Dak Nearly Loses Finger While Feeding Zeke

It’s a well known fact: Ezekiel Elliott has an insatiable appetite. The star running back has been begging anyone and everyone to feed him since all the way back to Pop Warner, but the hunger has never subsided. This past September the Cowboys finally broke down and gave Zeke a little grocery money of his own. But the Dallas RB hasn’t been able to locate the Whole Foods Market in his neighborhood and continues to ask for handouts. Fortunately, his best bud Dak Prescott (21/27 for 239 yards, 5 carries for 30 yards and 2 touchdowns) continues to be charitable, feeding Zeke the pigskin 22 times for 111 yards plus another 6 thru the air for 36 more yards and his 6th touchdown as the Cowboys trounced the Eagles on Sunday night. Watch those fingers Dak! Anyway, here’s what else I saw during yesterday’s late games in fantasy football: 

Amari Cooper – 5 catches for 106 yards. At “less than 100%,” battling both quad and ankle injuries, Cooper still looked 1,000% better than any other receiver on the field. He would’ve had a bigger night if a touchdown wasn’t called back. Granted, one of the multiple flags on the play was for offensive pass interference against Amari himself. 

Dallas Goedert – 4 catches for 69 yards—nice—and his 2nd touchdown. Call me crazy, but the 2nd year tight end already looks better than Ertz. Carson Wentz (16/26 for 191 yards and his 13th touchdown) might be starting to think the same.

David Montgomery – 2 carries for 6 yards, 2 catches for 13 yards. The Bears offense: where fun goes to die.

Mitchell Trubisky – 34/54 for 254 yards and his 4th and 5th touchdowns. Both scores and most of that yardage came in garbage time. Speaking of garbage, Trubisky sure looked like trash. If only there was a way for the Bears to find a quarterback like Patrick Mahomes or Deshaun Watson. 

Allen Robinson – 10 catches for 87 yards and his 3rd touchdown. The garbage man was good to ARob this week. At least someone on the Bears offense might still be useful.

Teddy Bridgewater – 23/38 for 281 yards and his 8th and 9th touchdowns. Teddy Two Gloves has filled in admirably but it sounds like Drew Brees may return next Sunday against the Cardinals. Hey Teddy, do you think Trubisky can borrow one of your gloves? The garbage was extra juicy this week. 

Latavius Murray – 27 carries for 119 yards, 5 catches for 31 yards and his 2nd and 3rd touchdowns. Latavius is pretty much the same guy as Kamara, right? Murray deserved to be the lede from these late games but, ya know, he’s Latavius Murray.

Michael Thomas – 9 catches for 131 yards. Plug Thomas into the Bears offense and he still might put up WR1 numbers. Rest of Season Player Ranker has him as the #1 WR moving forward, Donkey agrees.

Melvin Gordon – 16 carries for 32 yards, 2 catches for -3 yards and his 1st touchdown. 31, 18, 32. What are Melvin Gordon’s rushing yard totals in his first three games since returning from his holdout. He also lost this week’s game on a fumble from the 1 yard line with only a few seconds left on the clock. I told you to sell him when he returned three weeks ago, but there might now be a buy-low window cracking open. I won’t rush to reach my hoof thru, but I’d consider offers.

Austin Ekeler – 5 carries for 7 yards, 7 catches for 118 yards and his 7th touchdown. The best running back in Los Angeles will continue to be a must-start PPR option moving forward.

Hunter Henry – 6 catches for 97 yards. Hunting season is here! Henry and my preseason darling Darren Waller (7 catches for 126 yards and his 1st and 2nd touchdown catches in the early games covered by MB) are both threatening to crack that elite tight end group. 

Derrick Henry – 22 carries for 90 yards, 1 catch for 18 yards and his 6th touchdown. The Little Tractor has now put up double digit fantasy points 6 of 7 weeks in standard leagues. He’s an RB1 and I’m stupid for not owning him on any of my 600 fantasy teams.

Corey Davis – 6 catches for 80 yards and his 2nd touchdown. If I had a nickel for every time I thought Corey Davis was breaking out, I’d have like twenty cents and I still wouldn’t trust Corey Davis.

A.J. Brown – 6 catches for 64 yards. We re-profiled the second round rookie on last week’s Razzball Fantasy Football Podcast. He’s going to have a really nice career, especially if the Titans ever find a better quarterback than Ryan Tannehill (23/29 for 312 yards and his 1st and 2nd touchdowns) who we all know will fall apart faster than the Jenga blocks when it’s donkey’s turn. Jenga isn’t a donkey friendly game. 

Lamar Jackson – 9/20 for 143 yards, 14 carries for 116 yards and his 3rd rushing touchdown. What do the Dolphins, Bengals, Jets, Falcons, Bears, Steelers and Chargers all have in common? Lamar Jackson has more rushing yards than all seven of these teams. LJax has now totaled 576 rushing yards on the season which is also more than every NFL running back not named Cook, Fournette, McCaffrey or Chubb. Think I’m safe to take a victory lap on this one.

Mark Ingram – 12 carries for 46 yards and 1 catch for 7 yards. It was a down week for Ingram but he was the #8 RB for the season coming into the game. I knew I should’ve taken him over Kamara, Conner, Mixon, Le’Veon, Kerryon and Gurley. 

Miles Boykin – 2 catches for 55 yards. We also profiled Boykin again on last week’s Razzball Fantasy Football Podcast. Cliff notes: buy him in dynasty leagues while you still can. 

Russell Wilson – 20/41 for 241 yards, 3 carries for 27 yards and his 15th touchdown. Wilson made a Dangeruss throw in the 2nd quarter and Marcus Peters turned it into a pick six. The Seahawks never fully recovered the momentum after that play. They should’ve brought Saferuss in. 

Chris Carson – 21 carries for 65 yards and 3 catches for 9 yards. Most importantly, no fumbles. Carson is averaging 23.5 carries per game over the past 3 weeks. He’s a top 10 rest of season running back as long as he holds onto the ball, Rest of Season Player Ranker agrees.

Tyler Lockett – 5 catches for 61 yards and his 4th touchdown. Pigskinonator had Lockett tabbed for 5 catches for 70.9 yards and 0.55 touchdowns. I’m working on an Office Space type algorithm to steal all of Pigskinonator’s partial touchdowns.

D.K. Metcalf – 4 catches for 53 yards. Have you seen this guy shirtless? That’s worth at least 4 fantasy points.

Find Donkey Teeth on Twitter. Subscribe to his podcast: The Razzball Fantasy Football Podcast on Itunes, Stitcher, or wherever you get your podcasts