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The Boof. It’s in the name. Every once in awhile he’s going to go Boof and leave Donkey to malpractice all on his own. Fortunately, two of our newest Razzball Fantasy Football writers were standing by to jump in and talk football with me on this week’s episode of the hottest show on all of YouTube—yes, even hotter than the topless chick feeding her cats. So Everywhere Blair and Aaron Pags tagged in to save the day. We talk about Cam Newton in New England and whether we’ll be buying the risky fantasy asset this season. Then we dive deep on the RazzBowl as Blair shares a little about his RazzBowl Success Story article and what it takes to finish near the top of the pack. Then Aaron swoops in to brag a little about his top 6 finish in last year’s contest (don’t forget to read Aaron’s RazzBowl Strategy article). All of this and much more philosophical RazzBowl musing on this weeks Boofless episode of Fantasy Football Malpractice! 

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You want to win RazzBowll II. Well, the feeling is mutual. I competed in the original iteration last season and made it agonizingly close to achieving the dream. Sixth overall! Making it through the final cutline to the Championship Tier was a massive challenge that required hard work and luck alike. For me, the work began in the weeks leading up to the draft when I formulated a plan of attack.

Knowing the scoring and roster settings beforehand is the first step toward being successful. The RazzBowl used the following positions and scoring rubric: 1QB, 2RB, 3WR, 1TE, 2FLEX, and 11Bench, with 12 teams and a 1 point per reception (PPR) style. The twist was the “better ball” format, where your best lineup scores each week until the cutline rounds begin. With this knowledge, I was waiting to draft a quarterback until the middle rounds, since only one could be active each week. I was going to use the extra FLEX to ignore positions longer than I usually would and find as many players who caught passes as possible.

Ignoring positions allows you to expand the player pool to your advantage. It’s common for fantasy managers to “fill” their rosters either consciously or subconsciously. Those empty RB or WR spots naturally begin to carry more weight, and therefore, the drafter starts to narrow down players based on their needs. If your settings give you the leeway, take advantage and broaden your prospective selections without regard for where they fit the puzzle. Be the puzzle master, not mastered by the problem.

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On June 26th, Razzball’s own, B_Don @RazzBDon, was Twittering with someone about the legitimacy of Gardner Minshew’s rushing ability.

I immediately headed over to PlayerProfiler.com and typed in Peyton Manning. 4.90 40-yard dash time. Whoa. Gardner Minshew? 4.97. Now, Minshew’s college rushing production is skewed because he only attempted 38 rushes for -76 yards in two years at East Carolina, while he rushed 58 times for 119 yards in his one year at Washington State, but the 40-time and comparison to Manning picqued my interest, so I scurried down the rabbit hole to explore. Here’s what I found:

My first query was for seasons in which any quarterback in the history of the league rushed for at least 340 yards. I used that number because Minshew accumulated 344 yards on the ground last season. The results brought 136 instances, but there were players I couldn’t get 40-yard times from, such as Bob Davis from 1944 and Johnny Lujack from 1950. As a result, I decided on using the arbitrary year of 1999 for this piece. Why 1999? Well, 20 years of data is a reasonable sample size and 1999 was the first year when 40 times were timed electronically.

Here’s the list by 40 time:

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Deep in the hills of Los Angeles, there is a sacred space of learning that the kids call, “UCLA.” For those not familiar with the nature of university, it is like a bank where you can keep borrowing money no matter how bad your report card is. On the outskirts of UCLA, there is a junction where students spend their borrowed money. Hip shoppers stop at the Whole Foods, put their Chase Sapphire cards into a point-of-sale machine, and smile with maskless glee as the POS takes nine bucks from their account for a single watermelon. Across the street, there’s an In-N-Out, where students shout “ANIMAL STYLE” and wait for their slathered beef like it was the first co-ed on screen in a slasher film. 

In the winter, the Rose Bowl celebrates the imagined paradise that is California: the orange groves, the rose gardens, the summer nights on the beach with a Mai Tai. The RazzBowl, however, celebrates the real paradise that is California: Raiders Chargers Rams greasy burgers and expensive watermelons. And just like your friends want you to come out for one more $15 Mai Tai before taking the Uber to your dad’s condo, the RazzBowl wants you on board for the wildest ride in fantasy football. 

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Since time immemorial tight ends have perplexed the world. We all know you want an end that’s tight, but how tight is too tight? The great Albert Einstein tackled this enigma with his theory of relativity, where he concluded Darren Waller epitomizes the perfect balance of tightness and plumpness in the end department. And who is Donkey Teeth to argue with genius Einstein? Waller’s an adonis of a man, and well endowed too.

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Soon, it’ll be August, that time of year where you get the gang together in the garage for punch and pie and fantasy football drafts. You and your eleven or fifteen closest friends–is that guy across from you Matt or Mark?–are burning the outlets with 10 MacBooks plugged into the same run strip. You’re a couple rounds deep into your draft, and you’ve got running backs, a receiver or two, and maybe a tight end locked up already. You’re feeling good, definitely better than Jerome, who just drafted the Pittsburgh defense in the fifth round and keeps double-dipping the buffalo chicken dip. But you, you’re focused on the draft app and studying for your next pick. Problem is, you’re getting into the middle rounds, and the ESPN draft room is showing you ten receivers who all have the same stats. Four people are ahead of you in the draft, and you’re clenching your tallboy of PBR so hard it’s denting. What do you do? Marvin Jones, of course. 

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When looking at defensive back rankings you’ll notice a fair amount of variance. Scoring systems play a role, but attempting to predict how many passes a player will “defense” or intercept is far from a science. It is why the top of most IDP rankings are filled with safeties with high tackle profiles and not the highly touted cornerbacks. Here I’ll highlight players 26-50 after covering 1-25 last week.

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Like most of you, 2020 has been the best year of my life. It all started while I was watching NFL Network one Sunday morning last December, gearing up for some late season football with my hand down my pants like Al Bundy. Then a commercial flashed across my television screen that would forever change my life:

Turns out the curved erection was the original pandemic, back before pandemics were cool. And after several hard months of treatment, I can officially confirm: you don’t have to live with the curve guys. Right now you’re probably asking one of two things: 1) How can I too ease my Peyronie’s disease? or 2) What does this curved penis nonsense have to do with fantasy wide receivers? I’m glad you ask! 1) Go see Dr. Bent Johnson, he’s the best penis bender in the country; and 2) I can now watch D.K. Metcalf pain-free. The Metcalf erections of  2019 were bittersweet with my condition, but I was still tempted to put the big sexy in my top 10 wide receivers for 2020 fantasy football. I didn’t, but there was temptation. Anyway, here’s my top 20 wide receivers for 2020 PPR fantasy football: 

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Baker Mayfield is a trend-setter. Remember those Progressive Insurance commercials where he threw a party in an empty stadium? It’s like he knew those stadiums would be empty in 2020! Let’s throw our own party now–you get the grill out and make some bacon burger dogs while I talk about what Baker Mayfield will do for your fantasy football team in 2020. Don’t worry about spilling mustard over the 50-yard line. We know Baker will suck it up (with a hand vacuum! Come on!). 

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So Zeke caught the Rona? I’m not surprised, that guy is always asking for people to feed him. Just goes to show you how important it is to feed yourself during pandemics, there’s no telling where other people’s hands have been. So depending on who you talk to, this Zeke news means one of three things: 1) there will be no NFL season, 2) Zeke is now the #1 fantasy pick since he has all those glorious antibodies, 3) our lizard rulers are using 5G to control the population size. The clear answer is #3, but the idea of COVID-immunity really solidifies Elliott as #3 in my top 10 running backs for 2020 fantasy football. I need to figure out how to steal some sweet antibodies away from those reptiles on Capital Hill. Update: I just read that humans may never develop immunity to COVID-19. C’mon 2020, throw us a bone! Speaking of bones, here’s my top 20 running backs for 2020 PPR fantasy football:

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Maybe you follow me on Twitter and listen to the Razzball Fantasy Football Podcast hosted by Donkey Teeth and myself. If that’s the case, you may have seen or heard these numbers. However, if following me on Twitter and listening to a podcast is too much, here are some fun numbers to look at for the upcoming season and dynasty purposes. 

Old TEs

Dynasty startups are under way. If you’re thinking about taking an older TE or WR early in the draft, this might give you a better understanding of what you’re signing up for with that pick. 

At TE, since the merger, there have been 3 players that have 1000+ yard seasons after the at the age of 31 or older. The list is Tony Gonzalez, Delanie Walker, and Greg Olsen. If we move that to the age of 32, it’s a small list. ONE. One TE (Tony Gonzalez) has more than 1000 yards at the age of 32, and no TE older than 32 has ever reached that mark.

Certainly the TE position is more of a receiving threat in the modern approach, but age has not been kind at the position. Maybe it’s due to the physical nature? Or just natural aging? But Father Time doesn’t get cheated very often. 

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We have a new fake doctor malpracticing with us this week on Razzball’s Fantasy Football Malpractice show! Sam Wallace of RotoViz makes a guest appearance on the show to discuss his series of “buy high” dynasty football articles over at RotoViz. Wallace gets into the weeds with his prognosis on why Miles Sanders and Calvin Ridley are ideal buy high targets in your dynasty leagues. So get your popcorn and get comfortable, it’s another episode of everyone’s favorite new fantasy football YouTube show featuring the one and only Boof! Oh and if you don’t hate us please subscribe!

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