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Quarterback is a position this year that – much like a child left in a car in the middle of summer with the windows rolled up – doesn’t need to be worried about.  Woah, strike that analogy and reverse it!  Really, QB is gonna be the least of your worries in 2013, I can almost promise you.  That ‘almost’ was brought to you by Elite QB Inc where we learn that a Superbowl winning QB should be a top 10 QB in the next fantasy year only because everyone and their mother know his name.  I hear ya.  Last year someone had a beef with me ranking Eli so low because he carried his team to that Super Bowl win.  Eh, sorry to be the bearer of bad news but, uh, this is Fantasy Football and we don’t care.  Good night!  As stated, this isn’t a position to get worried about this year in terms of getting a top tier guy.  There’s plenty of value up and down this list and a few sleeper worthy types that we might/should discuss at a later date.  But until then, I say we keep on keeping on with our 2013 Fantasy Football Rankings as we look at the Top 20 quarterbacks for the 2013 Fantasy Football season…

Projections based on passing yards, passing touchdowns, interceptions, rushing yards, rushing touchdowns

1. Aaron Rodgers See Top 20 For 2013 Fantasy Football for Aaron Rodgers projections.

2. Drew Brees See Top 20 For 2013 Fantasy Football for Drew Brees projections.

3. Tom Brady See Top 20 For 2013 Fantasy Football for Tom Brady projections.

4. Cam Newton – Ah the start of a new QB tier.  I shall call this tier ‘ZZ Top’ because these guys got legs and they know how to use them.  Cam had a weird year in 2012 but when it mattered most, he lead his fantasy teams to the promised land.  I do have concerns they didn’t upgrade the talent around Cam after a rocky 2012 but it’s clear Newton can still be counted on for fantasy stats even without one.  2013 Projections: 3915/20/15/712/8

5. Robert Griffin, III – Woah there…just woah.  Isn’t he hurt?  Yeah, we don’t know if he’ll even start game one of the season and he’s getting pushed down in rankings because of it.  The reality is you win your championships in December and if he misses the first couple of games to start the year, he’s still gonna be there when you need him most.  You think you can’t survive a couple of weeks with a so-so backup QB?  What are you, afraid of success?  2013 Projections: 3311/24/8/812/6

6. Russell WilsonThis was almost Kaepernick here…almost.  In the end, I trust Wilson more seeing as he played the whole year.  Yep, that’s pretty much the dividing line on this one.  QB is so talented this year, it’s kinda amazing like that time you found Adam Levine walking down the street and hit him in the head with your full can of Pepsi and no one knew it was you.  Well done, the world thanks you.  2013 Projections: 3610/28/12/550/5

7. Matt RyanRyan is a start of a new tier that goes to Peyton.  This tier is called ‘Fat Of The Land’ Tier because really, QB is an embarrassment of riches this year.  I could see taking anywhere from Rodgers all the way down to Stafford and feel I have a shot at a top 5 QB season on the year.  All this to say, I have to rank these guys somewhere and I’m not making a tier of 11 of them.  2013 Projections: 4740/30/12/105/1

8. Peyton Manning – They were supposed to not throw the ball that much last year.  That was the plan.  Weird plan for a team to have when they go out and trade for Peyton if you ask me.  Full disclosure: if there’s one guy that worries me the most in this top 10, it’s probably Peyton due to the age factor.  Of course, I said the same thing last year when I ranked him much lower and got burned so I’m going to hedge by ranking him higher but giving the same warning.  How’s THAT for contradiction?  2013 Projections: 4600/34/12/5/0

9. Colin Kaepernick – Like I said, he was almost in the category above but I just couldn’t justify it without a full season under his belt.  Colin’s the start of a new tier.  This tier goes from here to Stafford and I call it the ‘big badda boom’ tier as I could see any of these three exploding ahead of their current rankings and reaching closer to the Cam area of the draft.  They might also disappoint and make a bad type of explosion on your team.  Plus I get to make a Fifth Element reference which I try to do at least 5 times a day.  2013 Projections: 3272/22/13/570/8

10. Andrew LuckLuck had a solid rookie season but ask any Luck owner how they felt about him as the season wore on and you’d get a very different answer.  His fantasy season was really buoyed by 5 rushing touchdowns, all of which were scored in 3 games and all of which happened up through week 11.  I’m not saying Luck had a bad year, he had an overrated year in terms of fantasy value due to some weird stats.  Can Andrew improve on his 2012 season?  Of course.  Should you pay premium to find out?  Nope.  2013 Projections: 4260/25/15/220/2

11. Matthew StaffordHere’s some interesting stats.  Stafford passed for only 71 yards less in 2012 than he had in 2011 and only had 1 more interception in 2012 as well.  What changed?  Oh, just a little goal line unluckiness you could say.  Though the 4 rushing touchdowns were nice, I’m sure owners would’ve liked more Megatron catches that ended at the five yard line or closer to have made it across the goal line as Stafford went from 41 TD passes down to 20 last year.  Just as much as he’s not a 41 touchdown guy, he’s also not a 20 touchdown guy either.  Stafford looks primed for a fantasy bounce back campaign this year.  2013 Projections: 4932/29/16/105/1

12. Tony RomoTony gets this tier because he doesn’t really fit in the tier above.  Maybe that’s why Jerry Jones seems to hate him so much.  Oh wait, no that’s because Jones is bat-guano crazy and shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near the development of an NFL team.  Ever.  But I digress, Tony’s tier stretches to Eli and is called ‘The Brink’ because they’re dangerously close to being in a tier below the one following this but I trust them more than I do those other guys.  Why?  Because I don’t listen to Donovan McNabb for fantasy advice.  2013 Projections: 4368/28/13/70/1

13. Eli ManningMeh.  That’s really all I have to say about Eli at this point.  He’s good not great for Fantasy but if he wins the Super Bowl MVP again, I’ll have to hear about how he’s not a top 5 QB for fantasy in 2014.  It’s ridiculous.  And I don’t care because this is where he goes and where he belongs.  If you can’t tell, he’s probably not gonna end up on any of my teams this year.  2013 4235/28/17/25/0

14. Michael Vick – Ahhhh not this again!  Vick is the start of a new tier that ends with Bradford.  I call this tier the ‘Take A Chance On Romance’ tier as these three could turn into sweethearts this year in the draft but I fully understand why you’d want to avoid them at all costs.  We know what Vick can and can’t do at this point.  We also know if he doesn’t meet the needs of Chip, he might not even be on the team come September.  In writing this, I am fully aware of how much of an idiot he could make me look like but the reality is, I don’t need much help on that.  I talked a bit about him this off-season when Michael Vick re-signed and think – like stucco to the side of Edward James Olmos’ face – should still be applied now.  2013 Projections: 3360/22/12/609/5

15. Ben RoethlisbergerThings you may or may not know about 2012.  Adele’s 21 was the top selling album but did you know Gotye’s ‘Somebody That I Used To Know’ was the top selling single?  Oh you did?  Well then congratufreakinlations, I don’t pay attention to that stuff most of the time.  What I pay attention to is fantasy football and I noticed Big Ben was a top 10 QB before he got hurt.  ‘Before he got hurt’ is a statement you hear a lot about Ben and that’s why he’s here.  This tier ain’t for the faint of heart, y’all, but it might be the most talented one left.  2013 Projections: 4266/26/11/112/0

16. Ryan TannehillI went over my Ryan Tannehill Fantasy this off-season when I recapped his 2012.  I approached it like a spouse approaches their significant other after drinking too many red bulls.  Put the knife down, honey, and turn down the Skrillex please.  I love you.  Ryan’s probably gonna get a sleeper post at some point and he already got a Ryan Tannehill Dynasty post c/o Murph.  After all the hype-up via type-up, I might have to write an overrated post on him by July.  2013 Projections: 3888/25/15/258/1

17. Sam Bradford – Bradford has a lot of talent surrounding him this year and I like his chances at success and like it even more that I don’t have to pay premium to find out if it works.  In fact, I liked it so much I wrote a Sam Bradford Sleeper post.  I wrote it while trying on a Madonna cone bra.  2013 Projections: 4200/25/12/90/1

18. Josh Freeman – Freeman is the start of the next tier which goes all the way to Flacco.  I call this tier the ‘Been There, Done That’ tier as we’ve seen what they can and what they can’t do at this point.  If Josh’s uncle Morgan narrated one of his games, it would sound something like Josh chucked the ball high and far.  It was late in the game and you could see the hopes and dreams of Tampa Bay nation were riding on his magnificent arm.  It was just too bad he threw it into the stands and not Vincent Jackson’s strong, loving hands.  It was a day of failure but we shall trudge on.  Oh yes, we shall endure.  That’s just a long-winded way of saying Freeman has a cannon for an arm but the accuracy of a dooms day predictor which is N/A to my team.  2013 Projections: 3915/24/15/161/1

19. Andy DaltonAndy seems like a one check pony at this point.  See AJ Green, throw to AJ Green and not a much else in between.  Ya know what I mean?  I lay down the rhymes, dawg!  I think we saw the top of what Andy could do in 2012 and I don’t want to be there to see what Andy’s bottom looks or smells like for this year.  2013 Projections: 3780/25/15/129/1

20. Joe Flacco – Elite!  That’s how you can describe Flacco in real football because he now has a Super Bowl ring.  For Fantasy purposes, I call him Yawnstipating.  I’m sure his mom still calls him Joe either way.  Probably asks him to wax his brows too.  2013 Projections: 3905/23/11/42/1

21. Jay CutlerCutler is the start of the next tier.  I call this tier the ‘Hide-A-Bed’ tier because what may seem like an ordinary QB could in fact be something better than the futons I listed above.  All this to say, if I’m at this point in the draft, I’m taking a guy from this tier and not the one prior.  But why didn’t you rank them that way, Sky?!?  Because I like making you read and think, fictional reader and thinker of my typings.  Every year is Cutler’s breakout year.  Then of course we find out it’s really his breakdown year because that offensive line has more holes in it than my socks.  Eventually I should just stop pretending these are socks and start calling them what they are: weird looking leg-warmers.  2013 Projections: 3521/23/18/193/1

22. Philip RiversForget the nasty mustache.  Forget the silly faces he makes.  Forget how annoying he is for a second and realize this guy used to be a top 10 QB and think about his current going rate.  It’s called bargain hunting, people, which is similar to MILF hunting but doesn’t require a camera or a van which is to say THEY ARE NOTHING ALIKE.  Oh and I like Rivers this year and you should too at the right price.  2013 Projections: 4235/28/15/35/0

23. Matt SchaubEh, we’re at like 23.  I thought I said top 20?  Well now I have to go to at least the next number divisible by 5 or my OCD will kick in hard core.  I’m gonna call this tier the ‘wrong side of upside’ tier and it goes to Smith.  This is a tier of players who feel safe who won’t really do much for you in terms of fantasy production in 2013.  Schaub has basically turned into Flacco-lite over the last few years but at least Flacco is still young enough to get better.  I think we’re seeing what Schaub is: your backup QB and not one you want to draft as your QB2 in most leagues unless ‘boredom’ is a category your league counts.  2013 Projections: 3996/23/13/5/0

24. Carson PalmerCarson goes from a team with a mediocre receiving staff and a blah offensive line to a terrible o-line and a much better wide receiver situation.  How will this all play out, you ask?  Ehhhh, it’ll be ok…I guess…you excited to draft Palmer yet?  2013 Projections: 3864/21/14/25/1

25. Alex SmithYou know, it’s funny how Alex going to the Chiefs actually makes me excited for every player except for Alex Smith.  I think he’s a solid real life QB who makes players around him better but who has zero fantasy relevance other than that.  I even said such things when I wrote up my Alex Smith Fantasy when he was traded.  If you don’t believe me, just click the link.  Go on, I dare ya!  2013 Projections: 3345/19/10/210/2

And now for some other guys who don’t really make the cut and I’m not really going to rank because they are a hodge podge of either ‘not interested’ or ‘situation unclear: call me when we know if you’re starting’ types.

Kevin Kolb – I liked the signing of Kolb by the Bills.  I wrote my Kevin Kolb Fantasy to prove said like.  Then the Bills drafted EJ Manuel in the first round and confused me.  I still think Kolb should be the starter but it’s not too often a rebuilding team drafts a QB in the first round and then sits them the same season.  BTW, you’re gonna notice some of these guys are competing for spots and you’ll ask yourself ‘how the heck are they gonna put those numbers up?’.  Well, my stats are based on a full season’s worth of work for these guys.  It’s hard enough putting on non-clashing colors for me, don’t make me guess when a coach will put a certain guy in over another.  Yeesh.  2013 Projections: 3697/24/13/90/1

Jake Locker – I was lukewarm on him when he came to the Titans, I was tepid last year and in 2013, I’m as frigid as your girly-wife-friend after you forgot your anniversary.  Big arm, not accurate and rarely healthy, Locker is a fantasy pipe dream that will probably get cut short by Fitzpatrick eventually.  2013 Projections: 3102/17/13/420/3

Brandon Weeden – He’s just alright.  I don’t hate him, I don’t love him but I don’t think Pat Shurmur instilled much confidence in the man last year.  He’s very old for a second year QB which may be advantageous or disadvantageous depending on how you look at it and the new head coach has already said he’s gonna have to earn the starting position even though the Browns didn’t draft a QB this year.  So who exactly is he competing with, Chudzinski?  If Jason Campbell starts this year, I will literally eat my own head.  2013 Projections: 3604/23/17/127/0

Ryan Fitzpatrick – Can’t say I think Fitzy will take over for Jake eventually without laying some projections on ya, can I?  Would just be cruel.  Almost as cruel as having to project for Fitzpatrick.  2013 Projections: 3566/22/19/140/1

Christian PonderIn reality, Jennings/Wright/Rudolph along with AP makes for an interesting QB to project for.  Unless that QB is Ponder.  At best, I think you get an Alex Smith-type year out of this man if you draft him.  I strongly suggest you don’t unless you’re in a 16 team, 2QB league and even then he’ll make you ask yourself ‘Is Matt Flynn still available?’.  2013 Projections: 3276/19/12/270/1

Mark Sanchez – One word: buttfumble.  Yeah, I know, it’s two words but for a Dirty Sanchez I’ll always make exceptions.  Just be thankful I’m not projecting for Gabbert and yes, I still think he’s the starter in NYJ for one more year if he proves he can hold down the job.  I’m also not ranking him so take that to heart and realize you shouldn’t draft him.  2013 Projections: 3399/18/15/86/2 (and at least 2 buttfumbles)

Chad Henne – The Jags annoy me.  I’m not gonna project for Blaine, there’s no way in helldamnspit you are gonna make me.  Not that I truly love Henne but I think last year he proved a much better option over Gabbert and should be given the job without fuss but…yeah, the Jags annoy me.  2013 Projections: 3645/19/18/110/1

Matt Flynn – The Raiders say he’s their starter.  I don’t believe them but I don’t care either way.  Palmer was a solid QB2 when he wasn’t lying on the ground, writhing in pain last year.  Until the O-Line proves it can protect a QB long enough so they can throw the ball, I’m not gonna get overly excited.  2013 Projections: 3528/21/16/140/1