This week’s article is going to be an abbreviated one. Not because I lost Jonathan Taylor with my team on a first-round bye but because there is not much more we have to discuss. If you have been following this column, you should have your handcuffs in place and your two playoff defenses set. You […]

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If you have spent any time reading this column, you know that it has been a tough year for the NFL’s Thursday Night Football. Luckily, that all changed this week thanks in part to the uber-talented rosters of the Atlanta Falcons and Carolina Panthers going head-to-head. There’s not much that gets a football fan’s blood boiling more than a querterback showdown of Marcus Mariota and PJ Walker, and running back rooms fronted by Cordarrelle Patterson and D’Onta Foreman. Add in five field goals in four quarters and you’ve got yourself an instant classic on primetime TV. Now, this wasn’t the worst game of the season, not by any stretch of the imaginiation. But top fantasy options like Patterson (2.5 half-PPR points), Kyle Pitts (3.8 points) and DJ Moore (4.9 points) all crapped the bed, while Foreman (19.0 points), Laviska Shenault (13.4 points) and Drake London (12.3 points) shined to varying degrees. Safe to say, this was not a joyous day for most fantasy owners. Memes portraying Mariota as a trash can in a squad car have surfaced, which is honestly an insult to garbage disposal devices everywhere. This game was really between the Splatlanta Fartcons and the Terdalina Pantnerds. And yes, that is really the best I could come up with. It’s clearly time for some deep introspection. 

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As our esteemed experts in Final Fantasy have pointed out, the Nightmare is a demonic colt that will flatten you with cloven hooves, a fiery mane, and gnashing teeth scarred from Halloween candy. A nightmare is also trying to figure out what to do with your fantasy football team now that Jonathan Taylor is out — AGAIN. Aw, Hufflepuff. The fantasy football season is halfway done, and you can barely call your usage of your top RB “fun-sized.” 

Let’ s jump into the fray and see if there’s anything we can do to solve your injury and roster woes for the upcoming week! 

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This week, the esteemed ex-girlfriend of the guy who convinced us that “Neon” is the hardest song to play on guitar released an album. People say it’s good. I wouldn’t know, what with my ears ruined by Norwegian black metal. But are you here to learn about a drone on a drop-tuned C string or are you here to learn about D’Andre Swift? Probably the latter. ENYWHEY. Just like Taylor Swift released an album this week, our good friend and fantasy football savior D’Andre Swift has been released from the injured list. Just in time for our 1-6 team to be saved! Hooray! 

Now, let’s join and commiserate about how we lost Ja’Marr Chase. 

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Running backs ranked 40 thru 80 is money time for the fantasy managers looking to employ the RB Zero, RB Hero, or Wide Net approach to the position. If you can hit on a player or two from this group, they can improve your fantasy fortunes. Knowledge is the key. Not all third-string running backs are created equal. Good fantasy managers will know which backups are high-upside youngsters and which backups are aging veterans in the din of their NFL career. I recommend readers pay less attention to the rank of the players in this group, and more to their story, as the rankings from this group can be capricious. Pick out a dozen or so that you like, and make a point to get some of them.

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Not since Jamie Lee Curtis and Lindsay Lohan switched bodies in Freaky Friday has a reversal been so celebrated. Wait, what’s that? The Friday crowd doesn’t like movie references? Jeesh. Well, hello ready for the weekend people. I am The Joey Wright. Donkey Teeth was gracious enough to fill-in for me at the beginning of the week for my usual Wright on Waivers article. In return, I am here to provide you with your buy-sell players for the week. Hopefully your trade deadline in your league has not passed, but if it has, I am going to include some players I think could have a hot finish to the season who may be found on your waiver wire. When evaluating players to acquire, as you’ll see, I put a great deal of focus on “fantasy points allowed to the position.” It is a statistical category I have found a lot of favor with over the years, and while simple, I hope it can help you as well.

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Sometimes you must know when to say goodbye. Sometimes we hold on for too long to something or someone who needs to go. Being in our lives gives us a sense of hope however false it may be. Whether you are bidding adieu to a reunited love on a tarmac, releasing your best friend back into the wild where they belong, or cutting Curtis Samuel about eight weeks later than most other fantasy managers: sometimes it is best to set them free. The playoffs are not far off and now is the time to start shaping those rosters for the tough journey ahead.

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Is it me or are a lot of guys injured? Normally, I’d have some little cutsie intro to get into the carnage but sheesh, man! I don’t know about you but I’m getting killed out here! I actually sprained my right knee on a fishing boat last weekend and was listed as limited but here I am, dammit.

When I see the players I roster in person someday, I’m gonna tell them: If I can man up and type up a bunch of nonsense about fake football with a ligament injury, well then YOU GOTTA PLAY TOO, YOU BIG BABY!

As you can tell, this has been a tough week. Between my injury, all the injuries on my fantasy teams, and what’s happening to my Raiders… Well, we’ll get into that last part later.

And to add to the prevailing roster chaos we have our first bye week of the year! See you next week Jets, Falcons, 49ers, and Saints!

Let’s segue right into Sunday morning with an Intra-Florida showdown in London.

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Ah, do you smell that in the air? No, it’s not the sweet hoppy smell of the IPAs flowing at Urban Meyer’s Pint House. No, that’s the smell of Football Sunday… and the smell of torn tendons and pulled hammys. That’s gotta hurt! Still probably can’t hurt as bad as I’m sure many of you out there in the ether are with depleted rosters. God bless the poor souls playing Davis Mills this week. You will be in my prayers. 

Anyway, let’s dive into this week’s injury headlines hot off the presses!

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October is upon us and thus the gates of all things spooky have opened. Although no living room werewolf transformation or demon spawned baby can match the terrors on the field this past week. No, I am not talking of the awkward non-hug between Tom Brady and Bill Belichick at the end of Sunday night’s dark and stormy game. I am speaking of the gruesome injuries, quarterback play which may require an old priest and a new priest to fix, and once thought done players seemingly rising from the dead. Things are getting downright strange in the fantasy football neighborhood, so who we gonna call? Waiver Wire!

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