Your pal Zach is out this week so you have to deal with more of me. The league had a very busy day on Friday with Kareem Hunt being sent home, then being put on the commissioner’s exempt list, and then being cut by the Chiefs all together. Moral of the story, keep your hands and feet to yourself and if you fail to, own up to your mistakes. As for your opinions on what Kareem Hunt’s future should look like, I’m not interested in them.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

That’s right, I am right smack-dab in the middle of a November blizzard. So far, I have shoveled the driveway twice today and it’s probably going to happen a third time. I can’t stress enough how depressing this is considering it was over 50 degrees on Thanksgiving. The terrible thing about being an adult is in the manufacturing industry I don’t think that they have snow days. At least, I have never heard of it. I upgraded my car situation last summer, so that excuse is out the window too. It’s now in the middle of the second quarter of the night game when I am finally getting a chance to start this so I am most likely going to keep it pretty short. 

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I’m bored with reviewing five or six games per week. I feel suffocated, you know? Why keep me tied down to just writing about half of Sunday’s games? It’s my Monday column, why not bring the realness. Like Marky Mark says in The Other Guys, “I’m a peacock, you gotta let me fly!” I want to go position by position and see how it flows.

So what are two fun categories to correctly identify each? Well, ‘Stars’ is easy. It’s clear and to the point. What could possibly categorize something so blind-siding and awful that it sucks the life right out of your fantasy team that stays with the astrology theme? There has to be something that’s, let’s say, related to the misery of being a Raiders fan. There literally can’t be anything worse. I’ve got it. Black holes. Now that we have that covered, let’s start with quarterbacks…

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Well dear readers, let’s just get right to the good stuff today.

QB

Ryan Fitzpatrick, $7,600 – “Bucs QB” would be worth playing since you wouldn’t have to deal with the possible benching. Ryan Fitzpatrick, on his own, carries some risk of being benched. But that risk is entirely outweighed by the fact that he’s the starting QB in Air Monken. And Air Monken throws a lot. And volume is king.  

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Last week we finally had a reader tie the touts. Three folks achieved the high score of 8 correct: reader Sweaty Pants tied two of Razzball’s own in Brandon Myers and Matt Bowe. The reader bell curve was normal, but the touts was smashed to the ends. That’s interesting in a way someone better at data analysis could tell you. The winner of this week’s reader side will receive the DJax chain that Matt Bowe wore with his FitzMagic Halloween costume (*may be a replica). As usual, you can get an extra point if share your favorite of these props on any social media. THIS WEEK’S PROPS are live so get crunching. You can see the response distribution of the tout side here.

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Donkey Teeth rediscovered gushers at Halloween and BraMy gushes about his love for rookie TE, Chris Herndon, on this Erection Day episode of the Ditka Pod. The guys also take a look at some Nick Chubb and Kenny Golladay film, sharing their analysis and expectations for both of these rising stars moving forward.

After the weekly LeVeon Bell check in (where BraMy continues to pray to Football Jesus for Bell’s return), your hosts then dive into a session of Buy the Sausage/Sell the Cheesehead/Hold the Ditka. Find out what to do with Tyler Boyd, Golden Tate, Amari Cooper and Cordarelle Patterson. The guys make 2 new stogie bets for the rest of the season. A battle of tight ends, Chris Herndon vs Kyle Rudolph; and they each take a running back for the Steelers. Suckle the sausage right here:

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Finally Election Day is upon us! And I know exactly what you’re thinking: Donkey, how can I vote Marquez Valdes-Scantling onto my fantasy team when 7 different commercials just exposed him as the rape-loving, baby-murdering, puppy-hating heathen he is? 

Fortunately for Marquez, his only opposition is Chief Geronimo Allison who’s also a rape-loving, baby-murdering, puppy-hating heathen. Geronimo also happens to fund terrorism and will miss at least 6 weeks due to core surgery. MVS is yet another in a long line of rookie wide receivers I’m recommending. He has a top QB and a clear path to targets; mark him down as a must-add in all leagues and call him a WR3 for the time being. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy football:

Please, blog, may I have some more?