Author: Jay

Jay is a longtime Razzball everything who consumes an egregious amount of Makers Mark as a vehicle to gain wisdom and augment his natural glow. Living in the D.C. area, he also likes spending time visiting the local parks and feeding lettuce to any turtles he encounters, including Mitch McConnell. You can follow him on Twitter @jaywrong.

Read some of Jay's 685 posts

Week 7 Late Games: Derp Level Rising

by: Jay

Despite coming off a pretty thrilling victory over last year’s Super Bowl champs, the Cowboys won’t convince me of anything until they actually do some winning in December. But until then, a game against their fellow NFC East neighbors, the Giants, should be exactly the type of game Dallas would normally just sh*t on in past years. Coming off a convincing win against a favored opponent, anchoring the afternoon viewing slot, against a division rival… these are all the perfect set of ingredients needed for epic Cowboy derp. Of course, while this seems like a recipe that has worked so well (or not so well, I guess) in the past, I’m willing to at least admit that this year does look a bit different for the Cowboys. Especially when the Giants have their own problems, losing Victor Cruz for the season (with his career is in possible jeopardy) along with a shut out loss (0-27) against the Eagles last week. Still, based on both these team’s past history, you’d have to think this game will have plenty of WTF and LOL, no matter the outcome. So consider me excited.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Week 7 Early Games: Jets Now Officially In “Win Now” Mode

by: Jay

While I would have normally highlighted other potentially entertaining match-ups like the Bengals vs. Colts or the Panthers vs. Packers, or maybe even the Browns vs. Jaguars (HAHA, just kidding) in the lede, the Percy Harvin trade heard around the world is still fresh on our minds, still pungent from the smell of crazy. Reports (the Seattle PR machine was revved up and ready to go apparently) have already surfaced about how disgruntled Harvin was, including mentions of past conflicts with Russell Wilson and getting into fistacuffs with Golden Tate. (But when it comes to punching Golden Tate, my question is: who wouldn’t?) Despite all the headlines, the game still looks to be a safe win, as there usually isn’t anything to fear from an 1-4 team that’s being led by one best quarterbacks in the NFL when measuring profound mediocrity. However, Harvin is one less offensive weapon the Seahawks will have coming off a fascinating loss to the Cowboys, and if Seattle finds some way to lose this one, the potential schadenfreude would be orgasmic. It should be noted, while I would consider the chances of losing to the hapless Rams about the same as Olivia Wilde touching my bathing suit areas, that St. Louis has historically done well against Seattle when at home, and generally played pretty well against the 49ers last week. It’s enough to where I’m still getting my popcorn (and alcoholic beverages) ready for this one.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Breaking: Seahawks trade Percy Harvin to Jets. Wait. What?

October 17, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 69 Comments

by: Jay

Hunh? Yeah, that was my exact reaction. And I would have typed this up sooner, but it’s Friday and my typing gets noticeably slower when there’s a drink in one hand, and a bottle in the other. But we all make sacrifices, especially for a story that will assuredly shock everyone… the Seattle Seahawks have agreed to trade Percy Harvin to the New York Jets for a 2015 conditional pick, which will range from a second-to-fourth round pick.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

All in Jest

October 17, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 75 Comments

by: Jay

An enthralling Thursday Night Football game? What is this dark wizardry you speak of? In a game that immediately started off with a Patriots touchdown in the first minute and a half, reminding us that it was, in fact, Thursday night, the Jets managed to respond with a scoring drive of their own. Sure, that drive and the next two successful ones all ended in field goals, but there was a level competency that I didn’t think the Jets were capable of. Of course, things fall apart, the center cannot hold, something-something, wax poetic, and the 27-25 Patriots led game came down to a field goal at the 58-yard line, which ended up being blocked. There were your usual Jets/Patriot hallmarks though, including such timeless moments as: Rex Ryan angry! Jets excruciating hard-earned first downs! Brady not getting called for intentional grounding, ever! (The one to Vereen and to Gronk, I was closer to the ball watching from home.) And of course a dirty below the knees hit on a quarterback not named Tom Brady that doesn’t get called! But that’s now two games in a row on Thursday that have been quite entertaining, perhaps teasing us for an even better match-up between the Chargers and Broncos next week. Which means it’ll probably suck.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

TNF, Week 7: Jets vs. Patriots

October 16, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Gameday | 46 Comments

by: Jay

As Rex Ryan continues to countdown the weeks to unemployment, the Patriots must again try to overcome adversity with left guard Brian Winters and running back Steven Ridley suffering year-ending injuries. Though, sitting in the AFC East, I wouldn’t exactly call it “adversity”. Probably more of a handicap to make it more fair for the Jets, Bills, and Dolphins. The Patriots plan on going with the three-headed beast of mediocrity in Shane Vereen, Brandon Bolden, and James White. They all expect to share time, which pretty much assures that James Develin will probably have the best night. Boston just got a hard-on after reading that. I would normally say something about the Jets here, but if I start a sentence that begins with Geno Smith, I’ll be too depressed to carry on. But it is Thursday Night Football, so this game should be competitive. For about 45 seconds.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Rankings, Week 7

October 16, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, 2014 Weekly Rankings | 128 Comments

by: Jay

2014 In-Season Accuracy: 57.30% (17th out of 123 Experts, 60.10% Highest, 49.90% Lowest).

Week 6 Results: 56.30% (27th out of 133 Experts, 63.10% Highest, 41.50% Lowest).

	Accuracy	Rank	Experts	Highest	Lowest	Accuracy +/-	Rank +/-
Week 1	61.80%	22	134	66.10%	48.20%
Week 2	54.00%	35	135	61.30%	42.10%	-7.80%	-13
Week 3	57.40%	88	128	67.10%	44.30%	3.40%	-53
Week 4	56.50%	48	128	61.10%	42.80%	-0.90%	40
Week 5	56.50%	70	131	69.40%	47.00%	0.00%	-22
Week 6	56.30%	27	133	63.10%	41.50%	-0.20%	43
Totals	57.30%	17	123	60.10%	49.90%

And now, your Week 7 Rankings…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

RCL Update, Week 7: And Then There Were Eleven

October 15, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, 2014 Razzball Commentator Leagues | 55 Comments

by: Jay

Hey, did you know Basketball is a thing? IT IS! And we have RCL’s for that too! Go over there and win some prizes for me. And if not for me, then for you. And if not for you, then back to me. Do it for me.

As the title states, there are only 11 teams left with perfect records now that we’ve reached Week 7 of our Commentator Leagues. And while these teams obviously have skillful owners, you’d have to think a lot of luck is involved here. Andrew Luck that is. With over 400 teams competing, the top-10 (or 2.5 percent) seems like a large mountain to climb, but fear not. There are still 10 games to go. And if there’s anything that football has taught us, it’s be sure to check all female breasts you can during the month of October. For science. Be a hero. Well, that, and also make sure to never watch video tapes, so you can claim something never happened. In addition, don’t be a Rams or Bucs fan. Okay… so football has taught us a lot of things. But the most important lesson is, anything can happen. Even if you started 3-3, 2-4, and even 1-5, there’s always an outside chance to inch your way into the play-offs and make a run at it. Want to make a crazy trade? Why not? Want to stream in Mike Glennon? Whoa whoa bro, let’s not get that crazy… Remember, there’s still a lot at stake here, with several fantastic prizes up for grabs, so follow me after the jump to see how the RCL Universe stands…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Well, Better than Throwback 2008 Detroit Night

October 14, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 236 Comments

by: Jay

In what was a pretty subdued game for most of the night, there were plenty of opportunities for the Rams to take advantage of, but they managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory multiple times, with the 49ers capitalizing on those mistakes. While you could probably point to the Gruden curse having a huge effect here (comparing Austin Davis to Drew Brees is nothing short of… questionable, we’ll call it), it was probably a bit much to count on him to drive 90 yards for a game-winning drive. So the pick-six to Dontae Johnson saved everyone the trouble. But, on a lighter note, it was 1999 throwback night to celebrate the “Greatest Show on Turf”. Obviously having Marshall Faulk and Kurt Warner on full display was fantastic timing on a night that saw Zac Stacy run up the middle for a few yards at a time and Austin Davis… not be Kurt Warner. But hey, two dollar hot dogs and three dollar beers seems like a wonderful way to get people to watch the Rams. Because you can’t really do it with just the Rams.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

MNF, Week 6: 49ers vs. Rams

October 13, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Gameday | 56 Comments

by: Jay

Tonight’s game features two teams going in different directions. The 49ers have won two straight, even with reports coming out that Jim Harbaugh has lost the player’s trust. I find this curious, as while his act is tiring, obtrusive, and just unnecessary (like your mother), his 41-14-1 record over the past three years seems like something he could just write on piece of paper with a sharpie and tape it on the player’s heads. Probably a reason why I’m not an NFL coach. Or a parent. Or any kind of authority figure. Colin Kaepernick is doing what he does best, and that’s be inconsistency marginal, but still providing value with his legs. And Frank Gore seems to not be getting old yet, which gives someone like me, who is one year older, hope that the best days are yet to come. (Only with the help of the magical life-garnish known as alcohol.) The Rams have lost two straight, and while Austin Davis is no Sam Bradford, we should probably realize that’s a good thing. Brian Quick has quickly become a quick target for Davis. Quickly. And Zac Stacy has not rushed for more than 71 yards in a game this season. So thanks for that. (I’m not really thankful.)

Please, blog, may I have some more?

SNF, Week 6: Giants vs. Eagles

October 12, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Gameday | 32 Comments

by: Jay

This seems like a match-up made more for Thursday Night Football, in that, the potential derp is strong with this game… but people forget Sunday Night Football derp can be equally as, if not more entertaining. TNF merely adopted the derp; SNF was born in it, molded by it. Clearly, the New York Giants offense is improving on a week-by-week basis, with Eli Manning not looking this good since the epoch of Coughlin face being level 8 red. Not the level 18 it is lately. Much of that credit goes to Ben McAdoo, despite having the name: Ben McAdoo. The Eagles are 4-1, but have looked inconsistently innovative. Also, Riley Cooper still looks like a racist. And, if you want my fair analysis, it’s my expert opinion that both those issues can be blamed on Nick Foles, who, coming off such a robust 2013 27 touchdown performance, has regressed a bit this season. (I’m kidding, it’s not really his fault. The tempo clock is probably it.) But that’s okay, because LeSean McCoy has already dried up my tear ducts and is now on pace for producing that ever elusive ulcer WebMD has been warning me about since college. But if there’s one thing for certain, a NFC East prime-time game is always historic. Not moon-landing historic… probably more Titanic historic here. So get your drinks and pastry snacks (AKA pizza) ready…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Week 6 Late Games: Is it Romocember Yet?

October 12, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Gameday | 19 Comments

by: Jay

No, most certainly not. But the leaves are changing, the weather is getting a bit chillier, and the Cowboys are winning, which can only mean that their inevitable collapse into mediocrity and missing out on the playoffs in the last two weeks of the season is right on schedule. Or is it? GOOD QUESTION BRAH. The 4-1 Cowboys have been led by both Romo (1260 YDS, 9 TD) and DeMarco Murray (130 CAR, 670 YDS, 5 TD), but are facing a still dominant Seattle defense in what is the highlight game today. One of the most interesting battles should be between Dez Bryant and Richard Sherman, if only because we all know Sherman ranks Bryant last in his wide receiver rankings. Sure, all receivers rank last in his rankings, but at least they aren’t in the sorriest category like Michael Crabtree is. (Can confirm, Crabtree is pretty bad.) There are a lot of things going against the Cowboys here: facing the number one ranked defense, at home, and they haven’t won five straight since 2007. Fate seems to be a pretty big factor, as I’m not certain that natural law allows for such a win for “America’s” team. That being said, if they do somehow pull it off, we’ll be forced to actually think the Cowboys are a good football team. I’m not sure I’m ready for that. I’m not sure any of us are.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Week 6 Early Games: Bungles Gonna Bungle

October 12, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Gameday | 116 Comments

by: Jay

After last Sunday’s unexpected, yet sort of expected meltdown against a Patriots team that was seriously broken to that point, one has to wonder if the Bengals will ever be ready for the spotlight. Signing Andy Dalton to a six-year, bajillionty dollar contract extension this past offseason certainly showed us that their front office is all in. Or, at the very least, supports the ingredient ginger. And while you could argue that such a large extension for a quarterback that’s mainly used as a bar for comparing other quarterback’s talent levels (if your quarterback is better than Andy Dalton, you’re in pretty good shape, if he isn’t, you’re screwed), it’s not like there’s an abundance of elite throwers out there. Plenty of Jason Campbell’s and Kevin Kolb’s though. So there are worse things you could do at the position. The Jets say hello. And paired with one of the best receivers in the NFL in A.J. Green, with Giovani Bernard and a top-5 defense, you could see this Bengels team go really far. Just as long as they don’t have any more games in prime time. Or during Wild Card weekend. Or any playoff game in general. But besides that, I could totally see this team take off. Really.

Please, blog, may I have some more?