As my Kerryon Johnson fathead and I prepared for our first Zoomsgiving on Thursday morning, I could feel the Excitement growing. Yes, I’ve named my dong “Excitement.” So I fired up AOL dialup connection to join the Razz-family Zoom call. Nothing could have prepared me for what I’d see on the other side of the screen once my 17 minute dial up was complete. The things Rudy Gamble, Pigskinonator and their Will Fuller fathead were doing would make Louis C.K. blush. A couple hours later ,Will Fuller came through again with a monstrous game against the Lions, catching 6 passes for 171 yards and his 7th and 8th touchdowns. The great Pigskinonator foreshadowed all of this, of course, projecting Fuller as its #3 fantasy wide receiver for week 12 and projecting Deshaun Watson (17/25 for 318 yards, 8 carries for 24 yards and 4 touchdowns–he now has 24 touchdowns) as its #2 QB for the week. If you haven’t tasted the deliciousness of the Pig-bot yet, we’re still offering a free 3-day trial and then it’s only $5.99 for the final month of the season. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday for fantasy football:

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The week 7 waiver landscape is as barren as the Gobi desert. No major injuries opened up prime starting spots for fantasy teams. There are some rookies begging to be added on merit alone, however. And this is the best type of add, because these are players earning their volume. Guys like Higgins and Patrick should see their roles increase and can be real assets down the line. Conversely, players who get a bump simply due to injury may not capitalize on their touches (see: Mattison, Alexander)

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Insurance has been at the forefront of my mind lately. Maybe it’s all the Baker Mayfield Progressive commercials brainwashing me. But most of the time when Baker comes on screen with his book club, I’m just wondering how it’s possible that a large insurance company couldn’t find a better spokesperson than Mayfield. So then maybe it’s all the Patrick Mahomes and Aaron Rodgers State Farm commercials brainwashing me. But most of the time when Patrick and Aaron come on I’m just giggling about the gallon of ketchup Mahomes is pouring on his steak. So, that can’t be it. Ah ha! I just figured it out. It’s those Geico Motaur commercials—a half man, half motorcycle talking nonsense is what speaks to my subconscious mind. If they hired an NFL up and comer to play the role of Motaur it would have to be Christian Kirk, his upper body already looks very stallion-like. He also went off for 2 catches for 86 yards and his 2nd and 3rd touchdowns Monday night which, based on Mayfield’s deal, must be worth at least a ten commercial contract. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday for fantasy football:

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At Razzball, we pride ourselves in the quality of our readers, because it sure takes a wise fantasy manager to dodge some of the hot taeks that we dish out. Lamar Jackson as QB1? What the hell were you thinking, Blair? Certainly, what I meant to write in the preseason QB article was that JUSTIN HERBERT WOULD BE QB7 BY WEEK 6! Yes! That’s what I meant! 

And why does it matter that we have smart readers? Glad you asked! Some of you know that I, EverywhereBlair, was a Razzball originalist dating back to 2009. And look where I am now! In Grey’s basement with a Capri Sun and a bag of Cheetos writing fantasy football articles. From fan to fantasy analyst, you could do it too! 

Why am I hyping our fans’ intelligence so much? Because one of our fans, Curtis Jones, has taken the #1 spot on the Razzbowl leaderboard. Congrats, Curtis! 

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Week 5 was light on the injuries until Dak Prescott broke his ankle and needed immediate surgery. COVID postponements continue to be a difficult thing to navigate both for managers and commissioners. Alas, we must press on. The rookie WR class is really showing out and a number of them will be big parts of championship lineups. 

I group the adds by position and then within the position, rank them in order of preference. The sherpa will only advise players who are rostered in less than 50% of ESPN leagues.

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The shocking news that Tom Brady will no longer quarterback the New England Patriots surprised many. It also ignited a ripple effect through the NFL. While not surprising, Carolina parting ways with Cam Newton added even more waves.

Philip Rivers’ career as the Chargers field general is also done. Jacksonville shipped a former Super Bowl MVP north to The Windy City. What plans might the Chicago Bears now have for their no-longer-our-franchise-quarterback Mitchell Trubisky?

The Bengals are going to draft their quarterback-of-the-future, so what’s the future hold for Andy Dalton? If these changes aren’t enough to cause you to scratch your fantasy head in bewilderment, what about the two former Heisman Trophy winners who may be suddenly available?

The first two draft picks from the 2015 NFL Draft are undoubtedly going to be playing elsewhere, if not this year, soon. Both Jameis Winston and Marcus Mariota have been huge disappointments.

However, stranger events have happened to quarterbacks over the years, sudden changes that revitalized their careers. The 2020 NFL Draft will unfold in about a month. This may answer a few questions, but the months leading up to training camp may answer even more.

Let’s take a look at four of these quarterbacks and see what kind of effect they might have on the 2020 fantasy football rankings going forward. We’ll skip Brady as a Buccaneer and look at how much promise these other transplanted quarterbacks may have to lead you to fantasy football glory.

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Fantasy football season is over for most of us. There still are psychotic commissioners out there that see no reason to leave week 17 out. If you’re in an argument with this person, all you need to do is point out the literal highest scoring fantasy asset is sitting out this week since the Baltimore Ravens locked up the #1 seed throughout the playoffs. 

But, I am here to serve. I know that there are some of you that have to navigate the rough week 17 waters to try and chase those final payments. And there are those of us bored degenerates that are going to try to squeeze the last little bit of money on DraftKings and FanDuel. I didn’t do any rankings for week 17, but we can take a look at the inactives for week 17 and some sneaky DFS plays. Even if your fantasy football season is over, it doesn’t have to be totally done just yet. 

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Week 16 highlights another of the beauties of DFS.

While most leagues – more importantly, correctly run leagues – end their seasons in Week 16 with a one-week championship, DFS continues onwards. DFS braves the unpredictable nature of Week 17, goes all throughout the NFL playoffs, and extends fantasy football fandom to the very last play of the year.

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Welcome to Stat-o-Matic where we will look at some advanced stats around the NFL. As a disclaimer, I am using this space to play around with some numbers and present some interesting findings. But, by no means is this validated or predictive data. I hope that it will lead to meaningful discoveries or it could inspire you to go down your own rabbit hole. We’re going to explore together, crunch some numbers and see what pops out. Stats courtesy of PlayerProfiler.com.

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