I just snuck out of a court ordered gambling rehab facility to write this post, so I’ll have to be brief. After I was arrested for stealing old ladies’ purses from the retirement home down the block to fund my string of Arizona Cardinals’ Super Bowl wagers (a 50:1 lock!), the judge sentenced me to 6 month’s of in-patient rehab. Since I’ll be releasing my weekly fantasy football rankings each Thursday morning (except Thanksgiving week!) for the duration of the season, I’ve decided to throw in some bonus bold Thursday Night Football predictions along with my expertly handicapped pick for the contest:

Chargers (+3.5) at Raiders

Forecast:  This game’s all about Justin Herbert and his terrible hair cut. Or as Grey likes to call him after watching Hard Knocks, Doctor Hibbert. Hopefully we see Doctor Hibbert and not Doctor Nick who showed up two weeks ago against Belichick and the Patriots–that was straight malpractice. I’ve sent Herbert some hair implants so we should be getting another dose from the real doc. The only thing that can stop him now is if Darren Waller flips to linebacker. Mmmm I bet Waller would be a Hall of Fame linebacker. Chargers 27, Raiders 24 

Wager:   Chargers +3.5 (2 Units)

2020 Season: 3-10 (-5.05 Units) 

Anyway, here’s my fantasy football rankings for week 15 which will be frequently updated until Sunday kickoff:

*If you’d like more robotic weekly rankings with projections, check out Rudy’s Pigskinonator which is available on a free trial and then only $5.99 for the rest of the season.

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I woke up this morning, ice rain falling on my car. Three different densities of fog developed from my exhaling breath: one the usual, everyday fog representing my life force; a second the worried fog that danced a little more, caused by 2020 itself; the third, the devastated fog of living in the northern midwest that fell straight to the ground, caused by having Kirk Cousins stuck as the Vikings quarterback for the next three years. 

But if I’m wearing my fantasy forecaster hat, I really should be dancing in the ice rain: Kirk Cousins is bringing some teams to fantasy playoff glory. 

That’s the funny thing about fantasy sports compared to real life sports: there are inadequate real-life signal callers who are fantasy gold, and there are great real life quarterbacks who are absolute sleepers in fantasy. The midwest writers for The Athletic point out that Cousins is rigid in following his reads — he doesn’t innovate and he doesn’t deviate from his play call. He’s won less than 10 games against teams with winning records in nearly 80 career starts. He went 0-9 on Monday Night Football before finally grabbing his first career win this year. From a real-life standpoint, Cousins is about as exciting as owning a Toyota Camry: yes, you know he’s ready to go every week, but once you start going, you can’t help but look at every other “car” you could have had. And yes, I did avoid the Derek Carr pun there. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

 

Week 1 of the playoffs is in the books and the podcast duo of B_Don and Donkey Teeth are happy with their performances with DT moving up into the Championship Bracket of the RazzBowl 2. The Browns and Ravens game was as entertaining as we’ve seen in the MNF spotlight this year. The Brown(s) Town keeps following around Cleveland, first it was OBJ and now it was the poo minute break for LJax.

We go over some of the injuries from week 14 and the potential fallout for Matthew Stafford, Deebo Samuel, and the Dolphins pass catchers. Speaking of Deebo Samuel, is it time to officially label him as injury prone, and has fellow Niner pass catcher Brandon Aiyuk passed him?

The guys bring up some of the RBs that have transformed into league winners here at the end of the year in David Montgomery, Derrick Henry, and Cam Akers. A couple of DT’s favorites in Miles Sanders and Jonathan Taylor made up for some of their previous transgressions by blowing up this week. We review some of the other happenings from week 14 before wrapping up with our A**hole of the Week! 

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Now that the 2020 fantasy football playoffs are upon us, my job overseeing the rest of season top 60 running back rankings here at Razzball are as through as the chances of Carson Wentz inviting Doug Pederson to this week’s Bible study. Last week, I put a bow on that project with one final, playoff edition of the top backs to target for those still in hot pursuit of a fantasy championship. Friends, we’ve come a long, long way from the initial set of rankings I constructed in the preseason edition, when I was young and naïve and my only prior experience with Reddit commenters was through the illegal streaming of countless sporting events. But now, since there are truly only two weeks of fantasy football remaining, my job is done. Instead, for those looking for rankings to use the next couple weeks, look to Donkey Teeth & Co. for further insight. All season long, Razzball’s Donkey Teeth and MB have been providing excellent work as always with their weekly fantasy football rankings. That’s the place to go for any and all remaining decisions. As for me, my final fantasy football post for 2020 will look ahead to 2021. Who is an early favorite for that first overall pick in drafts? Which 2020 rookie backs have put themselves in the conversation for a first round pick? And hey, how about the incoming 2021 rookie class? Any early-round selection potential there? You already know I want me some Najee Harris the same way I wanted to be in bed with Dobbins the Take-it-to-the-House Elf all season long. But first, before you all take your Sunday wizardry robes off,  I’d like to take a few moments to reflect briefly on what we observed in 2020 (in lieu of a trip around the league), and how maybe we can use it as a learning experience to improve as fantasy owners in the years ahead.

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Whew! Someone towel me off. That was intense! Hold on a minute, I need to take a few more laps around the couch after that epic finish. I know what you’re all wondering: did Donkey win his Wizard Phallus playoff matchup and did he manage to advance to the RazzBowl championship bracket? Yes and yes–everything went great, thanks for asking! But enough about me, let’s talk about the most exciting football game of this crazy 2020 season. Lamar Jackson unleashed Thriller 2.0 by going 11/17 for 163 yards, 9 carries for 124 yards, 1 passing touchdown and 2 rushing touchdowns–he now has 18 passing touchdowns and 6 rushing touchdowns on the year and I told you he was a screaming buy for his great playoff schedule. But LJax also had some backup dancers who pitched in on the filming of the music video as J.K. Dobbins Macarena’d his way to 13 carries for 53 yards and his 5th touchdown and Gus Edwards Dougie’d his way to 7 carries for 49 yards, 1 catch for 4 yards and his 5th and 6th touchdowns. As a Dobbins fanboy, I don’t get Harbaugh’s obsession with Gus the Bus but I suppose if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. I haven’t dug in on all the week 15 matchups yet, but I anticipate ranking Dobbins as a solid RB2, Gus as a low end flex play and LJax as an elite QB1 against a soft Jaguars defense. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday for fantasy football:

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So you’ve made it into the second round of your fantasy league playoffs… or you’re a spiteful little thing and want to know what kind of guys you can block your league mates from getting.  The bar for getting added to a playoff team is pretty high, so I am being choosy with who get listed, but it’s possible you have some holes to fill. 

I group the adds by position and then within the position, rank them in order of preference. With the playoffs upon us, I have removed percentages of the FAAB. If you need any of these guys to start for your team, then spend what you need to spend. The sherpa will only advise players who are rostered in less than 50% of ESPN leagues.

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It’s been awhile since T.Y. Hilton had Luck on his side. 23 months to be exact. Andrew Luck played his final NFL game on January 27th, 2019. Since that day, Hilton has played a total of 22 games. In that stretch he’s posted only one game of 100+ receiving yards (last week) and four games of 80+ receiving yards. Over the past three weeks he’s gone off for 81, 110 and 86 receiving yards–that’s right, three his four 80+ receiving yardage games from the past two seasons have come in the last three games. The hot streak culminated this Sunday as Hilton snagged 5 catches for 86 yards and his 3rd and 4th touchdowns. You guessed it, all four of those touchdowns have come in the past three weeks. The tide has finally started to turn T.Y.’s way, just in time for him to bring you home that coveted Wizard Phallus Championship Trophy. Wait, your league doesn’t have a Wizard Phallus Championship Trophy? How bout phallic pins for each championship you’ve won, which are pinned to your champions jacket in the prestigious pre-draft pinning ceremony? No? Well, I’m sure your championship will still be satisfying–almost as satisfying as my second penis pin. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday for fantasy football:

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Hey Razzballers!

I’m stepping in on the Sunday Primer for the fantasy playoffs. In this post I’ll go over questionable players to keep an eye on Sunday morning as well as some sneaky starts this week, who just might be available in your free agent pool depending on how many players are rostered in your league. Plus find my freshly updated week 14 rankings below!

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I don’t honestly know what NFL week it is. The COVID related rescheduling has made week’s 12-14 seem like one long fantasy playoff missing night terror. For those of you with something left to play for I wish you good fortune in the wars to come. Hopefully you fight them with your players on the field.

  • From the “Roto-Wan wants to will it into existence” file this week: Jordan Akins is prime for a big game. He’s being treated like a WR lining up in the slot or out wide 41/71 snaps in the last two games. He has almost no production to show for it. Brandin Cooks just had his fifth concussion. Keke Coutee went off as he usually does against Indy and will surely ghost us this week. Akins could eat.
  • I wanted to write about Corey Davis so that AJ Brown goes ham this weekend (I have plenty of AJB best ball shares). Kidding aside, we’ve passed the point of writing Davis off as a fluke. Between the first-round picks both having 10 games played Davis leads in yards, catches, deep catches (20+ yards), and yards per route run. Until Tennessee fixes its defense in the off-season there will be elevated pass-catching opportunities and Davis will continue to benefit.
  • Please, blog, may I have some more?
Shadow Coverage Tracker
WR Finish Total
1 18
2 9
3 11
4+ 28
Grand Total 66

 

Team: Arizona Cardinals

Opponent: New York Giants

WR1: DeAndre Hopkins

Shadow Coverage Matchup: James Bradberry

 

DeAndre Hopkins vs. Shadow Coverage
Opponent Games Rec Yards TDs PPG
All Other Opponents 27 7.4 96.3 0.4 16
Vs. Shadow Coverage 19 6.5 73.8 0.6 14.1
vs. James Bradberry 1 5 41 0 6.6
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It was a dark and stormy morning. Aspiring fantasy writer Jerry Janiga sang the body electric at his typewriter, the words flowing through him. It was his fantasy football manifesto, “Catch Without Kickers.” He pulled out a notepad from his hotel drawer and quickly scrawled notes over its surface. Beneath the Holiday Inn Express branding, he sketched out his ideas for a winning team with Sam Darnold at quarterback. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?