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This week is my week of regrets…. quarterbacks I regretted sitting, wide receivers I regretted dropping, running backs I regretted starting, teams I regretted rooting for, and Saturday… where I regretted drinking all night and failed to wake up before kick-off to lock my team in (at least the last one I have a decent excuse, it was my birthday Saturday). [Jay’s Note: Happy Birthday! If it helps, I’m still hung over from mine, and it was over two months ago…] I think one of the biggest regrets of mine is that all of this is happening during playoffs.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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You’d probably think this was a hard fought game if you glanced at the score. And you’d be partly right, say 19% of the game was hard fought? 18%? With the Packers leading at the half 31-7, Monday Night Football fulfilled, certainly, my expectations, and it looked like we were all set to enjoy some Matt Flynn time. DENIED. Why? Because Dom Capers, that’s why. The Falcons went on to score 30 points and bring the game to 37-43. With a stop necessary, the Falcons went into Mike Smith’s patented “Swanson Hungry Man Beef Pot Roast dinner” defense, allowing a 12-yard run to Aaron Rodgers, and then a 41-yard run to James Starks, which essentially ended the game with 01:37 left. It can be said that the Falcons competed hard, but it’s probably more important to point out that with a 5-8 record, they are still in first place. Jesus.

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If you didn’t notice, or if you didn’t read yesterday’s post, we are now travelling the December part of our football journey. And it’s almost as if a few weeks ago, some misguided couple named their child “Playoff Implications”. And let me tell you guys, when this kid grew up, he joined the military. And yesterday, that child reached the rank of “Major”. And the concept of that wonderful anecdote I just shared was manifested in the most ridiculous way possible… in the NFC South. Surprise! On a day that saw back-to-back shutouts for the Rams, the Jets still Jets’ing, it was no surprise to see the Saints lose and lose soundly at home to just an awful Carolina Panthers team. The Atlanta Falcons, with an unlikely win tonight (against the Packers at home), can build an insurmountable divisional lead and first place with a 6-7 record. AND they could probably do the same by losing! Heck, Carolina could take the division with a 6-9-1 record if they wanted to. ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN AT ANY TIME. If only the division wasn’t comparable to reading dildo reviews…

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NFL: Buffalo Bills at Cleveland Browns

That’s right folks. We’ve arrived to Week 14, what is tacitly accepted as the starting point for Fantasy Football playoffs for the majority of leagues and formats. And coinciding with this “fantasy playoff” week are several key match-ups that will also have an enormous affect on the NFL playoff picture. Which, if you had already guessed from the title, is a picture that still has the Bills and Browns on it. While there are several other games that deserve a spotlight, like the Steelers vs. Bengals. Panthers vs. Saints (LOL), Ravens vs. Dolphins, Chiefs vs. Cardinals, Seahawks vs. Eagles and the Patriots vs. my Chargers, it seems almost silly to bring up those two teams. But their season’s rest on the outcome against the Broncos (who are at home against the Bills) and an incredibly talented Colts offense led by Andrew Luck, (with Coby Fleener in the caboose, BECAUSE THAT’S WHERE HE BELONGS), against the Browns. An unlikely loss by either the Broncos and Colts could dramatcially shift the playoff picture into some kind of synergistic paridigm, only thought to exist in the most complciated of corporate and free enterprise verbiage. Yes, as you can see, the drinking got started early. Some point last week… So let’s get this Sunday started…

Week 14 Rankings have been updated for today’s games for all your roster needs. You can check them out here.

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Greeting and salutations! Tis I, Beddict, back from a Thanksgiving vacation full of oiled up women and turkey basters galore. I come to you rejuvenated and ready to finish the season strong. I missed my 2nd lock of the week two weeks ago with Minnesota back-dooring me at home against Green Bay, and I’m just now getting over the burning sensation in my soul that makes the savage sting from a Portuguese man o’ war seem like a nip from a 15-year-old, toothless Beagle.

I sort of made up for it with a 5-0 week during my vacation. Did that pay for my mortgage for a year or just erase my debt to the Russian Mob? I’ll never tell. The quest for the perfect week continues… I suppose I was perfect last week but that wasn’t my usual full slate of games. I’m not one to look for the easy way out… unless of course I’m locked in Sky’s basement again. In that case, I’ll always take the easy way out, for that was one of the most trying and terrifying moments of my life. Let’s get on with it before I have to blow another six figures on my therapist.

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Can I tell you that due to the title of this post, I get some of the kinkiest followers on Twitter? Let’s just say I didn’t realize the “handcuff market” was so vast and expansive. Because these people are following me and supporting my efforts here, I feel it only necessary to give them a shout out. To all the weird fetish sites that obviously have never read a word of my writing, thanks for the follow and keep up the good work!

Now onto business, lots of handcuffs to discuss due to some evolving situations in Phoenix, Cleveland, Minnesota, and New Orleans…

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2014 In-Season Accuracy: 57.0% (2nd out of 21 Experts, 59.8% Highest, 46.0% Lowest).

Week 14 marks either last the week of the regular season or the first week of the playoffs, depending on your style. Either way, we’ve reached the can’t-lose portion of the season. Apologies for abandoning you all during the playoff push, but I’m back from Argentina, full of steak and wine and empanadas, and ready to do nothing but watch football (not futbol, which I had to put up with for the last 2 weeks).

Because the upcoming games will likely dictate how much you enjoy the next 9 months, it’s time to re-wire your brain for the playoffs. Preseason assumptions stopped being meaningful long ago, but even players we thought we knew 2 weeks ago might not be the same. You obviously know that Chris Borland is an IDP god sent here to wreak havoc on all that he touches. But there are some other players who aren’t as much of a sure thing, and that can be dangerous in the playoffs. Let’s take a look at a few of them.

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So that’s a wrap folks. All the 8-8 jokes… they’re over, done, the end is here. The Cowboys have won their ninth game of the year, something they hadn’t accomplished since 2009, including three 8-8 finishes in the past three years. But that’s okay, I actually researched this on Google and it turns out that Romonobyl actually has four reactors, which means there’s still plenty of time for the Cowboys to deliver their always consistent dose of schadenfreude during the holidays. I know this, because science bro. Their gift to all of us, if you will. The Bears in the meantime, well, wow. Total self-destruct mode has been achieved. I mean, with some improvement, this team could be as good as a slightly better but still not very good team, so there’s that, I guess. The real question I keep asking myself is: if a Bear doesn’t give a sh*t in the woods, does any one hear it?

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Hellooooo!  I hope everyone enjoyed their Thanksgiving weekend.  I’ll go out on a limb and say that you’re only reading this if you got into your league’s playoffs.  Congratulations!  Unfortunately, it also means you’re weak at one of your positions… On that note, ownership numbers are doing weird things right now, and there is some renewed position jostling on those teams with injuries (and those that are completely out of it).  So, while there are some new opportunities, half your league isn’t making roster moves.  That means those weekly gems that have been added and dropped repeatedly might be stuck on someone’s bench somewhere… I’ll do my best to provide some deep value, as that might be your only option during these important few weeks.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2014 In-Season Accuracy: 57.90% (27th out of 129 Experts, 60.60% Highest, 49.80% Lowest).

Week 13 Results: 58.40% (73rd out of 129 Experts, 71.40% Highest, 48.40% Lowest).

Accuracy Rank Experts Highest Lowest Score +/- Rank +/-
Week 1 61.80% 22 134 66.10% 48.20%
Week 2 54.00% 35 135 61.30% 42.10% -7.80% -13
Week 3 57.40% 88 128 67.10% 44.30% 3.40% -53
Week 4 56.50% 48 128 61.10% 42.80% -0.90% 40
Week 5 56.50% 70 131 69.40% 47.00% 0.00% -22
Week 6 56.30% 27 133 63.10% 41.50% -0.20% 43
Week 7 59.70% 33 132 64.30% 46.50% 3.40% -6
Week 8 56.30% 67 130 64.80% 45.20% -3.40% -34
Week 9 60.30% 23 131 66.00% 46.10% 4.00% 44
Week 10 57.80% 68 130 66.90% 48.40% -2.50% -45
Week 11 52.10% 64 131 67.60% 42.60% -5.70% 4
Week 12 59.10% 29 129 66.20% 42.40% 7.00% 35
Week 13 58.40% 73 130 71.40% 48.40% -0.70% -44
Totals 57.90% 27 129 60.60% 49.80%

And now, your Week 14 Rankings…

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