managers happy.

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