Handcuff Report, Week 10: Boobies, Bobbys, and Jonas.

Over the past few weeks we’ve had handcuffs breakout as temporary starters (Jeremy Hill), handcuffs keep the seat warm (Bobby Rainey), handcuffs to handcuffs become starters (Boobie Dixon), and practice squad players become viable fuzzy handcuffs (Jonas Gray). It’s a crazy mixed up world this handcuffing game, but us real hustlerz stay on our grind. Snatching your handcuffs, before you can get mine. It’s the way to championships and riches, we brought you Justin Forsett, Chris Ivory, and Denard (Robinson) Snitches! Liffy Out! Sorry for the random freestyle, but I needed to put you up on game. Lifshitz is so street that I have hood passes witout expiration dates. That’s another story for a never time..Yes, I meant to type never, because I’m not telling you….nan-never-ever. You want to fight?? That was street right? Hay-Zeus I’m rhyming again, oops. On to the handcuffs!

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Factory of Sadness Now Manufacturing Glimmers of Hope

by: Jay

Well, that was an interesting game, said no one ever. To be honest, I’m not sure what I was expecting from a game featuring two teams that originate from the state that created Skyline Chili, but I suppose this would be a fair enough assessment of where they stand in all things. Whatever that means. For all intents and purposes, the game ended with a little over four minutes expired in the first quarter as Ben Tate rushed for a touchdown on a Browns possession that resulted from an early Andy Dalton interception. The two teams kept playing for the next two hours, though I have no idea why. Probably just to troll us. Thanks Ohio! In other news, the Browns have a winning record in November. Wait, what?

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Disgraces and Delights, Week 10: Adrian Peterson’s Courtroom “Victory”

November 6, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football | 20 Comments

by: LT Murray IV

Alright, alright, alright. I keep getting older but I stay looking the same age. That may be because of the lipo, as I’ve had enough fat sucked out of my glutes to choke Moby Dick. Adrian Peterson certainly doesn’t require any amount of liposuction, as the man is built straight out of the Elder Gods’s fantasies. At 6’1″ and 220 pounds, this man could run through a concrete wall and probably destroy ISIS in its entirety this weekend. Peterson was also a winner in the courtroom this week, pleading no contest to one count of misdemeanor reckless assault, which hit him with a monstrous $4,000.00 fine and a couple hours of community service. That one’s really got dent the old pocket book, eh? Let’s just say he won’t be taking any of his 27 kids to shopping sprees in the short term.

Being that this case was handled in court, and it comes off as such a minor offense, I would have to assume AP will be eligible to play in Week 11. I know what you’re thinking… “There’s still no way Peterson beats out Asiata, right? The guy has scored more often than Beddict at a Sandals resort Halloween party.” Sorry, Asiata and McKinnon fans, this is Peterson’s show, and when he rides in like a gallant stallion to carry the Vikings to a playoff birth, Coach Zimmer will not stand in his path. Has there ever been a superior roster addition this late in the season in fantasy history? Josh Gordon is already owned everywhere, so the answer, guys and gals, is a resounding no. This is truly incredible, as any fantasy team that was bordering on playoff contention now has a legit shot at the title if they were able to swoop up AP. For my roster, I’m assuming he’s going to be an upgrade over Ben Tate and Chris Ivory… but I’ve been wrong before. Kudos to you if you had the foresight to grab AP a couple weeks back or were gifted him on this week’s waiver wire claims. I see mountainous orgies and many glorious victories in your future. Now, if you weren’t blessed with AP on the wire… may the Elder Gods take mercy on your souls.

I am Tehol Beddict and this is, Disgrace/Delight! Take Heed!

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Streamers, Week 10: Vote For Pedro

November 6, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Roster Strategy | 8 Comments

by: Nico

Truth is, I used to be a Mark Sanchez apologist, and perhaps I still am. As a Jets fan coming off of two AFC Championship games, he was easy to like. Then, we got to know the real Mark Sanchez. Dancing with his pants off, the butt-fumble… need I go further? But overall, the Jets weren’t exactly a catalyst for his success. I blame them. Now, Mark Sanchez is born again with renewed hope as a follower of the Chip Kelly system, and I’m buying into it.

Full disclosure, I don’t think we see a far departure from the Sanchez we knew in New York, but I think we see improvement. He will still throw interceptions. He will still struggle in some situations, and I truly believe he will once again dance without pants, but I think the Eagles give him an excellent chance to succeed, like they did with Nick Foles. Sanchez might not be able to throw a football over them mountains, but he might be the Pedro to Nickfoleon Dynamite. A solid one-two punch.

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Smokey Says, Week 10: My Three Sons

November 6, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Buy/Sell | 4 Comments

by: Smokey

They don’t make anything on television like the classics anymore. But everyone remembers the Fred MacMurray show of the titles name. I am equating this show to the Atlanta Falcons wide receivers. Because in the reality of fantasy, if that isn’t an oxymoron, I don’t know what one is. And don’t get me started on dangling participles… the trio of Julio Jones, Roddy White and Harry Douglas are the kin of Matt Ryan. Matty Ice needs to feed his clan of kin with passes and keep them, and us, happy. What makes us happy is the Falcons actually being able to pass the ball and score on a consistent basis, and give us contributing factors for all three to be fantasy relevant week in and week out. They are facing an opponent that previously in the year dominated, and this is why this week’s spotlight dance is on Harry Douglas. The slippery third wide-out for the Atlanta, that could be seeing a lot of action this week.

Note: Don’t forget to come visit me over at the new Razzball Fantasy Soccer home everyday of the week. Ralph and I are hustling like Rick Ross, and giving you the best fantasy Premier League coverage out there. If you haven’t tried Fantasy EPL, you’re missing out. So sign up and use us as your guide.

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IDP Rankings, Week 10: All Hail the Backups

November 6, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, IDP Report | 23 Comments

by: Kevin Kumpf

2014 In-Season Accuracy: 59.6% (2nd out of 21 Experts, 61.8% Highest, 46.6% Lowest).

In a year that has seen more than its share of devastating injuries, IDP owners everywhere have been scrambling to fill holes left by their “sure-thing” draft picks. While some of those replacements have shown flashes at times (Jelani Jenkins, Jasper Brinkley), they have yet to truly dominate statistically like we saw in Week 9. The top three scoring IDPs for the week were Jacquian Williams, Chris Borland and K.J. Wright, all of whom got their starting jobs thanks to injuries to more proven commodities. We even saw huge weeks in big-play leagues from guys like James Harrison and Whitney Mercilus, who weren’t even really on the radar. Performances like these are often very difficult to see coming, but if you pull the right string, the payoff can be enormous. With another IDP mainstay down for the year (see you next year DeMeco), there is yet another opportunity to look towards an unproven backup (this time Casey Matthews) with a chance to shine.

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Rankings, Week 10

November 6, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, 2014 Weekly Rankings | 139 Comments

by: Jay

2014 In-Season Accuracy: 58.20% (25th out of 122 Experts, 60.70% Highest, 47.80% Lowest).

Week 9 Results: 60.30% (23rd out of 130 Experts, 66.00% Highest, 46.10% Lowest).

	Accuracy	Rank	Experts	Highest	Lowest	Score +/-	Rank +/-
Week 1	61.80%	22	134	66.10%	48.20%
Week 2	54.00%	35	135	61.30%	42.10%	-7.80%	-13
Week 3	57.40%	88	128	67.10%	44.30%	3.40%	-53
Week 4	56.50%	48	128	61.10%	42.80%	-0.90%	40
Week 5	56.50%	70	131	69.40%	47.00%	0.00%	-22
Week 6	56.30%	27	133	63.10%	41.50%	-0.20%	43
Week 7	59.70%	33	132	64.30%	46.50%	3.40%	-6
Week 8	56.30%	67	130	64.80%	45.20%	-3.40%	-34
Week 9	60.30%	23	131	66.00%	46.10%	4.00%	44
Totals	58.20%	25	129	60.60%	47.80%

And now, your Week 10 Rankings…

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Who Are These Guys, Week 10: 1st And Ten

November 5, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Buy/Sell | 57 Comments

by: malamoney

Most people recognize O.J. Simpson as the guy that most likely killed his wife and her lover and got away with it. If it doesn’t fit, you must acquit. Old school football fans know “The Juice” as the running back for the Buffalo Bills that became the first player to rush for over 2,000 yards in a season back in 1973. While six other players have since accomplished that feat, Simpson remains the only player to have done so in a 14-game season. He also holds the record for the single season yards-per-game average, with 143.1 yards per game.

But how many of you remember him as T.D. Parker, the veteran running back that transitions from player to coach to help lead the California Bulls in HBO’s glorious sitcom from the late 80’s entitled “1st and Ten”? I don’t know about you but that show was awesome. Starring Delta Burke (in her prime), the show included many guest appearances from NFL legends such as Fran Tarkenton, Marcus Allen, John Matuszak, Brian Bosworth, John Riggins, Lawrence Taylor, Joe Namath, Eric Dickerson, Roger Craig, Jim Everett, Herschel Walker, Randall Cunningham, Warren Moon, Ted Hendricks, Bubba Smith, and more! And let’s not forget about Leslie ‘Dr. Death’ Crunchner, played by none other than Donald Gibb who is best known for his role as Frederick Aloysius Palowakski (aka Ogre) in Revenge of the Nerds. Well done HBO. Well done.

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Battle Flex, Week 10: Lorenzo Rollin in a Benz-o

November 5, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Roster Strategy | 56 Comments

by: J-FOH

Last week’s boom or bust plays busted all over my screen. Andrew Luck goes for 354 and 4 TD’s without giving any love to Donte Moncrief. Oh good grief! The Colts talk him up, and then fail to pass the memo onto Mr. Luck… and all of us who played him got fu*ked. Oh well, we move on and get ourselves ready for Week 10. There are a lot of flex-filled teams on the bye this week, and I’ll be honest, I’m having trouble putting a positive spin on it. The Colts, Texans, Vikings, Patriots, Washington Football Team and Chargers are all chillin’ on sofas this weekend, leaving us scrambling to the wire or calling up a”stash” on our bench to fill the void.

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DraftKings: Is This The Week To Start The Cam-eleon?

November 5, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, DraftKings | 122 Comments

by: Sky

After a knock down, drag out battle with the ‘hawks, everyone thought ‘hey, Cam Newton at home against New Orleans, a team with a weak secondary? He should destroy’um!’ In the famous last words to twitter…WELP. Yeah, there have been very few ‘wow’ type plays from Cam over the last couple of weeks. You could say he’s gone from ‘Cam wow’ to ‘sham wow’ but that would be such a blatant abuse of the pun world just to sneak in a Vince remix, I’d like to think I’m above that. What? Who put that link there! I’m appalled! But since it’s there already there…I mean, why remove it now, you know? In reality, nothing new has happened for Cam to make me excited about him this week vs what he dealt with last week. He’s still getting a great set up for a potential big game against an Eagles secondary that ranks near the bottom in most fantasy categories for points against when it comes to opposing QBs. Well, I would say the main difference is that it’s not on Thursday Night…yeah, I am one of those guys who still thinks TNF sometimes gives us more WTF than the regular Sunday/Monday tilt. It changes the dynamics of prep, of healing, of approach in general. Some teams are good at it, some ain’t. We’ll put Cam and company under the ‘can’t’ for this argument. After the week and a half off leading up to this Sunday, I think Newton and crew come out swinging. The best part is, the Panthers defense is still a mess so the game should stay competitive and give Cam a shot at that elusive 300/100 double bonus dip we all want and love. Of course, if he can just pass for 300 and rush for 50 and add 3 TDs in there, we’ll all be happy, right? Right. So now that we’ve got that opening settled let’s start working towards a closing. Here’s my hot takes for the week 10 DK slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 team league of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It lets us know that you care!

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Waiver Wired, Week 10: Filling Nick Foles’ Hole

November 4, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Waiver Wire | 42 Comments

by: Andrew Nordmeier

The injury bug strikes again, and this time it’s a quarterback who takes the beating. Philadelphia will be without the services of quarterback Nick Foles for several weeks after breaking his collarbone in Sunday’s game against Houston. Mark Sanchez, yes he’s still in the league, came in and helped the Eagles the rest of the way to a win over the Texans. So who can you turn to now? Six teams have a bye this week in Houston, Indianapolis, Minnesota, New England, San Diego and Washington. There’s a ton of talent to replace and that’s before we jump into injuries. Let’s get into it and see who you can pick up this week to help your team out…

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Hit it or Quit it, Week 10: Oh, Baby, It Hurns So Good

November 4, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Buy/Sell | 18 Comments

by: Jennifer

Welcome back, my lovelies! Your’s truly has had a pretty great Week 9, to say the least. My “Black Widow Curse” decided to take a holiday for one week in this NFL season, and I went a nice 5-1 in my leagues (damn you, Lifshitz!). It seems, however, some of you have not been listening to the pearls of wisdom my fine a** has been throwing down, and you managed to skip over and ignore some tasty waiver wire adds that I told you to ride like a Vegas “companion”. That’s okay. Mistakes are how we learn. And, I hope you have all learned your lessons and are finally ready for a serious relationship… with your rosters, that is. Remember, Fantasy Football is a lot like dating… you have to get through those toothless weirdos, headcases, and creep-o stalkers to get to “the one”. Now, if you are all ready to commit (to those rosters, I mean), hold on to those marriage proposals and follow me as I lead you, like a siren, into Week 10’s Hit it or Quit it.

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