We are here today to point out the differences between the Razzball rankings and those that Yahoo has released to the masses. (Not to be confused with Yoohoo, which I do all the time. Then again, I usually confuse most things with chocolate drink. Totally normal.) Since we’ve already compared our rankings with ESPN, the next logical step is to have some amazing chocolate drink. Err, see what I mean? IT HAUNTS ME. I meant: the next logical step is to compare our rankings to Yahoo, THEN have some chocolate drink. Exactly. Maybe I’m just thirsty. Or hungry. Or all these things. All of the time.

Note: Obviously, there are going to be some players that ESPN and Yahoo both like that I do not and vica versa, so I’ve avoided players I’ve already covered, because who likes re-runs? I mean, besides Star Trek and Futurama re-runs? Nobody does. Nobody. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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As you may have noticed, there hasn’t been too much pre-season news to take note of this year. I can’t say if it was different last year, mostly because of alcohol. But so far, we’ve had the Andre Brown epic releasing party, which I struggled to even notice. From what I’ve heard, all seven Houston Texan fans didn’t care anyways. There’s also Kansas City, who is trying the unique strategy of possibly going into the season with no secondary at all. We talked a bit about Le’Veon Bell and LeGarrette Blount, who were going to drive without a DUI, but then they got high. And I know why. Yeah. Yeah. Because they got high… Oh, and don’t forget, we are still on Josh Gordon WATCH!– 2014, in which news should be breaking any second now for the past two weeks. Good thing I’ve started an IV of coffee. Don’t worry, it’s hazelnut flavor. However, if there’s one thing we can be promised during the pre-season (the Kansas City secondary being prime example number one), it’s that injuries happen. And it appears Sam Bradford led the charge this past weekend…

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Hay-low boys and girls, it’s that time of the year again when mini-camps and OTAs are over and the NFL Preseason is underway.  With most teams having already played their first game, and some having played two, there’s no better time than now to begin reviewing some of the injuries that are plaguing the league’s players. If you follow the fantasy baseball side of Razzball, which I’m sure most of you do (if you don’t, you’re dead to me), you all know I, SethDaSportsMan, bring you the weekly “Ambulance Chasers” column, featuring all the nicks, bangs, and bruises from across the diamond.  Luckily for you pigskin lovers — and you perverts with S&M fetishes — I’ll be doing the same throughout the entire fantasy football season.

Why me, you may ask?  Am I turned on by the idea of blood and breaking bones?  Not really.  In fact, I’m getting sick and tired of seeing all these guys across the sports landscape getting hurt.  What I offer is experience in the health and fitness field — I’m a certified personal trainer and fitness nutrition specialist, as well as a certified fitness instructor.  I’m no doctor (it’s never gonna happen, mom!), but all my schooling gave me a vast knowledge of sports injuries and the human anatomy.  I also played sports at a highly competitive level until my early-20s and have personally gone or will have undergone five major surgeries by the time 2015 rolls around.  So, yeah, you could say I’m “close” to the subject. This piece will be the first of many to grace the glorious pages of Razzball Football.  Once the season starts, look for Ambulance Chasers each and every Wednesday morning, and you can see my handsomeness in the flesh when I review my Weekly Injury Report on Razzball Radio with the Italian Stallion himself, host Nick Capozzi.

Now, what you’ve all been waiting for…

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For a sixth straight season, Razzball will be interviewing NFL-team blogs for some actual in-depth football knowledge to shed some additional light on our fantasy football knowledge. Keep your eye out for an interview for every NFL team for our Team Preview Series through the summer. This installment comes courteous of Steph Stradley from the leading Houston Texans’ blog: Ultimate Texans.

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Well, here we go. What? You didn’t get enough Jackie Battle news this past week? What about Tony Fiammetta? Breaking! I just signed Terrell Owens, and all it cost me was a Subway Tuna sandwich. Yeah, I know I overpaid. But, to be fair, there wasn’t any mayo, so I had that going. But enough about me, let’s take a look at some of the key news that’s happened so far during free agency week, all through the fantasy football scope. That scope is real by the way. I’m serious. It has chrome plating and comes with a bottle-opener.

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Sorry everyone, I know you normally get to see my purty rankings on Thursday morning but I decided – since I’m my own boss – to give myself an all-expense paid trip to my own house for Christmas dinner and time with my family and then a round trip ticket to the liquor store for some Islay so I could put my new whiskey stones to good use. I charged it all to the business card, of course, so as to get the tax write off. Mainly the reason you didn’t see me on Thursday morning is my round trip took longer than I expected seeing as I got home and had one glass, and then two glasses, and then three glasses and then I do believe I was mambo’ing with Uncle Ernie as he was wearing his adorable fedora – or lampshade, can’t remember – in the garage to a Bruce Springsteen mixed tape he had lying around. Seriously, folks, you can mambo to anything if you put your sloshed mind to it. But all this to say, I didn’t forget you but for a little while and in the interim we were visited by little Razzball Elves like Josh Carey, Zorboss and The Guru. Forget the three wisemen, check out those three wiseasses if you ask me. I don’t wanna talk about the Jolly Saint Prick. His name speaks for itself. Pretty sure he came down my chimney and stole my dvd player and some paper plates on Xmas…nevermind all that, you’re here for rankings. So what we have here is a failure to enunciate. I’m not actually feeling up Joseph Fauria in my title; sorry to ruin that mental image for you, lady readers. No, no, no. Say ‘you’ and ‘Fauria’ together really fast. If you wanna learn, follow these guidelines. I’m saying ‘euphoria’. Don’t you get it? Are you we Todd it? Whatever, with no Pettigrew, Fauria should be able to step in and produce against the same team I told you last week would get tiki torched by Andy Dalton. Add in the element of a less than 100% Calvin Johnson and Fauria could have a huge day as he’s already a red zone favorite for Matthew Stafford. Sure it’s a bit of a risk play but it’s week 17 and if you thought week 16 was weird, you ain’t seen nothing yet. Week 17 has a way of making Donnie Darko look like a silly romantic comedy by comparison when it comes to weirdness. You got people sitting earlier than expected, people starting you didn’t think even played for the team…the list goes on. Either way, if you’re playing for your championship during it, there’s nothing else you can do but enjoy the funkiness it provides and roll with the punches. In other places of ranking rankle merit, Andre Brown is making a surprise return visit to my top 10 for RBs this week. Totally a gut call here. After the Eli interception explosion of late and the Giants’ defense clicking on all cylinders since forever and at home, I think they try to grind the clock, rely on their defense to hold and let Andre the Giant deflate the ball on the ‘skins to wind down a miserable 2013. As you can see, I have DeAngelo and Ivory up in areas where no one is expecting them either. You take your matchups and you run with them is all I can say. That’s why Coby Fleener is where he is this week as well while we’re in the ‘he points at the matchups’ section of the rankings. On the wide receiver side, I have flipped the fly white guys in New England around as I think Amendola is a better field stretcher than Julian which plays better against Buffalo’s weakness in terms of the passing game. Defensively, the Cardinals are at home with something to prove as a team that could get bounced from the playoffs for no good reason other than they play in the toughest division in the NFC…heck, NFL if you want me to be honest. Kickers were dressed up as girl scouts and dropped in the middle of the ghetto. The ones who came back with the least amount of caps in their ass made the list…and the cookie sales leader got to be number one! But enough about Tagalongs and Savannah Smiles, let’s wrap the regular season up. Here’s the week 17 rankings for 2013 Fantasy Football…

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Tis the season, right? Unless you’re not of the xmas-religion affinity. I wish I had something for you but I have zero knowledge of Decker-related things I could say about Hanukkah, Kwanzaa and all the other holiday things I could talk about here. Happy Winter Solstice? What about Festivus for the rest of us? Don’t leave, I swear I’ll be more inclusive! The holidays are much like ordering a large pizza for a room full of college students: all drunk and stoned and should be doing their homework. Wait, no! Well yes but more so you can’t please everyone. No way no how. They don’t usually let you order pizza with different toppings on every piece. There’s also something else that doesn’t always make people happy: the Denver passing attack. It was a concern coming into the year that there would be a few guys left out in the cold most of the year, if not the whole year. Well much like life, those Broncos have ebbed and flowed. Early on, it was Welker. Then DT got it turned on for a stretch. The Orange Julius had been oddly one of the more consistent of the slick quatro (yeah, it’s not their nickname; just made it up) but he’s been out with a leg issue the last two weeks. So in the stead of an underused Welker and a missing OJ, someone had to step up and on this day it was Eric Decker who finished with 8 receptions, 174 receiving yards and a whopping 4 TDs. He only had 3 total coming into Sunday on the year. The end line for Decker is gonna look fine on the surface. He’ll go well over 1,000 yards receiving and may still end with 10 TDs. But I give the fair warning that I’ll probably say the same thing about Welker when the season’s over and I think we both know how that has been of late. Moving into 2013, these two are gonna go much higher than I’m gonna be willing to pay for in most leagues due to inconsistency. Sure it’s nice when this happens but how many of you experienced this Decker explosion on your bench? Exactly, there was a good reason he was there to start the day. Don’t forget that when 2014 hits. In other news from week 13 of the 2013 Fantasy Football season…

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The team that resides in the nation’s capital is having a real hard time lately. They have two key injuries this week and it’s starting to look bleak.

First they lost WR Leonard Hankerson for the season to a torn ACL. The doctors were checking his knee after an injury to his LCL suffered against Denver and that’s when they found the ACL damage.

Tight end Jordan Reed (concussion) is also up in the air for this week’s game too. He’s sat out the last couple days’ worth of practice and his status for Monday night against San Francisco is unknown. While he has the extra day this week, he’s not an advisable start this week.

I’d also be gunshy about playing RGIII for the same reason. He’s also starting to run out of receivers. It’s basically down to Santana Moss and Pierre Garcon, the latter of whom I am amazed is still healthy and upright at Week 12. Fred Davis isn’t inviting at the tight end spot. Alfred Morris adds nothing in the passing game (three receptions this season) so Roy Helu would be the only real pass-catching option out of the backfield.

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I think I’ve finally done it. I’ve done gone and lost my mind up in this. It’s week 12 and I’m telling you that Joe Flacco – yes that Joe Flacco – is a top ten QB this week. Man, I’m going so against the grain. How against the grain are you, Sky? I’m so against the grain right now, my wood shop teacher just retroactively expelled me for a week. *Crickets* Standup routine…yeah, I’m still working on it. But here’s the scenario: as boring as Flacco can be – and is and will forever be – oil and water don’t mix and by that I mean…hold on a minute *grabs flask and fills with water and oil*. See? Ok, science class is out for the day. Back to fantasy football. I don’t know if you noticed last weeks Jets vs Bills game – and unless you’re a huge fan of either, you probably didn’t – but EJ Manuel performed what would be described as a ‘vertical pass’ many a time and found himself to be very successful doing it. The big thing about that? His top receiving threats of Wood and Stevie J weren’t in. He was chucking to Goodwin and Graham who, though decent, are still young and, well, they ain’t the #1 and #2 on that team. So the Jets gave up a combined 155 yards to these two last week and it propelled EJ into the top 12 for QBs in scoring. And so enter the Flacco. Baltimore was successful last year with their running game but also with taking long shots down the field. For as much as I rag on Flacco, he does have a strong arm and he does throw an accurate deep ball. The cool thing about that? Jets gave up at least three passing plays that cleared 30 yards, two of them clearing 40. For all the good the Jets rushing defense has been, their passing defense has been equally bad. So with that in mind, Jacoby Jones gets a bit of a bump for the week and I think Flacco has a strong chance at a 250~275 yard passing day and 2 or 3 TDs. In other points of dissent, Ryan Mathews now has 10 or more points in four of his last 5 for standard scoring and faces a KC defense that for as strong as it is, can be run on. Since KC’s offense isn’t exactly an offensive juggernaut, there’s plenty of time for Mathews to get in his carries and pursue his 4th 100 yard game on the year (3 in his last 5). Oh and no AP in the top 5? Yeah, could come back to bite me but there were so many great matchups this week for above average RBs. It was hard to say any of the guys I put ahead of him don’t have a great chance to outshine him. Just note Andre Brown was my breaking point Even my insanity has its limits. Meanwhile, Kenny Stills with a 40 yard bomb and a TD in your WR3 spot sounds about right to me. Cotchery? Well, Antonio is gonna be Haden his stay in Cleveland and either he or Sanders is gonna have himself a fine day. If Sanders can’t go, Cotchery will probably steal his spot in the WR rankings…and your heart. And in Miami, if He-Man doesn’t score at least a TD with 60 or 70 yards, I will have to protest. Defensively, there’s a pile of interesting ones out there. Riaders? Decent against the run, they’re at home and Ryan Fitzpatrick is the Titans starting QB. Could be an under the radar top 10 play this week. Rams I just couldn’t let linger outside the top 10 after their showing in Indy and coming off a bye while playing at home. Could get an electric crowd and a big scoring day from them. This week I made 28 paper footballs and had my wife kick field goals on the table. Inside each, there was a name of a kicker. If she missed, those kickers didn’t make the top 10 and had to try again. Then we ate hot pockets and went to bed. Still a better love story than Twilight. Wait, what? Ok, that’s a wrap. Good luck to you this week, bad luck to your opponents and game on. Here’s the week 12 rankings for 2013 Fantasy Football…

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Although there are plenty of players capable of rising above a bad matchup, terms like “Revis Island” would not exist if it wasn’t at least somewhat true. Take T.Y. Hilton, for instance. After the loss of Reggie Wayne, Hilton has been an incredible asset for fantasy owners, but put him up against the Titans’ defense and suddenly he’s scoring less than 5 fantasy points. He should have a slightly easier time against Arizona this weekend, but I mean it when I say slightly. Cecil Shorts is a talented guy and he only managed 22 yards against Arizona last Sunday so start Hilton if you need him, but don’t expect WR1 production.

Speaking of Tennessee’s defense, they travel to Oakland this week and that makes the Raiders’ WRs unplayable. Rod Streater had a great outing this past weekend and Denarius Moore has been pretty consistent this weekend, but there are much better options this week.

Another consistent WR this year has been Antonio Brown, but this is definitely the week to sell high on him. Brown is still worth starting in many leagues. He hasn’t scored below six fantasy points in standard scoring leagues yet this season. However, Joe Haden is a special talent. If you were to rattle off a few receivers more talented than Antonio Brown, A.J. Green might be one of the people you list and Green was held to two catches for seven yards with Haden as his shadow. You never want to bench your best guys, but depending on your available options, you will want to consider it with Brown this week.

Please, blog, may I have some more?