A different kind of dirty Sanchez…
Folks, we are beginning something special here.
Not that we didn’t already have something special. If you know Sky, you know he is special. We are just going to be doing a different kind of special. If you didn’t read Sky’s transitional piece, which was something akin to a 1500-character love poem to me, well, check it out. SPOILER ALERT! It’s not a love poem. It’s an apology for ranking Doug Martin numero uno for the 2013 season. Haha, just kidding. It’s not that either. And don’t ever let anyone tell you that’s the reason that I’m here and not Sky. Because that’s totally not the reason. Maybe. The truth is, life happens. If the infamous #buttfumble didn’t show us that, nothing ever will. Theme tie-in alert!
As we move towards the new season, you, the readership, might have certain questions. First and foremost, why me? Well, that question is better left for our mustache’d-overlord Grey. The question you really should be asking is– why should I read you? Which makes you sound like a telepath. From the future. Where there are dragons with lasers. Which sounds pretty cool, until you realize there are dragons with lasers reigning terror down from the sky. Which is not cool. It’s horrifying. See? You just read me. Did you feel a tingling anywhere? That’s your soul (it better be your soul!) saying: “You don’t need to know why, I know why, in ways that you will never understand, so go forth on this journey, and I shall accompany you. And we will be one with the Jay.”
You got a deep soul there, bro.
Some other questions might follow, more serious questions, like, what is my pedigree… what makes me a Fantasy Football Expert? What can I expect for the 2014 season? And what does the future hold for all of us? Let’s go over those, shall we?
1) What is my pedigree, what makes me a Fantasy Football Expert?
Simply put, I have no pedigree. They don’t teach college courses on this stuff. Whether they should (yes, they should) is probably irrelevant, but suffice it to say, I hold no certification that proves my prowess as a Fantasy Football owner. And to be totally honest with you, I hate the title ‘Fantasy Expert’. Unless we are talking about Porn that is. I made my own certification of accomplishment for that. Framed with easy to clean wood, if ya know what I mean. Which you probably don’t, since that makes no sense. But in terms of fantasy sports, and I’m sure I’ve touched on this over at the baseball side of Razz, I admonish that title. I am no expert. I am no super-stat-computer X’s and O’s hero that flies around in spandex. I’m just like you, I walk around in my spandex. The only difference is– I write about it. Fantasy Sports. Not walking around in spandex. I enjoy the successes and learn from the failures and I constantly explore the value of trying to improve. And, part of that ‘process’ is writing about it. And I know my predecessor feels the same way. We aren’t Fantasy experts. We are Fantasy writers, first and foremost. And that’s the one thing I do have a pedigree in. Because my English-Lit degree has been pretty much useless to this point, so might as well flaunt it here.
2) What can you expect for the 2014 season?
Not too much will change. We’ll still have the rankings. We’ll still have a majority of the series you’ve known come to know and love, and lose countless hours of production-value to. Heck, even Sky will still be around. Mostly because we enjoy internet stalking each other. Sometimes, we even team up to stalk Tehol. It’s like a strange WWE love triangle, but with more leather and illegality.
You’ll, of course, see small ripples, little changes, different styles here and there. And, yeah, new things will pop up once-and-awhile. From a macro view, I believe change is good. But the level of change and the speed of change is always determining factor. Let’s see how 2014 shapes up and go from there. Which leads us to…
3) What does the future hold for all of us?
If you hadn’t noticed, I’m pegging you, the readership, as part of this. While all of us writers contribute here for different reasons, I can tell you that I’m here because I love writing. I’ve been writing my whole life, and I’ve mainly written for me. But as my time at Razz has reached the three-year mark, I’ve realized that I’m not the only one that reads my own scribbling’s. There’s my mom. And probably a cousin sometimes. There was this hobo at an internet cafe I think. So all four of us. Regardless, you guys are a big part of this, and I want to make sure you know that.
I can’t begin to tell you what football will be like in 5 or 10 years. My general sense is, this sport won’t last forever. There are different and serious reasons why I believe this, and that’s a conversation for another day. This is my way of saying– who knows what tomorrow brings in this industry? We could be talking about robots for all I know. Robots other than Pocket-Passer-Pro 2.0, aka, Peyton Manning. The truth of the matter is, while I’m here, while all of us are here, our main goal is to build a readership that enjoys a bit of analysis, a bit of outlandishness, all without the over-commercialization and minutiae that you might find at other sites. If that sounds like something you can dig, well, welcome!
If that’s something you don’t want to be a part of, just make sure you click an ad on your way out, and say hello to your mother for me.
Just kidding. I’ll call her myself.
So… this is the new era. I’m Jay. And so it begins… with buttfumble. Word.