Quarantine Day 25:

I made a fire in the yard today while pondering my 2020 dynasty rankings. As I gazed into the flames, a series of vivid images began to appear. The Lord of Light was sending me a divine message about dynasty quarterbacks. Or maybe the mushrooms I had eaten were starting to kick in, hard to say. Either way, a life-size image of Kyler Murray arose from the blazing inferno. The meaning was clear, this dull and uneventful 20th year after 2000 will forever be know as the year of Kyler, and nothing else. Anyway, here’s my top 20 dynasty quarterbacks for 2020 fantasy football:   

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Not long ago I threw a bunch of pieces of scrap paper with random letters scribbled on them into my fedora. I then randomly drew fifty letters from the titfer. Next I conducted several ritual sacrifices to the fantasy gods, assembled those fifty illegible letters into twenty-five pairs and selected the first football player who came to mind with matching initials to compile my Top 25 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football. And that’s the story of how Kerryon Johnson landed at #18 overall, as the readers pointed and mocked.  Of course, I’m kidding about this process. I don’t own a fedora, it used a baseball cap.

A week later I repeated the same exercise to compose my Top 50 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football which landed Juju Smith-Schuster at #50 overall. And outrage ensued. The angry mob called for Donkey blood. So I quickly handed over my Top 75 and Top 100 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football. But those only fueled the riots. “Put the rankings into one easy to view list,” they said. “We don’t need your stupid explanations and jokes,” they said. “You’re the ugliest Donkey we’ve ever seen,” they said.

So I withdrew into solitude for a couple weeks, rosterbating and meditating and then rosterbating more until finally I had another 100 arbitrary player names collated into one easy to read list for the bloodthirsty mob’s viewing pleasures. Anyway, here’s my updated top 200 dynasty rankings for 2020 PPR fantasy football leagues:

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Donkey Teeth finally returns from overseas just in time for B_Don to trash his Top 75 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football. But first, many congratulations to all the winners of the Razzball Fantasy Football Podcast Leagues, the Razzball Commenter Leagues and the first ever RazzBowl winner, Mike Beers! 

Once the guys dig into the early 2020 dynasty rankings, B_Don questions the low rankings of Terry McLaurin, Kareem Hunt, Chris Carson and Joe Mixon, as well as the high rankings of Sony Michel, Baker Mayfield and T.J. Hockenson. Donkey is also forced to justify the omissions of Devin Singletary, Derrius Guice, N’Keal Harry, Micheal Gallup and Devante Parker. Tune in for a dynasty debate on all these players, dynasty philosophy and much more!

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Two weeks ago I amused the people with my top 25 for 2020 dynasty football where I wrote about my crooked hard-on for Kerryon Johnson from my cushy American barn. Last week I captivated the audience with my top 50 for 2020 dynasty football where I insulted JuJu Smith-Schuster while vacationing in Madrid. This week I’ll regale the world with my top 75 for 2020 dynasty football, written while stranded in Paris on Jesus’s Birthday. Long story short: the Europeans are on strike. Nobody wants to work, making my holiday travels a challenge. But there’s worse places to get stuck than Paris where Donkey has made the most of it by visiting world renowned Peyronie’s Disease specialists, eating hay crêpes and discovering new football talent; I’ve heard this Cristiano Ronaldo hombre will be a great kicker. Anyway, here’s my top 75 for 2020 dynasty football:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Don’t second guess yourself. I was able to miraculously win a playoff matchup after swapping Jameis Winston out with about 15 seconds until game time. I didn’t really think Christian Kirk was going to have a good week against the stingy Steelers defense, so I swapped him right before that game in favor of the Monday night showdown between the Giants and the Eagles, inserting Sterling Shepard into my lineup in hopes that he’d rekindle the chemistry between him and Eli. And because of these two near-fatal errors, I won my matchup by .3 thanks to a late-change by my opponent to start Kirk Cousins over Matt Ryan. Decisiveness and sticking with your gut is your best friend in fantasy, and the same can apply to daily fantasy.

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I got a message in my DMs today saying, “I need to quit doubting Jimmy.” Yeah, I think we all do at this point. The porn star banging super model lookalike is also the quarterback for one of the best teams, if not THE best team in the NFC. After a heartbreaking loss in the ugly Baltimore weather last Sunday, San Francisco bounced back in New Orleans and beat the Saints 48-46.

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With the start of the fantasy playoffs already underway, we’ve got a bunch of players in prime spots to help us get to next Sunday. Now is not the time to get cute with our lineup decisions, we’ve got to make accurate and educated moves to help us advance.

We’ve got to dance with who brought us here, so let’s bust some moves.

Let’s get into this week’s Starts and Sits.

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The fantasy football playoffs are finally here. In the interest of the rest of season rankings being as useful as possible I’ve thrown a whole pile of players in the 70-80 range that could potentially be a one week plug and plays for your team. I encourage all readers to map out their lineups throughout the playoffs to find expendable players. Ensure you have the optimal lineup for this week if you are in a playoff matchup, after that move on to week 15 and week 16. If there are players on your roster who will not make your projected lineup in any of those weeks those players become droppable (sans handcuffs). Prior to dropping any players, the last key question to ask yourself is will throwing this player to the waiver wire improve any potential competitor’s lineup substantially? If that isn’t the case find the highest upside players possible and get them on your roster. For a personal example, I have a first-round bye secured in a league. In the league I dropped Bo Scarbrough for David Njoku for the outside chance he returns against Arizona in week 15. Scarborough will never make my lineup. He is a usefully player, but the upside of Njoku against Arizona is worth the risk of one of my opponents snagging Scarborough.

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Clap once if your owner is sick of your sh*t. Clap twice if you got washed at home by Josh Allen and the Buffalo Bills on Thanksgiving. Clap ferociously if the Miami Dolphins kept you in the division race!! Jason Garrett needs to send 100 Christmas gift baskets to DeVante Parker’s home. All of the lotions, candy canes, Starbucks special blends, hot chocolate, maybe even a Visa gift card or two. 

DeVante Parker’s career was looking dead in the water after 4 disappointing seasons as a first round draft pick from the great University of Louisville that lost me money this weekend against Kentucky. DeVante Parker has completely turned it around in 2019. In fact, he is now an every week fantasy football starter and it’s not close going into the playoffs. Parker is easily on pace for his first 1,000 yard season and his previous career high was 744. Parker is just 4 receptions short of his previous career high and already has 2 more touchdowns than his previous highest mark. 

There’s definitely a possibility that Adam Gase is the match that lit the dumpster fire that were his first 4 seasons. In fact, it’s most likely a large factor. Playing with Ryan Fitzpatrick has also most likely been a game changer for Parker. Also, Brian Flores just seems like a delight to play for. He cares, you can tell. I picked up on this during their Monday Night Football game against the Steelers. It’s a totally different culture in Miami. And sometimes, a different culture is what a player needs, even if a change to a different squad doesn’t happen. Here is what else I saw in the early slate on Sunday. 

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