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And I quote, ‘(extending an) olive branch is usually a symbol of peace or victory’.  The quote goes on to say ‘…and was historically worn by brides and virgins.’  Well given you all play fantasy sports, I’m just gonna assume the latter applies to at least 90% of you.  And THAT’s how I make my triumphant return to writing after taking last week off: insulting your sexual goings on.  *Pats own back*.  In seriousness, I am extending you said Branden Oliver branch as both a sign of peace and victory.  You see, I made you draft Donald Brown on a few teams a couple of weeks ago.  Unfortunately, Dammit Donald has returned with a vengeance this season but thankful to all owners and DK players, he’s not gonna be on the menu for quite some time.  So to make up for this horrendous mistake, I’m gonna stay with the Chargers backfield which should lead you to a beautiful victory come Sunday as Oliver’s price tag of $5,500 puts you in a prime spot to price yourself well elsewhere.  Two symbolic twigs for the price of one!  You should count yourself as lucky.  Given that the Raiders have been 4th worst against the run for fantasy purposes this year and Oliver steamrolled a strong Jets rush defense last week for 116 yards on the ground alone, we could be looking at a momentous day.  I’d say he makes for a great cash game play but I’d be skeptical he isn’t shouted at the rooftops by everybody so he’s probably a weak GPP play; you’re trying to keep up with the jones if you roll with him there, very similarly to what happened with Rashad Jennings last week.  In any case, he’s just one of many DK calls for this week so let’s have at it.  Here’s my hot takes for the week 6 DK slate…

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Eli Manning, QB: $7,800 – Another cash game delight, Manning is reasonably priced, has a full slate of weapons at his disposal and gets to face the Eagles secondary which gives up the 2nd most DK points to opposing QBs this year.  One of the few times a Manning Face will be akin to an O Face in your memory.  Of course, you didn’t want that IN your memory but it’s there now so keep it and never let it out.  We don’t want to see it either.  Given the other ‘sexy’ options of Matt Ryan and Peyton Manning – first and last time you’ll see the word ‘sexy’ and ‘Peyton Manning’ in the same sentence, btw – he may fly under the radar but I highly doubt it.

Andy Dalton, QB: $6,500 – After the Red Rocket tiki torched most of my teams the last time I called for him, I’m really hesitant to list him but the stats are there.  Well, not HIS stats but the Panthers stats against opposing QBs are: 23rd most DK points to opposing playcallers.  Not much else to say other than he has the chance to be good and at the price, it’s a good GPP gamble.  On a totally unrelated note, wanna know what they call every play Dalton is under center?  Ginger snaps.  I have a million of these but I only gave you one.  I don’t want you to suffer.

Ben Roethlisberger, QB: $6,500 – Same argument as Dalton, really.  Neither have been great for DK this season but they’re being given prime matchups.  The Browns secondary gave up 273 passing yards and 4 total TDs (one rushing) to a combo of Jake Locker and Charlie Whitehurst last Sunday and are giving up the 27th most DK points to opposing QBs so far this year.  Big Ben has been playing like a swatch but could easily go from 6 to 12 in a heartbeat if you get my meaning.  Actually I don’t get my meaning at this point, could you fill me in?

Teddy Bridgewater, QB: $6,300 – Teddy was a bridge over troubled waters when he was inserted into the lineup and looks to be on track to start this weekend.  The matchup isn’t nice but his skill set and surrounding skill players are.  Consider him a decent GPP roll of the dice.

Charlie Whitehurst, QB: $6,200 – Really, this could apply to Jake Locker if he starts or even Mettenberger if he indeed does get the turn.  Jags have been bad on pretty much every level and I don’t see how that changes on Sunday.  Honestly, this game could be the worst offensive showing or the best for DK purposes since so much indecision will be based around it all week.  Consider Blake Bortles in the mix here as well at his $5,700 price tag and I’ll get to some other players from this game later down the road here.

Geno Smith, QB: $5,500 – Basically.  It’s not the strongest of calls.  He’s looked very bad without Decker out there and there’s no guarantee Decker is going to be back this week.  And let’s not kid ourselves, even with Decker, he hasn’t been the greatest.  I think Rex Ryan should be called Hex Ryan, at least when it comes to QBs.  AMIRIGHT?!?  In the end, this is me pointing at a matchup that could be exploited and we know the Jets will have to throw to keep alive in a game facing off against Peyton.  Of course, that was last week against the Chargers and he went 4/12 with an INT before being benched for the second half.  This really is a ‘throw him in your ugly lineup and pray’ type of call but crazier things have happened.  Like that time I got sucked into a video arcade game and had to fight for my survival.  That was Tron…the movie.  If you believe it, it can happen.  That doesn’t make sense.  You and your reality, imaginary reader…

Eddie Lacy, RB: $6,300 – Perfect pairing of reasonable price mixed with seeing a guy finally get the gears grinding the right way.  My main concern is he’ll be highly owned after last week’s offensive explosion but on the plus side, that happened on Thursday.  How far back do daily fantasy memories go?  He might be the one that gets overlooked, but I’m doubtful.  Hopefully we get no ‘Lacy’s Out‘ jokes.

Matt Forte, RB: $8,800 – Forte is worth every penny this week and should be a cash game staple in lineups.  Atlanta made Matt Asiata look like Michael Turner circa 2008.  Only Asiata played against them, not for them.  That’s not a good thing.  While we’re on DA BEARS, they’re one of the few teams pairing QB and RB makes sense.  Forte had 11 receptions last week and Atlanta has given up the 5th most receptions to opposing RB so far this year.

Andre Williams, RB: $5,400 – With Rashad down, someone’s gotta run it and it might as well be ‘dre.  Don’t let the stats on DK fool you.  Philly may be only giving up the 19th most points to opposing RBs but it’s been rare a team has kept pace and been allowed to actually run the ball.  Keep in mind the Eagles have also allowed 29 touches to opposing running backs in the red zone so far this year.  That’s 5th worst in the league.  That 5th best for your intentions if you start him.  I know, it gets confusing sometimes.

Chris Ivory, RB: $4,300 – *Swoons*  So you don’t like the Geno Smith call.  Yeah, I don’t really either.  Out of necessity really.  If the Jets are smart, they ground and pound the shizz out of the Broncos and don’t let up until they absolutely have to and in all honesty if they execute, they won’t have to.  The Denver Bronies have given up the 28th most DK points to opposing running backs so far this year and Ivory is finally stepping into the role of big time primary back this season.  If Ivory can touch the ball 20+ times, a 100 yard rushing day and a touchdown or two are easily within reach.  Sighs…he IS on the Jets though…lets scale it back to 60 and a TD.

Storm Johnson, RB: $3,000 – There are absolutely zero guarantees he even starts, let alone is the de facto backup to Gerhart but it’s clear the Jags are willing to move on from Toby as the lead back at this point. I think Storm will look even better than Halle Berry did in her X-Men outfit on Sunday if he could get 20+ touches. Of course, if I could get 20+ touches of Halle in said suit, I wouldn’t really care either way how Johnson did.

Victor Cruz, WR: $5,800 – Pairing is caring.  If you’re going Eli, wouldn’t hurt to go with Cruz.  Though he doesn’t have the red zone upside that Rueben Randle does – whom I’d also consider at $4,600 – I’d say he has the biggest chance for a 150 yard receiving day along with a long touchdown.  Plus a good player coming off a down week with a plus matchup is usually cash money.  See (insert player that fits your argument while ignoring all others that don’t here).

Vincent Jackson, WR: $5,700 – There are a lot of cheap gets this week at WR and I plan on exploiting them as much as possible.  It’s all about being a hog of the quantity and not necessarily the quality with football.  With Mike Evans on the sidelines for yet another week, VJax is gone VJacksonate all over the Baltimore secondary just like he did last week against New Orleans.

Justin Hunter, WR: $4,800 – And thus his slow ascent into the fantasy heavens begins.  Like I said up above, this game will either be an offensive smorgasborg or a desolate garbage land fill.  I doubt there’s any in between.  I have faith in both offenses getting rolling but moreso in the Titans as they’ve at least shown some promise this year.

Allen Robinson, WR: $3,700 – Solid but unspectacular week against the Steelers with a 5/51 line but with all the Hurns drops, it makes me wonder if Robinson sees a bit more targets this week than even his 11 last week.  In the end, this weekend shall be much like Highlander: there can be only one (Allen).

Delanie Walker, TE: $5,300 – If you’re paying up at TE this week, it’s either Walker or Greg Olsen ($5,700) you’re doing it for.  Both are facing bottom of the barrel defenses against their position and are heavily involved in their respective offenses to begin with.  Given I seem to have every Titan or Jag on here so far, I’ll probably have to go Olsen just so I get SOME points this week but Delanie having another 100+ yard receiving day is well within reach.

Owen Daniels, TE: $4,300 – There’s probably zero big number upside here but given the matchup and what he did last week with 5/70, his price point makes him reasonable and makes him a good safety blanket TE.

Larry Donnell, TE: $3,500 – From GOAT to goat so quickly?  That’s a low price tag for a guy that should be involved in a pass-heavy game.  We already know his upside and it’s surely worth more than 3.5K.  Consider me intrigued.

Tim Wright, TE: $3,000 – Somehow the derps in New England finally remembered they traded for this guy in the off-season last week…just in time for me to have dropped him in every league and to feel disgusted with myself.  Thanks derps!  It’s not the same plus matchups the TEs above have but if the Pats are the improved offense they showed last week, Wright will be involved in some capacity.  He, in fact, has the Wright stuff to turn this team around.  *Dodges tomatoes*.  Anyways, this is a ‘punt with panache’ play as he’s still at the minimum pricing on DK this week.

Dallas Cowboy Passing Attack Stack – I had to do it.  They’re in Seattle.  No one will play anyone in Seattle.  They’re also 4-1 for a reason.  They’re committing to the run and playing off it for their passing production.  I know, novel concept.  You could get away with stacking Romo ($6,100), Dez ($6,600) and Terrance ($5,200) which would leave you room for plenty of the high rolling names.  And if you wanna go completely off the rails, throw in DeMarco at $7,600 for the full on effect.  Of course, you’d need Dallas to score about 50 for that to work and I’m not crazy enough to think that will happen but I will say this: the Seahawks are great at home but they ARE beatable.  Tampa Bay almost proved that last year when they stayed committed to pounding Mike James on them for 28 carries, holding the lead for most of the game until losing in OT 27-24.  All this to say, you want a GPP play very few are gonna be hip on you gotta say ‘How ’bout dem Cowboys!’.

Denver Broncos, DST: $3,100 – Typically I prefer to start a home defense if given the opportunity but most of the exploitable matchups this week seem to be on the road.  Yes, this is me contradicting the Geno call.  I said it was GPP only and a pipe dream that the ugly duckling becomes a beautiful swan.  Most likely it’ll just be a swan dive and the Broncos could in a good place for pick 6 if the Jets offensive game plan plays into their hands and let’s face facts.  The likelihood of that is >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Minnesota Vikings, DST: $2,500 – If Teddy plays.  Just putting that out there.  I do believe defenses are situational not only with their opponents but also how invested their team keeps them in the game.  Jets DST could probably be top 5 in the league every week if their offense didn’t drop a big, musty, soul-killing shart on any momentum they build off a 3 and out or a turnover.  Another big if: if Calvin Johnson sits.  Of course, he’s started and done nothing of late so there’s that too but the biggest push I have for the Vikings is based around a number: 17.  That’s how many times Stafford has been sacked this year.  That leads the NFL.  I could see a big push from a team that got embarrassed on TNF as they get a few more days rest, their starting QB back and get to play at home.  To put it mildly, Vikings might Skol F@#$ the Lions this weekend.  Get on your knees, Private Pile!