We all vividly recall the gruesome Jimmy Graham patellar tear last season, especially, I, your thrice damned Lord. Immediately following that pathetic excuse of a football game, I returned to my safe haven, under a bridge in downtown Seattle where the Spoonman-man and myself railed pills and smoked peyote till the birds started chirping. And I don’t ever wanna feel like I did that day. Even now as I type this, I have fallen to my knees, asking, no begging!, for the Elder Gods assistance in keeping Jimmy injury free in 2016 while we cruise to another Super Bowl victory, most likely in a revenge humping of the hated Patriots.
You see, my goodmen, Jimmy G is insanely underrated here; I believe the consensus has him around 15 or so and that’s just pathetic. Yes, the tight end position goes deeper than Kardashian snatch this season, but Graham has more talent in his smoothly shaved left nut than any tight end in the league other than Gronk and Jordan Reed. Graham is coming of the injury, and it’s possible he’s not ready for Week 1, but who cares!? Grab Dwayne Allen or Charles Clay and ride them like Seabiscuit until the God returns to us when we most need him. Seattle’s offense was beyond prolific to close 2016 and this is without Graham involved, so take a little guess at what happens when they incorporate Jimmy back into things? Mo’ money, Mo’ money, Mo’ money!
Anyway, I’m sick as a dog so I’m gonna drop these rankings on ya’ll right quick! I am Tehol Beddict and these are my preseason Fantasy Football Tight End Rankings! Take heed!