I used to put my trusty Coleman tent to work every summer. A group of college friends and I would gather for a long weekend of debauchery and mosquito bites. Eventually, after enough blood loss, we outgrew the authentic camping experience and upgraded to cabin glamping. Also, our old campsite not-so-politely asked us to never come back. Regardless, my Coleman tent hasn’t seen any use in recent years. That is, until yesterday, when Tevin Coleman helped me pitch a tent as he obliterated the Panthers defense with 11 carries for 105 yards, 2 catches for 13 yards and 4 touchdowns! Who do I call if my tent has been erect for over 24 hours? Anyway, here’s what else I saw during yesterday’s late games in fantasy football: 

George Kittle – 6 catches for 86 yards. Someone asked me last week if they should sell Kittle at a discount in the wake of the Sanders trade. I donkey kicked that person in the face. Kittle is my #1 TE rest of season and Rudy’s Rest of Season Player Rater agrees. Buy him if you can.

Emmanuel Sanders – 4 catches for 25 yards and his 3rd touchdown. Manny wasted little time, finding the end zone on his first drive as a 49er. Sanders will enjoy talking football and porn stars with Jimmy Garoppolo (18/22 for 175 yards and his 8th and 9th touchdowns).

Deebo Samuel – 3 catches for 19 yards, 2 carries for 26 yards and his 2nd touchdown. The 49ers second round draft pick’s role should continue to expand but don’t expect consistency. 2020 will be the Season of Deebo.

Kyle Allen – 19/37 for 158 yard with zero touchdowns and 3 interceptions. Did anyone really think Allen had a chance at keeping this job from Cam Newton (foot)? Superman will fly again soon.

Christian McCaffrey – 14 carries for 117 yards, 4 catches for 38 yards and his 10th touchdown. Run CMC already has more rushing touchdowns (8) than he did all of last year (7). He’s also on pace for 18 rushing touchdowns which has only been done once in the past ten years (LeGarrette Blount 2016). Cam Newton might have something to say about this, but maybe they limit the rushing work in his feeble state.

Darren Waller – 2 catches for 11 yards and his 3rd touchdown. I meant to watch this game but got mesmerized by Darren Waller riding a stationary bike shirtless. I’m pleased to see Derek Carr (18/30 for 285 yards and 3 touchdowns) still targeted Big Sexy Waller 8 times in this one.

Hunter Renfrow – 4 catches for 88 yards and his 1st career touchdown. Gruden loves this guy. I mean, Gruden loves everyone as we learned in his announcing days, but he really loves this Renfrow guy who looks more like a beerman than a wide receiver man.

Tyrell Williams – 3 catches for 91 yards and his 5th touchdown. Williams now has a touchdown in all five games he’s played this year. Knock if you think Tyrell Williams is underrated. 

Josh Jacobs – 15 carries for 66 yards, 2 catches for 15 yards. There might be a little buy-low window cracked open here for the rookie who was bothered by a shoulder injury this week, but still posted 4.4 yards per carry against a solid Texans run defense. I like him as a high end RB2 moving forward and Rest of Season Player Rater actually has him pegged as RB#6. The robot just had to one up me!

Darren Fells – 5 catches for 58 yards and his 3rd and 4th touchdowns. I said this about him two weeks back, “The 6′ 7″ mountain of a man, Darren Fells, also forewent college football in favor of basketball but now seems to be developing a real pigskin connection with Deshaun Watson. Fells caught two touchdowns in week 5 and then brought in 6 passes for 69 yards in week 6. Nice. ” And that’s me quoting me. Fells is suddenly a startable tight end.

DeAndre Hopkins – 11 catches for 109 yards. The main beneficiary of the Will Fuller injury wasn’t Kenny Stills (3 catches for 22 yards) nor Keke Coutee (benched for DeAndre Carter??).  Deshaun Watson (27/39 for 279 yards, 10 carries for 46 yards and 3 touchdowns) instead looked to his old safety blanket, Hopkins, and his new safety binky, Fells.

Tom Brady – 20/36 for 259 yards and his 12th and 13th touchdowns. Did you see Adam Schefter report it’s unlikely Brady will be back in New England next year? Seriously, is anyone buying this?!

Julian Edelman – 8 catches for 78 yards and his 3rd and 4th touchdowns. Antonio Brown? Smells too much like farts. Josh Gordon? Smells too much like weed. Julian Edelman? Smells just right, like Tom Brady.

Mohamed Sanu – 2 catches for 23 yards. Sanu said Brady offered him the number 12 if he wanted it. I feel like it was some sort of test. What would’ve happened if he accepted? Lifetime ban from the NFL?  I’ll be surprised if Sanu is a consistent fantasy contributor in the second half of the season, the full Patriots offense is notoriously difficult to pick up.

Nick Chubb – 20 carries for 131 yards. Several people asked me what I expect from Chubb once Kareem Hunt is in the fold. Answer: more of the same. I don’t see Hunt taking much Chubb. I mean much of Chubb’s load. I mean much of Chubb’s workload! 

Baker Mayfield – 20/31 for 194 yards and his 6th touchdown. 6 touchdowns in 7 games? Yikes. More importantly, I have questions about the Progressive commercial where Baker is cleaning up after having his friends over to the stadium for a party. What in God’s name was that sock used for? Why is Mayfield touching it? Disturbing stuff, although touching that sock might be more pleasant than owning Baker Mayfield at this point. 

Aaron Jones – 13 carries for 67 yards, 7 catches for 159 yards and his 10th and 11th touchdowns. It was the Packer RB show on Sunday night as Jamaal Williams (7 carries for 22 yards, 3 catches for 14 yards and his 4th and 5th touchdowns) tried to keep up with the Jonesy. A-A-Ron#2 is on pace for 16 rushing touchdowns and 22 all-purpose touchdowns this year. Good luck keeping up with that, Jamaal.

Aaron Rodgers – 23/33 for 305 yards, 6 carries for 29 yards and 3 touchdowns—he now has 16 touchdowns on the season. Rodgers has developed a disgusting prejudice against wide receivers during Davante Adams‘ turf toe trauma. It’s 2019, get with the times Rodgers! And can someone please get that turf out of Adams’ toe already?!

Travis Kelce – 4 catches for 63 yards and his 2nd touchdown. Pigskinonator projected Baby Gronk for 5.3 catches for 63.9 yards and 0.48 touchdowns. Wow, the robot is dialed in on the yardage! But 0.52 touchdowns off is embarrassing, silly machine.

Mecole Hardman – 2 catches for 55 yards and his 4th touchdown and has now found the end zone in consecutive weeks. A Hardman is good to find!

Damien Williams – 7 carries for 30 yards and his 3rd touchdown. Help me roll him up in this carpet before someone sees. Wait! He just moved, he’s alive! Sadly Williams is still on life support getting single digit carries since week 1 and zero targets in the passing game this week.

Matt Moore – 24/36 for 267 yards and his 2nd and 3rd touchdowns. According to the Kyle Allen crowd, Mahomes is now in danger of losing his job.

 

Find Donkey Teeth on Twitter. Subscribe to his podcast: The Razzball Fantasy Football Podcast on Itunes, Stitcher, or wherever you get your podcasts

  1. James Bolger says:
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    Thinking of dropping Brandon Cooks due to repeated concussions. Would pick up either Marquis Brown, M Gallup or Davante Parker. Any advice?

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Yes, I’d swap him for Brown

  2. James Bolger says:
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    Got a trade offer this morning – his DJ Moore for my Devon Singletary. What do you think?

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      I’d take DJ unless you’re desperate for RBs

  3. Cram It says:
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    I’m 7-1 with strong championship aspirations. I’ve had Hockenson at TE all year, but picked up Jonnu Smith for week 8 and he produced. I currently own both and know Jonnu’s production is directly tied to Delanie Walker. I don’t want to upset the balance of my team by trading for a top 5 TE, but do you see a more reliable mid-tier guy that would be an upgrade I could give Alshon or McLaurin for? Greg Olsen? Is he worth it? Darren F’n Fells? These guys are so up and down. Eh, maybe I just needed to talk this out. Probably not much worse off with the guys I have. Thanks for listening! Haha.

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Haha glad I could help!

      I agree with your conclusions. If Waller, Hooper, Andrews or Henry are attainable at a fair price I’d make a move. Outside of that just keep piecing it together.

  4. Snacks Zillions says:
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    Lol, Loved the Kittle blurb, great article. Thank you

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Haha was that you, Snacks? Couldn’t remember…

  5. Ryle Allon says:
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    Matt Moore didn’t win and Cam Newton hasn’t looked like Pat Mahomes. Duh.

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Yeah, it was a joke…

  6. Thesportsguy says:
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    ROS Tight Ends..Howard, Everett and Goedert..please rank

    Follow up based on above…

    I have all 3 …trade Howard for Breida? I have Tevin Coleman

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Everett, Goedert, Howard.

      Yep, I’d make that swap.

  7. For An Armenianless Vacation Come to Akron says:
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    except the “k.allen people” probably actually saw newtown perform this year, wee bit different than mahomes. maybe if he’s actually healthy this time he’ll be better, but he’s the kinda twit to play through stuff that he’ll play really badly with (already just happened, and happened in previous seasons too)

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      The idea that Kyle Allen would keep the job over a healthy Cam Newton seems ridiculous to me. And a lot of people were making that claim. “Healthy” Cam Newton is the key, like you said.

      Obviously the Mahomes stuff was a joke, there’s a clear difference.

      • For An Armenianless Vacation Come to Akron says:
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        those people saying that probably just can’t remember the last time camtown WAS actually healthy for anything resembling any decent amount of time, since it’s been so damn long. and he’s certainly played while NOT healthy a whole lot of the time, and k.allen is better than that version of camtown. news on cam isn’t good either, he’s supposedly not at all better yet and seeing more foot people (probably just doctors, but by this stage he might as well meet up with some foot fetishists as well)

  8. Yr Never Too Old For Balloons says:
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    20 team dynasty where i have to have at least 10 WAS players at all times. IR counts towards this. rushing yards worth half more than receiving, but it is PPR. for the IDP’s i’ll just list their ROS ranking from idp guru, the best idp site existent (youse guys should see about teaming up with him similar to how grey found you 2 almost a year and a half ago, as razzball hasn’t had any IDP stuff in about 3-4 years and the last time they did their guy was also a top 2 ranker for IDP for 2 consecutive years, but even that guy’s content paled in comparison to IDP guru’s stuff at his site (in season is free, super deep preseason rankings are like 8 bucks for the predraft kit). return yards here are worth as much as rushing yards, so cord patt is actually better than pretty much any of my WR the last 3 weeks.

    QB (1, max from at most 2 real life teams, but as many as you want from one of those 2 teams you can have guys from, so here i could have multiple LAR or WAS QB’s): goff, haskins (WAS 1)

    RB (1): ekeler, c.thompson (WAS 2), b.love (W 3), and i can add bonnafon or wilkins again when VD gets his out tag for this week (or drop sprinkle if he is active)

    WR (2): t-will, m-will, richardson (W 4), cord patterson, aj brown

    TE (1): irv smith, sprinkle (W 5), VD (W 6)
    1 flex
    IR (5): d.johnson, j.reed (W 7), guice (W 7)
    K (1): WAS kicker (W 8)

    LB (3): r.evans (18), kwon A (33), l.david (25), used to have e.kendricks but i dropped him after having him for his whole career since he was trending down for the last 2 years, and then THIS year he goes off for a 15th ROS guy now (in preseason he was far lower, middle 40’s), d.ford (backup LB and DE here)), and i can add morrow (OAK, 50) or q.williams (JAX, was ranked higher till injured, 62nd)

    DE (2): c.campbell (DE 8), houston (15), d.ford (DE 27)
    DT (2): AAron (DT 1), j.allen (W 9, counts as a DT which is awesome since he plays DE and they score more, 19), j.phillips (BUF, technically a split starter with star lat but has done better than him, the 3rd DT can be thrown away after byes by LAR/WAS, ranked DT 10 this week)

    S (2): b.baker (S 9), simmons (16), r.harrison (i got the 2 waiver and he’s coming off tonight, 8), nicholson (W 10), so i’ll be too deep at S (rather be this deep at LB), shame i traded away l.collins about 3 years ago for a WR when i needed one (it was a fair smart trade at the time)

    CB (2): norman (W 10, CB 31, could go away from him he’s not good and doesn’t get full snaps anymore, could drop him for moreau, getting more snaps than him at WAS lately), j.joseph (CB 8)
    IR: a.phillips S LAC (this guy was awesome last year used somewhat as a LB, hurt all this year so far, ROS S 35)

    got a trade offer of:
    my aj brown + 3rd rounder (these have some value unless you keep so many that you only draft rounds 1-2)
    for
    AP + keenum + mclaurin + worthless pick

    keenum and probably AP i have little use for (certainly keenum has no long term value and i only don’t start goff on his this week bye anyway, and keenum doesn’t sound like he’s playing over haskins this week as is, i have 1 IR slot left). i could drop some guys if i did this (one of the WAS TE’s probably). probably should try to trade away one of the S for LB here after i obtain r.harrison tonight. but is aj brown that much better than mclaurin long term anyway? clearly i’d love to have a base player on WAS long term (have guice, possibly b.love, haskins, j.allen, the kicker, one of the TE’s already, m.ioanndis DE is quite good all of a sudden but likely want to be held onto by his owner). if i did this i’d probably drop keenum right away. it’s been a hard road trying to both compete and have this many WAS players for this many years, but i did 3 peat once not long ago here. miscount above i do have 11 WAS players

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