A quick google search tells me there’s only three predators capable of killing a Jaguar. The first is the anaconda—that big ass snake from the Jon Voight movie. The second is the caiman—these little gator looking guys in Mexico and South America. And the third, of course, is Derrick Henry—which makes sense because he looks a lot like a Predator. In week 13 last year, Henry took 17 carries for 238 yards and 4 touchdowns. I remember that game well because I was required to attend a 2.5 hour holiday lights trolley tour on that Thursday night which, to my surprise, turned out to be much more pleasant than watching Derrick Henry destroy my fantasy hopes and dreams before the weekend even started. Fast forward around 12 months and if you were playing against The Predator this week then I hope you had a painfully long Sunday afternoon holiday lights trolley tour to attend. Henry rumbled for 159 yards on 19 carries plus another 16 yards on 1 reception with 2 touchdowns—he has 10 touchdowns on the season and is now being protested by PETA for his heinous crimes against Jaguars. Anyway, here’s what else I saw during yesterday’s late games in fantasy football:
Ryan Tannehill – 14/18 for 259 yards and 7 carries for 40 yards with 2 passing touchdowns and 2 rushing touchdowns—he now has 10 passing touchdowns and 3 rushing touchdowns since taking over 6 games back. Is that Ryan Tannehill or Lamar Jackson?
A.J. Brown – 4 catches for 135 yards and his 4th touchdown. We’ve told people to pickup the Brown who isn’t related to Antonio every week for the past ten weeks on the podcast formerly known as the Fantasy Sausage Podcast. Come listen, we’re only about half as stupid as we sound.
Nick Foles – 32/48 for 272 yards, 3 carries for 20 yards and 0 touchdowns. Jaguars players: “Coach Marrone, we can’t find Gardner Minshew!” Marrone: “Did you check that old orange van out in the parking lot?”
Leonard Fournette – 24 carries for 97 yards, 9 catches for 62 yards and his 2nd and 3rd touchdowns. I did a double take when I saw he only had one touchdown thru 11 weeks. If you would’ve told me in August that Leonard Fournette would be healthy for the first 12 weeks and only have 3 touchdowns I’d want to know more about your time traveling exploits.
Dede Westbrook – 8 catches for 69 yards. Nice.
D.J. Chark – 5 catches for 38 yards. Charknado was visibly jealous of the Foles/Dede 69ing.
Chris Conley – 4 catches for 49 yards. Conley had some nice chemistry with Uncle Rico but now has to start back at square one with Napoleon Dynamite back in at QB.
Dennis Kelly – 1 catch for 1 yard and his 1st career touchdown. If you just said, “who?” that is the correct response. Kelly is a 321 pound offensive lineman and he’ll be the #1 offensive lineman add in fantasy leagues this week.
Dak Prescott – 19/33 for 212 yards and 0 touchdowns. Pat Fitzmaurice came on the Razzball Fantasy Football Podcast this past week and we all agreed Rudy and his Pigskinonator were crazy for putting Dak all the way down as QB19 for this week. I humbly apologize to Pigskinonator, because that robot scares me. But I refuse to apologize to Rudy, I had no idea it was monsoon season in New England!
N’Keal Harry – 1 catch for 10 yards and his 1st career touchdown. Speaking of monsoon season, it was a perfect storm for The Big Harry as he slid right in, returning to full health just as both Mohamed Sanu (ankle) and Phillip Dorsett (concussion) hit the shelf. Of course he still only saw 4 targets and suffered one ugly drop. In be much more interested in The Big Harry in 2020.
Tom Brady – 17/37 for 190 yards and his 15 touchdown but only his 5th touchdown in the last 6 weeks. If Multiplicity taught me anything it’s that it’s never a good idea to make a clone of a clone, much less a clone of a clone of a clone.
Julian Edelman – 8 catches for 93 yards. Even during monsoon season Edelman gets 12 targets from his best bud Brady.
Amari Cooper – 0 catches for 0 yards. This reminds me of a line Amari might’ve put up in Oakland back in 2017. Don’t freak out, he was being covered by the best cornerback in the NFL and monsoon season is especially tough on receivers.
Ezekiel Elliott – 21 carries for 86 yards and 4 catches for 40 yards. Zeke was underfed in this one. Considering the weather, even 30 carries still may have still left him hungry.
Randall Cobb – 4 catches for 86 yards. I said two weeks ago that I wouldn’t pick Cobb up, even with your team. But now he’s strung three nice weeks together totaling 14 catches for 307 yards and 2 touchdowns and I’m ready to pick him up with your team.
Aaron Rodgers – 20/33 for 104 yards and his 18th touchdown. Is is just me or do Al Michaels and Collinsworth both have an unhealthy obsession with Rodgers’ balls and shaft?
Davante Adams – 7 catches for 43 yards and his 1st touchdown. Adams had just two catches for 17 yards at the half and I had the thought, maybe they should try putting the turf back in his toe. But he came out and caught a 2 yard touchdown pass on the first drive of the 2nd half. At least one Packer salvaged a decent fantasy line.
Aaron Jones – 13 carries for 38 yards. A-A-Ron? Is A-A-Ron here? Has anyone seen A-A-Ron?
Jimmy Garoppolo – 14/20 for 253 yards and his 19th and 20th touchdowns. I might never get a chance to use my Jimmy G-Poo joke. The guy is just too GQ.
George Kittle – 6 catches for 129 yards and his 3rd touchdown. I was curious whether George would be anywhere near 100% in this game after sitting out only two weeks with a broken bone in his ankle. Now I’m just curious what George would be like to hang out with, dude seems like he has a good time.
Tevin Coleman – 11 carries for 39 yards, 2 catches for 10 yards and his 7th touchdown. Coleman could’ve had a much bigger game but Raheem Mostert (6 carries for 45 yards, 1 catch for 22 yards and his 3rd touchdown) took over once the game was out of hand. Your league probably doesn’t allow trading this late in the year, but if it does, I’d try to pry the Tevin Coleman buy-low window open.